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How To Deal With Cranky People


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11 replies to this topic

#1 misfit

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 09:06 AM

Hey guys,
I have been doing fairly well, especially since this time of year is the worst for me (cold, no sunlight etc). In the past few days I have had some really good days. But then I come home and my mom and my friend that lives with us have nbeen totally miserable. They have really been getting me down. It's one thing when it is some random person, but when it is people I care about and live with it is something else. I hate seeing my mom depressed, but at the same time, I want her to not take it out on me, which she has been doing.
I am not good with random people who are jerks either. Is there a book or something on how to deal with crabby people? I am so sick of others always bringing me down. I know that I should not take things personally, and I know that often our interpretation of events makes us internalize. I know that my mom and roomate being Biotchy may not have to do with me...but it still gets me down. ARRRGH
Anyone have any suggustions?
Misfit
We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves-Buddha

#2 Ajumbledmess

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 09:14 AM

I dont know if there is a book or not. But I know I have my cranky days too but I try to not share it. I think sometimes ppl dont realize how they r acting

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"Sometimes we need to hurt in order to grow we must fail in order to know we must lose in order to gain some lessons are learned best through pain."







#3 mmoose

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 09:22 AM

Winter is half over....(that's my glass half full for the day)

1) Watch Grumpy Old Men...realize that some people like being "grumpy". A friend who served in the Navy once told me thier old saying..." a b!tching sailor is a happy sailor"...so worry when they are quiet.
I'm usually grumpy. I think the co-workers have figured out to skip the small talk and niceties...get to business. Give me something to think about so I skip the misc comments.

2) grumpy and jerks are two different things. Grumpy is about me. Jerks is about being mean to someone else.

3) random grumpy, play with them when you can. Extra smile, extra nice. I usally try to do the funny/laugh thing and see how much they can repress.

4) family grumpy, especially parents is a whole different ballgame. I think the wife plays into it on me...instead of "dishwasher broke, fix it", she does more of a "here's something to actually be grumpy about, the dishwasher broke".
Putting the actual term grumpy in a sentence can help defuse sometimes.

just some thoughts...it's Friday, right?
martymoose

#4 Jkm

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 09:33 AM

Oh Boy, I know what it's like to be around cranky people. My husband got laid off, and he can be REAL cranky and miserable, and my Mom is 75 with all kinds of arthritic issues and her phone calls just about send me through the roof. She's so LOUD, I swear she needs a hearing aid, but I'm not going to tell her. Anyone who is in the same room as I am can hear all her complaints, she's so loud!!

I don't know what to tell you other than to acknowledge their issues, just like we want someone to listen to us and acknowledge ours. Maybe something special like a card in the mail or a couple of fresh flowers would take their mind of their pain for a minute. All I need to do for my husband is listen and make him something good to eat so he feels that someone is taking care of him. I have a urn of fresh vegetable soup cooking as we speak. I'm off for the next two day, and he's already started with the miserable talk, lol!


If you know these people, you may know how to turn their crank and get them in a better mood. I know this seems like a hard thing to do, but when you think about it, other people do this for us!

Love, Jackie
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I have GAD. I worry about everything, lol!

#5 Avery

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 10:10 AM

I think that sometimes people just don't realize how they're coming across. Like for myself, I'm super shy but other people tend to think I'm being a snob or a b*****. I try to keep that in mind when I meet new people that I want to make a good impression on... like in trying to remember to smile, or making an effort at small talk or asking how the person's doing, etc. It's also like practicing for me. And sometimes I can handle it, and sometimes I can't, but even if I freak out and have to bail, at least later I know I tried.

Anyway, I think families usually take their grumpiness or whatever out on other family members more because they're most comfortable around those people and kind of take for granted the fact that you can get away with a lot in front of family and they'll still (usually) love you anyway.

I don't know what kind of person your mom is or your relationship with her, but maybe you could go to her and make an effort and try to expain to her how her irritability with you has been dragging you down. I've always been told that when approaching someone about something like this, to use "I" sentences and not "you" sentences. As in, "I feel that..." instead of "You're making me feel like..." And it has seemed to help people not get so instantly defensive. Maybe she just doesn't know she's being so grumpy to you, and once she knows, she can try to work on the behavior.

But, I know that can be difficult because she is your mom, and when I was younger or when she was in certain moods, even trying to say something like that to my mom would set her off. Then again, she was bipolar. Either way, it's just a suggestion. You could also try removing yourself from the situation if she starts getting angry at you for no reason. She might come to you later and ask why you haven't been talking much to her, and that's another opportunity to express yourself. That worked with myself and a friend when she was acting like that.

Sorry to ramble. It's definitely hard not to be dragged down when you're surrounded by people in a bad mood. But try to stay positive and focus on yourself and the things you enjoy.

-Avery
"I'm not crazy. I'm just a little unwell."


"I guess some people are just born with tragedy in their blood."


"Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?"


"I get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions."

#6 Guest_Shrink_*

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 12:47 PM

Tell them about the situation if they're really bothering you. Tell them to get their acts together, that you're taking offence out of the way they behave.

For random people, meh, they are random. No way on earth you will see them ever again, just block them out. They barely remember your face three seconds after the insult they throw into your way, so why should you worry about that? Just don't hear them.

You don't need to be patient with every cracnky people out there. Talk back if needed.

#7 dohta

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 01:15 PM

I am so sick of others always bringing me down. I know that I should not take things personally, and I know that often our interpretation of events makes us internalize. I know that my mom and roomate being Biotchy may not have to do with me...but it still gets me down. ARRRGH


Accept the fact that there are cranky, grumpy people in this world and there isn't much you can do to change it. Know that it's not your fault that they're having a bad day. It doesn't seem like you really understand that yet.

I know it's especially tough when it is someone close to you who are being arrogant. The way I see it, is that people are only as important as you think they are. Sure, my mother is supposed to be very important to me because she is the one who gave birth to me, but I need not place her of utmost importance just because society dictates me to. She verbally abused me all the time since I was young, and I must say, thanks to that, I have the ability to ignore her whenever I wish now. She can scream, she can nag, but she can't affect me with words. You can call me mean and heartless for ignoring someone "so important" as my mother, but I feel that I am justified in ignoring her sometimes even though she's my mother.

The truth is, there are many families out there with problems. When you learn to fully accept that your family may be one of them, you will learn how to adapt in a better way. Don't let anyone take their anger out on you and affect you without a justifiable reason. "Because I'm your mom" is not a valid reason. "Because I'm older" is not a valid reason. Take care of yourself!
Live like a salesman.

#8 Guest_SarahN_*

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 02:52 PM

Hi Misfit,

((((((Misfit)))))
I am not good dealing with cranky people either.........they pull me down and I hate it when I am cranky myself.........I tend to not allow myself because then I bring myself and my friends down with me.

I am sorry your mother doesn't see she is bringing you down and making you feel even worse *sigh*

Do you have people close to you that you can call or visit that will cheer you up again, sometimes a quick call to a friend can pick me right up and calm me down again.
Thanks (you know who you are :bump:)

Take good care of you,

SN :hearts:

#9 acdc111999

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Posted 26 January 2007 - 05:01 PM

Hey guys,
I have been doing fairly well, especially since this time of year is the worst for me (cold, no sunlight etc). In the past few days I have had some really good days. But then I come home and my mom and my friend that lives with us have nbeen totally miserable. They have really been getting me down. It's one thing when it is some random person, but when it is people I care about and live with it is something else. I hate seeing my mom depressed, but at the same time, I want her to not take it out on me, which she has been doing.
I am not good with random people who are jerks either. Is there a book or something on how to deal with crabby people? I am so sick of others always bringing me down. I know that I should not take things personally, and I know that often our interpretation of events makes us internalize. I know that my mom and roomate being Biotchy may not have to do with me...but it still gets me down. ARRRGH
Anyone have any suggustions?
Misfit


Wow, Misfit, that must be a really difficult thing to go through. I don't know what I'd do if my mother were the one with depression; I'm usually the one that's yelling/complaining to her about something all the time, and I'm not proud of it. I know it makes her feel awful =(

As for random people, I feel the same way. I HATE when people in public places yell at me, or even if it's over the phone. I get so angry, but I act completely sweet and nice anyway, even though they totally embarrassed me and made my entire face bright red. In my head, I usually always have a mean comeback that I could say, but I always chicken out. I think actually verbalizing those thoughts would be helpful, though. I know it's hard. Something I really want to try when someone yells/ gives me an attitude is ask them, "Why are you yelling?" Usually, it will make them shocked and feel awkward.

Anyway, do you ever find yourself acting crabby to your mother? If you rarely do, then I'd suggest telling her that the way she's acting around you is bringing you down (this way, she can't turn around and say it's your fault). Try telling her that you care about her, but you're not going to be able to solve her problems. You have other things on your mind, too (maybe school, or work), and you can't handle the added pressure from her on top of it. If you say this and all she responds with is yelling or complaining, is there anywhere else you can live for a bit? Like an aunt, uncle, or cousin's house? A friend? I know that's probably a lot to ask of someone, especially a friend, but it can be a healthy break from reality if it's at all a possibility.

Good luck :hearts:

#10 misfit

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Posted 28 January 2007 - 06:17 PM

Hey guys,
Thanks for all of your support. My mom apologized for the way she was acting, and told me it was just that she was having problems, and it had nothing to do with me. I am just not good with negativity, I am so fragile when it comes to things.
I have been trying to figure out why I am so sensitive and what I can do to overcome it. I was one of those kids who got made fun of a lot growing up. I never dealt well with being called names and never was able to stand up for myself. I guess when people are negative to me, it brings back memories of not being to control the situation. When people are being jerks to me it really makes me angry, but more a passive aggressive anger. I can't seem to get my anger out properly. I am very passive aggressive. I Biotch about everything and get so angry. I need to start playing hockey or something to get out some of my aggression.
Thanks for your help
Misfit
We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves-Buddha

#11 adorabelle

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Posted 28 January 2007 - 06:53 PM

hi ((misfit))

i deal with cranky people in 2 dif ways. the first sort of cranky people (the ones that cross my lines) get the crankiness right back at them (rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength) and the second way i stay above things and i feel sorry for the cranky one... sometimes you can tell - they don't know any better. picking up a sport to let out some of the anger/ frustration is a very positive way to deal with it. it is ok to stick up for yourself - you don't have to take any crap from anybody (it doesn't matter who they are) - if they put you down for no reason they deserve to get a piece of your mind. maybe starting a diary where you can write some of the frustrations out or what you now think you could've said.. and next time it'll be easier to get back at the 'crankies'.

~adorabelle
I'm too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and way too determined to be defeated. 
 
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#12 KeepingAwake

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Posted 28 January 2007 - 07:03 PM

(rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength)


adorabelle,

Can you put that in a greeting card and Fedex it to my bf? :hearts:

Still laughing!!

KA
Beliefs Aren't Etched in Stone... Unless Your Brain is Made of Rock




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