Why Doesn't Anyone Want Me?
Posted 03 October 2007 - 07:55 PM
Posted 03 October 2007 - 08:10 PM
Posted 03 October 2007 - 08:19 PM
thanks northernlights...I'm just down right now. I haven't spoken to any of my friends in about 2 weeks. They do treat me like crap. They only want me around when its easy for them. So yeah my friends aren't good to me at all.
I know how you feel. It feels like I'm always asking my friends if they want to go out and they say they are too tired then the next day I hear they went out. That and I would have any of my friends backs, day or night and I don't know if they'd do the same for me. Its hard sometimes to just chalk some "friendships" up to a loss.
Posted 03 October 2007 - 09:14 PM
(((((Hugs)))))- Aw, Im so sorry to hear you feeling like that. I have felt that way before too. But you know what, s.... them!!! If you like you, thats all that counts. Sounds like you do need some support and people to talk to. You are always welcome here. We try to help the best we can. Have you thought about a therapist? It helped me a lot to get to the bottom of things and I felt like I had a friend who really cared. Also, if you are depressed, its possible you need meds to get you out of it. Dont let it go on too long. Talk to your doctor and tell him how you are feeling, okay?
You were born, thats all you need to be worthwhile. One day when you get to feeling better, you will find someone right for you. Maybe you are not picky enough in picking your friends or b/fs? Keep in mind, you deserve to be treated well!!! And call the doc, okay? Life is too short to be miserable. Best to You - Gentle Sun
"What do I need to do right now to take good care of myself?"
Posted 03 October 2007 - 09:27 PM
i appreciate your post as well as your nice avatar.
feel open to talk to me.
Posted 03 October 2007 - 09:54 PM
There are many kind souls in this forum whom you can talk to when you need a listening ear. Don't worry~
Posted 03 October 2007 - 09:59 PM
Also, most people don't know how to deal with people who suffer from depression. Many will say that they've been depressed at times too and that you only need to "snap out of it". What they don't understand is that there is a difference between "being" depressed and "suffering" from depression. Snapping out of it is not an option.
Two weeks ago, I turned 46 and I had planned a small get-together (don't really have any friends since my divorce). A few days before I ended up with a major leak from my kitchen ceiling and the super could not find the problem. They removed part of my kitchen ceiling but the water kept leaking (they finally figured it out today - almost two weeks later). So I cancelled my dinner but I told one friend that I would like to go out after my daughter and I went out for dinner.
On the actual day of my birthday my daughter was at her dad's in the morning. This is such a difficult part of divorce and really makes the depression worse. I spent the day alone and other than one good friend who lives out-of-town, no one called me. Not even one family member. This was the first time ever that I did not receive any cards, gifts or a birthday cake. My ex did not even give our daughter any money to buy a small gift or card and she felt really, really bad about that. Anyway, my daughter was allowed to come visit for a few hours (bad timing with the custody schedule) and I took her out for supper and then we went bowling. I kept my mask on all the time.
After I dropped her off at her dad's I went back home and called my friend. He was not home. He called two days later and left a message saying he was sorry but he ended up going to help a friend who just opened a restaurant. He then said he went out much later in the evening and got drunk!
I have known this person for 15 years. He knows of my struggles with depression and my divorce. I know he finds me annoying more often than not. I usually ignore it but this time I decided that what he did was just plain mean. As my signature says, true friends are those that are willing to stand beside you in whatever s**t you are standing in.
He has called several times since then and I have not answered his calls. His recent messages express his concerns for my well-being. I don't want to play games and I certainly don't want him thinking that I have taken a "bad" turn so I sent him an email today telling him how he made me feel. I was as honest and authentic as I could be.
You are young and I know how difficult it is to feel the way you do at that age. You should be surrounded by friends who appreciate and understand you. I know it will be hard for you to do this but I urge you to take the time to take inventory of the things that truly make you happy - be it activities, hobbies or anything else. Then force yourself to look for ways to connect with people who have the same interests. If you start by adding a few minutes of happiness in your life surrounded by people who feel happy about the same thing, it will make a difference.
Don't expect your family to give you things that they can't. Compassion may come to them later on but for now, just understand that they simply don't know how to respond to your depression. Just as you don't understand how to respond to it yourself.
It is a vicious circle, a catch-22. The black cloud arrives and you want to retreat. The more you retreat, the more people stay away. The more people stay away, the more you retreat. You have to understand this cycle if you are ever going to have a chance to help yourself. Because in the end, you are the only one who can help yourself handle this. It won't happen overnight, and you will most probably never be the person that you wish you could be. But you can choose to stay in the dark most of the time or you can choose to stay in the dark only some of the time.
That is truly in your control.
You haven't found the people who want you yet and they can't find you if you hide. Trust me, they exist.
Posted 03 October 2007 - 10:16 PM
No. That's not good enough.
It is completely unacceptable. If you were a teacher, You would not accept such behavior from a student in your class. I will not accept such infantile behavior from my family. I won't let them bring me down. I won't let the circumstance catch my neck like a noose. I wont. I wont. I wont. I wont. I WONT!!!
*takes a deep breath and counts to 10* Sorry, I guess I kind of hijacked this thread... but you sound exactly like I do, maymie. All I feel compelled to say is... that it is your life. Don't let ANYONE tell you, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, how to live YOUR life. If going online and talking to people makes you feel better, then do what makes you feel better.
*important* MAKING PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE WEAK OR STUPID BECAUSE OF LACK OF UNDERSTANDING IS DOMESTIC ABUSE.
"It takes more courage to suffer than to die."
"The strong man is the one who is able to intercept at will the communication between the senses and the mind."
Emperor Napoleon I
Posted 04 October 2007 - 12:00 AM
Just keeping moving forward and looking for new opportunities, cuz if we stop it hurts alot more...
Posted 04 October 2007 - 02:38 AM
Posted 04 October 2007 - 03:03 AM
If your friends and family are telling you to just "tell yourself to feel better", then they simply don't understand how you feel, and they don't understand depression. If you're anything like me, saying things like that does nothing because you know you are lying to yourself when you say "I feel better".
The internet is a great resource, there's no problem with using it for support, just as there is no problem with using it do research for an assignment. Places like DP are made especially for people to get some extra help if they need it.
I kinda know how you feel, since my family is pretty much dysfunctional and nobody really talks (unless arguing and shouting counts). My friends I don't see very much, they're usually busy with they're own lives. Often when I do hang out with them I feel sorta left out as well.
Posted 04 October 2007 - 11:22 AM
I don't see how that is fair, TC. My family is the same way. Because they don't understand, that gives them a free ticket to do whatever they want?.
I didn't say it was fair. On paper, family members should always be there for you but the sad reality is that is often not the case. My experience with my own family has been that no amount of trying to explain what I was going through was going to make a difference. They simply were not ready to hear it or be compassionate about it. And, they still aren't. I also believe that no matter how well I become, they will always see me the way they believe I am. My family may eventually come around but, for now, I have stopped working myself up about it.
Putting my energy in trying to make them understand is a waste of my energy and we all know that with depression there is often very little energy. So I choose to put my energy in looking for people who do understand. That fulfills my need for feeling that people care.
I have only three people in my life that are true friends. None of them live anywhere near me but I still cherish their friendships and every time I feel like no one cares, I look at their pictures or think about recent conversations with them and I acknowledge that there are people who care.
This is an excerpt from a book I have just read:
"Depression is flat, hollow and unendurable. It is also tiresome. People cannot abide being around you when you are depressed. They might think that they ought to, and they might even try, but you know and they know that you are tedious beyond belief: You are irritable and paranoid and humorless and lifeless and critical and demanding and no reassurance is ever enough. You're frightened, and you're frightening, and you're "not at all like yourself but will be soon," but you know you won't."
My experience has been that a good step in coming to grips with depression is understanding how you come off to people. Unfortunately, some people are simply not equipped to deal with you. You must become conscious of this and let it go.
I know I have a different approach than many on this and I don't for a second want to antagonize anyone. I simply want to share my experiences because the last year has been life-changing for me and it has also been the most difficult. I have come to understand one very important thing. Depression has two sides to it - the biological and the emotional.
The biological side cannot be cured. It creates havoc with our emotions but it does not control them. I am not saying that you can "snap out of it" - I get really riled up when anyone tells me that - but you can become aware of your emotions and your reactions. And you are 100% in control of your reactions.
I believe that every little bit of consciousness that we put into ourselves will help make our periods of light longer and better.
Posted 04 October 2007 - 12:51 PM
- Christa Lynn
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always gotten.
Posted 04 October 2007 - 01:50 PM
maymie you have to want yourself. our bodies are energy and if we feel sad and depressed, unwanted or angry, people around us feel it and it works like two opposite polar of magnets, you just want to stay away and not get close. you gotta admit at sometime in your life you walked in a room and someone was so happy and laughing and the whole rooms energy was flowing in such positive energy. i know i tend to push people away because i don't want to pull people down with me, but when i really need people, when i am at a all time low there is no one. i know you can't just say to yourself... oh i am fine , i won't be depressed. if it were that simple we would not need doctors or medications. there are meds out there that can help you. sometimes its a long process trying to find the right one, but when you do, you'll be able to allow people into your life and you won't feel so alone. i found in life if someone see's a person with a broken leg, they are full of empathy, but someone with a chemical imbalance as depression it is not seen and here comes the stigma's. the stigma's alone can drive you into your home never wanting to emerge. i am very sure your mother loves you, she just can't handle you. don't fault her, i bet if there was a miracle cure, she would be the first in line to make her daughter well and happy. find somethings you like to do, excel for you and become proud of your self and your self worth will shine and you will have more friends than you can handle. remember there is pet therapy too, a dog or such give undemanding love and are very forgiving for the days that you can't return thier love. i hope all works out for you, god bless
I'm 22 years old and I feel so alone. I feel completely and utterally alone. Why doesn't anyone want me? I have no significant other which is fine but at the same time I'd like one. My friends treat me like crap and my family and I hardly ever speak. My cousins have families of their own and are busy. My mom hardly tries with me. She says whats the point its not going to cure you. My stepsister leaves for Iraq soon and could care less if she says goodby to me or not. So my question is why doesn't anyone want me. I feel so alone. I have wished for so many things lately and none good. I'm frustrated. I just don't understand why no one wants me. I hear people say God doesn't make mistakes and everyone has a purpose but what if I'm a mistake. What if there is no purpose for me? I'm completely alone and I have no idea what to do. people tell me not to use the internet for support and that I need face to face support but how in world am I suppose to get support when my family and friends think I need to just tell myself to feel better. Thats their view. Just look in the mirror and tell yourself to feel better. I've tried. Believe me I've tried. But yet here I am still screwed up and alone. I just wish I wasn't so alone. I wish someone wanted me.
Posted 25 November 2007 - 01:49 AM
Posted 25 November 2007 - 02:26 AM
my whole family is depressed and disfunctional
and for years we all sat around the table drinking bourbon
but no one talked about what was really going on
I have one friend -the only one who ever calls to check in with me
or to spend an afternoon, however it's never consistant
days and days can go by without contact from anyone
i had to get away from the people who I thought were "friends"
as i realized they were toxic and they resented me for being depressed
it was too stressful and exhausting to interact with them
and I couldn't feel good about myself
Oh, hang on to your hopes, my friend…
That's an easy thing to say but if your hopes should pass away…
Simply pretend, that you can build them again
Posted 25 November 2007 - 02:58 AM
"Sometimes we need to hurt in order to grow we must fail in order to know we must lose in order to gain some lessons are learned best through pain."
Posted 25 November 2007 - 07:11 PM
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