I Dunno..

So I know I don't come here too often, usually I feel awesome. Maybe it's just because I'm so tired lately that I'm feeling so... out of it. I just am trying so hard with everything, maybe too hard and it's starting to exhaust me. I broke down crying today talking to one of my best friends who I don't talk to all that often. She brings out the true emotion in me that is hidden beneath everything else. She brings out the truth. And on top of that, I feel like i give so much and just get taken advantage of... I don't know anymore. I am so confused. I don't want to feel like I'm falling apart... But I think that is exactly what is happening. This whole week I have felt so depressed, like so much of a failure.. Because I don't look better, because I'm not skinnier, because I can't make my mom happier, because I can't get straight A/B's in university like I did in high school... It makes me feel horrible. I have actually been working out to make myself feel better. I mean I can only do so much because of my obesity and physical limitations but I have been pushing myself to that point. I literally get on that bike and go until I can't feel my legs anymore... I don't know if that is healthy, but now I've gotten to the point where I'm just exhausted. On days were I work I come home and just want to crash and veg. And when I come home from school or don't go out or start watching people on tv making a difference, I just want to work out till I puke. I don't have anyone to push me though and I really don't want to spend money on a gym to go with my friend. I just don't know what to do.