Jump to content

Advertisement

Scheduled Maintenance:

Please be aware that depressionforums will be down for a short period beginning from 02:00 EST (07:00 GMT) on Sunday 21st December for necessary maintenance. We apologise for the inconvenience and it should only take about 45 minutes.

  • No one should be alone in this. We can help.
If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.                                                                            If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Photo

50 Years Old And Depressed


  • Please log in to reply
4 replies to this topic

#1 ben57

ben57

    Just Registered

    ID: 26854

  • Just Registered
  • 4 posts

Posted 14 July 2008 - 09:31 PM

I don't really know where to start but I would really like to talk to someone with a similar experience if possible. I am 50 years old, divorced with 2 kids age 19 and 16. I have been divorced for about 12 years but always lived close to my kids.Last year my oldest son started college and my x wife and youngest son moved upstate new York about 1 1/2 hour drive. That is when I started getting depressed and I started to look at my life, I guess it is a midlife crisis, and did not like what I saw. I constantly compare myself to other people, I have a very low self esteem and self image.
But what I really wanted to ask is if anyone has difficulty hearing and following conversations and memory problems. when this happens I feel more isolated and get more depressed and just want to be alone. I thought that this is depression and so did my doctor, then I thought that maybe I have ADD but without the hyperactivity. I am going to group therapy also and when I talk I feel very detached and not part of the group. This also happens at work and in other social situations. I am very physically active, running, biking ect. but I am afraid to for example to go to a singles weekend away because I don't know if I will start to feel withdrawn and then have a bad time. Anyway I tried Lexapro and hated it and now I am on Sertraline 25 mg with mixed results. I took 25mg for 2 weeks then was supposed to take 50 mg. I did not like the way I felt on 50 mg and went back to 25mg.
thats it in a nut shell, if anyone can relate to this or similar experiences I would love to hear it.

Ben57

#2 Always Trying

Always Trying

    ID: 11168

  • Silver Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 821 posts
  • Location:Williston, VT

Posted 15 July 2008 - 12:47 AM

Hi Ben57,

I can relate to your experiences and I feel real sorry that you are going through all of this. You know, oddly enough, sometimes it takes a major life event for one to focus on themselves enough to evaluate if they are who they think they are, wish they are and hope they are. So maybe this is what is happening for you. As to it being a mid life crisis
or not, I can't say. It seems to me that when someone feels like you do and has no tangible basis for it, then that may be a mid lifer, but when you can list tough situations in your life, I'm not so sure I'd view it as the mid lifer.

I am 55, divorced for 11 years now and have 2 daughters, neither of whom live even in my state. I do suffer from severe depression and have all of my life. I also have ADHD, and a very severe case of this, and have for all of my life as well. I'm fairly certain that this was showing itself long before the depression. My self esteem has never been at ground level let alone above ground. So all that you said I do understand. Except for... the meds you are and have been taking. I take an unbelievable amount of meds, but yours are not one of mine. But this really doesn't mean a thing.

I will tell you that with ADD or ADHD, no matter, memory is a huge problem. It is very difficult to stay focused on someone else's conversation, unless the talk REALLY interests you. So while you are supposed to be listening, you are either eating your tongue because you have the need to talk so bad it's ******* you. So of course you don't hear any talk. Or you are so bored, that your mind isn't even in the same room. You can be noticing every little thing going on around you, a paper clip on the floor, an end cap missing off the floor heaters, a missing button on someone's shirt. It's as if you can hear bits and pieces of every conversation going on around you. This is all examples of being distracted. If you have the need to talk RIGHT NOW!, then this is impulsivity. When you are distracted, you notice everything but what you should be. The inability to focus or pay attention can be due to whatever not being interesting enough for you to hold your focus. I could go on for days about this disorder. There are tons of things you can read about this disorder, so I suggest that you do. Usually when someone does have this, it has shown up through out their life and you just never recognized it. Not seeing it can be explained away by many things. If something goes wrong, you come up with all kinds of reasons for it. If you are in a pretty good environment, content with your job, your marriage and where you are living, etc., then your ADD is very low key unless something specific triggers it. If you are in a highly stressful situation, or your daily life is fairly chaotic, either because it just is or maybe you are the culprit of the chaos, then your ADD will be more severe. It is very common for a divorce to bring out the worst of one's ADHD. Usually someone with this had troubles in school. Trouble with paying attention and the memory issues can cause you to flunk many a test. In sadu;t life, there is problems with jobs. Frequently being out or changing jobs a lot. Others may see you as being a manipulator or just plain lazy. There is so much to this disorder, you really do need to learn it better.

I think you should make an appt to see your doc, sooner than later, and ask him if he will evaluate you for ADD. Also, all of the physical activity you do most likely is your hyperactivity working. If you weren't expending your energy in this very good way, you may notice that you swing your leg alot when you are sitting, and you are up and down constantly, and your fingers are taping or your toes are tapping, are you move quickly and abruptly, on and on. Hyperactivity at our age isn't us running around (literally) like a maniac all day long and inable to ever sit down and be calm. So do talk to your doc. Oh, (cripes, I'm sorry this is so long) but when you wrote how uncomfortable you feel in social situations, that is a classic ADHD symptom. Most people can go a long time noticing this but not knowing why. It's because you may interrupt too much, or when you do speak it might not be exactly on the topic of conversation, which irritates others, or you may not make as much sense as you think you do. You don't realize that you talk so fast, because your brain is going so fast, that you can't get the words out fast enough and you tend to leave out a few choice words out to where others can't get your point. So you make no sense to others and folks tend to walk away or turn their back and then you stand there wondering if it was you that just said all that was said. When you blurt out words, off topic or even on topic but at an inappropriate moment, this is impulsivity at work. An awful lot of people get turned off by this which is sad because they aren't giving themselves a chance to know the real you, which is typically quite attractive. You become your own worst enemy.

Okay, ENOUGH out of me!
See your doc, and don't be so hard on yourself. Write back and let us know how you are doing.
And by the way, :hearts: to this forum, you did a good thing!
Always Trying

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer

Posted Image

#3 duggie

duggie

    Gold Member

    ID: 21108

  • Gold Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,157 posts
  • Location:Milwaukie Oregon USA

Posted 15 July 2008 - 03:46 AM

Ben57,
I was 50 when I was in my depression (now 54). I was severely depressed and I had a series of ECT Treatments that I credit with lifting my depression off of me. I took Effexor for a few years and that med worked the best for me, but it had side effects of weight gain and loss of emotions. I have been divorced for 3 years and it has been an adventure learning to care for myself. After being married for 32 years, I am happy to be independent. The toughest thing that I have to do, like you, is figure out what to make of my life. I walk every day and I do Volunteer work, that keeps me from thinking about myself too much. My Therapist suggested Volunteer work 6 yrs ago and it has been rewarding.
I want you to know that you can send me a PM anytime!
Doug

#4 ben57

ben57

    Just Registered

    ID: 26854

  • Just Registered
  • 4 posts

Posted 15 July 2008 - 08:21 PM

Thank you and Doug for replying. Now that I think about what I am going through I really think either I had Add as a child or a learning disability because I feel like I missed alot of experiences that other people I know had. In group therapy we were talking about how I did not get emotional support and how I felt isolated and alone during childhood. I have also been having ringing in my ears and can't hear good, I think I already mentioned that. But I will take your advice and find out more about ADD and have my hearing checked out again. My life is not that bad that is what pi**es me off so much is when I feel like crap and I don't fully enjoy anything because I don't feel like myself. It holds me back in doing the things that I need to accomplish in order for me to be happy.
I don't have racing thoughts ect. but do feel numb, isolated and like I am not there, that is when it gets bad, and I withdraw more. Then I want to be alone but at the same time don't want to be alone and wish I were like other people.

Anyway today I felt better, maybe the Sertraline ( zoloft ) is starting to kick in. My 19 year old who just finished his first year of college thinks that he might have ADD. So maybe I do have it as an Adult.

Thank you again for replying,

Ben

#5 ben57

ben57

    Just Registered

    ID: 26854

  • Just Registered
  • 4 posts

Posted 15 July 2008 - 08:23 PM

I thought about doing volunteer work also but never got around to doing it. but I am going to look into it again.
thanks

Ben







Ben57,
I was 50 when I was in my depression (now 54). I was severely depressed and I had a series of ECT Treatments that I credit with lifting my depression off of me. I took Effexor for a few years and that med worked the best for me, but it had side effects of weight gain and loss of emotions. I have been divorced for 3 years and it has been an adventure learning to care for myself. After being married for 32 years, I am happy to be independent. The toughest thing that I have to do, like you, is figure out what to make of my life. I walk every day and I do Volunteer work, that keeps me from thinking about myself too much. My Therapist suggested Volunteer work 6 yrs ago and it has been rewarding.
I want you to know that you can send me a PM anytime!
Doug






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users