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Obsessions over People...

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Posted

I was wondering if others share the same problem I do...

I was never officially diagnosed with OCD, but I do have obsessive tendancies and a great deal of fear and phobias.

I do tend to "obsess" over things, such as experienes, conversations, music, etc, etc, but not really over objects. My main "obsession" problem is with people. I get these fixations on people that I can't shake for months, sometimes a year or perhaps longer. I never want to be fixated on them, and it tears me up because I can't make it stop. Why couldn't I have just silly obsessions over objects? Why must it be people?

Something about a certain person will interest me. Usually of the opposite sex. I don't necessarily have a "crush" on that person; I just happen to find them interesting in some way. (The thing that is intriguing about them often is very small, at first.) This eventually progresses into an obsession, and I can't get them out of my mind. Everything reminds me of them. I don't know what to do to make it stop.

It is usually with a person I do not know, or if I know them at all, they are merely an acquaintance, if even that.

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Posted

I am very insecure about myself, I override it by going to a vastly public place and delibertely talking to people. Ok mainly bars but still. Are you old enough for bars? They are a great way to start talking and giving yourself exposure to what others really think about you. Then you won't have to obsess over anyone because you won't be lonely and running to fantasy for comfort.

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Posted

I don't mean to imply that you have to drink all the time. At bars people are already a little loose and less likely to give you a negative response. Although this is not guarenteed. I have had women tell me to "F" off before. I refuse to let it hurt me because that is why I am there.To saturate myself with what I fear most. I think low of myself and this is positive reinforcement for me because most (99%) are very happy to talk to me.

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Posted

Are  these people you are interested in or do you find that's it's anyone?  Are you interested in persuing a relationship of friendship with them?

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Posted

Fmadhadder and Jkm, Thank you for your replies.

Fmadhadder - When I was still on meds and a bit more comfortable with talking to people, I had tried what you are talking about (talking to people,) and I find that if the obsession is bad enough, I will just have a compulsion to ask them about the person I am obsessing over, or mention that person, etc. (I never usually do, of course). I am not interested much in [other] things that I, or they have to say because I cannot get my mind off that one person. I feel absolutely terrible about it though-- I really try to be interested in other things...But I can't seem to shake the obsession. That is if the obsession is really, really bad. If it isn't, interest in other things is a bit easier, but I am still anxious because that one person is lurking in the back of my mind, and try as I might I cannot push them away.

Jkm -

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Posted

I don't know. What do you do during the day? Do you work, school, wonder around mumbling to yourself in public?  ???

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Posted

Hey we are all freaks in here. I know I am. I obsess sometimes. Not all the time and probably not to the degree that you do but for me it is my body that I obsess over. And my wifes  :p  I don't like my body anymore. i used to be in great shape, very muscular, fit, slightly over weight but manageable. Now i am stuck in a wheelchair, no muscles, very unfit,and so on.

ok I thought I had a point to make but i guess not.

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Posted

Well I go to school, then come home and attempt homework. I have trouble focusing on things, though.

If I am not doing that I am probably reading, messing around online, or listening to music. I have a deep love for music...If I could read notes, I would play piano...But currently there is no one to at least teach me the chords. I really, really hate to bring up my 'problems' so much, and sound like I am making excuses, but I have tried piano lessons several times in the past...At the time I did not know dyscalculia was preventing me from understanding how to read music.

So anyway, this results in a lot of frustration, because music is totally what I want to do with my life. I end up reading, listening to music, or going online if I have nothing else to do.

About your not making a point -- That is okay, I see where you were going with what you were saying.

I am sorry you are stuck in a wheelchair...That must be depressing at times. I hope there are things in life you find joy in doing to compensate.

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Posted

Talking to and possibly helping wonderful people like you. That makes me happy. I am utterly alone. I live in a big empty house. I have a computer, tv, and bed. So i spend my time online looking for someone to talk to and people to help. I am married but i haven't seen her for a while. I am starting to feel a little abandoned.

What is dyscalculia? I have never heard of that. Is it like dyslexia?

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Posted

I am sorry you are alone like that. That is no way to enjoy life.

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Posted

intriguing. I have a propensity for intrinsic words. Not really. Just kidding. My hobby used to be weight lifting. I had a passion for it.I am a broke spirit now thoughSomeone took my spirit and they deny any culpability. I might see my wife in a few days. We talk, kind of. I didn' think that was possible to not understand any mathematical concepts. You get basic math don't you? I never got into Algebra or calculus or logorythms or anything but i got past fractions at least. Did you? I am so curious about this phenomena now.

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Posted

No one can take your spirit FMH. I am certain you had some really horrible things happen to you. But as we learn in 12 step, we are all responsible for our own destiny. We can't sit and be a victim for the rest of our lives. You can't blame someone else for taking your spirit. You may have a broken spirit, but you can also pick yourself up and instead of sitting in a big empty house with just a tv, computer, and bed, since you say you enjoy helping people, get out and volunteer. Even from a wheelchair, you can be a blessing to the world and others. The more you bless others, the more blessings you will receive yourself. Your spirit will heal and be rebuilt and grow. But the longer you stay in that little room doing nothing, the more shriveled up and crippled your spirit will become, until it dies.

But please. Be honest. Be a man and take responsibility for your own issues. Don't blame them on anyone else. As a wise person once told me, we are all responsible for our own feelings, and we are only a victim if we choose the victim mentality. We can be victimized. But noone can make us a victim.

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Posted

I talked to that same man.

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Posted

sj~

i went through an "obsession" of two people myself.  i hated to call it that, but that's what it was...an obsession.  i idealized these two people, C&M.  i started dreaming of them as my parents, and i couldn't stop no matter how much i wanted to.  i kept telling myself that these thoughts were sick, hoping they'd go away.  they didn't.

it wasn't until i talked with my T that i figured out the reason for my obsession: i did not have a good enough relationship with my own parents, so i conjured surrogate ones.  of course, C&M could never have really been my parents.  but i was so obsessed with them because of my own lack of parental figures.

figure out what's triggering your obsessions and see if there is another solution to the problem.  chances are, there is.

~SPM

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Posted

Yea I would say there is always an underlying situation motivating our deviated mentality.

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Posted

I tend to have small obsessions lasting over months.  I don't know if this is relevant to any particular disorder or if it's just human nature.  I have always been bothered by being concerned about people long after they were gone from my life...

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Posted

My obsessions go for music repeating itself over and over again in my head until i play the song. When i meet someone i like for the first time I tend to think a lot on them. Until i get to know them.

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Posted

yeah I get that too dude.

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Posted

Sacred, I know exactly what you are going through. I do the same thing, over and over. I'm currently doing it and don't know how to stop. I'm angry at myself that I can't control my OCD. It used to come out as hoarding and then as obsessive cleaning. Now my obsessions are over members of the opposite sex. I meet one, instantly get attached, and must have them. I met a guy, after 48 hours had slept with him, and then moved on to talking about him, thinking about him, wondering where he was and what he was doing at all hours of the day and night, calling his house, driving by it. Really, being a stalker, though with no control. I hate myself for doing it but I honestly don't know how to stop and it worries me. I'm engaged to someone else! I don't want to do this anymore, but I don't know what to do to stop it.

I have no answers for you but you are not alone.

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Posted

I am new here and so glad to see the posts here. Recently, I have had this obsession about this beautiful woman who has remarried a wealthy and handsome widower with a child. She is pretty well known in our area. I keep obsessing about them...I try to learn abou them through other friends etc. I keep thinking about his dead wife and feeling very very sorry for her, and her relatives. (she died very young). I have never met any of them and dont know them personally. I keep thinking about that situation, and its depressing me a lot. I cried a lot yesterday. I know my obsession is indicative of other things happening in my life but the first thing I want to do is to remove this happy couple  from my head.  I am going to mcrazy. This is the second time this mhas happened to me.

I am undergoing therapy but my obsession seems to have gotten worse. CAn someone offer insights?

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Posted

I think it is definitely possible to obsess over people. I have, it usually started as an attraction then became an infatuation finally obsession. It's hard to get over something like that. Time away from the focus of the obsession helps.

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Posted

I suffer from obsessions over people myself, my current one has lasted about 6 months so far and it shows no signs of calming down. The man I'm obsessed with is a thatre star and i've spent all my cash following the show around the country just so i can meet him, I haven't managed it yet so I'm going again in February.

I think about him all the time. I'm very attracted to him physically but I also admire him greatly. This thing is taking over my life and I find myself sometimes crying because I can't have him.

I need help

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Posted

Welcome Regarde! It's difficult when a fantasy takes over - but remember a relationship will not work! This person has a life outside of yours ....... travelling, keeping in contact with his family/friends, keeping his fan-base up to date etc.; and would you want a person who is out and about 24/7? It's OK to 'pretend' or think about what it *might* be like to be involved with a show-biz person but in reality, they are heavily commited to their job - otherwise they would not be popular! Also there is so much stress involved in this type of job that the physical side often goes by the way-side, all the entertainer wants to do is watch a video then fall into deep sleep on their return home!

I have friends in the music world and they are rarely home! Their families live a 'single-type' life-style and they have to fit in with it on their return! The wives shoulder all the sickness/worries/money problems/schooling whilst the musicians are out and about earning. Like you I followed them from place to place but am fully aware that they have a life outside of the fans/travelling etc..

Enjoy the shows! Enjoy meeting others who share your enthisiasm! Take a look at how much time it takes to set up such a show: the lighting crews, sound checks, travelling, hotel arrangements etc.; it's not as Glam as it appears from the front row ;-)

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Posted

Hi Lizzy, thank you for replying.

Everything you say makes sense. I think part of my problem is I'm in love with the theatre etc, I'm involved with shows myself and would love to become a pro and this man is everything I would love to be and has everything I look for in someone. He is actually married (to a guy) so there is no false hope of a relationship at all. I'm sure I'll get over this in time, it's just so exausting and depressing thinking about him 24/7 and the intense feelings I have really worry me because I feel like a freak.

I've always been the same, I find it very difficult to have a relationships with men because I'm forever comparing them to someone else, I seem so particular about what attracts me in a man that I've become so fussy and seem to exist soley in a dream world. ugh, it drives me nuts

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Posted

Well, I do obsess about people. People that are a threat to me, or that I am in a relationship with, or that are courting me.

I obsessed about my then-boyfriend's ex. I couldn't stop. I haven't stopped. I peer through windows to catch a glimpse. I know everything. You could say that I am a stalker. A very, very, very good one. I even calculated the angles from the photographs in her house to determine her proximity to the street, and I deduced from context clues where she lives. And I'm correct. It's weird that I obsess. To think that I am scared s***less when I'm obsessed over! Haha.

I am also obsessed about this sort-of-boyfriend-but-not-really's ex. Same. All the same. I predict the percent weight gain (hurrah!) or weight loss (boo!). I know everything. I even create fake email accounts. Stalking is so easy these days. Really.

I've stalked so many of my 'boys' too. I want to know EVERYTHING.

It's weird knowing so much. And I don't know why I remain fixated. I am very habitual in nature. So it really doesn't die hard.

Ugh. I've so many issues. D***it.

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