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coldestheart

I Think Counseling Is Making Me Worse

15 posts in this topic

Posted

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I don't know why but i just feel that counseling is making me worse. I have only been a total of three times once a week and every time i get home i feel like crap. And it is like my impregnable wall that i had before and have had my whole life grew spikes and added a lock to its door.

All we are doing is talking about me and how i feel durring the sessions. Maybe that is why it is so hard for me. I don't like to talk about myself and when i do i feel like i am asking for pity which is something that i don't want.

When i said that to my counselor she tried to make me go deeper into that feeling and i hated it. While we were talking about what i thought was nothing she was digging out these stupid things that i didn't know made a difference in my life.

I told her about how i hate to have to rely on people. She asked me for examples and i told her some things. Like i got my first job at 10 working under the table because it was ilegal for a ten year old to have a job. Then started working full time when i was fifteen till i graduated and my parents made me quit. I take self defence classes, a wilderness survival call for fun, and can fix just about anything with my car if it breaks down on me.

Then she pointed out that i have AAA( a car service) so if anything did happen all i would have to do is call them, then that i didn't have to get a job so early becuase my parents wanted to give me money. And that i live in a city so why would i have to know how to survive in the wilderness. She said it was just part of my 'wall' again.

I am beginning to hate that analogy.

Anyway... did this happen to anyone else durring their first sssions? I have been dealing with untreated depression for years and this is the first time i have ever talked to anyone about it.

:hearts: Heart :bump:

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Posted

Hi Coldestheart,

I can understand why you are having a hard time, therapy is not easy, it is hard work and at times very confronting. I know it is hard to talk about yourself and look into things a bit deeper, some things that might seem normal to you, might actually not be and your therapist is trying to get to know you and find a way to best help you.

I hope you will give her the benefit of the doubt, open up to her and try to trust her with your problems.

Don't give up, it is hard work but it will pay off after a while :bump:

SN :hearts:

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Posted

Hey Coldestheart

Ive felt like this aswell, Im an extremely private person and Ive only been going for about a month but its getting to that "personal" stage that everyone hates but is necessary.

I would really recommend sticking with it, even if you loathe it, you may not realise it but it does help. I come out of counselling every week feeling like :hearts: , last week it was a really personal session, I was quiet till I got home, cleaned for 3 hours then crashed out for the rest of the day. Its going to make you feel like :bump: but Ive found that its not to make you happy first off, its to clear your head to make you realise what is wrong and what you can do to make your life that little bit more liveable.

Stick with it and see how it goes, talk on this site aswell, anything thats bothering you, even if it is actually the counselling sessions, rant on here and get it out of your system, its the same as obbessively cleaning for me. It helps.

Take care of yourself,

Dreamer

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Posted

I know exactly where you are coming from.Sending cyber hugs your way.I had my first counselling session last Wednesday.He wanted to take me back to when I was 11 and being molested.I DON'T want to go there,I have even forgot some of it.He said that we have to find the little girl Lisa and make her well before we can work on grown up Lisa.I am in this mess because of my cancer not that pervert.I am going to try a few more sessions.I came out of there last week bawling like a baby.I still feel like crap.Good luck.Maybe we can all help each other through this difficult time in our lives.

Hugs,

Lisa

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Posted

I know what you mean also. For the first month or so, I went home every week crying. And so mentally fried, I had to nap right away. I hate talking about myself, I hate not appearing strong or together (which was all an act anyway) and I hated feeling like if I did any of those things, people I wanted would hate me. I've been going since September and the first few months were HARD. But for me, it's been so worthwhile. I'm glad I stuck it out through the sucky parts when I realized just how much I hated me, so why in the world would I expect anyone else to like me? So anyway, that's the long winded version of hang in there :) I hope things level out for you, it may take a bit but I think it will happen. Keep us posted!

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Posted

As a general rule, counseling sessions will make you feel worse before you start feeling better. Remember, in therapy you are addressing painful and frightening issues. Please hang in there.

((((hugs))))

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Posted

Hi Heart,

If you have been keeping it all inside for years you have been doing what most do. We think we can fix the problem and often don't accept there is a problem at all. You are just realising it's time for help and that's a huge step. You should be proud you have made that step.

Therapy is very hard when you start as you are opening up your secrets that you have protected for so long. Until I had no choice I truly would have preferred to die tthan speak about my feelings or myself. It was terrible. But I became a public speaker and mass group trainer. If I can open up then you too can. And you are. It is just untried ground and you are learning to walk.

It actually sounds to me like the therapist is quite good as the issues are being pinpoiinted. But you could ask to move slower as you are finding it very confronting and can't deal with too much too quickly. Spacing out the sessions is one way.

Remember it's your treatment and you set the rules. Always. If you are sick of that analogy, say so. She'll probably laugh as she would have used it a million times. My doc has one about a broken leg that drove me crazy until I jumped down his throat. Now he tries to vary them.

Never be afraid to say what you think to a therapist or doc. In fact if you don't they may not be able to help. They need all the help you can give them you know.

Best

Friendly

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Posted (edited)

I can relate. I've "just started" seeing a psychologist- I've been 4 times, once a week. I actually skipped 2 weeks because I didn't feel I could go. I find it incredibly draining, and although it's only an hour/hour and a half- I spend the rest of the day "recovering". When she asked me why I missed two weeks, I said honestly that I'm not used to hearing my voice for that long... and I don't really like hearing myself talk that much. She's really good in that I don't notice that I'm saying all sorts of things at the time... but I just feel completely raw and drained at the end. But you know what? Later (the next day) I realize it was a good use of time. It's uncomfortable... but I told myself I was willing to do anything this time to get better. Best of luck to you... hang in there... hopefully with time it will improve for both of us!

edited to add: reading the replies make me SO glad to have found these forums! It's amazing to read thoughts from those that have btdt! Thanks for the insight!

Edited by kaece

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Posted

Some years ago,

professional counseling I sought.

Many social issues, mind in turmoil,

left me so distraught.

Many, many sessions.

over extended period of time;

Seemed not to help ease

my burdened mind.

Poorly thought out decisions

and actions I made;

My life unraveled around me,

my thoughts went astray.

I divulged my life story,

my feelings, my thoughts;

To someone I trusted,

this counselor I sought.

What a fool I was,

so gullible, no naive;

His advice for me,

a mistake to believe.

Self worth and esteem,

you cannot buy;

So difficult to attain,

no matter how much you try.

This friend's words,

just tricks of his trade;

Ultimatly I realized,

it was just a charade.

Finally I left,

in much despair;

My burdened mind,

beyond repair.

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Posted

Unfortunately, since therapy deals with real issues that may be hard to think or talk about, sometimes it takes a while before someone begins to feel that they are actually making progress. Have you talked with your therapist about what you are feeling?

I can tell you that it took me a long time to feel like I was getting anywhere because I personally could not open up to the therapists that I was talking to. Even if they are great, they may not work for everyone...

Please remember that you can talk about stuff that is bothering you on the boards as well and that may help... Good luck and if you need to chat, feel free to write to me.

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Posted

Counseling was always horrible for me because my "counselor/psychiatrist" was a patronizing, condescending a-hole. He sure didn't make it any better.

So I've just been shut off from counseling until I find a better one. You know, someone who actually gives a flying fark.

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Posted

first things first are they qualified? what experience do they have? are they a psychotherapist?

there not all the same, believe me when i say this if after the first few sessions something doesnt feel right, quit and find someone else.

The point here is they cannot make you feel comfortable and also make you feel like you want to go back, there no good at their job either.

most of there training is studying relationships so if they cant strike up a reasonable one withyourself sack em.and exploring deeper feelings from our past should only be done when the client feels he or she wants to share these experiences, when an old wound is opened up its important that the therapist can make it happen in bite size chunks and not leave the client retraumatised. in the wrong hands this a bit of knowledge is dangerous thats why i think councilors and not a psychotherapist with appropriate degree and accredited training afterwards are mostly useless, because you normally find their trying to meet their own needs through the client anyway, the bases of therapy is so that tranference can be examined by the therapist and then healing can start to take place.

Counseling was always horrible for me because my "counselor/psychiatrist" was a patronizing, condescending a-hole. He sure didn't make it any better.

heres my point it only takes a jerk like that to make matters worse it must have been awful

a brilliant poem by the way, i do think self worth and self esteem are the result of successful relationships.

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Posted

It's true at the beginning of therapy that it can seem to get worse at first, before it gets better. It's kind of like surgery, it's like an incision to open things up before there is healing.

However, just because some one is licensed does not make the psychotherapist an effective healer. I agree with Simonb on this point. In fact, there are a whole lot of terrible therapists out there. There are some stories of that on the DF forums. I guess you gotta look around or if you can, get a recommendation from some one you trust.

There are so many different kinds of therapists, also, and one kind of therapy may be right for you whereas another is not. I think the least effective therapy is when you just talk and the therapist sits and listens. So you vent for awhile while in session and temporarily feel better, but have no breakthroughs.

On the whole, though, I think therapy is effective and well worth it.

The one thing therapists never do is let you know when you're done. Has anyone else noticed that? I asked a therapist once and they gave me a vague answer like "well, it's like an onion, that has many layers". I would like to know when I'm done, because it costs money. A therapist one time had a goal-treatment sheet which I appreciated to give an idea for how much progress was made.

The only way that therapy has been detrimental for me was that I blamed my parents a lot for the things that happened since my depression is mostly childhood based. I am learning to forgive my folks and move on.

Anyways, I've digressed a bit.

C. Heart, I hope you find some healing, peace, and strength in therapy. I hope you find the appropriate therapy and therapist and stick with it so you feel better.

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Posted

i can relate to this totaly. i have only had one session with my counselor but it was one of the hardest things i have ever done in my life. i couldnt talk much and just clammed up. i left there feeling worse and spent the rest of the day really low.

hopefully when i get another appt it will be easier but my problem is that i really struggle to let my guard down, i cannot talk about my feelings at all. someone suggested to me to write my feelings down. i might try that next time.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

dolph

xx

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Posted

I agree, counselling is a special treatment which can sometimes cause more depression than relieve it. I would seriously recommend trying CBT, this helped a lot for me - not just from depression, but also an anxiety related scenarios.

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