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      A Reminder that we are a PG13 Site   12/09/2016

      Please keep in mind that NO content can be posted that is not PG13!  No sexual content and definitely not images which is not permitted in a post! We will delete it.  Not even memes or humorous images should be posted, if you want these forums to continue. NO IMAGES! If you want to post an image, post the URL pointing it to your gallery.  Again, Depressionforums.org is PG13!! Thank you~ ~Forum Admin  

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  2. so for how long?
  3. That is one of weird things. Yes I am married. Yes I cannot image living withtout my family, but at the same time I perfectly can image a world without them. I care about them a lot, but at the same time I do not care about them at all. I mentioned that before my parents died I couldn't imagine a life without them. But when they died I didn't care at all. My father died late in the evening, the next day was a working day. I just went to my job, went to the boss. Asked for a day off to complete all documents needed for the death. Not that I wanted a day off to grief. I just wanted to complete all the documents needed for the government and to arrange the funeral. I can't explain whay or how. But I just feel that way. On another plus side (additional to the no stress, no under pressure thing I mentioned) I do not feel afraid of anything. Including death. Basically everyday I feel like a computer. I understand all the inputs, I know what the output should be. I do that. But every emotional reply I give to someone (no matter a kiss to my wife or a lough at someones joke) I feel like it is just because I have to do and not because I want to do. As for the memories - I have a very good memory. Not for everyday of my life, but for example, I am 30 now. I can perfectly describe how my room looked like when I was 4 years old. Not just the color of the walls, but I can even name the books I had on my shelf in correct order as they were placed there. Additionally to my good memory comes a very good knowledge of virtually anything. I can perfectly name a song and it's artist if I just heard the song only once no matter how many years ago that was. I know physics, chemestry, geography, history, IT stuff. Some collegues call me the "walking-talking encyclopedia and GPS". Even now a international company offered me to join their IT department just due to my knowledge and the way my brain works with information, despite the fact that I lack the education and experianced needed for a job in that company.
  4. Today
  5. what road king said about it being a curse yes ive said that before. love hate relationship. i love teaching but its not what i set out to do. the pain thing....sorry im bitter about the pain...there was a time when i couldnt turn a light switch on. no joke. literally. i had to use my other hand to lift the working arm up. ah im just bitter though.
  6. Hi, I have a question. Last year i was taking Seroxat whilst going to a psychologist. And at that time it realy helped keep my mind empty. Though everything started to go a bit better and i started to get a grip on life again(i thought). I was going to start a course as System Administrator. Because it was going well and i wanted to start the course me my doktor and my psychologist agreed that it might be a good idea to stop taking it. Thing is, **** hit the fan, and now i asked my doktor if it might be a good idea to start using it again. But in context to the course because I need to study alot and keep concentration. My doktor said that it's not a good idea. But that's about it.. As people here use and have used it i wonder if you guys feel the same way? I can't concentrate now with all the that's going on. So i myself don't see how it could be worse realy. Do you guys feel the same way or have any similar experience? Thanks in advance
  7. Thank you both for responding. I realy realy appreciate it.
  8. Feeling like a piece of s***.
  9. My friend is on that and it works for her.....good luck!
  10. "Having some difficulties but persisting through nightmares to try to believe in better things. EVen just the sunrise Struggling though at times!" Good for you, soloviola! I loved the poem too.
  11. Good point. I feel the same. But because it tends to be a compulsion for me it gets to the point where it's unhealthy and I have to get away from it.
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  13. Coffee and cinnamon toast
  14. you are welcome. You are not alone.
  15. Thank you for sharing your story Quentin. Its never easy to fight with rare diseases. I'm glad you got back your eyesight. I will remember your story for my inspiration, just like many amazing stories in here. You're amazing.
  16. I understand the feeling and its eating me up inside. I used to soak up information and love learning in life and especially at work since my industry thrives on knowledge and experience. Now I feel empty when it comes to learning and I have a very hard time concentrating and remembering anything. I feel like I'm getting dumber and that I would rather just go through the motions to get the day over with. I never used to be like this, the worst part is I remember being so positive, upbeat and optimistic about life.
  17. I definitely am more of an angry depressive but I feel it's because I chose anger over sadness.I always thought sadness was a weaker emotion and that anger at least gave me energy and drive. I found out how much worse being angry is when my family and coworkers kept getting concerned over my attitude and have started to worry about me. I want to stop being so angry and having a negative attitude all the time but I don't know how to break the cycle. I especially get irritable when I lack sleep, which happens almost daily. I'm trying to be more positive and smile more but I just have too hard a time doing that. Negativity and cynicism keep dominating.
  18. I'm glad to hear that good news. If the pain return please return to him. I'm glad you have a good dr.
  19. Hi Jen! Good to have you here. It sounds like you have been through a lot. Hugs, Lauryn
  20. I have not been in your situation but I wanted to say HELLO and tell you I'm glad you're here.
  21. @profound_cumulonimbus well for the questions ill try to answer them one by one, as for the bullying in my work from the girl who cheated on me, resolve is not an option for her, I tried talking to her directly and to some co workers that had position and who were close to her, but because im a man I have to suck it up and just take the punches. im my country men cant be a victim, men cant be cheated on, men cant cry and be sad. so everyone just told me, hold your tongue ng keep quiet about it. so now everyone who doesnt know the whole story believes I broke her heart so much so that she went back to her ex (her ex who abandond her when she got pregnant with his baby and had a miscarriage and cheated on her). they dont know that she was already meeting her ex more n more while I was going on dates with her. she basically cheated on me, then broke up with me thinking I didnt know what happened, but I was too much of a nice guy to tell her I know, but when I told people I knew what was happening people now think im just being bitter. those who do know just tells me to suck it up. as for the new girl, I love her, she is very strong actually but quite aloof. as if because of the things she has to.put up with her life, she has built this big wall around her with no windows or doors. and even if she tells me everyday, im starting to doubt she could love someone like me. on the other side of the coin, her father died early, so she had to work in a young age, 15 yo she went to the city to work, first 2 years she work as a receptionist, the next 3 she work in an indecent industry, but I accept her, but everyone thinks a dentist, professor and business owner like myself could do a lot better. its just hard. as to lying that I actually have a dr. I talk with, the last time I brought up depression with my dad he said it doesnt exsist and that im just sad, I should just go to bars have sex with women n drink for a while and let loose to get better, mom has no reaction to this as she kind of agrees with my dad. friends are all boys but they do understand if I had a therapist or dr. taking care of me, the school I work in well I dont think proffessors are allowed to be depressed.... not in my country anyway. ive talk online with a dr. last month but stoped because we were going no where, I have a few units of psycholgy under me so he said its hard to teach me... since I always figure out what hes planning on doing... plus that I actually know what to do but have lost hope to fix myself, something he cant really help with. I have a masteral in education so psychology is actually a major part of my degree now. im good at giving advise ive been told. but hope, that light or fire I use to hold on too is just not there anymore. everyday I wish I wouldnt wake up anymore or that a car would hit me or a truck would crush me while I drive. I know a handful of people will be sad but I know they will get over my death and be better off without me as I am an emotional burden with them. its hard, in my country the philippines, depression or any mental illness is frowned upon, more so if your a man, and even more so if your well of. everyone tells me how can you be sad with all you have and I just cant answer them. as if I have no right to be sad,I have no right, to be hurt or any right to be depressed. as if im not a person anymore. sorry im spiralling down again. and sorry for taking your time. I guess I wrote too much.
  22. There are always a bunch of squirrels in our yard and I like watching them..it makes me feel like there are these innocent and tiny little furry families living with us. So just for context, I have to try really hard to gain any sort of muscle in my arms..any other parts I can work out and eventually see progress. Anyway, at the gym a couple of times when I have been really tired but I have moved on to another weight machine, some guy has helped me take off the the weights someone left on it; they took the 45lb weights off the bar without me asking for help. It's a really small thing, but I'm always like "thank goodness" because I struggle to remove them when the weights are on a higher bar. I hope that made sense...
  23. Seeing new pictures of my 4 month old niece. My sister sends a couple pictures almost daily. Looking at her is the only time I naturally smile and I don't know I'm smiling until a bit later. That's a good feeling.
  24. Thanks. I have decked it out with a little bit of squirrelabilia. For one thing, the "I brake for squirrels" license plate frame was a must, for obvious safety reasons. The other stuff is really just decorative. Oh, except for the squirrel hand sanitizer holder...that's utilitarian.
  25. I understand the feeling of being outcasted and feeling like no one will want you there, but you might be surprised. I advise you to at least try a week of services, and if they don't treat you properly, then worship on your own or somewhere else. You don't have to be confined to going to that specific church building. Just know that with Social Anxiety, it might be hard to feel like you're accepted, but in actuality you're more accepted than you might think. Unless the directly act out on you with words or fists, then there's a 70% chance of going with the what-ifs. When people see someone is nervous, they tend to stay away from them to not start any feelings, so they might just think they're helping you instead of ignoring you. Does your mother say those types of things to you? It seems that she's talking bad about you, and if she is, that isn't right of her to do so. I know it might feel like you're alone and no one understands, but remember that you can talk to us. Chin up, don't knock them until you try them. <3 You can message me anytime if you need to talk privately, and there's plenty in these forums that'll do the same for you.
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