The Epic Saga continues!

Posted by Loknar, Oct 14 2006, 02:20 AM

Ahhh yes, it's been a long time since I've last wrote here. Been busy with lots of stuff, work, therapy, and getting other things done. Hopefully I can keep up with updating my blog more. Now I'll continue the epic saga of my life since my last blog.

Well I can't say all too much happened since then. Last time I was discussing some things about me, my scorpion, snake, my therapy, and how I felt. I can say currently, I'm feeling well, and much more motivated with getting work done. I did go see my psychiatrist and my psychologist today, and my Zoloft dosage is increased from 100mg to 150mg. Also, I did discuss my first blood lab test and they found my liver enzymes high (from drinking) and my potassium levels a bit low. Well not long after that first test I got another one, just for potassium. It still was a bit low, and then today I got another blood test done (forgot if it was for liver enzymes or potassium). My psychiatrist said I could solve my potassium by eating a diet to include more (such as bananas), or that later if it still stays low, I can get potassium supplements prescribed to me. I'm going to try to incorporate more potassium into my diet and see how that goes.

Onward with the liver enzymes, I've learned some cool new info. about what it exactly means. First off, the liver cells contain enzymes that posses metabolic functions and detoxification processes. These enzymes are normally contained in the liver cell. During the normal cell life cycle, as with all cells in your body, cells die and new healthy cells takes its place. When someone drinks too much (such as in my case in the past), the liver gets overwhelmed and more liver cells die off than usual. So what does this mean? Well since the enzymes are contained in the liver cells, once the cells die, they break up and everything gets released out. So for drinkers more liver cells die, more enzymes get released, which then gets picked up into the bloodstream, and there is how it can be detected in normal blood tests. Furthermore on liver cell death, when too many liver cells die, the liver starts to replace the healthy tissue with scar tissue. To those of you that may have guessed, this is called Cirrhosis. Through Cirrhosis, if too many liver cells are being replaced by scar tissue then the liver will eventually die, which means the person dies as well, due to not having a functional liver.

Whew! That was a lot. Hope you all learn something from that, I tend to find stuff like this interesting. Next up we have the current snake/scorpion situation. Well I have both good and bad news. Bad news is, is that there is no more snake. Yep, I had decided not too long after I got him that I had to let him go, and so I did outside my door (he'll keep the kiddies outside company, heh). My reason for that decision was that I just wasn't adequately prepared to have and/or keep him. So I did what I thought was best and let him go. As far as the scorpion goes, he's still alive and kicking! I finally did get a insanely cheap reptile terrarium (works for scorpions too) for about $10 on ebay! Now that I have it here, I just need to make final preparations as in getting it cleaned, sand for it, a few things for it to crawl on and hide in, and some more crickets. I also learned some good knowledge on scorpions and as you may have guessed, I shall impart that with you.

The scorpion that I have is called a Desert Hairy scorpion. It is a very docile scorpion and is good for beginners to have. Though the most docile scorpion is actually the Emperor scorpion, which are the big black scorpions that you all may have seen used in movies, tv shows, etc, and are suggested as the bet type for new people to keep as a pet. On the other end of the spectrum we have the Deathstalker scorpion and the Fat Tailed scorpion. The Fat Tailed, and the Deathstalker scorpions have been classed as the most lethal scorpions known, with the latter being the top on that list. It's been said that if a person is stung by one, that in 2 hours death is imminent. Not to mention there are no anti-venoms. Luckily the Deathstalker lives mainly out in Africa. I forgot where the Fat Tailed lives, but it is easily distinguishable by its unusually fat tail (duh). Deathstalkers are more of a tan/brown(ish) color which looks very similar at a glance to the Desert Hairy scorpion that I have. The difference with mine is that it's body is much darker than the legs, tail, claw, head, whereas the Deathstalker's color is constant through it's body. There are some other similarities and differences that can be noted, and not all are like how I described, but it is a comparison example. Clearly I know that I do not have a Deathstalker scorpion. I'm looking sometime in the future to pick mine up and to be able to hold it (thats gonna be a fun drunk night lolz).

Moving on, my job has been going fine, with it being a lot more tolerable now, partially thanks to the Zoloft. Though a few days ago we all got recalled in to work at 3am to fix some things that were messed up. That really sucked since we all couldn't start till the last guy on the roster showed up and he got in at about 5am. So yea, I wasn't a happy camper about that. Other than that, work hasn't been stressing like how it was before and I'm more able to cope with it when it does arise.

I also had been busy watching my favorite cartoon, dragonball/dragonball z, which I was lucky to find a site to watch the whole series. I loved watching it years ago when I used to live with my parents. I always liked it for the cool fighting scenes, character development, and the interesting plot. If anyone is interested in watching the series PM me and I'll point you in the right direction.

Well, I think that about covers it all. My absence has mainly been due to a combination of everything I stated above (especially the cartoons lolz). Plus I had been in just one of those moods where I felt a bit anti-social and burnt out from talking so much and reading. Take care everyone, and stay tuned for the next edition to my epic saga of life!

Argh, My Snake

Posted by Loknar, Sep 23 2006, 04:39 AM

Well not much went on today I suppose. Went to go get blood drawn again to to a potassium re-test. More to come on the results of that later.

Got up today, and I thought I took my Zoloft, as usual. The problem is, was that a few hours later I forgotten if I did take it or not! So I decided to take one, again just in case. I still am not 100% sure if I did take one or two doses, but I'm sure now since I was really bouncing off the walls that I took two.

Nothing went on today at work, it's been a very lazy day with nothing much to do other than just messing around and goofing off. Though I will say that I did feel pretty good through the day and actually I was really hyper lolz. Tomorrow is Saturday and I gotta work again unfortunatley. This time though, we aren't going to do anything but play games and watch movies (per the shift supervisor) so that's going to be kinda cool .

Then after work, I got home, and first thing as usual I goto check on my snake and my scorpion. The scorpion is where he always is. My snake though is a different story... I decided to move him to my bedroom, since there are windows so the snake can sunbathe when he wants, but the problem was that when I got home, he was nowhere to be found. After tearing up my room and closet looking for him, I decided to go through the rest of my apartment frantically searching for him. I couldn't find him anywhere! Then I decided to check the closet next to my washer and dryer, and what do I find? Yep, I see him just in time as he is fleeing behind some boxes. It certaintly was a relief to know that he was still around, so I grabbed him and put him back into my room. As I sat down holding him, he decided to crawl underneath my knee and park himself there. Really, I do love him to death and just how he is sometimes is just interesting. Then again, my body warmth and to hide is what he really wanted so I decided to just sit there for a while and let him rest. Today I discovered a few things out of all this. For one, while the rooms I put him in he can escape from, ultimatley the apartment itself is escape-proof. Next is that I have to move very very very slowly around him as to not startle him or make him nervous. He's still just a baby so I just gotta give him some time to adjust, and some food VERY soon. For now I'm just providing for him fresh water twice daily, and during this weekend I'm going to go out to get some Pinky mice to feed to him. If I can at least get him some food, then I can rest better knowing that he's gonna be ok. Also, planning to get a good 20 gallon tank all nice and set-up for him. As the scorpion goes, I know he's doing ok as he was fed a few days ago and he can last quite a bit longer without food than the snake. Nonetheless, while I am making a food run for the snake, I am going to get the scorpion some nice juicy crickets to feast on .

That just about sums it up for today I guess. Oh, and I finally got some more strawberry flavored frosted mini wheats, and... ice blue kool-aid! Yes, ice blue kool-aid, I'll tell you that it is by far my most favorite kool-aid of all time! I really don't like any of the other flavors other than ice blue kool-aid. If I don't have it, I'll get upset and cranky . As my anxiety goes, it did seem to be a bit more today than usual with a couple of times it really did spike up a bit high. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day! Well that's it folks! Tomorrow, we will see how doing nothing all day at work goes lolz.

The Results are in!

Posted by Loknar, Sep 22 2006, 05:13 AM

Well I went to go see the dentist today. The news wasn't good at all. After getting 439857349587238762387 cavities filled in, and after I was supposed to be completely done, I now have 897429384729384 more cavities, argh... I just hope I don't have the same weird tooth disease my mother had or I'm kinda screwed. Well anyways, since I have been feeling better (thanks to the Zoloft) I have been taking much better care of myself . So after i get these done, then I'm done for good (I don't think there's much teeth in the back of my mouth to fill lolz).

Moving on, the blood test results seemed to have came in yesterday, but I missed the call at home so my psychiatrist called me at work today to discuss them. For one, I have a low potassium level, which he said isn't such a big deal right now as it could be a number of things. Next off I seem to have a high amount of enzymes in my liver from the whole 1.5year drinking binge I was on. The indication of this higher than normal amount of enzymes indicates liver damage. While it's nothing to be alarmed about because the damage is very minimal (yet measurable), I have to keep a eye on my drinking which I have only restricted to once (maybe twice) a weekend compared to drinking everyday. So with that, I have to set-up a appointment with a regular doctor to get followed up on all of this. On top of all that, tomorrow I am up for another blood test, yay! I love getting needles stuck in my arm ! Not really, but I know that this time I don't have to fast for it.

Well that pretty much sums up that part of the day. I did find out at work that I get to work on Saturday (it really adds to the excitement of getting blood drawn again tomorrow). Ugh... well at least this Saturday my boss told us on our shift to bring movies, games, etc... because we aren't gonna do crap. Yea, that's the way, lets revolt against doing our military duties and let's just slack off all day and get paid for it! Well, it could be worse I suppose, we could actually do some work...(which I think 'work' is a offensive word and should be banned from the english language ).

The snake and the scorpion I have seem to be doing well. The snake just now seems to leave where I put him and just wanders off doing what he wants. Luckily I made sure this time he can't hide off completely from me. Just as long as I know where he is and is in a place I can get him from then he can wander all day till his face is blue. As for the scorpion, he doesn't seem to be going as nuts as he did yesterday and seems to be getting used to his new home. While I was gone I kept the air conditioning off so it kept my apartment at a nice 80-85 degrees (Fahrenheit) in here which kept them both happy. I'm still aiming for this weekend to at least get a tank for the snake (20gal) and get him set up in a proper environment. As for the scorpion, he'll have to wait, his container is big enough for him for the time being but I'll have to fetch him and the snake food this weekend. Still waiting on getting some more pictures from my co-worker of the scorpion.

Well that about sums it up for today's episode. As far as my SAD goes, the anxiety is down a bit, so I've been coping with daily life better and feeling good in general. Having pets here too also adds stress reduction as I have something more to look forward to as I spend my solitary days here in my apartment. I'm still working on my anxiety, and once I have most of it under control I'll be more out of my solitude and exploring a world I've cut myself off from for so many years.

Still Feeling Good!

Posted by Loknar, Sep 21 2006, 03:12 AM

Ahhh, another pretty good day! To start off I wasn't too happy to get up earlier than usual, but after I was able to drag myself out of bed, I was awake. Had to skip breakfast because later I went to go get some blood drawn for some tests, but when I got there I found out I didn't have to fast for this kind of blood test .

Again, it was a typical morning. I took my Zoloft and went about my daily routine. Then, I went to check on my snake. I was shocked to see that the snake wasn't where it should've been, and I was searching frantically for it in the room. Well after I concluded that it went to hide behind and under the sink, I left to go ahead and get my errands for the day done and get to work .

I was thinking today was going to be the typical day at work. I was wrong! Wow, today I actually felt motivated and actually got some stuff done at work that I usually wouldn't get done in a day. I was shocked to see how well I was functioning and how less severe my anxiety was! Very good day at work indeed.

Well my co-worker that took the scorpion home, found out he couldn't keep it (argh, second time in a row with these people now...). So I took the scorpion home, got it settled in and then decided to go see if I can find my snake again. Much to my suprise I found the snake on the floor, yay! I was very excited to see him and I handled him for a while and then put him back where I kept him, this time made sure he wont escape .

So now I have a desert hairy scorpion and a gopher snake living here with me lolz. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode where I go see the dentist and another day closer to getting some real habitats made for my scorpion and snake.

Another Good Day

Posted by Loknar, Sep 20 2006, 04:31 AM

Ahhh, another nice day it has been! Well I still didn't get anything done, due to me sleeping in late again, but oh well. On another note, I seem to be on a streak of catching stuff in and around the shop I work in. Today I caught me a Gopher snake. At first when I saw it outside I thought it was a rattler, but then noticed it didn't have a rattle. The snake is quite small and from what I have read it can grow up to 8 feet! Well anyways, I caught it outside and then decided to take it home :). The scorpion from yesterday was brought back to the shop because my buddy couldn't keep it (his wife didn't let him lolz). Well anyways, later in the day I caught a cricket, which then I promptly rushed it over to the scorpion. Was that thing fierce! It didn't take long for it to kill the cricket and eat it. It was kinda cool watching the whole thing :P. Other than that, another guy that I work with took the scorpion home and I took the snake I caught today home. Later I will definatley have some more pictures of the scorpion (and ones of it eating the cricket) and the snake that I now have.

As far as my anxiety goes, I really haven't felt much of it, and it seems to have calmed down a lot. Though it seems that I still have it, but it isin't so severe as it was before. I think the Zoloft is starting to kick in and do its job which is a relief, though I'm sure I still need to increase my dosage further.

Just Another Day... or is it?

Posted by Loknar, Sep 19 2006, 04:21 AM

Well I thought today was going to be another day, but I noticed even before it started, it wasn't going to be. First off I woke up after about 11 hours of sleep! Wow. Ever since I've started taking Zoloft I haven't been able to get more than 5 hours of sleep, but hopefully now I'll be sleeping longer and better. Aside from that, since I did sleep for so long I didn't have much time to do anything but take my meds, get changed and goto work.

Unfortunatley, I had to skip breakfast due to the time constraint grrr... because I was going to have me some cereal and I LOVE CEREAL!!!. Yes, cereal. Cereal is a favorite food of mine, plus if you dont get all the suger-blasted cereal, it can be quite healthy. Argh, in fact I'm about to have a bowl of cereal because I love cereal so much! Oh, and let me tell you about my current favorite cereal. Strawberry frosted mini wheats. OMG I love it! I love mini wheats but this one blows regular mini wheats out of the water (or milk I should say...). Good fiber, plenty of nutrients, and tasty. In a class all its own, mini wheats are a all time favorite!

Moving right along, I did notice my anxiety wasn't so severe today even though it flared up for a few times. Then during work I felt really tired and exhausted for a bit. Other than that, it was a pretty slow and easy day. Yep, pretty easy... if you don't count the 3.1 miles I ran today, argh! My legs are sore as hell, and they felt like jello as soon as I got off the track. It was a nice healthy run, just haven't ran that kind of distance for a long time (I usually run 1.5 miles). To add to this, I also found and captured a giant desert hairy scorpion! As soon as I get the pictures I'll post them up. This has been by far the biggest scorpion me, or anyone in my shop has ever seen! The pics are a little big, sorry!

NOTE: These are pictures of the scorpion I caught. View at your own risk! Do not click if you get grossed out by them or whatever.

Tomorrow (or technically later today) is going to be a bit eventful as I have to go get blood drawn for blood tests, goto the dentist office, and get a haircut. I'm really hoping I'm going to sleep well and the anxiety won't flare up during my errands, we'll see...

Oh and before I forget I will be making a info. blog in the future on things people can do to relax, eat better, and just be less stressful which will really help those with depression and anxiety. So stay tuned for the next episode of the life of Loknar.

The Beginning

Posted by Loknar, Sep 19 2006, 03:04 AM

Hello everyone ! I'll start off this blog introducing myself so you all can get a good idea of who I basically am before I get into the core of it all.

My name is Josh, I'm 24, male, and I'm currently in the United States AirForce currently stationed at Luke AFB Phoenix, AZ. My job is Aerospace Propulsion Technician, and I enjoy my job (could do without the military part, lolz). About a month ago I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder. I have started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and I am taking Zoloft. I am sure I have also had some slight to mild depression as it seems to have run in my family.

I come from a family that has been very turbulent, and one that has a bit of history with some depression. I seem to be the only one with Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) in my family though. Out of all my siblings, not only am I the oldest, but I have been the most successful and the one with the least amount of mental problems, as I suspect my siblings have many more problems than me (I can see it in them). I have 2 brothers (one which was supposed to be older than me but died as a infant, victim of SIDS), two sisters, one half-sister, and one half-brother, one step brother, and 3 step sisters. My family has been very turbulent as I had indicated earlier. Parents divorced years ago and not long after my father got married, and I being the oldest of all my siblings, I didn't treat them as well as I should've. Currently though I have matured much more and I believe that I do love my family more than I ever have. About a year from graduating High School I decided to join the United States Air Force. My dad and his father and my dad's brothers have all been in the military, so I decided to carry on the tradition. Also because I wanted to proudly serve my country. After about 5 years into the military I have finally decided to come to grips with my reality and finally face SAD.

I've lived with SAD for about over 10 years. I can clearly remember it all the way back to when I was in middle school. SAD has been very debilitating to my life in every aspect possible. Thankfully the military provides mental health services so that I can get a good start on getting help. Currently my plans are to have most of this SAD under control before I leave the military in May 07. Then for the first in 5 years, I'll be once again reunited with my family.

Other things about me... I love my music! I listen to: tool, korn, trapt, godsmack, thousand foot crutch, slipknot, rob zombie, tool, mudvayne, evanescence, hurt, disturbed, avenged sevenfold, tool, red hot chili peppers, bullet for my valentine, nonpoint, chevelle, static-x, bloodsimple, chimaria, tool, breaking benjamin, dark new day, NIN, seether, crossfade, foo fighters, switchfoot, flyleaf, evans blue, hinder, and tool (if you couldn't tell tool is my all time favorite :)). I also spend much of my time as a internet junkie (for now), and I play many online games and many others on my PS2 (I love Final Fantasy). Not many other things I do other than work and sleep, due to my SAD, but I am hoping to expand my world once I am over the severity of this anxiety. I also enjoy talking to people and helping them however I can. I do like to also go racing with my car, working on it, and I also enjoy some reading and writing too.