Living In The Past
Posted 23 November 2007 - 10:42 AM
I know that I need to like now but I don' t know how and I need to stop torturing myself by looking up things from the past or thinking about something. Everything's a reminder though, even seeing a film on TV will remind me that I liked my life a whole lot more the last time that film was on TV.
Posted 23 November 2007 - 10:47 AM
Posted 23 November 2007 - 11:14 AM
I'd like to be 19 again as that was the best year of my life that I've ever had. It's been 40 years, so I can only recall it with frond memories and not wish I could relive 19 over. There's been ups and downs over the years, yet I keep going on hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.
If you need help to get out of the way you feel, it is always available for the asking.
Try to stop thinking about the past and start moving forward with your life. Just take baby steps and you can get there.
God will give you no more than you can handle. This is all a test to see if you are really ready for the good things that are going to come your way. All this pain is going to come back and make me stronger.-Clarence Clemmons 1942-2011
Everything I know, I know because I love. Leo Tolstoy War and Peace
Posted 23 November 2007 - 11:20 AM
Given it a bit of thought over the years and come to the conclusion that it's just a fear of change. Even if I was living back a few years ago I'd probably long for more previous times and so on. I've found that having things which represent the past near me helps. But I try to incorporate them into the now, so that then I may embrace the present in a positive way. When you're in that state of longing ask yourself "What do I want from that time that is lacking in me today". The answer isn't always obvious.
There's a romanticism in the past, this mystique if you can call it that. It's somewhere between reality (now) and memory (past). When you're remembering something, even if it's what you did 10 mins ago your mind is in a nice dream like state. You know you're thinking about it, but somehow it's still mysterious. We tend to crave mystery cause it lends itself to possibility. For example often the build up to an event can be more exciting than the actual event. Our perception of how it will be is quite special to us. Human memory is very good, but our recall is pretty hopeless. Maybe this is why remembering the past is so addictive, it's kinda shrouded in mystique thanks to our dodgy recall.
I find having things around me which represent the past subdues the longing. I have access to those memories through sentimental things and let it kinda permeate the now. It is possible to draw from the past without actually living in it. So I ask myself what am I lacking now that I had then - and work out how to achieve it. Usually it's going back to 'possibilities' - growing up and the 'becoming' phase of life. To solve that I give myself a project, to help feed the want of the 'becoming' phase. I lean towards that this can only be a positive thing because you're constantly learning.
Sheesh, I totally went off on a rant there, hope it makes sense.
Until I can wrap them around you
You can make a sad song happy
and a bad world good
I can feel you out there moving. - Captain Beefheart.
To question is to quest on. - Some wise dude.
Posted 23 November 2007 - 11:48 AM
So for the here and now, I make daily goals, things I can do to improve my situation TODAY. When I accomplish those small goals I feel better about things. Then I can move onto other goals, things I would like to accomplish in the next month or so. These may take some harder work and dedication, so sometimes I tend to slack off on them a little more. (something I need to work on).
I guess my point is, you can not change what is done, focus on the things you CAN change today. Something as simple as doing a load of laundry, or vacuuming your floors. Give yourself that little push, and the bigger things will get easier in time.
Thinking of you and am looking forward to FUTURE posts from you.
Posted 24 November 2007 - 10:29 AM
I used to think that way too. I can remember a time when I was surrounded by friends and unburdened by responsibilities. I think we all have a pre-depression state we'd like to return to, but we have to accept that we can't do that. We have to believe that there's a post-depression state that will be just as sweet. I try to keep myself busy with present-day concerns and goals. Some of those are for my recovery and others are career-related or hobby-related. Try to keep busy as much as possible. There are happier times ahead for you - don't give up hope.
Posted 13 July 2010 - 11:53 AM
oh believe me, i know how it sucks to be stuck in the past.
i was repeatedly molested by a boy throughout elementary school, almost raped by that same boy in high school molested by my grandfather when i was 15 then & suffered horrible abuse in 2 relationships when i was 19, ending up pregnant at the end of the 2nd one. the abuse continued after the baby was born while he was trying to make me get back together with him so that we could "be a family". i repeatedly told him it was over forever and was beaten & raped every time. during one visit i was beaten & raped for saying that i'd never be with him again even if he was the last man on earth. to this day if my current bf comes up behind me i'll get startled. he tries so hard to be gentle with me & show me that love isn't supposed to "hurt".
i'm almost 30 now & am still having issues with the memories of those abusive relationships.
i try to focus on the good things i've got goin' for me now & sometimes it helps.
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