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somewhere

My Depression Led To Cheating On My Wife...

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Posted

I am Really having a hard time. It is a sad situation, I have everything a man could want, money, health, perfect health, and a loving devoted wife. I am in the process of self destruction and I dont know what to do. I cant stop over thinking. I am on the brink of losing my mind. I have been having horrible thoughts for four months now.

I thought this pain would go away.....ITS NOT!

I feel so sad and broken. My chest hurts from a unknown pressure.

I dont know what to do.

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Posted

I am Really having a hard time. It is a sad situation, I have everything a man could want, money, health, perfect health, and a loving devoted wife. I am in the process of self destruction and I dont know what to do. I cant stop over thinking. I am on the brink of losing my mind. I have been having horrible thoughts for four months now.

I thought this pain would go away.....ITS NOT!

I feel so sad and broken. My chest hurts from a unknown pressure.

I dont know what to do.

So were you like this before you cheated?

Are you still with your wife or has she left? Is there no chance you can sort it out?

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Posted

Maybe you should think about talking this over with a therapist? Sounds like you need to talk to someone who can help you learn what is bothering you deep down. It wouldnt hurt. Cheating on your wife isnt going to make things better, just worse and more complicated and give you more anxiety. There is something more bothering you that you are trying to fix with a bandaid.

GS

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Posted

I am Really having a hard time. It is a sad situation, I have everything a man could want, money, health, perfect health, and a loving devoted wife. I am in the process of self destruction and I dont know what to do. I cant stop over thinking. I am on the brink of losing my mind. I have been having horrible thoughts for four months now.

I thought this pain would go away.....ITS NOT!

I feel so sad and broken. My chest hurts from a unknown pressure.

I dont know what to do.

Hi somewhere,

I agree that therapy is probably what you need right now. It would to get what is bothering you out.

Please take care of yourself, and keep us posted.

Dante~

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Posted

Hi Somewhere,

Can you describe what you mean by overthinking? What about?

The title of your post mentions cheating on your wife as a result of your depression but you don't mention it at all in the actual post. Why is that?

Best

Friendly

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Posted

Hi Somewhere,

Can you describe what you mean by overthinking? What about?

The title of your post mentions cheating on your wife as a result of your depression but you don't mention it at all in the actual post. Why is that?

Best

Friendly

I have been living my life for awhile faking my happines. Then around six months ago I met a female at the gym. She and I developed a quick and secret romance. I thought I wanted to be with her and the reason for my sadness was my current wife. Well it wasnt. My wife is wonderful. Her and I are working things out. Unfortunitly I cant sleep. All I do is think over and over about the person I cheated with. I wonder what she is doing, what kind of life I would have with her If I chose to stay with her. I have obsesed about her so much for the past few months. I feel more and more pain. Its like I m having a constant agrument in my brain about what I want or need in life.

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Posted

Depression did NOT make you cheat on your wife! YOU made the decision. You could have walked away. Distanced yourself from the new lady. However, when someone takes time to listen to our woes, to take time out for 'us', it's easy to get lulled into a sexual situation. To feel special - we all need that. To feel someone understands - that helps us through each day.

Is your wife aware that you cheated?

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Posted

Depression did NOT make you cheat on your wife! YOU made the decision. You could have walked away. Distanced yourself from the new lady. However, when someone takes time to listen to our woes, to take time out for 'us', it's easy to get lulled into a sexual situation. To feel special - we all need that. To feel someone understands - that helps us through each day.

Is your wife aware that you cheated?

My wife is aware I cheated. I told her as soon as it happend. I have distanced myself from this person. But now I find myself falling into a deep depression with racing thoughts. Its unbearable.

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Posted

Hi Somewhere,

This "overthinking" I suspect is a US term which doesn't really mean much other than thinking about one topic constantly. Which occurs with depression. But also occurs for any "healthy" person in a situation like you are in.

You say you have everything you want including a wonderful wife. Yet you have been faking happiness for some time. Which should tell you that you DON'T have everything you want.

You clearly want something else, at the moment this other woman. Have you considered that the brevity of that relationship would not allow you to exhaust your needs or desires in that direction, thus making it seem better than it would be? You know, the grass is always greener, until you get there.

It really just sounds like you weren't "happy" which I read as bored rather than unhappy. An opportunity came along, lust wise, and you took it.

Now you feel guilt and desire.

It's really just a matter of you making a decision. Do you want this other woman or not? To try and have both should destroy your peace of mind as it's deceit on a gross level isn't it? You say you told your wife but I bet you don't tell her how much you think about this other woman. Of course there's always the possibility this other lady doesn't actually want to be with you long term. She may have just wanted a fling.

You are being unfair to your wife and the other woman. Make a decision and live with it for your own piece of mind as well as the ladies concerned.

What you describe is not depression at all. If you do have it or had it before you haven't described it in these posts.

Best

Friendly

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Posted

Welcome!

Your wife may be wonderful and you might still not want to stay with her. But it sounds like you're pretty convinced that's not it?

What part of your happiness were you faking the most before? Do you know?

Whether it's depression, anxiety or life crisis, therapy or counseling can help you all the same. The right one will help you get somewhere with those ruminations on what you want.

I cant stop over thinking. I am on the brink of losing my mind. I have been having horrible thoughts for four months now.

I thought this pain would go away.....ITS NOT!

I feel so sad and broken. My chest hurts from a unknown pressure.

Get yourself some help! Keep us posted how it goes.

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Posted

Welcome!

Your wife may be wonderful and you might still not want to stay with her. But it sounds like you're pretty convinced that's not it?

What part of your happiness were you faking the most before? Do you know?

Whether it's depression, anxiety or life crisis, therapy or counseling can help you all the same. The right one will help you get somewhere with those ruminations on what you want.

I cant stop over thinking. I am on the brink of losing my mind. I have been having horrible thoughts for four months now.

I thought this pain would go away.....ITS NOT!

I feel so sad and broken. My chest hurts from a unknown pressure.

Get yourself some help! Keep us posted how it goes.

I find myself crying everyday. I cant function at work and I am sick to my stomach when IM home. I have suicidal fantasies wich are just fantasies at the moment. I have an apoinment with a theropist today. Its a start I guess. I dont know what to do ... Im on the verge of a divorce.

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Posted

You are doing the right thing, Somewhere, getting an appt with a therapist. A good step in the right direction!!! Good Luck!!!

GS

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Posted

It sounds like guilt is really doing a number on you. If you research statistics, you will see that many affairs don't last and that it is taste of something new, that will eventually wear off. It may help to try and bring something new into your marriage, like actually going for dates with your wife, or adding something exciting. I am glad that you have an appointment with the therapist, you can work through the guilt, you can get over this and with therapy you and your wife can start again.

Trace

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Posted (edited)

I find myself crying everyday. I cant function at work and I am sick to my stomach when IM home. I have suicidal fantasies wich are just fantasies at the moment. I have an apoinment with a theropist today. Its a start I guess. I dont know what to do ... Im on the verge of a divorce.

Are you dx with any MI. Having such a moment could be a related "risk taking event" as in BP or hypomanic mental states. It is a common sypmtom.

Many people have ruined thier lives with such uncontrolled urges. Yes I would be very careful and seek advise from a Pdoc.

Have you just been feeling this depression all your life or it it a new developement?

Dusty

Edited by DustyRoad

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Posted (edited)

So glad to hear you are getting help for yourself. No one can know what you need to do about your marriage and your life except for you, deep down, under all the confusion and guilt and unhappiness. The only 100% unacceptable solution here is suicide, or staying suicidal.

I think everyone here is pretty convinced that going back to the woman you had the affair with won't do it for you longterm - and we can't know that, but that is the more common scenario.

But you don't need to be with anyone else to change your life.

Edited by zmarie

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Posted

So glad to hear you are getting help for yourself. No one can know what you need to do about your marriage and your life except for you, deep down, under all the confusion and guilt and unhappiness. The only 100% unacceptable solution here is suicide, or staying suicidal.

I think everyone here is pretty convinced that going back to the woman you had the affair with won't do it for you longterm - and we can't know that, but that is the more common scenario.

But you don't need to be with anyone else to change your life.

I am left with a choice my wife who is wonderful or the other woman who aslo great just more my type I think. IM so confused. I saw the therapist with my wife yesterday. She thinks I should move out. I dont know what to do. Im really losing it. Iam at the lowest I have ever been. I have an appoinment with a Psyc Doc. Maybe he can give me some meds. I need something. I cant feel this way anymore.

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Posted

I'm sure if you're feeling this awful, medications will help you get through this hard time. Ask for a referral to a therapist or counselor, too, though, since this seems to be more about your situation than your brain chemistry (not that they aren't closely connected.)

You don't think you should just be by yourself for awhile to figure things out? You don't need anyone else. I know you want them both, but with this drama ******* you, wouldn't you be better off without either? This is all about you, you know... And you have the answer in you.

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Posted

I'm sure if you're feeling this awful, medications will help you get through this hard time. Ask for a referral to a therapist or counselor, too, though, since this seems to be more about your situation than your brain chemistry (not that they aren't closely connected.)

You don't think you should just be by yourself for awhile to figure things out? You don't need anyone else. I know you want them both, but with this drama ******* you, wouldn't you be better off without either? This is all about you, you know... And you have the answer in you.

I spent the day crying. I cant seem to function. This is HORRIBLE. I think what ever I choose will be the biggest mistake in my life.

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Posted

I can understand you, it's a terrible position to be in. When do you know if you love the person you love enough, in the right way, to stay with them? If you are unhappy and restless, when do you know how much is you and how much is the relationship? I have been struggling with this for almost a year now in my relationship and I've gotten nowhere yet. And on top of it, this (I believe, sociobiologically speaking absurd) notion that every marriage should last a lifetime, that adds to the guilt and confusion.

But in the past I found, the answer is always there in us waiting for us to be ready to see/admit to it.

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Posted

My husbands 'indescretions' led to my being depressed.

The statistics are very low for people who get together because of their infidelities. She seems perfect now, but will she in 3 months? 6 months? One year?

Oh right... statistics show your relationship with the new woman won't last as long as a year.

If you have distanced yourself from this new woman, I would suggest staying that way. Give your married relationship all you can before you walk away. IMHO... You owe your wife at least that.

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Posted

You certainly owe it to yourself to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons if you leave her. And I think, you owe yourself and your wife to make sure you stay with her for the right reasons, if you do.

What might happen with the other woman shouldn't be a big factor, because you just can't know that. How would you feel without your wife, being divorced and single?

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Posted

I realize every case is different, but from experience I had to jump on this one....IMHO, leave the other woman alone - stick with your wife and make it the best it can be. You'll never regret it.

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Posted

I am left with a choice my wife who is wonderful or the other woman who aslo great just more my type I think. IM so confused. I saw the therapist with my wife yesterday. She thinks I should move out. I dont know what to do. Im really losing it. Iam at the lowest I have ever been. I have an appoinment with a Psyc Doc. Maybe he can give me some meds. I need something. I cant feel this way anymore.

I do have trouble that you are seeing a real therapist. One of the benchmarks of dealing with depression is that

"NO MAJOR DECISIONS SHOULD BE MADE".

You at your lowest point are getting bad advice.

Dusty

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Posted

I am left with a choice my wife who is wonderful or the other woman who aslo great just more my type I think. IM so confused. I saw the therapist with my wife yesterday. She thinks I should move out. I dont know what to do. Im really losing it. Iam at the lowest I have ever been. I have an appoinment with a Psyc Doc. Maybe he can give me some meds. I need something. I cant feel this way anymore.

I do have trouble that you are seeing a real therapist. One of the benchmarks of dealing with depression is that

"NO MAJOR DECISIONS SHOULD BE MADE".

You at your lowest point are getting bad advice.

Dusty

Dusty,

Great advice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted

I am Really having a hard time. It is a sad situation, I have everything a man could want, money, health, perfect health, and a loving devoted wife. I am in the process of self destruction and I dont know what to do. I cant stop over thinking. I am on the brink of losing my mind. I have been having horrible thoughts for four months now.

I thought this pain would go away.....ITS NOT!

I feel so sad and broken. My chest hurts from a unknown pressure.

I dont know what to do.

I have walked the road of the ronin and it is a lonely one my friend. I have been unfulfilled in my marriage since our first child five years ago. The romance wasn

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