[Sacred Journey]

I was wondering if others share the same problem I do...


I was never officially diagnosed with OCD, but I do have obsessive tendancies and a great deal of fear and phobias.

I do tend to "obsess" over things, such as experienes, conversations, music, etc, etc, but not really over objects. My main "obsession" problem is with people. I get these fixations on people that I can't shake for months, sometimes a year or perhaps longer. I never want to be fixated on them, and it tears me up because I can't make it stop. Why couldn't I have just silly obsessions over objects? Why must it be people?

Something about a certain person will interest me. Usually of the opposite sex. I don't necessarily have a "crush" on that person; I just happen to find them interesting in some way. (The thing that is intriguing about them often is very small, at first.) This eventually progresses into an obsession, and I can't get them out of my mind. Everything reminds me of them. I don't know what to do to make it stop.

It is usually with a person I do not know, or if I know them at all, they are merely an acquaintance, if even that.  I have never had many friends, and the few friends I do have are not in much contact with me. Emotional blockages keep me from doing things I would love to do (music, writing, etc.) and I don't have much to focus on. I find when I am especially lonely and vulnerable, an obsession creeps up on me.


It's just terrible. I can't enjoy life this way. It seems to be happening again, and I don't know what to do. What's worse is I fear that person will know. I would not be surprised if they aleady suspect something, because the nonverbal language we communicate to other people can say so much...This frightens me, because there is probably so much I am telling that person without my being aware of it...They must think I am so strange! I just can't live with myself this way...It sickens me that I get obsessed like this.

Overall I am a very quiet, shy person. If I know the person I am obsessing over, I try not to talk to them...But shy as I am, sometimes it is hard. I have been asking a certain person a lot of questions lately about things...Also I catch myself looking at them without meaning to, or if they come into a room...I never want to, but yet it happens anyway. I can't stand it, it's just terrible. I feel so strange. This person must be very very disturbed by me.

Am I the only one who deals with this "people obsessing" to this extent? Does anyone here deal with it too? If so how on do you get rid of it?

[Jkm]

Are  these people you are interested in or do you find that's it's anyone?  Are you interested in persuing a relationship of friendship with them?

[Sacred Journey]

Fmadhadder and Jkm, Thank you for your replies.

Fmadhadder - When I was still on meds and a bit more comfortable with talking to people, I had tried what you are talking about (talking to people,) and I find that if the obsession is bad enough, I will just have a compulsion to ask them about the person I am obsessing over, or mention that person, etc. (I never usually do, of course). I am not interested much in [other] things that I, or they have to say because I cannot get my mind off that one person. I feel absolutely terrible about it though-- I really try to be interested in other things...But I can't seem to shake the obsession. That is if the obsession is really, really bad. If it isn't, interest in other things is a bit easier, but I am still anxious because that one person is lurking in the back of my mind, and try as I might I cannot push them away.

Jkm -  If an obsession begins, I would have to think that something about a person has already sparked my interest in some way, and I am already interested in knowing them/befriending them. It is usually not a romantic thing, although sometimes it will be a mild "crush". Somehow it turns into obsession, and I just hate it. I never asked to be obsessed with these people. It's as if my mind has a "mind" of its own. [If that makes any sense.]

[Sacred Journey]

Well I go to school, then come home and attempt homework. I have trouble focusing on things, though.

If I am not doing that I am probably reading, messing around online, or listening to music. I have a deep love for music...If I could read notes, I would play piano...But currently there is no one to at least teach me the chords. I really, really hate to bring up my 'problems' so much, and sound like I am making excuses, but I have tried piano lessons several times in the past...At the time I did not know dyscalculia was preventing me from understanding how to read music.

So anyway, this results in a lot of frustration, because music is totally what I want to do with my life. I end up reading, listening to music, or going online if I have nothing else to do.


About your not making a point -- That is okay, I see where you were going with what you were saying.

I am sorry you are stuck in a wheelchair...That must be depressing at times. I hope there are things in life you find joy in doing to compensate.

[Sacred Journey]

I am sorry you are alone like that. That is no way to enjoy life.  :(  I know how you feel, from a different standpoint. Helping people does tend to make a person feel better, I know it does for me.

I hope your wife comes back soon. Are there other things you like doing? Any hobby of some sort? If not, you could try different things, creative things. My grandmother never realized she could paint until she tried it one day. It might be the same for you in something.

Dyscalculia is like dyslexia in a way, yes. It is a math disability. To put it simply, it is the inability to solve math problems and understand mathematical concepts.

[sweet~pea~me]

sj~
i went through an "obsession" of two people myself.  i hated to call it that, but that's what it was...an obsession.  i idealized these two people, C&M.  i started dreaming of them as my parents, and i couldn't stop no matter how much i wanted to.  i kept telling myself that these thoughts were sick, hoping they'd go away.  they didn't.

it wasn't until i talked with my T that i figured out the reason for my obsession: i did not have a good enough relationship with my own parents, so i conjured surrogate ones.  of course, C&M could never have really been my parents.  but i was so obsessed with them because of my own lack of parental figures.

figure out what's triggering your obsessions and see if there is another solution to the problem.  chances are, there is.

~SPM

[libra]

I tend to have small obsessions lasting over months.  I don't know if this is relevant to any particular disorder or if it's just human nature.  I have always been bothered by being concerned about people long after they were gone from my life...

[libra]

yeah I get that too dude.

[nave]

Sacred, I know exactly what you are going through. I do the same thing, over and over. I'm currently doing it and don't know how to stop. I'm angry at myself that I can't control my OCD. It used to come out as hoarding and then as obsessive cleaning. Now my obsessions are over members of the opposite sex. I meet one, instantly get attached, and must have them. I met a guy, after 48 hours had slept with him, and then moved on to talking about him, thinking about him, wondering where he was and what he was doing at all hours of the day and night, calling his house, driving by it. Really, being a stalker, though with no control. I hate myself for doing it but I honestly don't know how to stop and it worries me. I'm engaged to someone else! I don't want to do this anymore, but I don't know what to do to stop it.

I have no answers for you but you are not alone.

[sapec]

I am new here and so glad to see the posts here. Recently, I have had this obsession about this beautiful woman who has remarried a wealthy and handsome widower with a child. She is pretty well known in our area. I keep obsessing about them...I try to learn abou them through other friends etc. I keep thinking about his dead wife and feeling very very sorry for her, and her relatives. (she died very young). I have never met any of them and dont know them personally. I keep thinking about that situation, and its depressing me a lot. I cried a lot yesterday. I know my obsession is indicative of other things happening in my life but the first thing I want to do is to remove this happy couple  from my head.  I am going to mcrazy. This is the second time this mhas happened to me.

I am undergoing therapy but my obsession seems to have gotten worse. CAn someone offer insights?

[KonekoD]

I think it is definitely possible to obsess over people. I have, it usually started as an attraction then became an infatuation finally obsession. It's hard to get over something like that. Time away from the focus of the obsession helps.

[Regarde]

I suffer from obsessions over people myself, my current one has lasted about 6 months so far and it shows no signs of calming down. The man I'm obsessed with is a thatre star and i've spent all my cash following the show around the country just so i can meet him, I haven't managed it yet so I'm going again in February.
I think about him all the time. I'm very attracted to him physically but I also admire him greatly. This thing is taking over my life and I find myself sometimes crying because I can't have him.
I need help

[Lizzy]

Welcome Regarde! It's difficult when a fantasy takes over - but remember a relationship will not work! This person has a life outside of yours ....... travelling, keeping in contact with his family/friends, keeping his fan-base up to date etc.; and would you want a person who is out and about 24/7? It's OK to 'pretend' or think about what it *might* be like to be involved with a show-biz person but in reality, they are heavily commited to their job - otherwise they would not be popular! Also there is so much stress involved in this type of job that the physical side often goes by the way-side, all the entertainer wants to do is watch a video then fall into deep sleep on their return home!

I have friends in the music world and they are rarely home! Their families live a 'single-type' life-style and they have to fit in with it on their return! The wives shoulder all the sickness/worries/money problems/schooling whilst the musicians are out and about earning. Like you I followed them from place to place but am fully aware that they have a life outside of the fans/travelling etc..

Enjoy the shows! Enjoy meeting others who share your enthisiasm! Take a look at how much time it takes to set up such a show: the lighting crews, sound checks, travelling, hotel arrangements etc.; it's not as Glam as it appears from the front row ;-)

[Regarde]

Hi Lizzy, thank you for replying.
Everything you say makes sense. I think part of my problem is I'm in love with the theatre etc, I'm involved with shows myself and would love to become a pro and this man is everything I would love to be and has everything I look for in someone. He is actually married (to a guy) so there is no false hope of a relationship at all. I'm sure I'll get over this in time, it's just so exausting and depressing thinking about him 24/7 and the intense feelings I have really worry me because I feel like a freak.
I've always been the same, I find it very difficult to have a relationships with men because I'm forever comparing them to someone else, I seem so particular about what attracts me in a man that I've become so fussy and seem to exist soley in a dream world. ugh, it drives me nuts

[cravethesin]

Well, I do obsess about people. People that are a threat to me, or that I am in a relationship with, or that are courting me.

I obsessed about my then-boyfriend's ex. I couldn't stop. I haven't stopped. I peer through windows to catch a glimpse. I know everything. You could say that I am a stalker. A very, very, very good one. I even calculated the angles from the photographs in her house to determine her proximity to the street, and I deduced from context clues where she lives. And I'm correct. It's weird that I obsess. To think that I am scared s***less when I'm obsessed over! Haha.

I am also obsessed about this sort-of-boyfriend-but-not-really's ex. Same. All the same. I predict the percent weight gain (hurrah!) or weight loss (boo!). I know everything. I even create fake email accounts. Stalking is so easy these days. Really.

I've stalked so many of my 'boys' too. I want to know EVERYTHING.

It's weird knowing so much. And I don't know why I remain fixated. I am very habitual in nature. So it really doesn't die hard.

Ugh. I've so many issues. D***it.

[Regarde]

[quote name='cravethesin' date='Nov 28 2006, 04:31 PM' post='175302']

it's interesting to see how obsessions manifest differently in different people. Cravethesin, it must be strange knowing so much about people, the thing with the window measurements is pretty far out. It's not a nice thing to have to deal with, I'm sick of feling like I'm in love with a man I've never even met, but I can't help it.

I guess we just need to ride these things out

[Lizzy]

Being 'in love' and loving a person are two different things. The latter is long-term. The latter means accepting things you might not like aobut someone but putting up with them anyway, because the good outweighs the annoying.

Being 'in love' is like a crush - we get a surge of intense desire: sexual, desire to be with that person, desire to know all about that person - where they go, who with, when they get home, what car they drive, what they eat etc.. It can overwhelm us! But in reality, what we would like them to be is probably way off the mark!

To grow is to get over these crushes. To accept that they happen but unless a person is completely unhinged the desire should not be followed up! To do so is to risk looking a complete fool! It's better to dream a little than to find out the truth.

Photos of events are good memories to keep. Also autographs which may become valuable LOL! But we must keep hold of reality.

Cravethesin: How would you like to be stalked? To have the feeling of being continuously watched? How many people do you think actually live their lives watching others? None of us owns another person: not their time, their love, their actions!

[cravethesin]

Lizzy, on Nov 29 2006, 09:08 PM, said:

Being 'in love' and loving a person are two different things. The latter is long-term. The latter means accepting things you might not like aobut someone but putting up with them anyway, because the good outweighs the annoying.

Being 'in love' is like a crush - we get a surge of intense desire: sexual, desire to be with that person, desire to know all about that person - where they go, who with, when they get home, what car they drive, what they eat etc.. It can overwhelm us! But in reality, what we would like them to be is probably way off the mark!

To grow is to get over these crushes. To accept that they happen but unless a person is completely unhinged the desire should not be followed up! To do so is to risk looking a complete fool! It's better to dream a little than to find out the truth.

Photos of events are good memories to keep. Also autographs which may become valuable LOL! But we must keep hold of reality.

Cravethesin: How would you like to be stalked? To have the feeling of being continuously watched? How many people do you think actually live their lives watching others? None of us owns another person: not their time, their love, their actions!

I never stalk them physically, you know. And I'm not the dangerous type.

I guess, I just want to know everything about them because I am so highly insecure that I compare myself to them. Even the minute details matter. So there.

I just want to compare. Because I extrapolate a myriad of things from minute details. My mind works that way. I do not invade their privacy- if that is what you're thinking. I only use (and deduce from) what is publicly available.

[violetspike]

Reading the posts reminds me of this repetitive dream I use to have. I would dream of my 'dream guy' and he was perfect for me in every way yet he was still so mysterious. I watched him from a distance. When awake, during the days I would recall him from my dreams and wish he was real. But I don't think that I could feel those same feelings for someone in real life. The feelings I got are not realistic to real life for me. And there is no such person in real life. I think it is fun to fantasize ever once in a while.

I get very curious about people when we first meet. I ask a lot of questions. I am still curious about my old friends, but its different. Once I already know a lot about them, though the relationship itself may be better, the newness has gone, kind of like in a love relationship, not that its not as good, just different.

I wonder where obsessions come from. I wonder if obsessions begin with a simple curiosity that is fueled by something else like a want or need of something we search for on some level. I don't know but the topic is interesting.

[Regarde]

It is an interesting subject. I think mine does come from wanting another life, a better more interesting life than I already have. It's rare that I meet guys that I could potentially fall for and have a meaningful relationship with. My obsessions (cringe) are always over men I don't know, they're usually famous and I see them once and I'm instantly attracted to them in a way that drives me crazy, then I ride it out, knowing I'll get over it soon. That doesn't seem to be happening this time though, probably because I've seen him in the flesh which made me worse because he's a d*** fine man. Hmmmmm

[Sacred Journey]

An interesting subject, indeed.

As I may have mentioned previously, my obsession has (thankfully) ceased. I have not seen the person in a year, and eventually the feeling waned. State of mind will most likely determine whether or not the obsession will return.

My reasons for obsessing seem similar to those of you who have previously posted. I think it is fueled by the need to experience fulfillment; success. Most of my life has been spent in isolation, due to disabilities - Not necessarily physical isolation. As I've mentioned before, I process slower than the average individual - This has inhibited me from having any success socially, in education, and in general, normal life. Probably, one of the ways I compensate is through obsessions. The world can't slow down for me, and most people involved in it don't want or know how to, so I build my understanding of, and sense of connection with people by fixating on one, and studying him closely. Just an idea, though. It is certainly nothing I do on purpose, and much of it is subconscious, as I’ve mentioned in the other post, and as many of you know from experience.

Though the human mind is completely fascinating to me, and with my particular physical and psychological makeup, this just might be one of the side affects for such interests.

I hope those of you with obsessions will have relief soon.

[acdc111999]

sweet~pea~me, on May 31 2005, 11:40 PM, said:

<font color='#8D38C9'>sj~
i went through an "obsession" of two people myself.  i hated to call it that, but that's what it was...an obsession.  i idealized these two people, C&M.  i started dreaming of them as my parents, and i couldn't stop no matter how much i wanted to.  i kept telling myself that these thoughts were sick, hoping they'd go away.  they didn't.

it wasn't until i talked with my T that i figured out the reason for my obsession: i did not have a good enough relationship with my own parents, so i conjured surrogate ones.  of course, C&M could never have really been my parents.  but i was so obsessed with them because of my own lack of parental figures.

figure out what's triggering your obsessions and see if there is another solution to the problem.  chances are, there is.

~SPM</font>

Do you still have this obsession? If not, how did you get rid of it? What knowing the reason for it enough?

[EvinLejonhjarta]

Hi there

I understand your feelings, I have never been diagnosed as OCD either and I dont think I am, or maybe I am to an extent, but, I understand your feelings and what you go thru! I think this has many different interpretations and I am going to give you mine, from the way I can relate to your feelings. Please know I am not into medicine and psychology so I am not a doc or medical in any way!

Ok, what I think this is is that it comes from your being shy, as you said. You also say that you dont have many friends, so sometimes when we dont have many friends we just want to get to know others and we get a little obsessed with them because they give us some small amount of attention. I can be that way sometmes, but I dont think I get obsessed about it, just overwhelmed. I get so happy about talking to people that I start babbling and tell them a lot of things, sometimes that has been a good thing and I have made a new friend, other times that has been a bad thing and I have been hurt.

I think why this is someone you dont know is that its easier to start thinking about people that we dont know than those we know very well, altho sometimes it can be the opposite. I think also if that person has awoken a very strong feeling in us, we become more interested in them.

Its hard to explain, but I hope you understand.

Best wishes

Evin

[Pinkhippo]

I obsess over people too, I have done ever since I was 11, it started with a girl at school and then it moved onto a man who worked as a security guard near the school and for the past 11 years it's been a man from a band. These obsessions are totally different to a crush, it is litrally a complete obsession and it is really getting me down, I could really see myself being a stalker if I had the oportunity and I hate that.

[professortinkle]

Pinkhippo, on Jan 8 2007, 01:06 PM, said:

I obsess over people too, I have done ever since I was 11, it started with a girl at school and then it moved onto a man who worked as a security guard near the school and for the past 11 years it's been a man from a band. These obsessions are totally different to a crush, it is litrally a complete obsession and it is really getting me down, I could really see myself being a stalker if I had the oportunity and I hate that.

Well I seem to have many obsessions over people. I am a huge fan of Frankie Howerd and Kenneth Williams. But of lately I have been getting into watching Doctor Who, and I love the portayal of the Seventh doctor played by Sylvester McCoy (see avatar). People think that I fancy him and want to have his babies, which is not true. I just totally respect the man and enjoy his work on which he does on Doctor Who.

[calisto]

Wow... I have this exact issue. I always thought that it was just because I was desperately lonely, and I desired company.

I fixate on people, usually opposite sex, but sometimes it can be male friends. It can be a romantic fixation, which I create out of the slightest thing, or it can be because they are emotionally hurt, and I desperately need to help them. I invest my entire heart into them, even if i've known them....days... weeks.
The other person tends to get freaked/weirded out, and i know what I am doing is odd, and that there is no basis for the obsession but I can't help it. Inevitably, they break off contact and it shatters me, as though i've lost a long time partner.

It's a horrible thing this problem. I wish it was out of my head.

[obsessions001]

Hey what's up? I just joined this thing a few days ago. Out of desperation to see what the hell my problem was in google I typed in "obsessing over people" I saw this depression site and read your comment. Your honesty saved my life. My obsessing over people has been kept a secret for so long and now I am done trying to hide it, I am done trying to ignore it like the problem doesn't exist. I am obsessed with someone and I just want it to go away! How are you dealing with your obsessions over people? Do you currently have someone that you are obsessed over?? Please reply to this as I would really appreciate it! Thanks.
Have a good day,
Karen

acdc111999, on Dec 4 2006, 10:54 AM, said:

sweet~pea~me, on May 31 2005, 11:40 PM, said:

<font color='#8D38C9'>sj~
i went through an "obsession" of two people myself.  i hated to call it that, but that's what it was...an obsession.  i idealized these two people, C&M.  i started dreaming of them as my parents, and i couldn't stop no matter how much i wanted to.  i kept telling myself that these thoughts were sick, hoping they'd go away.  they didn't.

it wasn't until i talked with my T that i figured out the reason for my obsession: i did not have a good enough relationship with my own parents, so i conjured surrogate ones.  of course, C&M could never have really been my parents.  but i was so obsessed with them because of my own lack of parental figures.

figure out what's triggering your obsessions and see if there is another solution to the problem.  chances are, there is.

~SPM</font>

Do you still have this obsession? If not, how did you get rid of it? What knowing the reason for it enough?

[rsoph]

Wow, I do the same thing.....

I was obsessed over my ex...Couldn't stop thinking about him or crying about us breaking up, and despite the fact that I loved him, I didn't want to be with him and it was irritating as hell not being able to stop thinking about him.

Similarly, theres another guy who I am somewhat obsessed with. There's just something about him. I find myself wanting to spend time with him, wanting him to talk to me, and wondering what he's doing. I don't fancy him really but he has a girlfriend now, and for some reason that really freaks me out.
I don't want to be with this guy, hell, I don't even really want to be friends with him but there is SOMETHING about him that I am so curious to discover.. I hope it goes away because I can relate everything to him and its really annoying!

[EvinLejonhjarta]

I think in many ways this has to do with feeling alone and that we are afraid someone other is going to take the other person away from us or something, that suddenly the persons we love will find someone better than us to love and leave us behind. Does anyone think that makes sense? I am that way sometimes, I think that way, that the people I love will stop loving me and find someone/some other people who is/are better than I am.

[EvinLejonhjarta]

I think a way to heal this is to recognise whats behind it, if theres anything behind it, such as feeling alone, being afraid that we are going to be abandoned or something.

I do that sometimes anyway, when I get really worried that someone I love will stop loving me, I think about the logical reason, is it really true that they dont love me or something?
have I seen any signs that tells they dont care and so on?

Hmmm probably not making sense....

Evin