Jump to content

Advertisement
  • No one should be alone in this. We can help.
If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.                                                                            If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Photo

ANGER MANAGEMENT II


  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 Sheepwoman

Sheepwoman

    Administrative Mod/Coordinator

  • Admin Team- Mod/Administrator
  • 27,968 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Santa Rosa CA

Posted 26 June 2005 - 04:13 PM

Here is the other half of Anger Management:

ANGER MANAGEMENT II

ANGER INVENTORY (RATE 1-5) RANK YOUR ANGER IN THE FOLLOWING SITUATIONS:
1. NO ANNOYANCE
2. LITTLE IRRITATED
3. UPSET
4. QUITE ANGRY
5. VERY ANGRY

__ You've overheard people joking about you or your family
_ You're not being treated with respect or consideration
_ You're hounded by a salesperson from the moment you
† † † † †walk into a store
_ Someone offers continual, unsolicited advice
_ You've had a busy day and the person you live with
† † † † † greets you with complaints about what you haven't
† † † † † finished
_ Someone comments on your being overweight/
† † † † † †underweight
_ You're singled out for correction while the actions
† † † † † of others go unnoticed
_ You're in a discussion with someone who persists
† † † † † †in arguing about a topic s/he knows very little
† † † † † †about
_You're trying to discuss something important with someone
† † † † † † who isn't giving you a chance to talk or express
† † † † † † †your feelings
_ Someone is given special consideration because of his/
† † † † † † her popularity, good looks, financial position or
† † † † † † family status
_ TOTAL

ANGER STYLES

ESCALATING

DO YOU ESCALATE TO RAGE?_
DO YOU TRY TO CONTROL, BUT LOSE CONTROL?_

"Escalators" blame and shame the "provoker".
"Escalating" often leads to abusive situations.

Some reasons we escalate are:
1. feeling "I have no other choice"
2. to demonstrate an image of strength/power
3. to avoid expressing underlying emotions
4. fear of getting close to someone
5. it's a learned behavior (but, it can be unlearned)
6. lack of communication skills

Consequences/Problems:
1. desired results may be short-term
2. possible physical destruction
3. impairs relationships
4. compromises physical and mental health
5. legal ramifications

STUFFING

DO YOU TEND TO "STUFF" YOUR ANGER?
DO YOU TEND TO AVOID DIRECT CONFRONTATION?

"Stuffers" can deny anger...They may not admit to themselves
† †or to others that they are angry.
"Stuffers" may not be aware that they have the RIGHT to be angry.

Some reasons we "stuff" are:
1. fear of hurting/offending someone
2. fear of being dislikes or rejected
3. fear of losing control
4. feeling it's innappropriate (not ok) to be angry
5. feeling unable to cope with such an intense/strong emotion
6. fear of damaging/losing a relationship
7. it's a learned behavior (but, it can be unlearned)
8. trying to use a different style than the one I was raised
† † with

Consequences/Problems:
1. anger comes out-regardless
2. impairs relationships
3. compromises physical and mental health

With the information about "escalating" and "stuffing", you can identify your style (if you find yourself in either catagory). If you don't fall in the one or other, you have managed to control your anger in a positive manner. This is another tool to use to change yourself into a more positive person.

It is not the life I lived; but the life I leave behind. Posted Image
Sheepwoman

God will give you no more than you can handle. This is all a test to see if you are really ready for the good things that are going to come your way. All this pain is going to come back and make me stronger.-Clarence Clemmons 1942-2011

Everything I know, I know because I love. Leo Tolstoy War and Peace

#2 Jamin

Jamin

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 9 posts

Posted 17 January 2006 - 08:04 AM

I dont understand?

#3 ados

ados

    Platinum Member

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7,119 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:central Michigan area

Posted 17 January 2006 - 11:36 AM

Jamin,

Maybe reading the thread that preceded this one would help you. It is way down on page 2 or 3 of this room, so I'll give you the link to it. Basically, this is all (both threads) tools to help you recognize where your anger is coming from and ways to deal with it.

Anger Management I

Karen
Life is hard, but God is good.

Pam Thum

ados for Depression Forums Administration
Original DF join date: October 25, 2001 Posted Image

#4 freedom9288

freedom9288

    Just Registered

  • Just Registered
  • 4 posts

Posted 30 June 2006 - 08:09 PM

I don't understand my anger. I can be at home in a wonderful mood and for no reason it switches. All the sudden I am angry and yelling and so mad I have a hard time controlling it. I didn't use to be this way. Why am I like that and how do I fix it.

#5 Sheepwoman

Sheepwoman

    Administrative Mod/Coordinator

  • Admin Team- Mod/Administrator
  • 27,968 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Santa Rosa CA

Posted 01 July 2006 - 11:05 AM

Most people do not understand the underlying cause of anger. I would see a professional for help in recognizing your anger and how to work in getting it under control or changing your behavior. Did you read Anger Management Part One? These topics are only introductions to self-help and not meant to be a "fix" for your mental health issues. We can give you support only and this is not meant to excude professional help.
Sheepwoman :hearts:
It is not the life I lived; but the life I leave behind. Posted Image
Sheepwoman

God will give you no more than you can handle. This is all a test to see if you are really ready for the good things that are going to come your way. All this pain is going to come back and make me stronger.-Clarence Clemmons 1942-2011

Everything I know, I know because I love. Leo Tolstoy War and Peace

#6 Isabeau

Isabeau

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,570 posts
  • Location:Australia

Posted 28 January 2008 - 09:12 AM

Ok, so I got a score of 28 is that bad, it looks bad. :hearts:
IS-A-BOW
© AJ

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes,
and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

#7 Lupercus

Lupercus

    Advanced Member

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 343 posts
  • Location:Saint Paul, Minnesota, US

Posted 28 January 2008 - 11:35 AM

Ok, so I got a score of 28 is that bad, it looks bad. :hearts:


Hi Isabeau,
I was there as well. (I'm a guy, if you didn't already know).
It really depends on your mental condition of the moment when you take the 'survey'.
With me, I was completely down in the dumps and my negative self-talk was running rampant.
No matter what, in situations like that, your score is looking 'not so good' since your
negative self-talk is playing ugly tricks on you.
Getting a grip on anger and being able to turn it into a positive force in your life that leaves
room for the assertiveness and respect to stay within proper bounds of discourse takes a lot
of work. My T compared it with doing a PhD on yourself and I have to agree with him.
My work consisted of doing AND presenting in Group therapy:
1. Escalation-prevention plan.
Describe every little thing that that causes me to get my anger to rise, even in very little things
and classify them according to severity and step-up to other levels of escalation.
2. My personal time-out plan.
Describe how, where and when to decide to take a break from destructive/inappropriate behavior
and how to negotiate this with those that are involved.
3. My personal abuse inventory from earliest to Now.
Very self-confronting, because it requires one to face the uglyness in ones-self and how it
may have impacted others.
4. My family or origin description.
Huge! and Hugely difficult since I had to go back to the deepest and most deeply repressed
memories and desribe them in detail. For me this was the most difficult and triggering part
bacause it bared all the skeletons in my closets and all the rotting corpses in my emotional
backyard, including those of my own previous healthy selves that were ********.
Thank God no real ones.
5. Letters to those who played roles in #4 above.
Whether you send them or not, it is the contents and personal honesty with which to confront
what happened and for me it opened a way to the forgiveness that I am still working on.
===
Along the way, there were many personal evaluations in Group where influnces of social-
(male vs. female) entitlements were examined and where building of personal toolsets of how
to modify one's behavior in a more constructive, assertive, empathitic and respectfull way.
Inappropriate anger is LEARNED. We are Taught to become anger-addicts and very often
the teachings are base of what society expects from us and what society sees as valid
role-models. Throw in abuse, brutal sanctions and violence and you get abusive, brutally violent
people like I used to be. I have learned to modify my anger behaviors but it is an ongoing battle
that will not end before they shove me into my wooden sleeping-bag. I have decided to start
liking to constantly learn.
I hope this, coming from a recovering Anger-addict, helps you a little.
I wish you all the love, strength and light on your path.
Lupercus.
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's just a stupid thing to say. Cursing tomorrow with sorrow.

#8 daisychain

daisychain

    Platinum Member

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,133 posts
  • Location:UK.

Posted 28 January 2008 - 11:49 AM

Crikey,,,,,,30 but then I know I am negative. Working on it!
Posted ImagePosted Image

Iíve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

#9 Isabeau

Isabeau

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,570 posts
  • Location:Australia

Posted 28 January 2008 - 04:41 PM

Crikey,,,,,,30 but then I know I am negative. Working on it!


Good On YA DAISY, Your on your way :shocked:

Hi Isabeau,
I was there as well. (I'm a guy, if you didn't already know).
It really depends on your mental condition of the moment when you take the 'survey'.
With me, I was completely down in the dumps and my negative self-talk was running rampant.
No matter what, in situations like that, your score is looking 'not so good' since your
negative self-talk is playing ugly tricks on you.
Getting a grip on anger and being able to turn it into a positive force in your life that leaves
room for the assertiveness and respect to stay within proper bounds of discourse takes a lot
of work. My T compared it with doing a PhD on yourself and I have to agree with him.
My work consisted of doing AND presenting in Group therapy:
1. Escalation-prevention plan.
Describe every little thing that that causes me to get my anger to rise, even in very little things
and classify them according to severity and step-up to other levels of escalation.
2. My personal time-out plan.
Describe how, where and when to decide to take a break from destructive/inappropriate behavior
and how to negotiate this with those that are involved.
3. My personal abuse inventory from earliest to Now.
Very self-confronting, because it requires one to face the uglyness in ones-self and how it
may have impacted others.
4. My family or origin description.
Huge! and Hugely difficult since I had to go back to the deepest and most deeply repressed
memories and desribe them in detail. For me this was the most difficult and triggering part
bacause it bared all the skeletons in my closets and all the rotting corpses in my emotional
backyard, including those of my own previous healthy selves that were ********.
Thank God no real ones.
5. Letters to those who played roles in #4 above.
Whether you send them or not, it is the contents and personal honesty with which to confront
what happened and for me it opened a way to the forgiveness that I am still working on.
===
Along the way, there were many personal evaluations in Group where influnces of social-
(male vs. female) entitlements were examined and where building of personal toolsets of how
to modify one's behavior in a more constructive, assertive, empathitic and respectfull way.
Inappropriate anger is LEARNED. We are Taught to become anger-addicts and very often
the teachings are base of what society expects from us and what society sees as valid
role-models. Throw in abuse, brutal sanctions and violence and you get abusive, brutally violent
people like I used to be. I have learned to modify my anger behaviors but it is an ongoing battle
that will not end before they shove me into my wooden sleeping-bag. I have decided to start
liking to constantly learn.
I hope this, coming from a recovering Anger-addict, helps you a little.
I wish you all the love, strength and light on your path.
Lupercus.


Thanks for your post :hearts: Its so good to hear from someone who has gone through it. Well Done :bump: Its an encouragement to read about and I feel like its gives me hope on a path that I need to take.

I have never really thought about going to a group because I get anxious so much, but as I write I am thinking that is also something I need to overcome social anxiety. The feeling of not fitting in anywhere.

I use to at one stage be able to control my anger better, but it seems to have disappeared and I feel like I am more angry then ever. I do really want to be able to deal with it better.

I get sad thinking about it often, I feel like I cant fix it or control it now, but after reading your post I feel like I can have a go at trying to be better with it.

Thank YOU so so much,
Isabeau :shocked:

IS-A-BOW
© AJ

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes,
and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

#10 keren_za

keren_za

    Platinum Member

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,147 posts
  • Location:Israel

Posted 28 January 2008 - 05:26 PM

Wow...31 :hearts:
"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."

#11 Lupercus

Lupercus

    Advanced Member

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 343 posts
  • Location:Saint Paul, Minnesota, US

Posted 29 January 2008 - 09:54 AM

Thanks for your post :hearts: Its so good to hear from someone who has gone through it. Well Done :bump: Its an encouragement to read about and I feel like its gives me hope on a path that I need to take.

I have never really thought about going to a group because I get anxious so much, but as I write I am thinking that is also something I need to overcome social anxiety. The feeling of not fitting in anywhere.

I use to at one stage be able to control my anger better, but it seems to have disappeared and I feel like I am more angry then ever. I do really want to be able to deal with it better.

I get sad thinking about it often, I feel like I cant fix it or control it now, but after reading your post I feel like I can have a go at trying to be better with it.

Thank YOU so so much,
Isabeau :shocked:


Dear Isabeau,
That is a brave conclusion that you have arrived at and one that you owe to yourself.
I never expected to refind the joy and the serenity of a clear mind before I went into therapy.
Another thing that was very important was that I (re)learned to distinguish between shame and guilt.
I found that Shame is always projected by others with the objective to exert control over you against your desires and sometimes against your own values and is by its nature self-compromising and therefore unhealthy.
By the same token, True guilt invariably comes from within yourself and has to do with your own values and giving you the possibility to correct, repair or truly accept consequences. It is therefore self-empowering and as such a healthy way of on the one hand avoiding denial and on the other accepting responsibility.
It took me a long time to figure that one out, but once I knew the difference, I became much more capable of assertion and avoiding self-defeating and destructive tendencies in myself. That way I became or was able to restore myself to being a much more enjoyable, whole and honest person.
Am I fully there yet? Naw, as I mentioned in previous post, it is an ongoing process that will have no definite end, but I find joy in each tiny little bit of progress and subsequently in every little bit of joy that I can bring to others.
Be kind, be happy, be yourself and don't forget to be kind to and happy with yourself.
Lupercus

Edited by Lupercus, 29 January 2008 - 09:56 AM.

There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's just a stupid thing to say. Cursing tomorrow with sorrow.

#12 Isabeau

Isabeau

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,570 posts
  • Location:Australia

Posted 31 January 2008 - 07:45 AM

Dear Isabeau,
That is a brave conclusion that you have arrived at and one that you owe to yourself.
I never expected to refind the joy and the serenity of a clear mind before I went into therapy.
Another thing that was very important was that I (re)learned to distinguish between shame and guilt.
I found that Shame is always projected by others with the objective to exert control over you against your desires and sometimes against your own values and is by its nature self-compromising and therefore unhealthy.
By the same token, True guilt invariably comes from within yourself and has to do with your own values and giving you the possibility to correct, repair or truly accept consequences. It is therefore self-empowering and as such a healthy way of on the one hand avoiding denial and on the other accepting responsibility.
It took me a long time to figure that one out, but once I knew the difference, I became much more capable of assertion and avoiding self-defeating and destructive tendencies in myself. That way I became or was able to restore myself to being a much more enjoyable, whole and honest person.
Am I fully there yet? Naw, as I mentioned in previous post, it is an ongoing process that will have no definite end, but I find joy in each tiny little bit of progress and subsequently in every little bit of joy that I can bring to others.
Be kind, be happy, be yourself and don't forget to be kind to and happy with yourself.
Lupercus


Its taken me awhile to get back to your post, even though I wanted to, just had a very hard time. But in the last few days I think I have learnt what Shame & Guilty are. I have never really thought of them very different. But just reading your post and how you explained them, helped me understand them better. THANK YOU :) I think I have heaps more to understand on them.

I think I really understood Shame properly in the last couple of days due to what has happened to me. Its exactly how you wrote the meaning is what has happened. I always take things and make them my fault which doesnt help me it just makes me hate myself more. But in the last few days, I think I am starting to do a little better at it.

You inspire me!!!,
Thank YOU
Isabeau :hearts:

IS-A-BOW
© AJ

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes,
and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

#13 Isabeau

Isabeau

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,570 posts
  • Location:Australia

Posted 31 January 2008 - 08:11 AM

Just need to come back and add I am a STUFFER

"Stuffers" may not be aware that they have the RIGHT to be angry.

Some reasons we "stuff" are:
1. fear of hurting/offending someone
2. fear of being dislikes or rejected
3. fear of losing control
4. feeling it's innappropriate (not ok) to be angry
5. feeling unable to cope with such an intense/strong emotion
6. fear of damaging/losing a relationship
7. it's a learned behavior (but, it can be unlearned)
8. trying to use a different style than the one I was raised
with

Consequences/Problems:
1. anger comes out-regardless
2. impairs relationships
3. compromises physical and mental health

I dont really know why I need to add that, but I feel I had to.
Isabeau :hearts:

IS-A-BOW
© AJ

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes,
and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

#14 Lupercus

Lupercus

    Advanced Member

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 343 posts
  • Location:Saint Paul, Minnesota, US

Posted 31 January 2008 - 12:00 PM

Just need to come back and add I am a STUFFER

"Stuffers" may not be aware that they have the RIGHT to be angry.

Some reasons we "stuff" are:
1. fear of hurting/offending someone
2. fear of being dislikes or rejected
3. fear of losing control
4. feeling it's innappropriate (not ok) to be angry
5. feeling unable to cope with such an intense/strong emotion
6. fear of damaging/losing a relationship
7. it's a learned behavior (but, it can be unlearned)
8. trying to use a different style than the one I was raised

Consequences/Problems:
1. anger comes out-regardless
2. impairs relationships
3. compromises physical and mental health

I dont really know why I need to add that, but I feel I had to.
Isabeau :hearts:

Dear Isabeau,
Really, you are hitting all the right spots here! That's amazing. It took me very long time to look past my denial and get to the point where you are in taking an honest inventory of what it is and how to deal with it.
1. Your fear of hurting or offending someone.
So completely rightly put, and certainly for a woman who by nature of the prevailing role models is always supposed to be deferring and yielding. In a sense this is one of those built-in inhibitions that was ever so subtly 'shamed' into you. One of the things that may lead you to overcome this is rejection of the fact that it is your issue. If you really look at it, the only person who can make a person feel bad, is that person him/herself. If you are honest and respectful, then a person may feel guilt (which is positive) and react accordingly, but if they decide to feel bad or get angry themselves, then that is NOT YOUR issue. It is fully theirs and up to them to take ownership of.
2. Your fear of being rejected or disliked.
This is very much the same as pt. 1 above. Not your issue. Entirely theirs, but I soooo understand that your fear will trigger your own negative self-talk, which in turn will set you up for even more fear. In a sense, Fear is a surrender to your negative self-talk and your own feelings of insignificance and self-denial. At least that's the way I look at it.
3. Your fear of losing control.
Wow, that is a really profound admission and one that has the answer already in it. If you determine that you are fearful of losing control, then ask yourself what you need that control for. If it is to deal with someone else's perceived incapabilities, then that makes it entirely their problem and they should deal with it. If, on the other hand (and this is much more difficult) it is based on what you were taught on matters in the past, then you may have to inspect and investigate your own motives and shame-based rules that govern your life-script. I have found that most of the behavioral things that I was taught were either contaminated by the motives (control, emotionally/physically/sexually abusive) of those in my past where they hooked into my shame.
Discovery of that what you really think and wish to happen, is key to how to healthily go forward and rebuild your life-script.
4. Your fear of being angry.
Let's face it: Anger is normal and healthy. It is the way you tell yourself that needs are not met and that action must be undertaken to correct that. Nothing more and nothing less, but the longer you wait with dealing with it, the more urgent your anger becomes. The mechanism is one of the evolutionary oldest ones in our brain and is therefore one of the most difficult to suppress.
The reason being that it may be very dangerous for yourself to suppress it. Key is when and how to express this anger and how to act on it. Rule of thumb is that the more you suppress it, the stronger it becomes and the more likely it becomes a 'Red-Alert' that may lead you to 'inappropriate behaviors'. Solution: Get it out and get it out early and in its mildest form (meaning that stage where you can still apply humor, respect and affection). I know that's easier said than done. Little steps 1st.
5. Fear of dealing with very stong emotions.
Some emotions are meant to be strong based on their value and urgency. Others are allowed to become strong beyond that. See pt. 4 above. It's all inter-related.
6. Your fear of damaging or losing a relationship.
Well, this is where all things tie together. We are a social species, so the desire for harmonious relationships is built-in in our instincts and inate social rules. I have adopted the following mantra for each relationship that I have: "It takes 2 to tango."
Ownership of a healthy relationship is at best 50%. I may recommend keeping that in mind.
7. Learned behavior.
Och Aye! And in that you find the key to deal with that. The fact that it is learned behavior indicates that it is something from the past and therefore not necessarily valid in the present. Well, guess what? You happen to live in the present! Might as well apply what is valid Right Now, and thus be a person who lives in the "Here-and-Now".
8. trying to use a different style than the one I was raised.
Not wanting to rely on things of the past and doing things differently.
Obviously you can because it so logically follows from all of the above.
If nothing else, Change is inevitable, so no matter what, we'll be faced with having to undergo the pain of having to let go of some of the 'ironclad and chisseled in Granite' certainties of the past. Living in the present without the 'stinking old, obsolete and decrepid' things from the past (and even some cherished and quaint ones, mind you!) is key to regaining a measure of happiness and control over yourself (and with that over your own life and the things that matter to you most.)

Your asessment on 'Stuffing' is clear enough. That is the way you let things build until they get out of whack. I other words it is how you descride your co-depence and the way you are uncomfortable with specifically that.
I commend you and I feel a deep and wide love for you for getting to this point. Please, when I use the word 'Love' I don't mean anything in the physical or relational sense other than that I feel a very close commonality of purpose. In that sense I love you and I hope that you make things work YOUR way. I have of you the notion of being a true and comitted lovely woman in search of ballance and certainty of mind. I feel a deep and strong equal direction with you.

Be Kind, Be happy and be yourself, but dont forget to be kind to and happy with yourself.
Dirk
aka. Lupercus.

Edited by Lupercus, 31 January 2008 - 12:04 PM.

There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's just a stupid thing to say. Cursing tomorrow with sorrow.

#15 Isabeau

Isabeau

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,570 posts
  • Location:Australia

Posted 06 February 2008 - 05:42 AM

:hearts: Lupercus,

Just trying to keep myself well at the moment and havent been posting very much. But I see how much people shame me and make me feel so guilty and it feels worse when I am not well. I too am victim of doing this and I have noticed that when I do its because I cant get the words out and I at the time I am very irrationally. I dont want to make it an excuse because I do it to, I want to be able to overcome it or at least change it and be aware of it. I am trying harder to say what I want or ask for help, just find that at times I revert back to my old behaviour.

I find that a great amount of my anger is where I cant say things, I want to say, I feel gutless and then it all builds up in my head and then I explode.

Each day, I want to try harder, I dont want to be someone's victim in what they say to me, I want to also know that I can look after my behaviour and not do that either. I know that at times I am going to fall in the same trap but I want to aware that I can get myself out of it and not make excuses.

What you wrote has been very powerful and helpful to me and I thank you so much.

I really like what you have to say, its so helpful. Its actually got me sitting up and thinking and trying more to understand my behaviour.

HUGS
Isabeau

PS: This post seemed really hard to write and I think its because I dont want to make excuses for my behaviour, I want to be accountable for the person I am. I dont want to hide any more!
IS-A-BOW
© AJ

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes,
and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

#16 Lupercus

Lupercus

    Advanced Member

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 343 posts
  • Location:Saint Paul, Minnesota, US

Posted 06 February 2008 - 10:01 AM

Dear Isabeau,
Thank you for your kind words.
Speaking for myself, I guess it is always easier to give a little kindness and advice to others who struggle with the same problems that I am dealing with. I know that I'm on the mend and I hope that you'll be there soon too. With my communications with you I hope to give something back in lieu of the damage and sorrow that I have created in my environment. Call it a form of attonement.
Presently I'm recovering from a very difficult event that caused me to face myself and my deficiencies and that has made very clear that I still need a lot of work on myself if I ever hope to find recovery of my life to the point of being a meaningful and constructive presence in my own environment. Like my wife told me; "With you, it's like dancing the English Waltz: Two steps forward and one step back." I am very grateful for her love and patience.
You strike me as a good person who has, like me, resolved to salvage and regain sanity and joy by fighting your own devils one at the time. If any of what I am communicating with you makes sense to you and helps you, that is a reward to me in and of itself.
Take your time and don't push yourself harder than necessary. Sometimes backing off a problem and letting go of it is the only resolution you'll find and have to make peace with.
Be happy, be kind, be loving and be yourself, but on't forget to be happy with, and kind and loving to yourself.
I wish you strenght and light on your path.
Dirk
aka. Lupercus.
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's just a stupid thing to say. Cursing tomorrow with sorrow.

#17 Isabeau

Isabeau

  • Platinum Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,570 posts
  • Location:Australia

Posted 07 February 2008 - 06:21 PM

Started to get very pi**ed off yesterday about anything and everything. Its like there was steam coming out of my ears and I started to get very blunt and miserable about everything. Was just glad that my bf was strong enough to decided he need to go home because it had nothing to do with him at all.

I stirred with things for about an hour and started to cool down but felt bad that I left someone I love feeling like it was there fault. So I rang him and apologised for my behaviour and realised that my emotional state was coming out the wrong way and making someone else feel bad. I actually feel like I let go of something yesterday instead of bottling it and getting more angry, so it feels like a step forward.

I got this bad habit of letting things boil and boil and it could go on for days and by this time I am exploding about everything and anything. But I felt yesterday I took charge of my actions and resolved things.

I feel sort of embarrassed and shameful writing these things about myself, but I dont want to hide and pretend I dont have a problem, when I do. Thats why I write things on the message board so much. I find just writing in a word document does nothing but let me hide. Posting here helps me see that I need to work hard to fix things.

I know there is so much more to learn about my anger and why I do it and why I feel like I dont have the right to get angry, but just got to slow down and not get impatient and have it all fixed in one day.

I will keep trying, each day, one step at time. Just need to be aware of the damage my anger can cause

HUGS
ISabeau :hearts:
IS-A-BOW
© AJ

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes,
and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

#18 korn64

korn64

    Newbie

  • Newbie
  • Pip
  • 45 posts
  • Location:Melbourne, Australia

Posted 07 March 2009 - 12:36 AM

I got 36...that ain't good, at least no driving is asked (I'd tick every one 5).

I've always got anger with people who I felt had no idea what they are on about, like my poor little brother, he is only 13, and he thinks he knows more about games than me (and I'm the addict) or school homework (just because your teacher says to do it in a completly restricing way doesn't mean you must do it that way, provided your not cheating).

And working with teams especially hurts...if the team ain't up to standard (mine or work wise) I would carry them like babies...if they argued back I would quit helping and then the team fell apart, meaning more angre (but not as much as me doing all the work)...

Thus I prefer to work alone, because if I'm near other I'm compeled to help, but when they reject I see no point, sometimes if they have disagreed constantly about my help (whether useful or not) I would leave them alone, even if they ask for help, it's like revenge for me which I know ain't right...

And like most people, I hate being told what to do, it sets me off when it's something I know well, yet told to do it in a specific way...

I know I can solve these with therpy I hope...but what about on the road, I don't just yell or flip the finger, what ever is around me I tend to abuse, including my car (I'm surprised my car is still in one piece, after what it went thru, only damage is the new rear bumper due to an accident due to lack of consentration which made me cry, and chips due to idiots parking too close or stone chips from the trucks).
Truth is Beauty no matter how ugly the secret

#19 nealy

nealy

    Silver Member

  • Silver Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 959 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Minnesota

Posted 07 March 2009 - 01:28 AM

I got a 36. I have no idea what to even say, except ... that can't be good :hearts:

-Nealy


Be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.

Posted Image

#20 AsktheAges

AsktheAges

    Member

  • Member
  • PipPipPip
  • 191 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 01 August 2012 - 12:59 AM

35




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users