Life Isn't Only Just Unfair....it's So Unfair!!!

Posted by SmilingElephant, Nov 17 2009, 11:50 PM

So the other day i got written up for my attendance at work. I didn't completely understand how sickdays work at Wally World

Even though they give you sick hours to use...if you use them...that still counts as if you just called out. I was calling out sick bc i literally was sick....mentally. And my job knows that i am on meds for depression. But they don't care...bc its freakin WalMart and they own the whole world and if you work for them they also own your soul!

Even when i tried to explain this to my managers that i do have a mental condition...they just looked at me all cross-eyed. I think i was having a serious manic episode bc i was laughing so hard bc it was just so stupid to me.

Is there something i can do about this? I'm going to see my counselor in about a week or so....you think she can help me sort things out?

I just hate WalMart now bc its so much injustice that you would have to work there to understand how cruel the company is. They honestly don't care...im waiting to get my car fixed so i can find a different job and also go back to school.

Is This A Breakdown?(may Cause A Trigger!!!)

Posted by SmilingElephant, Nov 6 2009, 12:50 AM

So....i've only been back on my meds since Monday after a 10 day stretch without them suddenly.

So last nite....i was feeling down and decided i wanted some wine. I LOVE wine!! Okay?

So an-t-wayz....i guess while i was a bit drunk....i started feeling hate against myself...i dunno...i just felt like i wasn't real or something. So i grabbed a razor and started slowly cutting my arms up. But for some reason it wasn't horrible pain...i felt good........but though now i know i shouldnt have. I haven't done that in a while. I dunno what triggered me...like...i can't remember what triggered me.

I went to work today feeling awful and stupid....i wore a long-sleeve shirt under my regular blue work shirt so nobody would see And all day long i jus felt this overpowering anxiety and sadness and irritability. I just feel like i don't care anymore. And i wasn't aiming for suicide...i just wanted some kind of release.

Withdrawal??

Posted by SmilingElephant, Oct 27 2009, 10:42 PM

SO...today is day 4 of me not being on my meds....as some of you all know...i've been going to work....while not on my meds. <-----this is how i feel today.

Yesterday i was a COMPLETE ghost. No emotions whatsoever. Today...i started out really blank like yesterday...but then toward the end of my shift i got SUPER HYPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is this? Im guessing im going through a withdrawal? Im so agitated and irritable and somewhat aggressive and really feel careless....i felt so out of control....i couldn't control myself.

And ppl thought i was just feeling "better" than i was feeling earlier in the day.....no......now im scared bc im all over the place!! And my body is shaking and i keep feeling like im going through time warps or something....like i keep haing out of body experience feelings....that is very scary! It kinda feels like im gonna go unconscious or something.

I dunno. All i know is i need me meds!!!!!!!