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T on C's stuff



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Fog

Posted by T on C , in side effects, voices in the head, Meds, Flashbacks, PTSD, Zyprexa, Zoloft 29 September 2012 - - - - - - · 96 views

Sitting here watching the fog roll in-it's eerie how it seems to cover everything in its mist. At times the sun peeps through, but that only lasts a minute or so and back to grey.
Sort of like my moods...at times I'm on top of the world, then go into a brain fog which darkens my outlook, life and everything around me.

I had many flashback...



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Back To The Er

Posted by T on C , in Panic attack, Olanzapine, PTSD, voices in the head 26 September 2012 - - - - - - · 157 views

I'm back from the ER. Been a long day, that's for sure. It all started this morning when I started having full blown audible voices telling me to do bad things to myself, a bit like what happened about a year ago when this whole mess started. So I headed into the ER, called the MHP and we talked for a while trying to sort it all out, and figure what...



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Oh Dem Voices

Posted by T on C , in Uncategorized, Bipolar 1, insomnia, Nightmares, PTSD, Zyprexa 20 June 2012 - - - - - - · 205 views

Voices are back. This one is a comical lady who sings from one ear to another...so tomorrow I'm going to puzzle the pdoc with my report of them starting up again. You'd figure between the Zyprexa and Abilify I'd be even but nope, not happening. Maybe it's time to try something else, there's a lot of Antipsychotics out there just waiting...



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Letter

Posted by T on C , in Flashbacks, PTSD, Panic attack, Nightmares 06 June 2012 - - - - - - · 222 views

Writing a goodbye letter to someone who passed away years ago took me to a very dark place these past few days. What do you say to someone who ended their life, and what use is it to write something that hurts you to the core? My Therapist gave me that task and I have been hiding from reality since, like I was before my attempt months back...
Maybe it's...



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Letter

Posted by T on C , in Flashbacks, PTSD, Panic attack, Nightmares 06 June 2012 - - - - - - · 196 views

Writing a goodbye letter to someone who passed away years ago took me to a very dark place these past few days. What do you say to someone who ended their life, and what use is it to write something that hurts you to the core? My Therapist gave me that task and I have been hiding from reality since, like I was before my attempt months back...
Maybe it's...



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Benztropine Mesylate (Cogentin)

Posted by T on C , in Celexa, Flashbacks, PTSD, side effects, Zyprexa 16 May 2012 - - - - - - · 230 views

Cogentin-New med to help me with the shakes and pacing. A little dizzy but the side effects from the Abilify are gone. From what I've gathered it's a short term med-but what happens when I taper down?

Had to get a 7 day pill box and count to 42...42 pills every week! I am offically a walking drugstore now, sheesh...atenolol, celexa, zyprexa,...



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Space Out

Posted by T on C , in Bad Karma, Flashbacks, insomnia, Nightmares, PTSD 04 April 2012 - - - - - - · 221 views

Dissassociation at it's ugliest, like walking in another body most of the last few days. Maybe I'm just a split kind of guy...at times I'm sorta kinda normal, and others I'm a flipping space case. My therapist is suggesting yoga as an addition to my therapy and I'm thinking seriously about taking her up on the offer. I'm at the point...



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Post, To Post...

Posted by T on C , in Roommates, Flashbacks, PTSD, Nightmares 21 March 2012 - - - - - - · 217 views

I'm having good humor watching two housemates argue over what's wrong with the 2 DVD players they got out of a nearby junk sale (Sign marked free stuff, piles of electronic equipment). Neither work after taking them apart, and after an hour it's time to give in. Major bummage.
Me, nah...I have a laptop and a few good books to read before I...



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Ativan To The Rescue

Posted by T on C , in PTSD 12 March 2012 - - - - - - · 196 views

Day before the anniversary. Panic attacks. A script of Ativan is waiting on me at the drugstore. My meeting which was supposed to be today was bumped to Wed, since I'm a mental health patient I may be moving to another place instead of the original-they want to keep us together from what I've heard.
Heck, I don't care if it's a lean-to,...



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Seagulls

Posted by T on C , in Zyprexa, PTSD, Flashbacks, voices in the head, thankful 04 March 2012 - - - - - - · 218 views

The rats with wings are circling something a guy tossed out of his car here at McDonalds. I'm parked, drinking a cup of coffee, laughing at their antics and trying to ignore the voices as they're back for some dumb reason. Not one prominent one but the same three who pop in from time to time just to remind me that I'm still a bit toasty...



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For My Therapist

Posted by T on C , in Panic attack, PTSD, Flashbacks 09 February 2012 - - - - - - · 152 views

My therapist suggested that I journal what happened to me during the vessel fire, my thoughts, feelings step by step and then we'd go over it next week.

We were around 200 miles north of Cold Bay, AK. I had a rather uneventful shift, took a shower, did some paperwork and hit the rack around 9:30 in the evening. Fell asleep pretty fast. Next thing I...



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Protection For The Mind

Posted by T on C , in Prazolin, Homeless, Seroquel XR, PTSD, voices in the head 24 January 2012 - - - - - - · 150 views

I remember a piece of advice I got from my therapist a while back-make a bubble around yourself for protection. Tried it these past few days when stuff got weird and it seems to work a bit to relieve the blues. Of course it's just a mind trick but fun to do-when the crackheads come around asking for money I can blow them off with a smile instead of...



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Shellter Blues

Posted by T on C , in PTSD, Flashbacks, Bad Karma, voices in the head, Homeless 22 January 2012 - - - - - - · 165 views

Another night of flashbacks and nightmares, I'm still wondering if it's the atmosphere I'm currently living in stressing me out or perhaps the Prazosin is not doing the magic. My pdoc said it was a 50/50 chance of it working for nightmares, sometimes it works, oftentimes not. I woke up around 5 times last night to either the parents suicide...



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Coffee And A Cigarette Part Iii

Posted by T on C , in side effects, Meds, PTSD, Homeless 08 January 2012 - - - - - - · 160 views

Actually I'm just drinking coffee here at the funky shop sans cigarette, staying out of the weather and surfing. Many nightmares last night, same crap just reliving the past over and over. I was under the impression that Prazosin cut that out? Of course I'm still on the step up ladder, soon to be taking it three times a day. Maybe with the increase...



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Collecting Those Unpaid Debts

Posted by T on C , in Money, PTSD, rain, Homeless 07 January 2012 - - - - - - · 161 views

Another failed try at collecting money from a so called friend who owes me a G. With that I could have 2 or 4 months of a real place...hope I catch the guy sometime as the shelter is becoming a bit weird. Last night there were 2 incidents, and a few of the people are starting to grate on me a little. I'm finding myself living and thinking in survival...



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Up That Dosage

Posted by T on C , in PTSD, Flashbacks, insomnia, voices in the head, Seroquel XR 23 December 2011 - - - - - - · 123 views

So tonight I double up the dosage of Seroquel XR to 300mg. Of course I'm not quite sure what time I'll take it as I've been running a whacked out sleep schedule for a few weeks now-an hour here, one there within 24 hours kind of thing...probably best to pick 10 PM.


Last night was the same old story, try to sleep, wake up to my name being...



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Seroquel Xr

Posted by T on C , in Seroquel XR, PTSD, Flashbacks, voices in the head 22 December 2011 - - - - - - · 129 views

The Pdoc handed me a baggie of sample bottles, 150 mg Seroquel XR as a replacement for the Zyprexa I've been taking for a few weeks, with 2 stern warnings; Take it with food and be aware of sleepiness. Right on! Sleep! I'm on it!

Well...it's not doing diddly squat besides making me a little dizzy when I stand up. Sleepiness?...



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Round Whatever

Posted by T on C , in PTSD, Flashbacks 18 December 2011 - - - - - - · 90 views

Up again, another reliving nightmare. Sheets are going in the washer-again. I feel gross from sweating so much, and would like to give a big shoutout to my Dad who is in whatever Hell you prescribe to. Thanks for the memories, they're still going strong at 50.

Good, got that out. Not that it mattered much but I'm sure it'll come in handy for...



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