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Why Doesn't Anyone Want Me?


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#1 maymie

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Posted 03 October 2007 - 07:55 PM

I'm 22 years old and I feel so alone. I feel completely and utterally alone. Why doesn't anyone want me? I have no significant other which is fine but at the same time I'd like one. My friends treat me like crap and my family and I hardly ever speak. My cousins have families of their own and are busy. My mom hardly tries with me. She says whats the point its not going to cure you. My stepsister leaves for Iraq soon and could care less if she says goodby to me or not. So my question is why doesn't anyone want me. I feel so alone. I have wished for so many things lately and none good. I'm frustrated. I just don't understand why no one wants me. I hear people say God doesn't make mistakes and everyone has a purpose but what if I'm a mistake. What if there is no purpose for me? I'm completely alone and I have no idea what to do. people tell me not to use the internet for support and that I need face to face support but how in world am I suppose to get support when my family and friends think I need to just tell myself to feel better. Thats their view. Just look in the mirror and tell yourself to feel better. I've tried. Believe me I've tried. But yet here I am still screwed up and alone. I just wish I wasn't so alone. I wish someone wanted me. :hearts:

#2 NorthernLight

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Posted 03 October 2007 - 08:10 PM

I know how you feel. I feel that way most of the time, like I'm alone in this world and no one would notice if I were gone. Your friends and family do love you, I always feel like someone needs to want to be with me or want to talk to me to validate their affection for me. Sometimes you just have to take that first step. YOU call them, YOU ask them to go to dinner, YOU ask them to watch a movie. If they don't want to hang with you, its THEIR loss.
Everything Will Be OK In The End, If Its Not OK Its Not The End.

#3 maymie

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Posted 03 October 2007 - 08:14 PM

thanks northernlights...I'm just down right now. I haven't spoken to any of my friends in about 2 weeks. They do treat me like crap. They only want me around when its easy for them. So yeah my friends aren't good to me at all.

#4 NorthernLight

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Posted 03 October 2007 - 08:19 PM

thanks northernlights...I'm just down right now. I haven't spoken to any of my friends in about 2 weeks. They do treat me like crap. They only want me around when its easy for them. So yeah my friends aren't good to me at all.



I know how you feel. It feels like I'm always asking my friends if they want to go out and they say they are too tired then the next day I hear they went out. That and I would have any of my friends backs, day or night and I don't know if they'd do the same for me. Its hard sometimes to just chalk some "friendships" up to a loss.
Everything Will Be OK In The End, If Its Not OK Its Not The End.

#5 gentle sun

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Posted 03 October 2007 - 09:14 PM

Maymie,

(((((Hugs)))))- Aw, Im so sorry to hear you feeling like that. I have felt that way before too. But you know what, s.... them!!! If you like you, thats all that counts. Sounds like you do need some support and people to talk to. You are always welcome here. We try to help the best we can. Have you thought about a therapist? It helped me a lot to get to the bottom of things and I felt like I had a friend who really cared. Also, if you are depressed, its possible you need meds to get you out of it. Dont let it go on too long. Talk to your doctor and tell him how you are feeling, okay?

You were born, thats all you need to be worthwhile. One day when you get to feeling better, you will find someone right for you. Maybe you are not picky enough in picking your friends or b/fs? Keep in mind, you deserve to be treated well!!! And call the doc, okay? Life is too short to be miserable. Best to You - Gentle Sun :hearts:

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#6 Guest_shadowlesss_*

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Posted 03 October 2007 - 09:27 PM

you might go to the people on internet who know you. And in real life if you find its too hard to find a lot of friends to talk to, you can hold at least serveral of them at first.
i appreciate your post as well as your nice avatar.
feel open to talk to me.

#7 xian

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Posted 03 October 2007 - 09:54 PM

Maybe you can try to get to know more people? Do something else, join a club, have a hobby, then you will find people who has the same interested with you. I have got my better friends through a hobby.

There are many kind souls in this forum whom you can talk to when you need a listening ear. Don't worry~

#8 thinkchick

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Posted 03 October 2007 - 09:59 PM

The one thing I have come to understand is that depression causes isolation and isolation creates more depression.

Also, most people don't know how to deal with people who suffer from depression. Many will say that they've been depressed at times too and that you only need to "snap out of it". What they don't understand is that there is a difference between "being" depressed and "suffering" from depression. Snapping out of it is not an option.

Two weeks ago, I turned 46 and I had planned a small get-together (don't really have any friends since my divorce). A few days before I ended up with a major leak from my kitchen ceiling and the super could not find the problem. They removed part of my kitchen ceiling but the water kept leaking (they finally figured it out today - almost two weeks later). So I cancelled my dinner but I told one friend that I would like to go out after my daughter and I went out for dinner.

On the actual day of my birthday my daughter was at her dad's in the morning. This is such a difficult part of divorce and really makes the depression worse. I spent the day alone and other than one good friend who lives out-of-town, no one called me. Not even one family member. This was the first time ever that I did not receive any cards, gifts or a birthday cake. My ex did not even give our daughter any money to buy a small gift or card and she felt really, really bad about that. Anyway, my daughter was allowed to come visit for a few hours (bad timing with the custody schedule) and I took her out for supper and then we went bowling. I kept my mask on all the time.

After I dropped her off at her dad's I went back home and called my friend. He was not home. He called two days later and left a message saying he was sorry but he ended up going to help a friend who just opened a restaurant. He then said he went out much later in the evening and got drunk!

I have known this person for 15 years. He knows of my struggles with depression and my divorce. I know he finds me annoying more often than not. I usually ignore it but this time I decided that what he did was just plain mean. As my signature says, true friends are those that are willing to stand beside you in whatever s**t you are standing in.

He has called several times since then and I have not answered his calls. His recent messages express his concerns for my well-being. I don't want to play games and I certainly don't want him thinking that I have taken a "bad" turn so I sent him an email today telling him how he made me feel. I was as honest and authentic as I could be.

You are young and I know how difficult it is to feel the way you do at that age. You should be surrounded by friends who appreciate and understand you. I know it will be hard for you to do this but I urge you to take the time to take inventory of the things that truly make you happy - be it activities, hobbies or anything else. Then force yourself to look for ways to connect with people who have the same interests. If you start by adding a few minutes of happiness in your life surrounded by people who feel happy about the same thing, it will make a difference.

Don't expect your family to give you things that they can't. Compassion may come to them later on but for now, just understand that they simply don't know how to respond to your depression. Just as you don't understand how to respond to it yourself.

It is a vicious circle, a catch-22. The black cloud arrives and you want to retreat. The more you retreat, the more people stay away. The more people stay away, the more you retreat. You have to understand this cycle if you are ever going to have a chance to help yourself. Because in the end, you are the only one who can help yourself handle this. It won't happen overnight, and you will most probably never be the person that you wish you could be. But you can choose to stay in the dark most of the time or you can choose to stay in the dark only some of the time.

That is truly in your control.

You haven't found the people who want you yet and they can't find you if you hide. Trust me, they exist.

Big hug.
TC
True friends are those that willingly stand beside you no matter how much s**t you are standing in.

#9 jollyrancherisyum

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Posted 03 October 2007 - 10:16 PM

I don't see how that is fair, TC. My family is the same way. Because they don't understand, that gives them a free ticket to do whatever they want? Actions have consequences. These people are supposed to be parents, friends, family, lovers... they are supposed to be there, depression or not. And they are not there. I try to tell my friends and family what is going on with me, and do you think that makes any difference at all? They have no tolerance what-so-ever. I could tell them ways to avoid making me depressed and then they will just go and do those things completely ignoring what I told them. If an argument breaks out, its my fault for not being clear enough?

No. That's not good enough. :hearts:


It is completely unacceptable. If you were a teacher, You would not accept such behavior from a student in your class. I will not accept such infantile behavior from my family. I won't let them bring me down. I won't let the circumstance catch my neck like a noose. I wont. I wont. I wont. I wont. I WONT!!! :shocked:


*takes a deep breath and counts to 10* :bump: Sorry, I guess I kind of hijacked this thread... but you sound exactly like I do, maymie. All I feel compelled to say is... that it is your life. Don't let ANYONE tell you, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, how to live YOUR life. If going online and talking to people makes you feel better, then do what makes you feel better. :shocked:

*important* MAKING PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE WEAK OR STUPID BECAUSE OF LACK OF UNDERSTANDING IS DOMESTIC ABUSE.

"It takes more courage to suffer than to die."
"The strong man is the one who is able to intercept at will the communication between the senses and the mind."
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#10 Lupara

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Posted 04 October 2007 - 12:00 AM

I hear ya maymie , and as always its terribly common. I can relate to you , ya see, sometimes people can be extremely selfish and because of that they are not willing to help people out in their darkest hours...now what I can tell you is that sometimes friends or associates arent what they're made out to be...and the ultimate testament of true loyalty and/or friendship is during hard times............and let me tell ya......this past year I had REALLY figured out which of my supposed friends were frauds and cheats, and the people who I resented at times who were my real friends....

Just keeping moving forward and looking for new opportunities, cuz if we stop it hurts alot more...
I want something good to die for. To make it beautiful to live.

#11 terrifictuesdays47

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Posted 04 October 2007 - 02:38 AM

We do want you here and keep searching, there are many people in this world, including wonderful ones, but yes, they are very hard to find. Family really bites sometimes and that's who many really want to feel wanted from the most or at least by anybody. Praying for you.

#12 dragonchan

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Posted 04 October 2007 - 03:03 AM

If you have something to offer, then people will want you, whether what you can offer is something deep like a close friendship, or something more simple like someone to chat to. I believe that everyone has something to offer that another would want, so no-one should be left out. The difficulty is not only finding those people, but finding ones that truly appreciate what you give them, those people that would go the extra edge to make you feel better, because they want you to.

If your friends and family are telling you to just "tell yourself to feel better", then they simply don't understand how you feel, and they don't understand depression. If you're anything like me, saying things like that does nothing because you know you are lying to yourself when you say "I feel better".

The internet is a great resource, there's no problem with using it for support, just as there is no problem with using it do research for an assignment. Places like DP are made especially for people to get some extra help if they need it.

I kinda know how you feel, since my family is pretty much dysfunctional and nobody really talks (unless arguing and shouting counts). My friends I don't see very much, they're usually busy with they're own lives. Often when I do hang out with them I feel sorta left out as well.
Call me Kai =P

#13 thinkchick

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Posted 04 October 2007 - 11:22 AM

I don't see how that is fair, TC. My family is the same way. Because they don't understand, that gives them a free ticket to do whatever they want?.


jollyrancherisyum,

I didn't say it was fair. On paper, family members should always be there for you but the sad reality is that is often not the case. My experience with my own family has been that no amount of trying to explain what I was going through was going to make a difference. They simply were not ready to hear it or be compassionate about it. And, they still aren't. I also believe that no matter how well I become, they will always see me the way they believe I am. My family may eventually come around but, for now, I have stopped working myself up about it.

Putting my energy in trying to make them understand is a waste of my energy and we all know that with depression there is often very little energy. So I choose to put my energy in looking for people who do understand. That fulfills my need for feeling that people care.

I have only three people in my life that are true friends. None of them live anywhere near me but I still cherish their friendships and every time I feel like no one cares, I look at their pictures or think about recent conversations with them and I acknowledge that there are people who care.

This is an excerpt from a book I have just read:

"Depression is flat, hollow and unendurable. It is also tiresome. People cannot abide being around you when you are depressed. They might think that they ought to, and they might even try, but you know and they know that you are tedious beyond belief: You are irritable and paranoid and humorless and lifeless and critical and demanding and no reassurance is ever enough. You're frightened, and you're frightening, and you're "not at all like yourself but will be soon," but you know you won't."


My experience has been that a good step in coming to grips with depression is understanding how you come off to people. Unfortunately, some people are simply not equipped to deal with you. You must become conscious of this and let it go.

I know I have a different approach than many on this and I don't for a second want to antagonize anyone. I simply want to share my experiences because the last year has been life-changing for me and it has also been the most difficult. I have come to understand one very important thing. Depression has two sides to it - the biological and the emotional.

The biological side cannot be cured. It creates havoc with our emotions but it does not control them. I am not saying that you can "snap out of it" - I get really riled up when anyone tells me that - but you can become aware of your emotions and your reactions. And you are 100% in control of your reactions.

I believe that every little bit of consciousness that we put into ourselves will help make our periods of light longer and better.

TC
True friends are those that willingly stand beside you no matter how much s**t you are standing in.

#14 christalonely

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Posted 04 October 2007 - 12:51 PM

I often think that nobody wants me or Im going to be alone forever. At one time all I used to do was cry and think about how lonely I am. The only thing that has helped me was the medication. Since the meds, I hardly care about my loneiness..it's is the biggest postive from me starting Zoloft thus far.

- Christa Lynn





If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always gotten.


#15 teripec

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Posted 04 October 2007 - 01:50 PM

I'm 22 years old and I feel so alone. I feel completely and utterally alone. Why doesn't anyone want me? I have no significant other which is fine but at the same time I'd like one. My friends treat me like crap and my family and I hardly ever speak. My cousins have families of their own and are busy. My mom hardly tries with me. She says whats the point its not going to cure you. My stepsister leaves for Iraq soon and could care less if she says goodby to me or not. So my question is why doesn't anyone want me. I feel so alone. I have wished for so many things lately and none good. I'm frustrated. I just don't understand why no one wants me. I hear people say God doesn't make mistakes and everyone has a purpose but what if I'm a mistake. What if there is no purpose for me? I'm completely alone and I have no idea what to do. people tell me not to use the internet for support and that I need face to face support but how in world am I suppose to get support when my family and friends think I need to just tell myself to feel better. Thats their view. Just look in the mirror and tell yourself to feel better. I've tried. Believe me I've tried. But yet here I am still screwed up and alone. I just wish I wasn't so alone. I wish someone wanted me. :hearts:

maymie you have to want yourself. our bodies are energy and if we feel sad and depressed, unwanted or angry, people around us feel it and it works like two opposite polar of magnets, you just want to stay away and not get close. you gotta admit at sometime in your life you walked in a room and someone was so happy and laughing and the whole rooms energy was flowing in such positive energy. i know i tend to push people away because i don't want to pull people down with me, but when i really need people, when i am at a all time low there is no one. i know you can't just say to yourself... oh i am fine , i won't be depressed. if it were that simple we would not need doctors or medications. there are meds out there that can help you. sometimes its a long process trying to find the right one, but when you do, you'll be able to allow people into your life and you won't feel so alone. i found in life if someone see's a person with a broken leg, they are full of empathy, but someone with a chemical imbalance as depression it is not seen and here comes the stigma's. the stigma's alone can drive you into your home never wanting to emerge. i am very sure your mother loves you, she just can't handle you. don't fault her, i bet if there was a miracle cure, she would be the first in line to make her daughter well and happy. find somethings you like to do, excel for you and become proud of your self and your self worth will shine and you will have more friends than you can handle. remember there is pet therapy too, a dog or such give undemanding love and are very forgiving for the days that you can't return thier love. i hope all works out for you, god bless

#16 theguyecho

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Posted 25 November 2007 - 01:49 AM

Hey man I know how you feel,I'm 19 and never had a girlfriend and I don't have any friends. My life is so empty. I've spent to much time in isolation. I sit around all day with racing thoughts in my mind always asking myself why doesn't anyone want me, and why am i so alone. I don't acomplish anything I just feel bad all the time. I've tried to have friends but it seems no one likes me. I'm a good person I don't know why i deserve this? I'm seeing therapy now. I hope things get better for and better for you as well.
Dan

#17 SoulSurvivor

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Posted 25 November 2007 - 02:26 AM

i know how you feel...
my whole family is depressed and disfunctional
and for years we all sat around the table drinking bourbon
but no one talked about what was really going on

I have one friend -the only one who ever calls to check in with me
or to spend an afternoon, however it's never consistant
days and days can go by without contact from anyone

i had to get away from the people who I thought were "friends"
as i realized they were toxic and they resented me for being depressed
it was too stressful and exhausting to interact with them
and I couldn't feel good about myself
Always forgive your enemies....nothing annoys them so much....
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Oscar Wilde

#18 Ajumbledmess

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Posted 25 November 2007 - 02:58 AM

I have been though the "toxic" friends thing. All I can say is the best thing I did was break all ties. I hope that this helps

Posted ImageAjumbledmessPosted Image

"Sometimes we need to hurt in order to grow we must fail in order to know we must lose in order to gain some lessons are learned best through pain."







#19 deadly01

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Posted 25 November 2007 - 07:11 PM

if ur friends dnt respect u then there not real freinds. i do think u shud try with them for abit and if they really do continue to treat u like crap then get new friends! i know u'll porbably think its not that easy but it actually is u only have to make a tiny connection with sumone wetehr its a work, school or from a hobbie or interest. u cud try volunteering for things u wudnt meet nicer ppl than those who devote their time in helpin others. abt ur family - i use to be a daddys girl but now i hate his guts cant stand bein in the same room as him, we dnt talk anymore. as for my mum use to hate her we'd fight abt every little thing. my brothers god uthink sisters r bad well id get attacked by them all the time. now yrs later me n my mum can get on like best friends and still have arguments. my brotehrs we all take the pi** out of each other and make fun of each otehr but we laugh abt it we get on gr8. things change ppl change. ur family dnt define u. its not that no one wants u its just the ppl around u dnt know how to appreciate u so go out their and stop worrying abt those who dnt wory abt u. mite seem harsh cos there ur family but in reality only u have the power to change wats goin on around u.




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