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[adeje]

Hi
I just wondered what people on here thought about my illness, here goes. I have had depression plus episodes of psychosis for around 11 years now +. I have seen psychiatrists who thought i was schizophrenic and then said not and so as far as i know i am not sure what they think. I was physically and mentally abused as a child/teenager plus being sexually assaulted and abused by a partner. Well it has all took its toll on me and i have been reading about BPD and it sounds just like me to a certain point but what i noticed is that i have a very deep fear of being on my own and i will do anything to get out of being on my own even if it means lying to my husband and family. I feel very anxious about social situations, as i feel so inferior and i avoid being out too much depending on how i feel. I am very mistrustful and i wonder what people say and think about me. I have quite a few fits of rage/anger though this is improving with therapy and i have OD over 8 times plus other self harm, i kinda see this as trying to tell people just how bad i feel.
I must be the centre of attention otherwise i dont cope well and i hide away and feel paranoid about the situation, i feel empty a lot and hopeless and i dont do well with relationships. I fall in love very quickly and then i cant let them out of my sight. I get jealous very quickly but i alternate between wanting them and hating them!!.
I also have an eating disorder and OCD plus depression. I could go on and on, does this sound like BPD?.
We have a child and it is very hard to cope, not because he is hard work but when i am low i feel and am incapable of looking after him, my moods affect me so badly.

[firelizardee]

some of it sounds like bpd - the emptiness, hopeless and difficulty with relationships but others fit so well. Have you asked your therapist about BPD or other forms of Personality Disorder?

[adeje]

No i haven't asked about it yet but i will do.