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Persephone78

I Just Don't Want To Go Outside!

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Posted

I am going somewhere today with a woman from my church and it is half an hour before she is supposed to show up and I am in complete panic. I don't want to go outside again; I went out this morning and had to socialize and I was teary the whole time. I don't understand; I knew about this event a week ago and was all ready to go but now my stomach is in knots and I am trying so hard to not start crying again.

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Posted

Persephone, are you going somewhere with a lot of people? Is this someone who knows what you're going through?

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Posted

Persephone, are you going somewhere with a lot of people? Is this someone who knows what you're going through?

Yes to both. I would love to cancel, I really want to cancel but I promised I would go.

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Posted

I am going somewhere today with a woman from my church and it is half an hour before she is supposed to show up and I am in complete panic. I don't want to go outside again; I went out this morning and had to socialize and I was teary the whole time. I don't understand; I knew about this event a week ago and was all ready to go but now my stomach is in knots and I am trying so hard to not start crying again.

Is there a reson that you don't want to go, or even go outside? I know that for 9 years I never went out my door. Made my husband take my kids everywhere, drs. appointments and everything. It has just been the last 2 years that i really go anywhere but I think that my husband hates it, because he can't control me now. I am still very leary about where I go and if I get queasy I don't go or I physically get sick. Do it in babysteps and with no one around thats how I tackled the world of outdoors.

Jorie

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Posted

I agree. Anxiety can make you a prisoner in your own home, and no one needs to live like that. I know that when I started meds, I didn't even want to stand on my porch, but I made myself do it as I just couldn't let this illness win!

I wonder how the day went. I know lots of times, we tend to build outings up into scary things, but that's part of the illness. It's easy to listen to the negative messages we tell ourselves and believe them! Working on replacing them with positive thoughts might help. I know when I get to wherever I'm going, I'm fine. It's an uphill battle. Fight the thoughts!!

Love, Jackie

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Posted (edited)

Is there a reson that you don't want to go, or even go outside?

I can narrow it down to two reasons:

1. I am terrified of being assaulted again.

2. I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, and depression is viewed as something that someone chooses to experience and can be easily "cured" by thinking positive and staying busy. So I have spent the better part of a decade forcing myself to "look at the bright side" and pretending to be happy instead of admitting that I am in pain and I am at the point right now that it is mentally, physically and spiritually impossible to do that right now. I never grieved and now I am paying for it. I have forced myself to go out for years and now I am at the breaking point. Whenever I go out, I put on that ******* happy mask so people will stop coming up to me and do the same thing that they always do:

Their question: "What's wrong with you?"

My answer: "I am feeling down./I am not feeling well."

Their responses: "Cheer up/Pray harder/God is testing you/You need to have more faith/You have no reason to be unhappy/You are a superwoman; you can't get depressed, you have to be happy/There are people with worse problems than/etc."

It happens every time I go out and I can't deal with it anymore!

Edited by Persephone78

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Posted

Is there a reson that you don't want to go, or even go outside?

I can narrow it down to two reasons:

1. I am terrified of being assaulted again.

2. I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, and depression is viewed as something that someone chooses to experience and can be easily "cured" by thinking positive and staying busy. So I have spent the better part of a decade forcing myself to "look at the bright side" and pretending to be happy instead of admitting that I am in pain and I am at the point right now that it is mentally, physically and spiritually impossible to do that right now. I never grieved and now I am paying for it. I have forced myself to go out for years and now I am at the breaking point. Whenever I go out, I put on that ******* happy mask so people will stop coming up to me and do the same thing that they always do:

Their question: "What's wrong with you?"

My answer: "I am feeling down./I am not feeling well."

Their responses: "Cheer up/Pray harder/God is testing you/You need to have more faith/You have no reason to be unhappy/You are a superwoman; you can't get depressed, you have to be happy/There are people with worse problems than/etc."

It happens every time I go out and I can't deal with it anymore!

I can relate to "thinking positive and staying busy". that is what i have been doing for the past 10 years since I parted from my husband. I have moved four times and have had 6 jobs and finally started up a new business which has kept me extremely busy but has not resolved the depression issue that i didn't realise i had. i always espouse being positive and everyone has only ever seen me as a positive person but don't know how i am feeling inside. i don't even recognise it myself. the mind is so confusing and all we really want is to feel happy. i hope it all works for you and the fact that other people go through it too may help

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