The Difference Between Right And Wrong

Posted by UnOccupied, Nov 4 2009, 08:48 PM

What happens when one knows the right thing to do, but also doesnt agree with the right thing to do, BUT also is aware of these two conflicting ideologies??? And by 'right', i mean not doing something that will harm others. The reason i ask is because as i have begun to meditate, i realize one reason i do become depressed and anxious so often is because i AM so aware of what is going inside and around me, and i know what i should be doing to better myself and others around me, and i also know what will cause me to have the most fun and enjoyment, but might hurt others, and i just have so many conflicting ideologies constantly flying around my mind, that i just dont know what to choose, or have the strength to act on any specific thought. Thats my entry for today, pretty abstract, i know, but if you have any feedback, please share!

OH, and also i constantly know that if i do a certain thing, like dancing per say, i WILL have more fun, and i have in the past. But, nonetheless, i am constantly nervous to do it, as i think people will be judging me. Why do humans, specifically have this irrational fear, even when he or she knows it is irrational!? Why do i act/think this way!? haha, im so weird, but one day i will find myself, I KNOW IT....thats the difference btw me and the rest of society.................

Great News!....must Read How Relaxed I Am!

Posted by UnOccupied, Nov 2 2009, 10:42 PM

Hey you people out there! Good news, i have started a NEW fun AND exciting, yet calming and soothing at the same time hobby!...confused about what it is!?...well ill tell ya, it is!....MEDITATING....i have been so stressed out my whole life, and i didnt even realize this until a week ago when my p doc told me that i have constant anxiety and nervousness in every part of my life....at first i was like "yeah right lady, im no worrier or nervous person, BUT then i quickly put my stubbornness on the back burner and realized, Oh my goodness!...i worry, fear, and am nervous about just about EVERYTHING IN LIFE.....well, just the realization of hearing that made me so happy, and also knowing that has made my depression subside for the past two weeks, and i have now been working to subdue my anxiety little by little, starting with some recommended deep breathing AND meditation!

I have always been open minded, and one of my goals in life was to go to a foreign country in asia or south america, and become spiritual, and one with myself....its almost like i was waiting to getting relaxed, rather then pursuing it!....but, hey, thats our society these days right?...people are taught to work SO HARD to achieve what they want in THE FUTURE, without any regard for themselves NOW...well, I on the other hand now have a tool that i think will become pretty useful in achieving a long term goal sooner then i expected....im trying to say something else, but cannot think of the words...well, im trying to say, im very happy, but i hope im not overexcited, and thats causing my happiness...well, actually thats not a big deal, im supposed to get happy sometimes, and in my life, i rarely am happy, so actually any little boast to my happiness is welcome in my book!...ANYWAY, i have only meditated for ONE day now, and i hope it is something i will continue to persue my entire life!....also, if anyone has any questions as to how i got started on meditating, PLEASE ask, as i have found a very good starting program that is very helpful!....ok guys, have a great night, i know i will!

Im So Pathetic

Posted by UnOccupied, Oct 26 2009, 09:29 PM

Now, i hate to keep writing such negative entries, but i dont get this stuff out in real life, so i must do it now!.....well, i just wanted to share how pathetic i am...haha wow, i just started listening to music for ten minutes(good CHARLOTTE, LOVE THEM...)haha, anyway THE REASON why im so pathetic is because of things like this....i dont have a facebook because im so embarassed that i have so little pictures....because of my lack of pictures, whenever i was out at ngiht, i would try ten times harder than other people to get IN PICTURES...ok i know, sad, BUT all this did was add to my constant anxiety and depression, and actually made me get in less and less pictures!.....this is so pathetic, im feeling myself getting anxiety and freezing up just typing it....so yeah, i just got my f book back bc my doc told me that people with anxiety "tend to run away from what causes them anxiety, and in effect, it cause (yup, you guessed it) MORE ANXIETY".....SOOO, since im usually a wishy washy kinda person, im diving into this theory full force, and totaly reversing everything i DONT do anymore, bc i know it causes me to get anxiety(ALTHOUGH, this is the first thing ive dont to change my ways)...we shall see how it goes!....also, idk if any of u get this, but when going through facebook and seeing pics of everyone having so much fun, i actually get a knot that feels like an empty hole in my stomach and gets so depressed/anxious, to the extent that i feel sick....hahahahaa i hope you can all laugh at me, i at least try to when im feeling normal!...haha ok, bye everyone, and THANKS FOR READING...

Ahhh, Sleeeeeepiesss, I Want Them!

Posted by UnOccupied, Oct 26 2009, 09:28 AM

I really dont even know why i tried to go to sleep tonight....its like theyres not even a point, ESPECIALLY on a monday....i just have SOOO Mnay thoughts that clog up my brain constantly, and prevent me from doing ANYTHING AT ALL.....i mean, the brain is the start to every process in the body, so without a solid brain, how am i supposed to do anyhting to my full ability?....that was actually just a rhetorical question/ me talking to myself....so, rihgt now, 12AM, and im listening to pirates of the carribean sound track on my pod, trying to calm down, relax, and get to bed....like honestly, i cant even remember the last Sunday i have gone to bed before 3AM, and that was a GREAT nights sleep for me....the lack of sleep i get (5 hours a night if im lucky) is really eating away at me....i like go through phases, and some weeks ill get great sleep, but in general, while away at college, i CANNOT sleep for the life of me.....anyway, i got this twitch under my eye, like on my upper cheek bone today, and its REALLY annoying me, so i researched it alitle bit, and i dont think i have to be worried much(i thought i might be having a heart attack at first), but they say the main causes for a twitch like that are lack of sleep and STRESS....im only 21, and i have high stress, and anxiety, and obviously a lack of sleep, so WOW, i feel its only going to get worse, AND ALSO, this made it even harder for me to fall asleep tonight....ok, enough about me and my babbling, well actually this is MY blog, so ill babble as much as i want!! HAHA, probably the only time i can actually fake a little bit of self confidence, is on here, where i dont have to have the fear of being constantly judged...OMG, like in the school caf today, i was like walking to put my dishes away, and was just like WOW, PEOPLE ARE SCARY, how do i feel comfortable in this place sometimes....haha.
anyway, thoguht id add something that made me mad today....my SA is getting in the way of everyhting, and im at the point now, where i casnt even talk to m y BEST FRIENDS, like i cant even look them in the eye, or have distorted/negative/outrageous thoughts while talking to them....andits like theyre already my best friends, WHY DO I CARE.....i feel like they know im a little odd, or depressed even, but since i have so much anxiety, i make people feel too uncoftable to tell me what theyre thinking...never used to be like that!!
BUT, im done for real now, good little venting sess, thanks for listening YALL bloggers out there!...love you all! and keep reading my B LOG of you want to waste 5 minutes every once in a while!...hahahah ok, seriously tho, BYEEE

First Blog Ever

Posted by UnOccupied, Oct 22 2009, 07:44 PM

HEY GUYS....welcome to my blog!....my names Jim, and im a college student who is constantly nervous, has bad social anxiety, consider myself handsome, has SCATTERED THOUGHTS, suffers from dysthymia(from age of about 12?....who can remember something like that anyway??)....WELL, i dont even know where to start, im just so excited i have my own place to write things down, and dont have to create a new post every time i want to make an entry OMG IVE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG, HAHA....ok, so im also very self conscious, and open minded, but i constantly think that when i talk to people they think im being an AAA*****, or jerk as i will refer to it since the prior word may be considerd offensive to some....ummm, idk where to start, if i say anything offensive admins, I AM SORRY, i am a good person, and sometimes, i say things i shouldnt(my psychologist says its part of my social anxiety, and when i get shy or awkward, i say stupid things to fill the silence, even in my mind this happens)..

ok, so i promise my next entry will be WAY more organized than this....im actually a perfectionist to such a high degree, its rediculous, YOU SHOULD SEE MY ROOM....and if its not perfect, i feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders! thats how messed up i am, i think crazy things like that, JUST OVER a dumb room!...i mean WHO CARESSSSS!

OK, IM out, ill try to post like at least once a day, i guarentee you if you read this, you will be entertained, and maybe even hopeful, as you will start to appreciate just the fact that you can actually have a conversation with someone without thinking a million thoughts, and not even being able to look themanywhere near their eye....ok, BYE yall!