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Inability To Make Certain Decisions - Part Of Depression?


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#1 cruz1287

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 04:40 PM

is this indeciveness part of the depression?? i find it extremely hard to make certain decisions, my mood sways to and fro - one minute i like something and the next im completely the opposite!!! will this pass in time?? i take cipralex 20mg to try and lift my moods, i have been taking it for 4 weeks now and i do see some slight improvement in my mood but it just frustrates that it changes all the time - i don't know what i want at the moment.

So is it possible to make some life changing decisions right at this present moment or just concentrate on getting better so my mental state is able to make decisions?? i don't want to regret anything in the future....

one step at a time!!

thanx

cruz xxx

#2 KeepingAwake

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 04:44 PM

Yes, depression and anxiety can make it difficult for us to have confidence in making any decisions. This is one area where a therapist can be a big help. Although it's best to put off major decisions until you are feeling better, some decisions just can't be put off. It can help to get some advice on the decisions that you can't reasonably put off.

I'm glad that you are feeling some benefit from the Lexapro. When the meds start working, our moods do tend to still bounce around a bit. Hang in there!

KA
Beliefs Aren't Etched in Stone... Unless Your Brain is Made of Rock

#3 Sheepwoman

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Posted 06 April 2007 - 05:59 AM

Depression definitely causes a lot of faulty decision-making. If they're important decisions, possibly talking to someone can help you to see both sides of the issue and help you decide which way you want to go.

As for your med, it can take up to 8 weeks to get the full benefits. At least you are feeling some improvement now. Mood can still fluctuate while starting up medications and you can still be depressed. However, the longer you're taking them the better you will feel. You may also want to discuss how your medication is doing for you with your pdoc.
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#4 chrism

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Posted 06 April 2007 - 08:09 AM

Hi Cruz-

The difficulty with decisions is definitely a part of this. It is so frustrating. But as I enter into therapy and really start to look at my history, it seems this paralysis born of too many choices has been around for ever. I do great dealing with the stuff that just comes up and needs immediate attention. When I have what should be the luxury of sitting down with all the options and thinking through the long-term processes, I just get numb and can't do anything. Fortunately, my boss is really understanding and asked how we could move forward (my job is as a project manager for a new community development project with way too many options.) I told him that until this gets stabilized, or whatever is supposed to happen, I need more specific direction. He was great. I've also told my wife more about what I need from her. She is great too. I'm tired of pretending that I could handle everything that came to me, then letting people down because I got paralyzed by taking on too much. I'm finally coming to terms with my limitations. And it's ok. Cruz, you may have some of the limitations for a while. Sorry about that. A former secretary of mine had a prosthetic leg. She's lived a very full life even with the limitations that came with being an amputee. But daily she had to live within her limitations or she would have been hurt and felt like a failure. I'm starting to see myself as a mental amputee. I used to be in denial that I had anything wrong with me. I told myself that if I just changed jobs, relationships, or whatever, my life would be better. Now I recognize that the problem isn't in the job or other person, it's in me. I have to learn to live healthily within my limitations. Everybody has them. Those who learn to live within them, live successfully. Those that always want to deny their limitations end up in a ditch. I've been in too many ditches. Ready to go a little slower and stay on the road! I wish you well Cruz.
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#5 cruz1287

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Posted 09 April 2007 - 09:27 AM

the constant worrying and obssessive thinking is really getting to me right now, i start thinking about things that i have never ever thought about before - i don't know whether or not they reflect on who i am as person. Is this part of the depression or the meds - what the hell is it?? i know before when i didnt have the depression - it was easy for me to make certain decisions, but everytime i think about what is right or wrong it makes my brain boil!!! i start to get really confused with myself and then i get back to my depressive state - i know deep down inside of me, im not this kind of person and i hope one day she will come back, i pray every single day to God!!!

:plain:

cruz xxx

#6 dohta

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Posted 09 April 2007 - 02:19 PM

the constant worrying and obssessive thinking is really getting to me right now, i start thinking about things that i have never ever thought about before - i don't know whether or not they reflect on who i am as person. Is this part of the depression or the meds - what the hell is it?? i know before when i didnt have the depression - it was easy for me to make certain decisions, but everytime i think about what is right or wrong it makes my brain boil!!! i start to get really confused with myself and then i get back to my depressive state - i know deep down inside of me, im not this kind of person and i hope one day she will come back, i pray every single day to God!!!

:plain:

cruz xxx


Have you tried looking up codependency? I had obsessive thinking before and it was pretty close to that.

For example, before when I saw a girl sitting alone in a library I would think:
- why is she there?
- she's alone, does that mean she wants to be alone?
- she's alone, does that mean she's a loner?
- why should I talk to her if she's a loner?
- she's pretty attractive, I bet she has a boyfriend
- what is she studying? ew philosophy? you can't land a job with philosophy
etc.

Also, if you have a tendency to classify things in black and white a lot, that can also relate to codependency a bit. Instead of thinking logically, try thinking emotionally now and then. Don't worry if sneaking a bite at your friend's ice-cream is right or wrong, but rather compare how much you want that ice-cream and the chances of your friend actually getting p***** at you for doing that. Most questions dont' have definite right/wrong answers.
Live like a salesman.

#7 cruz1287

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Posted 12 April 2007 - 09:57 AM

I really don't know what to do now!!! There are so many thoughts in my head, i just can't take it anymore!!! Sometimes i feel like screaming and saying LEAVE ME ALONE, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY!!!

The obsessive thinking is ruining me, i don't know if its the meds talking because i feel like its making me worse!!! I am on week 5 of taking cipralex 20mg, it has lifted my mood slightly but not enough i think. I do feel better at night at times but its during the day when the thoughts confuse me so much!! I oversleep and overeat now due to boredom - i don't want to get out of the house because of my anxiety and the fact that i might see somebody i know and they will ask me what's going on in my life? - which i do not want to answer!!!

Yesterday my mum told me to go and have a walk every now and then but that seems so stressful for me right at this moment, all i want to do is sleep and eat!! I feel impaired and completely useless!!! My brain feels like its going to explode any minute!!

:hearts:

cruz

#8 ahopelessdreamer

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Posted 18 April 2007 - 01:15 PM

Deep breaths cruz!

Wait out the medication up to 8 weeks and if it really doesnt help go back to your doctor and either get them to up the dosage or maybe try something else. Its all hit and miss with medication.

I know how frustrating it is to have obsessive thoughts running through your head all the time, I had a "fight" with a lunchbox because I couldnt decide whether it was "contaminated" or not. I have to have two hours (I even lay out everything I need for that day and wash my hair the previous evening to save time!) just to get up and go out for an hour. Its all ridiculous and it drives you mad but I just take deep breaths and try not to let it get on top of me.

Easier said than done I know.

Baby steps is what I recommend. Little steps at a time so maybe eat healthly, its little (not to little) and often apparently. Then just start taking little walks around the house, I always just wander round the house, maybe then do the garden, around your block, then just up to the shops. Gradually build it up. If you do see anyone you know and they do ask whats going on, you dont have to tell them anything if you dont want to, its your personal buisness. Dont ignore them but maybe direct the question back to them.

remember deep breaths, baby steps and if you dont see any improvement in the meds in the next few weeks go back to your doctor for a chat.

Take care,
Dreamer :hearts:
"Some days there won't be a song in your heart, Sing anyway..." - Emory Austin

#9 rattman

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Posted 18 April 2007 - 02:22 PM

Hi there,

I'm a little confused as to what codependency has to do with obsessive thinking? Do you mean the co-dependency like in a relationship or a person that supports an alcoholic spouse? I definitely don't have that, but when you were talking about the woman in the library, I couldn't help but laugh because I've found myself doing that a LOT. I had talked to a psycho-therapist about that and she said it was normal as long as you don't go up to the person and ask them the long list of questions that are going on in your mind.

Logical (or analytical thinking) is what I have to do for my job as a Programmer/Analyst but I do also find that I analyze a people (in my mind) that I see in stores, restaurants, walking down the street.

For me when it gets in the way of relationships/friendships, that is when it is a problem. I'm so 'picky' in dating that the smallest physical flaws bother me -- for example if a person has skin tags or moles that stick out (more than most people) it grosses me out so I could never date them. But I dont' know if that is unreasonable or obsessive thinking because in movies I have seen a person portrayed (like the lunch lady) with a big mole that sticks out on her face and as they talk to someone, the person they are talking to isn't even listening, but thinking stuff like "Man that mole is big! Why doesn't she get rid of that mole? How can she live with that mole? Doesn't she realize how disgusting that mole is? I'm sure if I had a mole like that I'd get it removed!!" -- you know stuff like that.......

It's just a CRAZY world we live in, eh???? :hearts:

J

#10 encore

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Posted 18 April 2007 - 05:07 PM

Don't make any big decisions until you feel better in your head, Cruz. You belong to a very big club of us who have the same problem!

Edited by encore, 18 April 2007 - 05:08 PM.


#11 Darkchild134

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Posted 18 April 2007 - 11:01 PM

I understand the not making decisions until i feel better part....I find it hard to watch people go through life handling change as it comes to them. For me I sometimes want to hunker down and hide from people and not make decisions. Except this makes feel worse. I definetely believe in small steps. It's only through small steps that I've begun to take bigger steps in relationships, career, & hobbies.

I laughed this week when my pastor said do you think you can just flip the thinking in your mind to the way you want it to be? I almost clapped. Yes, that's what I want! Reasonable expectations. Reasonable expectations. Maybe that will work for you.

MRA

#12 katrinasurvivor

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Posted 19 April 2007 - 05:36 PM

Sometimes my husband will ask me what I want to eat and will even give me choices and I can't tell him. That's how hard it is for me to make decisions sometimes when I'm really depressed. It's better to put off making any big ones until you start to feel better. And I always feel better sooner or later. I cycle in and out of depression. I know about the obsessive thoughts, too! If I stop worrying about one thing I just pick up something else to obsess about. It all sounds like pretty standard anxiety and depression working on you. You aren't wierd because you're experiencing these things. Give your med a couple of months to work (I know, that's an eternity). If you don't start feeling better, don't give up! Insist on trying other medications. Inform yourself about medications so you know what you're taking. Don't let all the side-effects scare you though. If you read the possible side effects of aspirin - well, let's just say the FDA would never approve it now - that's what a doctor once told me. I just like to know the side effects so if something wierd starts happening I can say, "Oh, that's one of the possible side effects." If it's tolerable, I wait to see if it goes away, if it's not, tell your doctor and try something else.

Hang in there!

KS

#13 Lupercus

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Posted 19 April 2007 - 07:27 PM

Hi there,

I'm a little confused as to what codependency has to do with obsessive thinking? Do you mean the co-dependency like in a relationship or a person that supports an alcoholic spouse? I definitely don't have that, but when you were talking about the woman in the library, I couldn't help but laugh because I've found myself doing that a LOT. I had talked to a psycho-therapist about that and she said it was normal as long as you don't go up to the person and ask them the long list of questions that are going on in your mind.

Logical (or analytical thinking) is what I have to do for my job as a Programmer/Analyst but I do also find that I analyze a people (in my mind) that I see in stores, restaurants, walking down the street.

For me when it gets in the way of relationships/friendships, that is when it is a problem. I'm so 'picky' in dating that the smallest physical flaws bother me -- for example if a person has skin tags or moles that stick out (more than most people) it grosses me out so I could never date them. But I dont' know if that is unreasonable or obsessive thinking because in movies I have seen a person portrayed (like the lunch lady) with a big mole that sticks out on her face and as they talk to someone, the person they are talking to isn't even listening, but thinking stuff like "Man that mole is big! Why doesn't she get rid of that mole? How can she live with that mole? Doesn't she realize how disgusting that mole is? I'm sure if I had a mole like that I'd get it removed!!" -- you know stuff like that.......

It's just a CRAZY world we live in, eh???? :bump:

J

Hi Rattman,
Long story short on co-dependence: Unhealthy self-sacrificing behavior within a relationship that has dysfunctions. Reasons for that unhealthy self-sacrifice generally find their cause in dysfunctional family of origin environments with resulting warped value patterns, undue guilt and false shame and unconstructive anger management but last but not least a raft of forms of depression of course of which OCD is a manifestation. :hearts:
====
Now as to your example of the mole on the snoot of an otherwise entirely functional and possibly even attractive person (let's not be sexist in this respect). You notice your self-talk and rehearsal/repetition thought patterns? Hasn't it also ocurred to you that others might also have their likes and dislikes about you and nevertheless deal with you? Have you ever been in a situation where such an issue presented itself in a professionaal setting and how did it affect you there? Could you afford to walk out of a Project meeting or out of a User-acceptance test planning-session with clients because of your estimation and validation or lack thereof on their appearance? You care to have a relationship, then you'd better not price yourself out of the market.
With professional things we only talk about our immediate bread and butter in this context, whereas in our relational context we talk about depth investment based on just about anything that we are and seek fulfillment of. Seen in that light, the mole might eventually strike you as a superficial blemish that adds authenticity to the person who is bright, cheerful and possibly attracted towards you. Perfection, after all is utterly dull. It's the arch-enemy of good and, in this imperfect universe, impossible to attain.
Just a couple of thoughts and my $0.02
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's just a stupid thing to say. Cursing tomorrow with sorrow.

#14 08lowrider

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Posted 08 June 2012 - 10:07 AM

After returning from multiple deployments I find it hard to make decisions. I can't find anything on the name of this symptom or treatment. It's not depression. More like burned out on making constant decisions in that environment. It was bad enough that I let a manager talk me out of a job. I spent over 2 1\2 years in that desert. I had it after the first deployment but never during the deployments Strange. Someone needs to look into this.




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