Jump to content

Advertisement
  • No one should be alone in this. We can help.
If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.                                                                            If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Photo

Should I Tell My Boss?


  • Please log in to reply
28 replies to this topic

#1 RanDog

RanDog

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Location:California

Posted 21 August 2007 - 09:51 PM

My anxiety issues are really starting to affect my work. I have a hard time concentrating while I'm there and I'm not getting stuff done that I need to. I'm a manager for a major shipping company and I have 40 employees who count on me. I've been debating whether to tell my boss what I'm going through. I'm afraid it will ruined my career. Have any of you ever had to tell your boss and how did they take it?

#2 jojolala88

jojolala88

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 5 posts
  • Location:minnesota

Posted 21 August 2007 - 10:03 PM

I recently had to tell my direct supervisor and my boss that I was having a crisis because I needed to take time off from work to see my therapist and dr. It probably wasn't the smartest thing I ever did but I found out that if for some reason I might need to use the Americans with Disability Act, my employer has to first know there is a problem so they can make arrangements for me to keep my job. I am a nurse so I really expected a little warmer response than I received. Check out the ADA and how it might help protect your job.

#3 Jkm

Jkm

    Member

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12,591 posts
  • Location:Ohio

Posted 21 August 2007 - 11:18 PM

If you are going to have to take time off from work, the personal office will know what's going on. To qualify for FMLA, you have to work in a place that employees 100 people and have been there for a year. A doctor signs a form that states how long you will be off, and you will see the doc to have this updated, as needed. Your boss will be informed about this. Otherwise, it's confidential.

I guess it depends on how you think you're boss will react to this. I hinted to mine that I was stressed and having trouble dealing with all the paperwork and one employee in particular. He really didn't act surprised. I then told him I was having panic attacks. He acted surprised. About 2 days later, I saw my doc and she put me on FMLA that lasted for 6 weeks. This was long enough to get on meds and have them start to work, effectively.

Do you think if you told your boss that you were getting stressed out, he'd lighten up your work load?

Do you think you might be able to see a doc and get on meds and continue working?

Are you symptoms causing you so many problems, that you can't do your job, effectively?

When you return to work, the law states that they have to return you to a job that you can do. This means that they could hire another person or appoint someone to do your job and when you got back, give you another job. It doesn't mean that you will have the job that you left. I was not replaced and returned to my previous job. The people I worked with were plenty stressed when I got back and it was their relief that I came back, but the job was just the same, and eventually I got more clients, so in some ways, it got worse, lol! I stayed on meds so I could deal with the stress. I was glad I did. (Eventually, the agency went bankrupt, but that's another story.)

If I had hindsight, I would have gone to the doc lots sooner and got on meds and continued to work and saved myself 6 weeks of vacation time. You are allowed to use sick time, then vacation time so you can continue to have pay while off, at least that's how my agency handled it. Most of this information can be found in your employee policy manual. I know I signed up for AFLAC after all this happened, so if I got sick in the future, I'd have an income to fall back on.

Let us know how this goes for you. It is something that you really have to think about. My doc helped me decide what my best bet was for taking off time. She's a gem.

Love, Jackie
Posted Image

I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#4 Lucinda

Lucinda

    Silver Member

  • Silver Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 779 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:New England

Posted 22 August 2007 - 12:13 AM

RanDog,
Do you have any vacation time and are you seeing a therapist? Do you have meds? There is some great input from others in this string; but, I wouldn't tell your boss about your condition until you've spoken to your pdoc. Maybe you can take some time off to go see your doc and relax a few days, get some perspective. I just didn't have a good experience when I did this. I am also in the medical profession and you'd think that my director would be a little bit more understanding. I was way wrong. Please take care.
Lucinda
Tell whoso hath sorrow
Grief never shall last:
E'en as joy hath no morrow
So woe shall go past."
--Scheherazade

#5 OceanBreeze9721

OceanBreeze9721

    Community Assistant

  • DF Support
  • 1,717 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Pacific

Posted 22 August 2007 - 02:30 AM

Hi Randog,

I had a similar situation, I was a supervisor for a department, going through anxiety and depression. I couldn't concentrate on my work mostly due to personal issues at work plus I just had a baby. I have always had depression and anxiety but it got worse after my delivery.

I told my boss that I was going through depression, she took it well....I had just returned from maternity leave so I couldn't really take more leave. But I ended up taking more leave until I finally turned in my resignation. I wish I would have worked with my boss earlier so that I could have gotten the counseling earlier, but in a way it worked out because I am doing better now that I am a stay at home mom. But its never too late to do something about it.

Don't let your emotions be in control of you.  You be in control of your emotions.

When worry thoughts come up, ask if it is something that I can let go of.  Is it something I have to worry about or can I let it go.  Count backwards from ten and let it go.

To not feel awkward in social situations, act interested in others and it will ease some of the anxieties.

Breathe relax and regroup even if for a few seconds.

Balance down time with activities and exercise. Not too much sleep and not too much exercise.

Set realistic goals and check them once in a while.

Don't let only negative thoughts be the ones to focus on, focus on the good things, even if only a few.


#6 RanDog

RanDog

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Location:California

Posted 08 September 2007 - 10:43 PM

Well I decided to take a month off from work. I had four weeks of vacation left and I took them all. I'm planning on quitting my job and selling my house and moving. I already have another job waiting for me, I just have to get my house sold.

#7 Jkm

Jkm

    Member

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12,591 posts
  • Location:Ohio

Posted 10 September 2007 - 01:45 AM

I hope this works out for you. I know I was off for six weeks and went back to the same job, so that was easier than starting anew. It sounds like you are going to be facing more stress with all the newness and change. Let us know if there's any way we can help you, okay?

Jackie
Posted Image

I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#8 RanDog

RanDog

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Location:California

Posted 10 September 2007 - 01:43 PM

I know it sounds like I'm running away from my problems, but I spoke with my therapist about this and she was supporitive, so I think I'm doing the right thing. I just hate my job so much, I feel like a change is what I need.

#9 robert2000

robert2000

    Just Registered

  • Just Registered
  • 3 posts

Posted 10 September 2007 - 09:24 PM

When I first had depression I was working. Needless to say, I was under performing. Thinking that it would be over soon, I simply told my boss that I am having some personal issues, but they should be worked out soon. I never got to talk to my boss the truth and I in turn suffered for it. My boss kept on pressuring to be more productive, and lecturing me about the mistakes that I keep on making. I knew what was causing all of these, but I still didn't tell him.

I ended up with a poor performance review, and because my boss did not know what caused it, he simply attributed to my "poor abilities". I was never asked to come back.

Looking back, if I had been more upfront about my struggles, I might have gained more understanding and less pressures. Even if I was still let go, at least my boss could have been more supportive during the ordeal. I believe that one thing that you should know is that these things doesn't just go away, you need time. Job can be stressful, but its going to be more stressful if your manager attributes it to your "poor" abilities instead of what is actually going on. whether your manager will take this the right way is for you to decide, but in my opinion telling is always better than not telling.

One other thing that I believe you should look out for is the urge to find a new start, or waiting until you are "completely better" before you get back to work. Because "getting better" is a process and one that will be hard to accomplish without having a job. Realize stopping everything that you are doing can be good for healing, but it can cause great anxiety when you decide to go back to work. Know that you will face struggles in the road ahead, that is how people become better. Don't be afraid of struggles, because its a necessary path on the road to recovery.

Best of luck!

#10 Lucinda

Lucinda

    Silver Member

  • Silver Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 779 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:New England

Posted 11 September 2007 - 10:49 AM

Well I decided to take a month off from work. I had four weeks of vacation left and I took them all. I'm planning on quitting my job and selling my house and moving. I already have another job waiting for me, I just have to get my house sold.

Wow RanDog, that's a huge change to take on. I guess only you know what you need to do. Is the job you are going to less stressful? Good luck in selling your house with the current housing market. Have you really thought all this out before resigning your current job? Sometimes, things aren't always better on the other side of the fence. But, you know what's best for yourself. Best of luck to you and keep us in the loop.
Peace,
Lucinda
Tell whoso hath sorrow
Grief never shall last:
E'en as joy hath no morrow
So woe shall go past."
--Scheherazade

#11 RanDog

RanDog

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Location:California

Posted 11 September 2007 - 05:52 PM

Yeah, I've thought it out. The job I would be going to is WAY less stressful. Plus I'd be moving closer to my family and things like that. I've never been a depressed person before in my life. I think my job is the major cause of it. I've haven't told my boss I quit yet, I won't do that until either my house sells, or I find a renter for it.

#12 law055car

law055car

    Advanced Member

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 326 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:MN

Posted 11 September 2007 - 06:07 PM

It all depends on what your boss is like and if you can talk to him or her about stuff. I told my boss what I'm going though because I don't have much sick time so I take personel time when I can. He is very supportive when I tell him I need to go to the doc. He cant aford to loose me. So he trys to help me out so I dont get into trouble with HR

#13 mylameusername

mylameusername

    Junior Member

  • Junior Member
  • PipPip
  • 52 posts
  • Location:Texas

Posted 13 November 2007 - 10:33 PM

i was just about to do a search for this topic. i'm debating whether to tell my boss or not. i'm the foreman for a tiny machine shop (12 people) and i've been there almost 9 years. my boss knows i have issues with confronting people although we've never talked about why. we have a pretty good relationship, i just don't know what would be gained or lost by spilling the beans. it does affect my job at times. at least he might understood why, i just don't want it to be seen as an excuse to screw up. i'm already stressing about doing reviews.

#14 BookEater

BookEater

    Senior Member

  • Senior Member
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 585 posts

Posted 14 November 2007 - 12:16 AM

I chose NOT to tell. I had a friend who went out two years before because of a Major Depressive Episode (she suffers from Bipolar). She was honest and truthful. Although, the boss was understanding about it...the rumor mill went to work and soon everyone knew about the cause of her absence. Many people were understanding but she took a lot of cr*p from some people after her return (that darn stigma). Knowing it that even confidential stuff gets around in offices and places of employment, I chose to avoid by not telling them the reason I was out....Thank Goodness, the diagnosis is not on your off-work orders....

But, It's a personal choice...you know your coworkers and boss and how you think they'd react...

Good Luck,
BookEater
No change, no pause, no hope! Yet I endure....

#15 Jkm

Jkm

    Member

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12,591 posts
  • Location:Ohio

Posted 14 November 2007 - 12:23 AM

I worked in a place that dealt with confidentiality all the time, and it was big enough that all I had to do was call the Human Resource Dept. and tell them I was going on FMLA. They took care of telling my boss and the only people who knew where my co-workers as I choose to tell them, since they would be picking up my caseload. I thought this was only fair. When I came back, no one asked me questions that would have tipped me off that they knew. I really don't know whether they knew or not, but if I would have felt like they were looking at me with crosseyes, I would have marched into H. R. and blew my top.

If you think it's going to help you from loosing your job and you need to get out of there to get better, your best bet is to go on FMLA. You have to meet the criteria, like have over so many employees and have a doc sign you out. When you're ready to return, they have to give you a job back at the same pay rate. It's something that we can thank Pres. Clinton for. Look it up. Usually, there are posters at your workplace telling you about it.

Jackie
Posted Image

I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#16 BookEater

BookEater

    Senior Member

  • Senior Member
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 585 posts

Posted 14 November 2007 - 12:43 AM

Thank God for FMLA...saved me
No change, no pause, no hope! Yet I endure....

#17 IrishPrincess

IrishPrincess

    Junior Member

  • Junior Member
  • PipPip
  • 73 posts
  • Location:Illinois

Posted 14 November 2007 - 12:51 PM

I told my boss his wife actually suffers from anxiety and panic attacks so he understood

#18 kirkwuk

kirkwuk

    Member

  • Gold Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,142 posts
  • Location:North West England

Posted 22 November 2007 - 09:04 AM

If you are going through a nasty anxiety period, the best thing to do is tell THE highest person up, your boss. I am going through utter hell and would not have survived without him. I have actually suffered in work for two years with what I call horrific anxiety symptoms and it was either a) quit my job or b) continue to live a miserable life. I chose b and then decided to tackle the problem head on which meant meds. I am now off work and want to get better and then return. Until then, my health MUST come first.

Don't be ashamed to use your manager, that's what he's there for.
Beating depression since 2007

#19 Waynef48

Waynef48

    Junior Member

  • Junior Member
  • PipPip
  • 94 posts
  • Location:Jamaica

Posted 22 November 2007 - 11:16 AM

My anxiety issues are really starting to affect my work. I have a hard time concentrating while I'm there and I'm not getting stuff done that I need to. I'm a manager for a major shipping company and I have 40 employees who count on me. I've been debating whether to tell my boss what I'm going through. I'm afraid it will ruined my career. Have any of you ever had to tell your boss and how did they take it?



Yes I think you should tell your boss, so that at least he knows it's not negligence or laziness that's affecting your work. I told my manager so that if and when i did have a panic or anxiety attack and it affected my work attendance and work quality she understood and did not have me moved or dismissed.

wayne.

#20 HannahMills

HannahMills

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 6 posts
  • Location:Preston, England

Posted 22 November 2007 - 11:27 AM

I think you should tell him. Getting stuff out makes you feel better && if you told him he would understand and maybe let you have a bit of time off. It would be a good thing to do if your not feeling to good! I told my school about my problems and now i havent been for a few months But i really needed it!
Princess Hannah Mills :)

#21 caddyshack

caddyshack

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 8 posts

Posted 26 November 2007 - 09:09 PM

I am debating the same thing....not sure which route to go.

#22 Robyn222

Robyn222

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Location:Portland, Or

Posted 27 November 2007 - 12:54 AM

My anxiety issues are really starting to affect my work. I have a hard time concentrating while I'm there and I'm not getting stuff done that I need to. I'm a manager for a major shipping company and I have 40 employees who count on me. I've been debating whether to tell my boss what I'm going through. I'm afraid it will ruined my career. Have any of you ever had to tell your boss and how did they take it?


It is not necessary to tell your employer why you need time off for a disability. What the disability is is not their business unless you want to make it so.
:hearts:

#23 Kimma

Kimma

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 23 posts

Posted 27 November 2007 - 09:34 AM

My anxiety issues are really starting to affect my work. I have a hard time concentrating while I'm there and I'm not getting stuff done that I need to. I'm a manager for a major shipping company and I have 40 employees who count on me. I've been debating whether to tell my boss what I'm going through. I'm afraid it will ruined my career. Have any of you ever had to tell your boss and how did they take it?


I would suggest telling him that you need a medical leave of absence to deal with your problem. He should understand and give you the time you need to recover.

Kimma

#24 blueoyster

blueoyster

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 11 posts
  • Location:arizona

Posted 29 November 2007 - 11:21 PM

I went through the same issue. In my case I had to ask myself what I hoped to gain (or what I might lose) if I said anything. For my position as an engineer in a tech company, I concluded I wouldn't gain anything by telling anyone I worked with, including my boss. It seemed to me to be a lot like the Don't ask, don't tell, policy in the army.

#25 Jkm

Jkm

    Member

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12,591 posts
  • Location:Ohio

Posted 30 November 2007 - 09:51 PM

I haven't told anyone at my new job as there'd be no reason to tell them. I'd have to think that if they saw the list of meds I'm on, their guess would be right up there. I think your insurance can tell your bosses anything they want to know and you have to sign papers to go on FMLA that release your records to your workplace if they are questioning why you are off, so I just cut to the chase and told them. My doc told me as soon as I went back to work to withdrawl the release so they couldn't ask anything in the future, but then it didn't matter as they shut down due to bankruptcy. I know it's a shakey area, as you get the stigma thing on a roll, especially if you are a man. I have worked with men who are depressed and they really don't want anyone to know about it. The only way I found out about this was by talking about my own depression, but it was hush-hush. People think they will be overlooked for promotions due to the possibility that the added stress can cause them to go into a relapse, so it does become an issue at work, believe me.
Posted Image

I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#26 tommyie

tommyie

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 8 posts

Posted 11 December 2007 - 07:47 PM

brilliant post, let us know how you got on, i told the last company i worked at but i am a very open person and didnt care too much about the job.

#27 enigma

enigma

    Just Registered

  • Just Registered
  • 2 posts

Posted 11 December 2007 - 08:32 PM

I recommend that you see if your Health Insurance covers you to see a psychiatrist or therapist to get a diagnosis.
After this they may or may not suggest medication. It is up to your discretion to take medication. There are holistic
methods like Vitamin B and others etc... Meditation and breathing exercises are another alternative. After all these
resources and methods have been exhausted and tried if you still exeprience anxiety then you should confront your
supervisor or boss about the issue.

#28 brad07

brad07

    Just Registered

  • Just Registered
  • 2 posts

Posted 12 December 2007 - 08:35 PM

I've thought about it before, but decided not to. Things get around, and I don't care for everyone to know my business.

#29 enraged

enraged

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 10 posts

Posted 12 December 2007 - 10:24 PM

There's no way I'll ever tell an employer that I suffer from depression. Not unless I want grounds for a wrongful termination lawsuit, anyway. Just look at the idiotic way mental illnesses are still stigmatized in society today... No thanks.

FMLA is a good thing, but you can still be terminated whilst on it. I know because I was. Your only recourse in such a case is to prove that they terminated you wrongfully, and/or because of your FMLA leave.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users