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Unable To Leave The House


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#1 Nathan

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Posted 12 October 2005 - 08:26 AM

I was told to drop a line in here about my excess anxiety & social disorder and hope to get some help. Story, I'm unable to leave my house, and when I do I get extreemly scared to death about how people will see me. I understand that this sounds quite shallow, but it's the truth. Unless I have an apt. to go some where, I stay locked up at home because of my fear of people. I always think that I'll be seen as "Too ugly" or "Too Fat". But the truth be told, I'm not ugly or fat. It's just the way that I see myself and I project that on other people on the outside world. Strange how are minds can truly screw us up. I have always had this behavior since I was 6 years old. And it's going to take some time to change. So I'll put it out there for you all to read and hope that I can recieve some support. Thank you.


Nathan....
No room for Fear or self dought

#2 Nopawn

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Posted 12 October 2005 - 06:13 PM

I was told to drop a line in here about my excess anxiety & social disorder and hope to get some help. Story, I'm unable to leave my house, and when I do I get extreemly scared to death about how people will see me. I understand that this sounds quite shallow, but it's the truth. Unless I have an apt. to go some where, I stay locked up at home because of my fear of people. I always think that I'll be seen as "Too ugly" or "Too Fat". But the truth be told, I'm not ugly or fat. It's just the way that I see myself and I project that on other people on the outside world. Strange how are minds can truly screw us up. I have always had this behavior since I was 6 years old. And it's going to take some time to change. So I'll put it out there for you all to read and hope that I can recieve some support. Thank you.
Nathan....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Hi, Nathan,

I saw a "Dr. Phil" television show recently, in which a female guest was a VERY attractive young woman who truly believed she was hideous, and that people were staring and laughing at her when she appeared in public. I don't know if you can get a transscript of that show, but you might try. Maybe there would be some advice in this segment from which you could benefit.

I agree with you that it is the mind that screws us all up. So, knowing that you really aren't fat or ugly, there has to be another way to get beyond your fears, and perhaps that would be in taking some medication along with talk therapy. I am also wondering if reading books on the subject, including something on anorexia...which also deals with how people perceive themselves when they look in the mirror...might offer some insight.

There must be ways to overcome this problem, and it is great that you brought your situation to the DP board, where others might help you, and where you may even offer some wisdom to others.

#3 aka Puma

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Posted 12 October 2005 - 07:48 PM

Dear Nathan,
Whatever you are suffering from I am sure is more complicated than a few of my words in cyberspace can fix. Just know that you are not alone. I know many people who went through this body dysmorphia and agrophobia for years. I know one woman who lived in LA and did not leave her house for over a year until she got professional help.
Los Angeles is so big and scary. I would imagine it's quite easy to lose oneself there and only feel despair. I am not familiar with professional services there to help you but I am sure there are Helplines and Crisislines in the phone book that can help you find someplace.
You don't deserve to live like this, Nathan.
Puma

#4 NoFun

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Posted 13 October 2005 - 12:58 PM

I was told to drop a line in here about my excess anxiety & social disorder and hope to get some help. Story, I'm unable to leave my house, and when I do I get extreemly scared to death about how people will see me. I understand that this sounds quite shallow, but it's the truth. Unless I have an apt. to go some where, I stay locked up at home because of my fear of people. I always think that I'll be seen as "Too ugly" or "Too Fat". But the truth be told, I'm not ugly or fat. It's just the way that I see myself and I project that on other people on the outside world. Strange how are minds can truly screw us up. I have always had this behavior since I was 6 years old. And it's going to take some time to change. So I'll put it out there for you all to read and hope that I can recieve some support. Thank you.
Nathan....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Hi Nathan,

You are not alone with what you are suffering. About 15 years ago, I became too scared to leave my home because of panic attacks, not about my appearance, but just because I was scared of having an attack. I ended up dropping out of uni because I couldn't attend classes. I had a very "typical" experience. I'd have an attack somewhere (class, or the supermarket, or while driving) and then avoid that place out of fear of another attack, until nowhere was "safe." That being said, with therapy, I did eventually leave the house, and you will too.

#5 Jkm

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Posted 13 October 2005 - 10:57 PM

Have you ever discussed this with a doctor? As you read the other posters' comments, it's probably related to anxiety. I know when mine was untreated, I felt so exposed when I was outside and very uncomfortable, like being inside was the only safe place, but I reallly can't tell you what fear I was having when outside. It was really wierd.

I hope you can see your way through to getting into some kind of treatment. I imagine it would be a slow process to be able to be comfortable outside your house if this has gone on for awhile. I know it took weeks of meds for me to get out of this tangled feeling of not wanting to go outside.

Some of it may be related to depression, too. When depressed, some people don't want to be around others and isolate, which is probably the opposite of what they need to be doing, but depression usually has negative thoughts connected with it that makes family, employment and relationships seem unfulfilling and bland.

Both of these conditions can be treated with an antidepressant medication. Some meds are more stimulating and some are more relaxing. Doctors will ask you questions, then decide which medication would work best for your particular set of symptoms. Something to think about.... :hearts:
Posted Image

I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#6 Nathan

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Posted 14 October 2005 - 12:45 PM

Yes, I understand very well that this disorder is related to my anxiety. I'm taking meds and seeing a pdoc for it. But you must realize that I have had this since I was 6 years old. It's also quite funny that I have this disorder since I'm in the entertanment field. I can feel at ease in front of a camera, but when it comes to REAL life I'm just frozen. I'm not the type of person that can just go out for a drive or walk. There must be some type of mission to it. I.E. Work, Reading for a film, meeting (Work wise or other) or to group or to see my pdoc. Otherwise for get it. I'm working hard on this aspect of my life. Maybe with the gym coming back into my life once again, things can start to move into the direction that I need. Thank you all for your support. I really need it.

Nathan.....
No room for Fear or self dought

#7 NoFun

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Posted 14 October 2005 - 01:33 PM

Hey Nathan,

The gym sounds good. Exercise can be very good for your mental health. Probably the only time in my life when I was "balanced," I was very fit and exercised rigorously at least 5 days a week. The key for me now is to not concentrate on how I look, but how I feel. That way, even if I don't quickly see results, I still keep at it because the benefit I am looking for isn't one that can be seen anyway. Sounds like you are in a tough industry for someone with a warped body image to be in!

Doesn't it seem like anxiety can make your body feel like it's a treachorous enemy instead of a friend? It's like it's plotting against you by doing all kinds of weird things like shaking, making your heart pound or race, going numb, feeling dizzy or faint, constricting your throat and chest, and all the other disturbing things it does during panic. Since I'm just now coming out of a nearly 3 year long experience with intense anxiety, I'm hoping to use exercise as a way to re-establish a positive relationship with my body. So far, so good; it seems to be working quite well after a month and a half.

#8 Jkm

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Posted 14 October 2005 - 04:07 PM

I'm going to the highschool football game, only because both my girls are cheering.

If this doesn't tell you how great the meds have been for me and my life, I don't know what will. I'm so happy with me and so proud that I had the courage to give meds a try! :hearts:
Posted Image

I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#9 NoFun

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Posted 14 October 2005 - 04:47 PM

Very cool. My daughter is big into gymnastics and I'm sure cheer is something she will be very interested in later on.

As far as meds go, if I don't see considerable progress in the next couple months that is the way I will go. What meds are you taking for anxiety jkm? Nathan, what meds are you taking?

#10 Jkm

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Posted 14 October 2005 - 08:35 PM

I'm on Cymbalta as I have depression and neuropathy plus neurontin for restless leg syndrome. I don't have diabetes, but a disorder which causes more pain in my muscles... a form of arthritis. I also take atenolol, which is a beta-blocker and stops the rapid heart beat that can preceed a panic attack, for high blood pressure. My meds are covering two things at a time.

Most antidepressants have an anxiety reducing feature to them. Paxil is probably one of the top antidepressants for people with anxiety. I took Lexparo for 15mo., when I had this last relapse, as my blood pressure shot up on Paxil. When I was on Lexapro, it took 7mo. of taking a small dose of Ativan when the panicy feelings started. (When I was on Paxil about 5 years ago, I was soooooo mellow!)

I asked to go on Cymbalta right after it came out on the market. I have had great success with this medication. A doctor can perscribe meds from the symptoms you give him. They know what meds are better for different symptoms. Not all antidepressants work the same. Some are energizing, like Wellbrutin, and would cause me to be too anxious. I probably have too much energy--most of it from stress and anxiety. I need a more sedating antidepressant.... :bump:

As far as the girls, both of them do gymnnastics and my son is into stunt bike and skateboarding. They have anough energy for the whole family! I'm in a position wwhere I can't afford to be an anxious wreck. I drive for lessons and it's thirty miles, one way. I also take three more girls with us, and I also drive to cheer competitions. My oldest two are 15 a girl, and 14, a boy. They keep me hopping, and the ten year old daughter is just starting! :hearts:
Posted Image

I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#11 Pupabella

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Posted 15 October 2005 - 01:28 AM

i've fealt just like you many times, finding more comfort not having to go out, at leisure.
i've found that meditating, excercise, and a healthy diet had helped me a great deal to lower my anxities, and fears.
i still do feel the to this day, but i've noticed it's on the days where
i just don't do anything healthy to better myself.
there are sometimes 3 or four days in a row, where i just don't want to excercise, and don't want to have a structured kind of day, because of my not wanting to care about anything.
and these kind of days lead me to feel that life is a burden, and my fears start to kick in.
to get myself to feel like i'm equal as other people, and not less
i'd light a candle, turn all the lights off, and sit staring at the flame for a good half hour, doing some deep breathing, and saying positive mantra about myself.
i wake up with such confidence, and with knowing that no matter what it it's ok.
but again, going back to the excercise, it does help a great deal, along with getting in the outdoors, and taking a nice walk in nature.
rachel

#12 Nathan

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Posted 16 October 2005 - 04:25 PM

Rachel,
I hear what you have to say. But I don't see life as a burden, that is not what scares me from going outside. If I were to guess the bottem feeling of fear would be "Control". You see I'm fine when I'm in front of the camera or reading for a role. Those two events I have a "Sence" of control. It's with the unknown that I have absolutly no control at all. If you really think about it, what do we "Really" have control over. It's a way of seeing that keeps us thinking that we have control over situations. I just need to get to that point where I can see no fear with the unknown and constently being out of control and say, "What the hell, this is life and I should not let these thoughts destroy it for me." Get on living and take risks everyday to enjoy the day for the day alone. It's this that I have my sights on or goal to do with my life so I can just laugh at myself and move on.


Nathan.....
No room for Fear or self dought

#13 NoFun

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Posted 16 October 2005 - 04:53 PM

Control is a scary thing for me and a big issue. It has been one of my life lessons (not fully learned yet) to accept that the only thing I can really control is myself. Not my kids, my husband, my friends, my coworkers, nor anyone else in the world. Not to say that I don't teach and displine my kids and not to say that I don't speak about and act on my values, but in the end, others will do what they will; it's how I deal with it that matters.

Edited by NoFun, 16 October 2005 - 04:54 PM.


#14 Kawayani

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Posted 16 October 2005 - 06:29 PM

Hi Nathan-

Just wanted to say that you're not alone and the people here who have offered their words of support and insight to you are wonderful.

I have been where you are before and I can honestly say that I think we can all relate to each other in some form or another. And that is a BIG help.

I'm from CA myself, went off to college in Salt Lake, UT and then moved to AZ within the last year. Going out is dreadful for me as well. There is a great, great book that I was recently referred to by a friend called "Anxiety 101". Try anxiety101.com for more info.

I've spent the whole weekend locked up in the house I live in with my father and it's a fairly big house- it gets frustrating living like this when no one would ever think you live otherwise than how they see you.

But being on this forum helps some. I hope you and others find hope that this won't last forever- I just have to keep looking forward to that feeling even though it's not here yet. :)

#15 Pupabella

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Posted 17 October 2005 - 10:09 AM

frankly speaking, i too have great fears of the unknown, and am always worrying, what if this, and what if that??, and my thoughts woud be more in what didn't happen yet, rather than being in the now. it is difficult for me to get over this, but at the same time, i try to tell myself, that today i'm dealing with cash, tomorrow is a post dated check, and yesterda was a cancelled check.
i'm into businnes, so that's why i like this check concept lololo.
take care
rachel

#16 Jkm

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Posted 18 October 2005 - 07:41 AM

Nathan,

Are you having any luck going to the gym? I know when my anxiety was high, I had a mantra that I repeated to myself when going out. It was something like, "I can do this. I've done this a thousand times, before. Nothing bad is going to happen to me."

Have you tried this in the past. Some people do this without being aware they are! Watch those negative self-statements. Make sure you are telling yourself that you 'can do', and not things like, "I'm so nervous I can't stand it." It has a great effect on you. I know I felt like 'The Little Engine That Could."

Jackie :hearts:
Posted Image

I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#17 NoFun

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Posted 18 October 2005 - 12:15 PM

jkm, great idea. I've just started doing that and it does really help. I need to write some good affirmations for myself. I feel a bit silly, like that guy on SNL, but they work.

#18 Jkm

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Posted 18 October 2005 - 01:06 PM

As long as we don't yell them at the top of our lungs, we'll be fine! :hearts:
Posted Image

I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#19 NoFun

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Posted 18 October 2005 - 01:35 PM

At least not in public anyway. :hearts:

#20 Lizzy

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Posted 22 October 2005 - 09:05 AM

I merged these posts:

Nathan wrote:

I just spent 500.00 dollars to get myself into a gym so that maybe I can manage this. But I'm wondering if I wasted my money or not. I used to LOVE the gym. but since I became homeless over 3 years ago, (I was homeless for 4 years. I have a studio now) things in my life have changed 180 deg.

What was up is now down. One GREAT thing has happen to me and that's the ability to be very humbel now. I don't judge people anymore either. But I degress. Can some one maybe give me a diffrent out look on this subject???
Nathan....


Jkm Oct 12 2005, 12:59 AM
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I developed this symptom when I had panic disorder. I would only go out if someone was with me, otherwise I felt like something was going to go wrong. It was kind of a feeling of dread that would come over me. Since I had a husband and three children, I had to do something about this, as I couldn't live in the house, but it was the only place I felt safe.

After a couple of weeks taking an antidepressant, it began to go away. I think if not, I'd still be in trapped in the house. I didn't want to live like that, but the irrational idea that I wasn't comfortable was due to the excess anxiety and panic I experienced.

When one goes through these irational ideas, the best thing to do is to work on relaxation and trying to desensitize yourself from the things that trigger these thought and feelings. While in a panic state, I knew the thing I was fearing, like wrecking the car while driving or having a panic attack, we're irrational, but this didn't make them go away. According to the doc, I was too far into the illness and medication was the fastest way to get my body to stop responding with anxiety. It took awhile for me to stop panicing.

Another thought is that it might be a social anxiety disorder, where you feel uncomfortable being in a group of people. Some fear that they might say or do something that will cause them to draw attention, and avoid places where one is expected to mingle. There is a room dedicated to Panic and Anxiety Disorders, so you might want to read up on this, there.
Good Luck whatever you decide to do to get past this thing. I know I fought the thoughts and feeling going into the illness and coming out of it. Now, I am able to do and go wherever I feel like. It's a horrible illness, and I hope you get this treated.




chaku Oct 12 2005, 09:51 AM

I am in a similar situation Nathan, I have rarely left my house for the past 5 years. I think you are going to have to figure out exactly what it is you want now, you seem like you used to have priorities that are not the same after some personal growth.

As far as the gym goes, you don't necessarily have to be a shallow person to want to be fit. If you feel like you need the excercize, get it, it will probably be good for you. To keep from being too judgemental towards others, focus on your fitness goals, don't create them for others. People become too judgemental when they start creating requirements for other people to follow, not goals for themselves.

As I said, figure out what you want, and work from there. I am having trouble because what I want isn't possible, hopefully you don't have the same. If you feel like your life is not a place where you want it to be because of mental health problems, seek out help.

vegan_sxe Oct 12 2005, 10:07 AM

2 years ago i was too depressed to go to school, the fear of bumping into people from school stopped me from leaving the house, the thing which helped me was that i had to go into my garden to see my pets several times a day; overwise i think i would have became agrophobic. I spent all week indoors and went out about twice a week, very far away from my home. I didn't give eye contact or talk to anyone, or see any friends, or do anything without my parents/ grandparents. What helped me was quite drastic; hospital. It was so strange to be there that i shut myself in my room for 3 days without food. But gradualy i started talking to the others, and was able to go outdoors more often. Maybe a doctor would help you. Its a dreadful feeling, and i know how it feels. I'm here if you need any support; we all are. Good luck x

Nathan Oct 12 2005, 01:09 PM

Indeed, I have an excess anxiety & social disorder. I see my Doc's and of corse they all tell me to take small steps to get outside. That's why I re-joined a gym. I love to work out and I'm with a lot of people. Also it helps me with what I want to do with my life. I think that I have ALWAYS had this disorder since I was 6 years old. I remember I was invited to a birthday party and sat in a completly different part of the house far away from the other kids. d***, I remember that day like yesterday. But with me going to groups and soon the gym, I think that I can slowly get out of my house on my own.

Then again I go out for readings for feature films and that seems to go great. It's "Missions" that get me out of the house. But other wise I'm good to be with myself alone. I just wish it was a house on the beach......lol But someday that also will come true. Small steps will open the world for me. Thank you all for your support.
Nathan....

Lizzy Oct 17 2005, 08:14 AM
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Nathan wrote: I'm frightened of what people will think of me .....


Nathan - what's so important about YOU that people will be watching you all the while? When we are insecure we often feel that we are being scrutinised. But really people are too busy with their own worries that they hardly notice us at all!

Sit somewhere quietly at the edge of a crowd - i.e. shopping centre/park - watch carefully how people interact within a social group. How many of those people seem genuine to each other?
I have found that a lot of interaction is superficial. But because we want to fit in and be liked, we assume that others are judging us. SO WHAT! I'm at an age now when I don't care any more but it has taken a long while <WINK> to get here

Little steps are a good idea. Set small goals each day - for YOU! Not anyone else. Work within your comfort zone for a few months. Enjoy the Gym. Enjoy any interaction you will get there. You dont have to form huge friendships with people that you meet - just a smile and anod will do.
Then you'll gain confidence enough to go for a walk/shopping etc.. For YOU! Once you are comfortable you can begin to reach out and take up other hobbies where you will meet people. But don't worry if you get set-backs - they are awful but we come through them. Good Luck! Remember in the Big Scheme we are just specks on the surface.

--------------------
Lizzy
Any change is scarey even when we want it


Edited by Lizzy, 22 October 2005 - 09:11 AM.

Lizzy
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#21 Two of Me

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Posted 27 October 2005 - 10:31 PM

Nathan, (great name by the way- my hubby's name)

I know how you feel and what many of the people here have experienced. There were several months I could not even leave my room to go to the bathroom without an escort. I was terrified to be alone even in my home. I could sit in bed, in the corner and watch tv. Everything else terrified me. Still, even now, if someone knocks on my door when I'm here alone, I have an immediate panic attack. I hate to leave the house alone but do the mantra thing that someone mentioned if I have to. I quit school because I couldn't handle what I believed was the ridicule I received from younger students (I am old enough to be their mom). It was probably all in my head, but that was real enough for me. There is nothing more terrifying than feeling stuck. I don't know what to tell you- I can't even fix my own fear. But know that there are others here...scared as hell to walk out the door or answer the phone. I've been here 3 days or so and I've learned that. This is the only place online I've found where people seem to really care and understand. We'll all work it out with a little help from each other. Don't let this take you over.
"There is someone in my head and it's not me..."
---Pink Floyd---

#22 Guest_art.chick_*

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Posted 04 November 2005 - 03:29 PM

Nathan,
Once again, a compelling discussion has formed around your lead. So much core issue material has come from this - the control, the self-consciousness, the constructed reality vs the actual reality....so interesting.

My friend, I existed for YEARS in a world even more constructed than yours - animation. We act too, but thru what we draw, so there is yet another layer to the masquerade. It is so comfortable to give the characters expressions and action - they are a real proxy for our own, a buffer against a hostile world where too many variables blindsight us. And I also suffer from anxiety, so I know what you mean.

For a long time, I was isolating too. Interesting how "4 years ago" is also the time I fell apart...would it have anything to do with the planets lining up to produce the craziest election results in history, a series of political and natural disasters, and general Armaggedon-like circumstances? I wonder. I withdrew from friends and associates, felt incapable of managing my personal life, and stopped socializing. Now, you tell me - what does THAT do to the career of an entertainer? It simply kills it. We both know that being "out there" is the only way we are going to find gigs and generate "heat."

I remember starting to go out to clubs again after a whole year of hiding. I previously had gone out almost nightly to sketch and network. It was a great time. I loved it. But here I was, feeling like a loser, dragging myself to the alcohol in plus-size clothes, intimidated by the noise, the movement, the crowds. THIS is a rock fan? I had to leave after a strained 45 minutes. I wondered if I would ever feel alive or comfortable again in my own crowd, my own skin.

Time and exposure made a difference for me. I had to take it slow and always plan on an escape route if things got too difficult for me. It was hell to hear from one friend after another who had sold a show, gotten a record deal, or been promoted to director. I had slid backwards, and I still feel unworthy to call them and talk. I am sure that they will discern that I am "garbage" now and will want to scrape me off before I try to cling to their gravy train. I would rather they remember me how I was until I can get back on my feet and slide, shining and equal, into their spotlight with them. But will that happen? If so, how? We need our connections. We need to feel comfortable in our own skin wherever we go. We have to desensitize that protective layer of depression that would, like a very thick scab, seek to keep ALL stress away by shutting us down. We can either push one direction or be pushed the other, and slowly descend further into sensitivity that will limit us.

The issue about being unable to go out without a mission is another of my problems, too, Nathan. I was one of those type-A 80s people who had to be "productive" with every spare second. A Hobby? Well, fine, if it somehow led to more money, more saleable skills, more connections, and more for my portfolio. But a hobby just to "waste time?" Who the heck has time for THAT? And I think it is getting harder in this modern world to perceive yourself as having time for "non-productive" expenditures. But Nathan, here is what I have learned about "wasted" time - there is no such thing. Structured time is the stuff where we think we know the purpose of the allotment; unstructured time is the stuff where we think we do not know the purpose. But how much of your structured time has yielded predicted results? You went to an audition, sure you would be a shoe-in, and they were going for a skinny Marlon Brando impersonator! So if structured time does not always do what it is "supposed to," perhaps unstructured time is not going to do what IT is supposed to do either - which is just being a wasted expenditure.

Here is an example: On Wed night, I decided to go to a Day of the Dead party in East LA. It was a little slow and weak compared to other years, and none of the people I knew were there. The food was not so hot, and the band was so enclosed that I could not see them to draw them. Why the heck did I come? Then, on my way to the bus stop, an older lady began chatting with me and offered me a ride. On the way, she told me that she reps artists. She had a long career in the arts selling her paintings and organizing gallery exhibits. She knew all of the "in" crowd in the gallery world locally. She was looking for an admin asst. job while she shored up some funding. I told her we were hiring an admin asst. at my company and gave her my info. She gave me hers. Will it "Pay off?" That depends on a lot of things, including what "pay off" means to me - could be a lead for a fine artist friend of mine, could lead to me meeting a few more people in the 7 Degrees of Separation chain, could just be a friend. But I have to follow and see what the fates intend for the balance between structure and unstructure in this situation.

Energy builds, Nathan. If you go out on "just a walk" and begin chatting with a person with a very cute dog, you may meet someone who can impart the energy for you to get to the next stage in your progression. If you find one of those hiking groups, you may find yourself in a chat with someone who is casting for a film that is going to be entered in Sundance and needs a good comic relief guy. There are a lot of people who want to and can help you....but 100% of them are on the opposite side of your door. Same for me. We have to be willing to just be available for our Higher Powers to lead. If you are on a walk, try asking Him, "Which way to I turn now?" and respond to some impulses to talk to others, if only to tell them you like their running shoes. It is going to take time to wrest free of a cocoon, but the quest starts somewhere, somewhere very small.

#23 lifer

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Posted 29 November 2005 - 02:11 PM

i joined this group because i feel i am on the road to being unable to leave the house..i have read this topic and its amazing to read all the views and facts/opinions /experiences..but still i just feel hopeless and out of control.. for me the last year 2 years have seen me gradually struggle with the thought of going outside.. i have dogs which makes it extra dificult as i feel i let them down each time i cant do it.. i even moved house recently becaue i thought it ws because i lived in a culde sac and i felt watched. now i am more rural and not overlooked although i do have neighbours but i still panic and spend hours worrying about stepping outside.. i am changing every day ,.i have sought help for depression in the past and was diagnosed with ptsd but this is all new , this gradual sinking and physical imprisonment at home.. its strange , although extremely anxious outside and continually trying to avoid as many people as i can its the actual stepping throught the door that i struggle with the most.. i had an appointment with the consultant today but cancelled at the last minute by ph oneas i couldn't get out the door in enough time.. i am so embarrassed and dont know what to do .. i dont know if i should have posted this here but i cant post a topic as i am new x i guess i just need somebody to hear me or i think i will explode.

#24 Jkm

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Posted 30 November 2005 - 08:44 AM

This might be from anxiety. It can make you feel like your world is falling apart, and I know about the fear of going outside, myself.

My advice is that you get this treated by a doc before it gets overwhelming for you. If you can't get yourself there, maybe having a friend go along with you will help. I had to do this for the first couple of visits, I even had to have a friend drive as my anxiety was so high, I didn't trust myself to drive.

Anxiety tells you so many irrational things, but it's all from the anxiety, which can be treated.

Let us know how you're doing! :bump:

Jackie :hearts:
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I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#25 Lizzy

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Posted 30 November 2005 - 11:48 AM

"i have dogs which makes it extra dificult as i feel i let them down each time i cant do it. ............. ..... "

NO! :hearts: do not judge us. That's why they are great to have around. In 1996 I was unable to walk my cocker spaniel. Hubby did it for me. Gradually I got back to taking care of her including going out in that Big Bad World. She never judged me. Went out with hubby then was content to sleep beside me on the settee - whilst I just sat, staring at 4 walls :bump:

You can play with them in the house. Roll a ball etc.: what type of dogs are they? How old? They will be ready when you are! I got so that I walked mine when I knew others were at work - so mid-morning and mid-afternoon, before school broke up and people would be around the village.

What is there to be embarrassed about! YOU ARE NOT ALONE - I once thought I had the monopoly on agerophobia and still don't know whether I'm pleased - or not - that I don't!

Don't over commit yourself. Walk your dogs when you are able to: don't let your larder/fridge run down so that you have to go shopping; go a few days before you run out of food stuffs. Are you in the UK?
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#26 Lizzy

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Posted 30 November 2005 - 11:53 AM

I just remembered my thought patterns in those days. I felt I was wasting my time - rubbish! I needed a break from the stress I was under at that time so my brain took over. As I began to recover with the help of ADs, I picked up my life again. Not quite the same but I began to do things.

I feared that people would take my spaniel away from me: because I was feeling ill I thought that I would be considered an un-fit owner! WOW! where did that come from.

I also feared that I would collapse whilst in the fields with her: that someone would take her away so that I would not see her again......... because I wasn't strong enough to be rational. Wich depression causes: also anxiety is very controlling.

Those feelings are REAL! Not imagined. It's a natural response but our brains mis-interpret them which raises the anxiety. A beta-blocka helps me A LOT!

Now I pace myself. If I'm very tired I curl up and sleep: no more guilt! If I'm OK I take a brisk walk or visit the shops/library/garden centre to brighten my mood. In my OWN time. Occasionally I can even go with a friend :hearts:

Try not to think about what you are missing at this point in time: but what you need from your life in the future. A good doctor: good medication: breathing space ..... time to recover and then you can reassess things. Keep posting!
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#27 lifer

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Posted 30 November 2005 - 02:27 PM

thank you so much for answering .. thank you for your words lizzy xxx ..I am crying as I type , the things you say are so like me.. I worry about the dogs so much , they are my life yet I feel they deserve better but part of me also knows without them I would not have the same worry , I just would give up trying to go out.. before I moved I was very dependant on my mum and friends laterly as I just couldn't shop for food etc very often .. but I think they all believed it to be enviromental also and expected me to be fine when I moved to my new home and I didn't try to tell them otherwise. I guess I convinced myself it was my homes location also.. I have gradually deteriorated, slowly but surely.... a month or two ago I managed to walk the dogs very late at night,I got used to the moonlight even.. but now I struggle to get past the d*** door regardless of time.. since moving I have been blaming the fact that I might meet my new neighbour with her dog and all the dogs would fight and I have even blamed my youngest dog who can be naughty when I am out for not being able to go out to meet friends etc as I don't want to come home to destruction .. but I realise they are excuses , it wouldn't matter where I lived. I tell everyone I am fine as I am so ashamed that this is happening to me . I change arrangements to later times saying I am held up because sometimes it takes me hours to get out the door and i know I will not make the arranged time...
I have experienced depression and all the symtoms that go along with PTSD and as a result been very isolated internally at times but I feel I am slipping away phyisically from everything too now..The outside world except whats on TV is far away ... and although its distressing because I feel I let everyone down and I am so ashamed ....I do feel safe in my house.. I feel very hypocrytical and dishonest with the people in my life but how do I tell them how I feel .The constant worries and thoughts are exhausting ., I know some would tell me to find my dogs new homes if they told the truth.
yes I am in the Uk

#28 Jkm

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 08:23 AM

Anxiety is a real creppy thing and has a very negative effect on your thought process. You know what you're thinking is irrational, but it doesn't make any difference. That is where the meds help. Some antidepressants are great for anxiety and some create more for us anxious people. When you finally get to the doc, let him know how anxious your are and that you're having trouble with the outdoors, so you get something to curb the anxiety.

I know my anxiety comes from taking on all the worry. I have trouble accepting that things are fine. I always get into the 'worst case senerio'. It just isn't healthy and causes me to panic. It's very difficult to unlearn this kind of thinking. :hearts:
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I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#29 lifer

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Posted 01 December 2005 - 12:14 PM

'worst case senerio'.

so true .. :hearts: I can see all these case secarios flashing through my head .. very unpleasant and it makes the anxiety and thought processes even more distressing .. :shocked:

You know what you're thinking is irrational, but it doesn't make any difference.

i think this is really hard to cope with , I am far from stupid but still I cant except the rational over the irrational fears, this feeds the depression as I feel so useless and controlled by my thoughts..!!
I cant believe I have said all these things out loud ..thank you x :bump:

#30 Lizzy

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Posted 02 December 2005 - 09:36 AM

We are often controlled by our thoughts. "what if" are two of the strongest words in the English language!

My body dictates what I do, where I go, who I see ........ if I'm not queasy I can cope. If my stomach begins to feel 'unwell' then I go to ground. Shaking and back home where I don't have to justify myself to anyone. If I'm tired or haven't eaten correctly I can feel ill and 'what if' starts.

Little steps. You have your dogs for company: use your skills to entertain them inside. Play ball; lots of belly rubs, ear pulling, rib tickling - anything that makes your dogs interact. Cuddles on the settee. It's OK! So long as they have a place to pee that is safe near the house, they can do without long walks for a few days.

Eat correctly. Low blood sugar can make us feel weak, tired, ill, shakey ....... then we begin to feel worse ......['what if' I never recover .......]

Less alcohol, more freshly squeezed fruit juices. To cleanse the system. To help the insides heal ..... graze, eat little and often.

I dog walk for people who are at work. Is there anyone near you that could take them out once a day? Are they good dogs in company? I get most of my clients through word of mouth; one I choose because she owned a cocker and we became good friends. You could leave a post card in the vet's and local pet shops but make sure they are reliable, that they have recently owned dogs and can handle 'big' breeds if that is necessary. I always meet the owners and dogs at my house so that we 'eye' each other first :bump:

Stop making excuses. Acceptance is difficult but once you do accept that for a few weeks you aren't albe to leave the house then you will become relaxed. Is it just not being able to walk the dogs that stresses you? Do you get your shopping done by someone? Where in the UK are you?

:hearts:
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#31 Ridge

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Posted 03 December 2005 - 04:37 PM

We are often controlled by our thoughts.  "what if" are two of the strongest words in the English language!

My body dictates what I do, where I go, who I see ........ if I'm not queasy I can cope.  If my stomach begins to feel 'unwell' then I go to ground.  Shaking and back home where I don't have to justify myself to anyone.  If I'm tired or haven't eaten correctly I can feel ill and 'what if' starts.

Little steps.  You have your dogs for company: use your skills to entertain them inside.  Play ball; lots of belly rubs, ear pulling, rib tickling - anything that makes your dogs interact.  Cuddles on the settee.  It's OK!  So long as they have a place to pee that is safe near the house, they can do without long walks for a few days. 

Eat correctly.  Low blood sugar can make us feel weak, tired, ill, shakey ....... then we begin to feel worse ......['what if' I never recover .......]

Less alcohol, more freshly squeezed fruit juices. To cleanse the system.  To help the insides heal ..... graze, eat little and often.

I dog walk for people who are at work.  Is there anyone near you that could take them out once a day?  Are they good dogs in company?  I get most of my clients through word of mouth; one I choose because she owned a cocker and we became good friends.  You could leave a post card in the vet's and local pet shops but make sure they are reliable, that they have recently owned dogs and can handle 'big' breeds if that is necessary.  I always meet the owners and dogs at my house so that we 'eye' each other first  :bump:

Stop making excuses.  Acceptance is difficult but once you do accept that for a few weeks you aren't albe to leave the house then you will become relaxed.  Is it just not being able to walk the dogs that stresses you?  Do you get your shopping done by someone?  Where in the UK are you?

:hearts:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>



#32 agabluecat

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Posted 29 December 2005 - 01:56 PM

Hi all,

I need help! About 5 weeks ago I started taking Celexa/Cipramil for the depression. Ive been on 20mg so far. It hasnt done much for my depression, Im still giving it time before trying another AD, but my problem is that in the last couple of weeks I totally lost the interest of leaving the house.

I havent been out other than going to Xmas dinners, and thats it. I dont want to go to the store, or walk the dog, cant be bothered at all.... This really worries me, because I dont know what is wrong and why I dont want to go out. I am not worried about what other ppl think of me, but just uncomfortable when thinking about going out. How could I fix it? Are there drugs? Therapy? PLEASE HELP!

#33 scarletworld

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Posted 29 December 2005 - 05:09 PM

Hey bluecat!

Well, I wouldn't be so quick to blame it on the celexa, although you never know...

When I went on Lexapro and it got my anxiety under control, so many other symptoms of my Depression were uncovered. Apparently this happens to folks who are newly trying meds--so many things there that we didn't notice before because we were so distracted by the primary symptom. For me, my primary symptom was severe panic attacks.

Once other symptoms of depression (among other things) started rearing their head, a whole new world opened up. It's like that whole peeling the layers off an onion analogy. Clear one thing away and something else is underneath.

Like you, I became less and less inclined to leave the house. Not just out of anxiety, but lack of motivation. A depression symptom. Besides getting to and from work, I simply don't want to...

I don't know about Celexa, but it's cousin, Lexapro, takes a while to work on depression. A couple-3 months, I'd say. Either give it time, or ask your doc to give you something more effective against depression to see how that works... and of course, talk therapy can help you get to the root of why you're feeling socially unmotivated...

Anyway, bluecat, you're so not alone. I (as well as so many others here) have been there. Hang in there, my friend!

Edited by scarletworld, 29 December 2005 - 05:11 PM.

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#34 agabluecat

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Posted 29 December 2005 - 08:16 PM

ScarletWorld,
Thanks so much for your support I need lots of it :)

yeah, it would be good to find the root of the"not wanting to get out of the house" thing

Would a therapist work? or should it be a psychologist? or a pdoc? How does it all work?

*HUGZ*

#35 scarletworld

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Posted 30 December 2005 - 01:09 PM

Well, if you can find a pdoc that you like who does both therapy and meds, great! Only ones I've found in my area do med management only, as they call it.

As far as the difference between a therapist, psychologist, etc, the only real difference is whether you vibe with them. a clinical psychologist will have a PhD in psych, and some people feel more comfy with that.

I have seen a clinical psych and it was a disaster for me. he was inexperienced with the severity of my troubles (dissociative disorder). he had been out of school only 5 years.

The therapist I have now is an MFT (masters in family therapy). she whips his butt in therapy! but she has been doing this for *30* years and has specialized in people with my dissociative problems.

so regardless of degree, it just depends. it's kind of trial and error. it's really about if you feel comfortable opening up to them, taking their advice, and how well they listen.

so right now, i'm a seeing a pdoc, who checks up with me on a monthly basis to see how i'm doing on my meds. for the talk therapy i see my t.... i think that's kind of the norm...

Edited by scarletworld, 30 December 2005 - 01:13 PM.

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