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I'm Fed Up With My Life...


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15 replies to this topic

#1 Juliet

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 05:28 AM

This is my first topic here, I hope you won't find it too much boring.
I know that maybe you'll think this is a childish and stupid post, but what I'm feeling is true.
So...

I started feeling depressed a lot when I was fifteen.
My boyfriend left me while I was stilly deeply in love with him, and I felt destroyed.
I thought life wasn't worth living anymore, and I sometimes thought about suicide, but never committed it or try to.
I still had my friends, after all.
But they began to change, to exclude and reject me.
I felt like they were hiding things from me, maybe because they were envious for something, I don't really know why. And I am not stupid or paranoid, you see. They simply started behaving like adult people, going to clubs and discos every saturday night and coming back home at 4am.
I simply wasn't ready to do such things. I don't even like discos and dancing, but I went with them a few times because I didn't want to be considered as a child or a weird girl. But in the end it didn't work out. We had a huge argument last year and from that moment they didn't even pretend to care about me anymore. They don't speak to me and they act as if I don't exist. And that hurts. I feel invisible, unwanted.
I have no friends left, and school is terrible because these girls attend my same classes and I always have to cope with their nasty presence.
They laugh and make fun at me all the time and I spend most of my time at school alone.
I pretend not to hear them, I act as everything's fine but this hurts, a lot.
I often feel like crying during classed, because nobody notices nothing.
My family situation is also really tough.
My father is always depressed and angry for his job. He treats me and my mother in a horrible way and we always have to pay attention when he's at home, because anything could make him explode. He's really frustrated, but he doesn't want to go to a doctor and be cured, so my mother is obviously very depressed for this. They even mentioned divorce several times.
And my granfather became ill with cancer two years ago, depevoled two more cancers this year and finally passed away last month.
I miss him so much. I cried a lot at his funeral, and I felt more alone than ever.
As a result of all these things and situations I began to isolate myself more and more, and to become scared of others.
I feel as I'm not able to interact and socialize with people anymore, not because I'm lazy or asocial, but because I feel wrong, even if I talk to somebody and they look relaxed and probably don't think there's something wrong with me I am a mess, inside.
I'd like to vanish. My life was perfect when I had a boyfriend, friends and a happy family, but now...
I feel sad all the time and I spend more and more time alone.
I am really afraid because I fear I'll spend the whole summer at home without seeing anybody.
I spend my time daydreaming and thinking about the future.
I'd like to move to Paris and become a writer, but I don't know if I'll ever manage to do this.
I don't have any self-esteem left, and life is hard when you feel insecure all the time.
I have never been to a doctor, never started a therapy, I don't even find the courage to talk about these things with my mother, the only person that apparently cares about me.
I'm so tired of it all...

Dying
Is an art, like everything else
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
i do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

Sylvia Plath


#2 Isabeau

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 05:43 AM

:flowers: Juliet :hearts: To DF

You have really been through a lot and I am glad that you have found this site to let out some of your feelings. We are all here to support you and help you find your way forward.

It might be a good idea if you talk to someone about how your feeling. Could you maybe talk to your mum or a counsellor at school? I am sure your mum loves you and would want to help you in any way possible. It really sounds like you could both do with each others support.

In no time at all you will be making friends here and you wont feel so alone, thats what great about this site its helped me to not feel so alone.

Never stop dreaming your dreams!
HUGS
&
Keep posting
Isabeau :hearts:

IS-A-BOW
© AJ

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes,
and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

#3 Sorrow

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 07:08 AM

Don't be shy here, we're all friends looking out for one another.
Being honest is so much better than being dishonest anyway..

I'm understanding and try to be as most as I can
Right now, my "friends" also seem to be fading away (not that I care much anyway..)
Don't feel alone.
I know, a lot of the time you just feel.. so.. invisible!

You know how it feels, when it seems like someone doesn't acknowledge the fact that you even exist.
And sometimes, you just want to go up to them and say, "Hey, you know me? I exist? You know, we've know eachother for years? Hi...?"

In my honest opinion, I dislike school.. there are some students who live that "problem-free" life, and don't even care about anyone else's feelings (I think you know what I mean). Sometimes too, I feel like crying during class and wanting to disappear.. At random times, during school, some people would walk straight in my face and badmouth me. I think "Who the hell are YOU to judge me for who I am?" :hearts:

I'm sorry to hear your grandfather passed away, he must have loved you so very much! (no exaggerations) :flowers:
Life can be so unfair sometimes a lot of the time.
I don't really know what else to say, but I'll be wishing you hope and praying for you in my mind. Also, please, if you want to talk, I'll always be here...

Good luck, Juliet

:hearts:


#4 Juliet

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 09:05 AM

Thank you very much for your kind support.
Sorrow, you totally get the point.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
i do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

Sylvia Plath


#5 Zip

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 09:39 AM

Hi Juliet,

I'm new here too, and I think I can relate to a lot of what you're going through; I'm trying my best to understand it through your eyes. I had a lot of really close friends I met in junior high, but once we all entered high school, they all just suddenly... changed, I guess, and not in a good way. I've always been "different" from everyone, so I was constantly picked on by the cheerleaders and other cliques like that. I ignored it most of the time, but suddenly I found my own best friends had become the ones who were instigating the teasing and the crude remarks. They wanted to change and be accepted and I didn't, so they dumped me just to be able to fit in.

That more than anything is hard, I know. I'm not the best expert on relationships-I've never even been in a serious one myself-but I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your boyfriend. When something like that happens, on top of everything else, it can be almost too much to bear. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather, as well. It sounds like he was a wonderful person, and that he loved you very much. I'm sure that, wherever he is right now, he's watching over you. :hearts:

A lot of people on this forum, including myself, know exactly what it feels like to be invisible to everyone else and to feel unwanted and unloved. I'm not an expert on knowing what to say, because it's so hard for me to express my own feelings sometimes, but I do hope that you're able to find the peace you're looking for.

Also, as a fellow aspiring writer, I urge you not to give up on your dream of moving to Paris and becoming a writer! I absolutely love writing, and I turn to it in difficult times as an outlet for my pain and my loneliness. Keep that dream alive, above everything else, because it gives you something in life that's worth fighting for. I hope I get to see your name out there as a famous writer someday. :flowers:

Please feel free to PM me if you feel the need to talk. I hope I was able to send a friendly word across. Keep on fighting.
"Wouldn't it be great to heal the world with only a song?" —Serj Tankian

#6 Juliet

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 09:42 AM

Dear Zip, thank you very much for your reply.
I've just posted a reply to your post writing the same things you wrote in mine, so we really must be quite similar :hearts:
I'm actually smiling right now.
Thank you very much for your support.

Edited by Juliet, 11 June 2008 - 09:43 AM.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
i do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

Sylvia Plath


#7 Zip

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 09:49 AM

Haha yes, I just noticed we both posted replies on each other's topics at the same time.

You're welcome for the support, and a huge thank you to you as well for the things you said. It's nice to be able to wake up and smile about something someone has said.

:hearts: Thank you!!
"Wouldn't it be great to heal the world with only a song?" —Serj Tankian

#8 Juliet

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 10:04 AM

You're welcome! :hearts:

Dying
Is an art, like everything else
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
i do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

Sylvia Plath


#9 theguy

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Posted 11 June 2008 - 09:31 PM

Hi Juliet, I have often felt the same way as you do. I miss my ex girlfriend a lot but I don't think we will ever get back together. I feel lost most of the time not knowing why I wake up in the morning. Anyway, we are you friends and I am happy your posted. :hearts:
The Guy. - Love is patient, love is kind, love never fails.

#10 Juliet

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Posted 12 June 2008 - 02:25 AM

Hello theguy,
I know I won't get back with my ex boyfriend, we live too far from each other and we're no longer in touch, so I don't have foolish hopes about him :)
Thank you very much for your reply.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
i do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

Sylvia Plath


#11 theguy

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Posted 12 June 2008 - 07:24 PM

Hey Juliet, are you on any meds? Just curious. I have started paxil.
The Guy. - Love is patient, love is kind, love never fails.

#12 Elena

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Posted 13 June 2008 - 08:50 AM

Oh Juliet,

sometimes I start thinking that if I die nobody will notice it except my parents. I'm 100% sure that my groupmates will start thinking 'Where is Helen? Haven't seen her for ages' only about a month or two after it. No, I don't have suicidal thoughts, but I'm afraid of the fact that I'm really invisible. Sure I communicate with people wherever I'm, but I have nobody who will care about me except my mum and dad. And it's so terrible...
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

© Mahatma Gandhi

#13 Juliet

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Posted 13 June 2008 - 08:58 AM

@ theguy: No, I'm not on meds. I've never been to a psychiatrist and never started a therapy. i don't know if I'm actually ill.
@ Elena: I know how you feel. *hugs*

Dying
Is an art, like everything else
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
i do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

Sylvia Plath


#14 KevinMF

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Posted 14 June 2008 - 05:15 AM

sounds like you just came off a bad breakup and these feelings are normal

time will heal, you'll find someone new, and you'll look back and wonder why it ever got to you so much

#15 cookielynn

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Posted 14 June 2008 - 09:05 AM

Hey Juliet,

I'm new at this forum too, and like everyone else has said, I can really relate to what you're going through. I don't really have any close friends anymore either. I did when I was in high school, but I moved away and have lost touch with everyone. I know that it is so hard to go through every day and feel like you have no one to talk to. Every day I find myself wishing that I had a best friend or someone that I could call up just to hang out and talk. With losing your boyfriend and your grandfather, and your troubles at home, it is no wonder you are feeling the way you do!

You mentioned that you don't feel comfortable talking to your mom about how you're feeling. I know exactly how that feels. It took me a very long time to work up the courage to finally tell my mom that I thought I was depressed. I was so terrified of how she would react. It can be very difficult to open up to someone like that, even if you know that person loves you. But I have to say, talking to my mom was the best thing I could have done. She was pretty understanding and helped get me to a doctor. I'm sure that your mother would want to know how you're feeling and would gladly try to get you some help, especially since you said she is upset that your father is unwilling to get help for his problems. Also, maybe by speaking up about how you're feeling, you will encourage your father to do the same.

My advice is to try and talk with someone about how you're feeling, whether it's your mom or a doctor or anyone else that you think might be able to help you. Just talking about it may help you to feel a little better.

I hope everything works out for you. We are all here for you. :hearts:

#16 Lazymuslim

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Posted 17 September 2011 - 01:08 AM

Hi Juliet,

First thing I would like to say not only to you, but to all the youngsters out there, who are suffering due to some problems in their lives that, yes your life is not a bed of roses, yes you have people around you with no warmth, but believe me, believe me and believe me it will all pass and vanish. Things will change for good and you will all have a great life out there. I am not just saying it, I know it for sure. See, there are a lot of things in the world which people by their experience keep telling us but it just seems to not very helpful. For example our elders in Islam had this saying " forget about the word "ME"" and you will be motivated in life. But it really never motivated me because I just knew the literal meaning, but in reality it is the gem of success and motivation when I really saw a man use it in his life to be so successful. Similarly if I say that bad times do pass by, then believe me they will. I was bullied by 90% of the class. They use to poke sharpened pencil in my fat cheeks and I would just cry. Never had a friend for sooo many years. Used to have lunch alone watching people playing with friends. This made me horrible in studies and everything became much more worse. But I loved Allah and always had this believe that he will make my future bright and this dog will also have its day :P. Things changed slowly but definitely and all those pity matters I would cry for back in my old days, such as bad friends and bad results etc seemed so stupid. I am a university graduate now, with tons of confidence thanks to "forget about the word ME" :) and have 100s of friends who care but I don't, because I have my family as the best of my friends.
First thing find love in your family (Mom) because even if you have a 1000 caring frnds or a boyfrnd, nothing compared to family believe me. They will in spite of anything, be your good wishers. Talk to her about that, may be even talk to your father, if he is a human being he will understand and may take some responsibility. I know bad father can make life horrible but, it wasn't your mistake, so move on forget and make your life beautiful with whatever you have. Fighting out a situation with patience brings out the best of characters.
Second - When you all will grow up, things like failing in a course, not having friends and bullied etc will all seem stupid to cry for. It really doesn't matter. A person gains respect by what he excels at, then everyone seem to recognize his importance. So find out your interests, make a long term goals and a short term goal
Divide your everyday in 4 parts
1) take some time out for the job you love and step up on the short term goals
2) Spend time with your family, either ask your mom to accompany you or you help her in her work talking about her life and day. Leisure time
3) Ponder over the reason you were sent on earth, Know your lord, don't just follow beliefs laid on you. Believe me this is the most important point because most rich and seemingly happy people are depressed from inside as they know not what they are made for.
4) Pray saying " Whoever created me must surely be having the power to listen to me, so help me find the right path, make my life peaceful and bless me by your mercy" just a general prayer.

Never be sad and think about suicide because suicide doesn't end things, it makes it much worse.
Second, this life is a great experience, learn from it and use this resource in the best possible way because this life which offers ordinary food, ordinary happiness and ordinary anything is definitely not the final abode.

May Allah bless you
Amen







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