Another Day, But Maybe Getting Better?

Posted by Msugrl, Nov 5 2009, 10:08 PM

Dear....Blog

Today was a pretty good day. I have been trying to keep myself grounded while my husband is having some very bad episodes of depression. As I've talked about before, he has not come out of our bedroom for weeks. Only to go to work, but then right back. Today, I came home, and the living room TV was on, he was up and about, helped me do some laundry and he sat out in the living room with me and watched TV. Just having him in the room with me felt fabulous! I was so thrilled when I saw him out of the bedroom. I just pray that this will continue and maybe get better each day. But I have to be prepared that tomorrow could be different, possibly worse than ever. But, I'll take each good day that I can get.

Short blog tonight, but I'm tired and should get some sleep.

Today Is The Start...

Posted by Msugrl, Nov 3 2009, 09:58 PM

Dear .............. Blog (remember when it used to be diary?)

I'm new to blogging. If I had a diary, I would be new to that too. But, I know that keeping a journal helps clear the mind, and can be refreshing to the soul. So, here it goes; I'll try anything that could help, once.

I decided to join DF a few days ago when I happened upon the website searching for information to help me be a supportive spouse to my husband. Once I looked around, I decided this would be the place for me to find the support I am looking for. I need help understanding depression/anxiety. I've had my days, but never been clinically depressed. My husband is very depressed. He's been in our bedroom non-stop, coming out to try to work, then right back in, for weeks now. He's lost a lot of weight (25# to be exact). I wonder, has his depression been slowly creeping up on him? Maybe his behavior all these years, possibly depression slowly progressing? Extremely bad procrastination (not getting his money in the bank until we have shut off notices, taxes not getting done-getting extensions, but then not meeting those either), the self-defeating behavior (can't look for a job because...can't do something because of....) Know what I mean?

Then new behavior is starting with him, the quickly shutting his phone when I come into the room. Says he isn't doing anything he shouldn't be, but that makes any normal person think what? Maybe he is now confiding in another person? Hiding conversation....but why?! He told me he was trying to text his best friend, and I said if that's the case, why not call her? Then he did, and I was able to talk to her about what is going on. I explained that I am very happy that he has a best friend to confide in, but to understand there are two worlds going on here; the depressed world, and my world trying to hold it all together, attempting to stay strong, freaking out if we run out of money and deciding what it is I need to do. So for her to understand that the woman that should be mattering the most, is having to deal too. I then told him, that if he is confiding in his best friend about us, then I am going to do the same with my male best friend. I want him to talk to someone, but I do not want it to be with someone I do not know, unless it is a counselor, which he is doing. But, we need our friends too. I want her to be there for him, but I cannot take the behavior that he showed this morning.

He is on medication, is going to see a counselor, and I think is really trying to understand his own depression. Yesterday was a bad day; calling me hysterically crying. Today, started out rough, but got better I think. He and I watched TV together in the bedroom. I hope that one day he will come out of the bedroom....will that ever happen?

So, thank you ............. blog, for listening. I shall write more tomorrow.