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Hertz

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About Hertz

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    http://www.riffworld.com/Members/KAILERIC

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    Male
  • Location
    QC, Canada

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  1. Modern-Day Robinson Crusoe

    I saw the movie Nim's Island the other day. It's about Nim, a young girl living on an island when suddenly everything goes wrong when her father goes off to study plankton and doesn't come back, leaving her alone. She has to become a modern Robinson Crusoe, forage for food, etc. It's a family movie, intended for children and their parents. I'm not a child or a parent but it struck a chord in me. It reminded me of my own struggle as a child, having to become an emotional Robinson Crusoe within a family of cold and distant parents and sibling. I still am today to a large extent an emotional Robinson Crusoe. Excessively autonomous. Unable and unwilling to attach myself to others. I never cried after a breakup. I always keep an emotional distance with people, even the ones I had relationships with. I'm afraid of loving wholeheartedly, because I wasn't loved this way by my parents. I was taught that love is distant. And because my own love for them was always met with coldness. All my attempts to bridge the gap were unsuccessful. So I concluded it was a huge waste of energy and a source of distress to try to invest myself emotionally in others. It made be consider love as risky. Only now I'm starting to understand that it's ok to love without guarantees, that it's ok to love wholeheartedly without being certain things will last or work out in the future. If things don't work out, contrarily to when I was a child, I can move on. When I was a child, I was stuck with my parents, so it was justified to build walls to attenuate the daily disappointments that went on for years. Now I'm autonomous, I can choose who to have relationships with. Yes, it's going to hurt if I love someone and things don't work out as wanted, if the person leaves suddenly, etc. But as an adult I have the ability to turn the page, build a raft and leave the island.
  2. The stuff about strength and weakness makes me think the TED talk video The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown could interest you.
  3. Dream 1: - A comedian talks about his years within a comedy group and says that he stayed in it too long. Interpretation: a more laid back part of myself speaks in reference to a previous job/professional orientation that has resurfaced recently and in which I may have stayed too long. - I'm in my childhood bedroom. I suddenly feel very alone and wish for some company. At that moment I see three dogs just outside my room. One is small and covered by shadows. The other two are taller and I see them distinctly. They are both ugly, yet I let them enter. I pet one. I examine its eyes. The region around them has a sickly yellow color, and the eyeballs roll back underneath the eyelids like they were sleepy. Interpretation: I don't listen to my body or my instincts. The three dogs reprensent my parents and I. My true instincts are in the shadow of what my parents' taught me. Dream 2: I'm thinking about the fact that if you divide a positive number by a negative one, you get another number, which implies that there is an amount of negative in positive numbers. Interpretation: I tend to see negative things in positive situations.
  4. I'm thinking about the fact that if you divide a positive number by a negative one, you get another number, which implies that there is an amount of negative in positive numbers. Interpretation: I tend to see negative things in positive situations.
  5. I thought about suicide 😕 I'm not suicidal, but I think it's related to my job search, I might be getting into something I hate
  6. Slept terribly. Anxious, tense, feeling like my whole body has been rigidified. I want to binge on sugar but should work-out instead. Frustrated about having received this week from amazon one defective item and one wrong product. It's the two first times I have to return and replace items from them and it happens the same week. Either it was bad luck or the quality of their services dropped significantly.
  7. - A comedian talks about his years within a comedy group and says that he stayed in it too long. Interpretation: a more laid back part of myself speaks in reference to a previous job/professional orientation that has resurfaced recently and in which I may have stayed too long. - I'm in my childhood bedroom. I suddenly feel very alone and wish for some company. At that moment I see three dogs just outside my room. One is small and covered by shadows. The other two are taller and I see them distinctly. They are both ugly, yet I let them enter. I pet one. I examine its eyes. The region around them has a sickly yellow color, and the eyeballs roll back underneath the eyelids like they were sleepy. Interpretation: I don't listen to my body or my instincts. The three dogs reprensent my parents and I. My true instincts are in the shadow of what my parents' taught me.
  8. Dreams of elevators for women often mean a wariness about the masculine world, despite an attraction. It often comes from having a father that was adulated but who was also a source of terror. I would wonder what happened around the age of 21.
  9. Edenbridge - Remember Me
  10. It's hard to be an adult.

  11. I wouldn't talk about the mental health related stuff during the first few dates. It would be like leaving a bad business card.
  12. That's a great philosophy, very well phrased. I believe in us. I personally have decided to dedicate more time to music composition and collaborative projects. I realize that it's the only activity I'm really enthusiastic about. I want to do more contracts to write soundtracks and make it a source of income.
  13. why is there noise in my bedroom? Is that a mouse I'm seeing?