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I Feel So Lonely And Alone And Isolated


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#1 vince1303

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 07:06 AM

Gosh it is such a strange feeling. I have always been such an outgoing person. Always had friends. Always good in company. Now I am feeling so alone and isolated it is crushing me. Reading back over my blog over the past few days I feel that it is getting worse. When I am in company I feel so detached and tearful. My head is so full of memories and what ifs. I have been so hurt and let down. But right now I am just lonely. I need a hug, an embrace, some warmth, a word of love. Someone to tell me......Vin, this will be alright, you will get better.

#2 Guest_Struggling_*

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 07:14 AM

I am so sorry to hear that you have been hurt and let down, is this something you want to talk about? would it help, at all?

I am sending you lots of hugs and saying to you, that you will be ok, just take small steps and it will get easier.

Take gentle care of yourself Vin.

Anita

#3 KeepingAwake

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 07:25 AM

Vince,

It WILL get better! :hearts:

You are doing what you can to manage this depression and hopefully your medication will begin producing some positive change to your mood soon.

We're all here for you.

KA
Beliefs Aren't Etched in Stone... Unless Your Brain is Made of Rock

#4 vince1303

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 07:38 AM

Just not used to this. It is 1.30 here and I have not spoken a single word to anyone so far today. The only interraction I have had with the outside world is to write up my blog and to post a message here to seek a bit of support and attention and comfort from people I don't even know. Thanks for it. I really need it.

#5 dohta

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 10:02 AM

Do you know the trigger behind all this? Would you like to elaborate and share?
Live like a salesman.

#6 SadSunDevil

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 11:15 AM

Vince, I can relate to your post very much. We are in the same boat! I have always been very outgoing as well- But, as soon as my depression started to take hold I became completely isolated. It isnt so much a fear of speaking to others, rather that I just dont feel like it. I would rather not initiate conversation because I often cannot think of things to say, but its not as if being alone makes me feel any better. I too have gone days without saying much to a single person- those are the days I feel my worst. Give a friend a call and ask them out to eat, stop by and visit someone, just say hi and smile at strangers, anything! Honestly, when I force myself to interact with others, I can usually make it work and end up feeling great afterwards. Of course I have set backs, but that is the name of the game. Im confident that if you just make a few conscious attempts during the day, your loneliness will not feel half as bad as it does.

Sending you positive thoughts
-SadSunDevil

#7 misk

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 03:31 PM

I know it's probably a mediocre if any comfort but your not alone in isolation(pardon the paradox). I can relate...Even when I'm on antidepressants, which really work I feel extremely detached.

heh...maybe that will be comforting
you're a good person...
compassionate...
emphatic...
understanding...
not judgemental...
acceptant...
loving...
but abnormal...people sense that...think you're weird
you try to be and act normal...
you're aware of social standards...
you try to do what normal people do but it's no use...
you finish university with some stupid corporate finance diploma, which you feel will make you normal(not some artistic crap)
you find jobs, take care of your CV(that's what normal people do) but...
you're trapped in your body which forces you to FEEL SO MUCH...
you don't want that...
you want to be emotionless, calculative...
you blame yourself...accuse of hysteria, which you loathe
you're just an overeducated child
that's me in a nutshell
I try so hard to be normal...

#8 vince1303

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 05:28 PM

Thanks for your messages. I gave myself a motivational kick in the backside and went to the soccer game tonight. I found the noise and the crowd a bit hard to take and my nerves were very sensitised, but at least I sat through it. Jeez, listen to me!! Soccer has always been a huge favourite of mine, and now I have to force myself to sit through a game. I am very tired now and am just going to head for bed as soon as I write up my blog. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Once again, thanks for your encouragement, I reall really need to read it.

#9 lostlady36

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 09:46 PM

Hi Vince,
I've been in that same boat...so lonesome and never sure of what was going on with me. I love to talk to people, and when I feel like I'm headed that way I have to work hard. A while ago it was the pattern where I ended up very isolated and alone.

Glad you went out. I went to dinner with my husband & child this evening and the noise in the place drove me bonkers. There was a table of people with children getting drunk & the mother was really bugging me. I couldn't believe that she was conducting herself...and then I thought--wait--I did that.

Anyway, learning as we go.

Take care of yourself.
Kristina

#10 vince1303

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Posted 14 April 2007 - 05:06 AM

Just a hug, an embrace.........like you mean it. Hold me. Touch me. Comfort me. Whisper to me........everything will be ok Vin. I am so lost right now. Dying inside. So hurting. Please hold me before I fall any further.

#11 Towmater

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Posted 14 April 2007 - 06:09 AM

Vin,

I can so relate! My friends refer to me as the comic relief. What they don't know is that I'm hurting inside. Because I can't bring myself to tell them I'm not the soldier they think I am, I isolate. I've spent a lot of time shut in my room lately to keep myself from being the one to make everyone else laugh at life. I don't feel like laughing and have spent much of recent days crying.

#12 vince1303

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Posted 14 April 2007 - 08:39 AM

I sat outside for a while and soaked up some sunshine. I had read. Reading the new Mitch Albom book. It is good. I haven't read in quite a while. I used to be an avid reader. If I finish this one it will be an achievment. I put the book down and cried. Several times. Just me, alone, in the back garden of my house. Can the neighbours hear? Unlikely. It is a big walled garden. High trees at the end, and over the gaden wall there is a river and the park. A big park. A regional park. I walk there a lot. Not today though. I don't know whether the Lexapro is making things worse at the moment. Maybe things have to get worse before they get better. Or maybe they just get worse and when the side effects subside and we get back to the pre-medication state, we are fooled into thinking we are better. I hope this is not the case. I am not pro-medication in any way, but I have made a conscious decision in this instance that I do need to try this. I have been sinking fast over the past few weeks and counselling on its own has not been the answer. It's just........well, I have never in all my life felt as low as I feel now. Furthermore, I am writing this now because I came in from the back garden. Whilst out there I went to the garage to get some ice from the freezer, and whilst there I noted the rope that is used in winter to hang up the wet clothes to dry them. I quickly dispelled the thought. Closed the door and came indoors. I feel a bit better for having written.

#13 KeepingAwake

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Posted 14 April 2007 - 08:45 AM

I sat outside for a while and soaked up some sunshine. I had read. Reading the new Mitch Albom book. It is good. I haven't read in quite a while. I used to be an avid reader. If I finish this one it will be an achievment. I put the book down and cried. Several times. Just me, alone, in the back garden of my house. Can the neighbours hear? Unlikely. It is a big walled garden. High trees at the end, and over the gaden wall there is a river and the park. A big park. A regional park. I walk there a lot. Not today though. I don't know whether the Lexapro is making things worse at the moment. Maybe things have to get worse before they get better. Or maybe they just get worse and when the side effects subside and we get back to the pre-medication state, we are fooled into thinking we are better. I hope this is not the case. I am not pro-medication in any way, but I have made a conscious decision in this instance that I do need to try this. I have been sinking fast over the past few weeks and counselling on its own has not been the answer. It's just........well, I have never in all my life felt as low as I feel now. Furthermore, I am writing this now because I came in from the back garden. Whilst out there I went to the garage to get some ice from the freezer, and whilst there I noted the rope that is used in winter to hang up the wet clothes to dry them. I quickly dispelled the thought. Closed the door and came indoors. I feel a bit better for having written.



When we first start an AD, we can actually feel worse for a short time. Have you talked to your doctor at all since starting your Lexapro? When do you go back for a med check?

KA
Beliefs Aren't Etched in Stone... Unless Your Brain is Made of Rock

#14 vince1303

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Posted 14 April 2007 - 09:18 AM

On Monday. I will only have been on the lexapro for 9 days at that stage. I want to give it a go, but I am really scared today. This is just not like me.

#15 Sheepwoman

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Posted 14 April 2007 - 12:38 PM

(((((((((((((((((Vince))))))))))))))0
Sending you a cyber hug.

Thank you for sharing with us how you are feeling. As KA said, you may have setbacks when first starting an AD. Give it about 8 weeks to become totally effective. By all means communicate with your pdoc regarding how you are feeling-there maybe a need to adjust your medication.

Hope that you begin to feel better soon. There is always a light at the end of the long tunnel. It takes a bit of time, but you will begin to feel better, even though you may not think so now.
Sheepwoman :hearts:
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#16 NothingLeftInside

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Posted 14 April 2007 - 02:28 PM

Gosh it is such a strange feeling. I have always been such an outgoing person. Always had friends. Always good in company. Now I am feeling so alone and isolated it is crushing me. Reading back over my blog over the past few days I feel that it is getting worse. When I am in company I feel so detached and tearful. My head is so full of memories and what ifs. I have been so hurt and let down. But right now I am just lonely. I need a hug, an embrace, some warmth, a word of love. Someone to tell me......Vin, this will be alright, you will get better.


I think of that ...the feeling of detatchment around company... as The Great Divide. I don't have an answer for that, but I have read from academics that the natural progress for people with psychological and emotional problems is to inevitably recover; so for that reason I think that you'll naturally either find a way around it, or whatever it is that is causing it will pass.

I can intensely relate on that point, and I wish you the best of luck.

Edited by NothingLeftInside, 14 April 2007 - 02:29 PM.

"Caught a handle on the rising sun
Took the day to rise and fall
At the end of the trail I was scarred and burned
But felt no pain at all" -Black Flag "I'm The One"

#17 kennethb1965

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Posted 14 April 2007 - 02:40 PM

Gosh it is such a strange feeling. I have always been such an outgoing person. Always had friends. Always good in company. Now I am feeling so alone and isolated it is crushing me. Reading back over my blog over the past few days I feel that it is getting worse. When I am in company I feel so detached and tearful. My head is so full of memories and what ifs. I have been so hurt and let down. But right now I am just lonely. I need a hug, an embrace, some warmth, a word of love. Someone to tell me......Vin, this will be alright, you will get better.

Hi Vin, im feeling the same way, first off im gay so just want to let you know im not out for tappin you up.lol. My partner has just told me he thinks im too old for him and i need to find someone my own age, he knew how old i was when he first met me so to let me know this now is a bit too late for me. I know what it feel to feel what youre feeling, If i was there with you now i would gladly give you a hug because youre probably a nice person like me, without sounding big headed. If you ever need to talk to someone then youre very welcome to talk to me anytime you want to.I can even write to you if you would preferr, if you dont want to talk to me because im gay thats ok with me, i want to help you for the right reasons and thats all. besides ive had it with re;ationships. Be cool and hope youre ok. kenny

#18 justme

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Posted 15 April 2007 - 05:45 PM

I sat outside for a while and soaked up some sunshine. I had read. Reading the new Mitch Albom book. It is good. I haven't read in quite a while. I used to be an avid reader. If I finish this one it will be an achievment. I put the book down and cried. Several times. Just me, alone, in the back garden of my house. Can the neighbours hear? Unlikely. It is a big walled garden. High trees at the end, and over the gaden wall there is a river and the park. A big park. A regional park. I walk there a lot. Not today though. I don't know whether the Lexapro is making things worse at the moment. Maybe things have to get worse before they get better. Or maybe they just get worse and when the side effects subside and we get back to the pre-medication state, we are fooled into thinking we are better. I hope this is not the case. I am not pro-medication in any way, but I have made a conscious decision in this instance that I do need to try this. I have been sinking fast over the past few weeks and counselling on its own has not been the answer. It's just........well, I have never in all my life felt as low as I feel now. Furthermore, I am writing this now because I came in from the back garden. Whilst out there I went to the garage to get some ice from the freezer, and whilst there I noted the rope that is used in winter to hang up the wet clothes to dry them. I quickly dispelled the thought. Closed the door and came indoors. I feel a bit better for having written.



Vin.. this will get better.. you WILL be alright. You're talking.. we're here and we care. :bump:

Give it time for the meds to work and prepare to go down a bit more before you come back up for air. You're aware of needing to do more than counselling.. that's a pretty good sign. Just keep on keepin on for a few more weeks and hopefully the meds will do their job.

That twanged on my heart strings about the reading and crying. I'd given it up for a while there but recently got back into it and I had a few cries with my first book back. It made me feel... and that's a good thing. Actually now the flood gates are opened I seem to be having a bit of a cry with a lot of things. But I kinda take that as a good sign.

hang in there Vin.. we're with you!

:hearts:

jm
x

#19 Donaldopato

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Posted 15 April 2007 - 09:26 PM

I have gone from being an outgoing, successful person with a good job, lots of friends and several meaningful relationships to what I am now. I prefer to be alone, most people annoy me, I have friends that are more toxic and users than helpful, I am incapable of a romantic relationship and I have a decent but pretty meaningless job that is way under what I can do.

I do not write that to frighten you Vince and show you what is inevitable. Do what I didn't do and treat your depression aggressively, take your meds and "come out" as it were to your friends and family. Do not hide, do not do as I have done and still do, try to make everything seem OK and convince myself and others of that.

I find myself being lonely in the most crowded of places. I am always the only one not talking to someone when I am in a group. And this from someone whose teachers always noted on my report card "talks too much".

I think you have a good start on this disease my friend, I hope I can tackle it as well, before it tackles me.




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