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T on C's stuff


Outside Looking In

Posted by T on C , in side effects, voices in the head, Shadows, insomnia, Meds, Bad Karma, Flashbacks, PTSD, Zyprexa, Nightmares 08 April 2015 - - - - - - · 0 views

For the second day I'm having some major dissociation-I've affectionately named it the floaties. It's surreal, like being out of body but functioning for the most part although awkward at times. Almost like you don't belong in the physical realm? I dunno, it's hard to describe.
Usually it comes on 1 or 2 ways. Either it hits after a nightmare, or w...



Posted by T on C , in voices in the head, insomnia, Flashbacks, Disrespect, Crappy day 22 March 2015 - - - - - - · 0 views

I wish that I would be just depressed/melancholy instead of having the added bonus of hearing and at times seeing things that are not there. I hit that point a few days ago. A used to be friend popped by, and after talking for a few minutes flat out told me to get over it...
I've heard that too many times. Opened the front door and told him to get the hel...



Posted by T on C , in voices in the head, Shadows 17 March 2015 - - - - - - · 30 views

I'm renting a house built in 1912 so it has character. Creaks and groans happen when a small quake says hi. Or when you go down into the basement. My Summer loft is still off limits as it's too cool up there.
I heard a woman crying outside. Immediately put my hands on the door and wished her good will. Quiet after that. She went away.
I gues...


Ghost Stuff

Posted by T on C , in Bad Karma, voices in the head 25 February 2015 - - - - - - · 74 views

Serious post.I opened the door to the basement to let it air a little. Started to see vapours rising from down there. TBC
Later :cat_jumps:
Yep, it's visual disturbances...it's got a weird feeling down there tho.


And A New Pdoc

Posted by T on C , in voices in the head, Bipolar 1, Meds, Flashbacks, Feel like dirt 09 January 2015 - - - - - - · 115 views

I've seen many Pdocs through the years, but this one that I met today is A1. We're going to try to reduce the antipsychotics a little and add Lamacital to the list to hopefully ease the rollercoaster I'm on. If it chills me out with the voices and mood swings I'm all for it.
Damn I hate being weird. It blows.
Laater :cat_jumps:


Been A Bit, Lime Popsicles & Sweet Tea...

Posted by T on C , in Meds, Bipolar 1, voices in the head, thankful 08 January 2014 - - - - - - · 244 views

Doing the trudge on/roadblock/back to feeling halfway myself modes as of late. Many things to be thankful for...life, a roof over my head and great friends kicking me in the arse once in a while. Lime popsicles are a great chiller-outter.
For the sweet tea-2 handfuls of tea bags, a gallon container  more sugar than you've ever seen go into a drink, w...



Posted by T on C , in thankful, voices in the head, Shadows 18 September 2013 - - - - - - · 295 views

After the DC shooting a few days ago I had 2 phone calls from my ex friends who wanted to know if I had a firearm, was I taking meds and did I have thoughts of wreaking havoc. No, I've never had the command urge to do bad things to others, just myself. Now don't call again-*click*.
Meds help immensely in my case. The voices are at times loud, along...


Friday The 13Th, Time To Hide

Posted by T on C , in voices in the head, Meds, PTSD, Nightmares, Crappy day 12 September 2013 - - - - - - · 259 views

Pressure arises, hallucinations increase so I'm taking some Zyprexa and trying to get the mind off of the mind by making a blog entry. I hate Friday the 13th, there's been too many coincidental traumatic experiences throughout my life on this day.
So I stay in if I can on Friday 13th. When I was working the kitchens and then onto galleys I always p...


Where Am I At? Who Am I?

Posted by T on C , in Crappy day, PTSD, Flashbacks, voices in the head 03 September 2013 - - - - - - · 226 views

Second time...once again I forgot who I was, where I was at and what I was doing. Major disassociation feeling like I was out of my body floating. Reality kicked in when I started walking around the parking lot and I came out of it.
I've dealt with disassociation (the floaties) since I was a kid so I've become sort of used to it through the years, but nev...


Psych Meds? We Are In The Dark Ages

Posted by T on C , in side effects, voices in the head, Bipolar 1, Meds, Short Term Memory, rain, Nonsense posting 09 August 2013 - - - - - - · 208 views

I'm in a soapbox kind of mood so while I'm digging the fog rolling thru the window I'd do some smatterthoughtnonsensetyping.
Pretty warm here @55.  My pet crows are taking a bath on the semi trailer across the way (wow, rain? Imagine that).
Soon they'll be at the branch by the window for a goddess to appear. I'm buying the next screen, ssshh.


Crows, The Shakes & Gout...what A Wonderful World

Posted by T on C , in PTSD, Flashbacks, Bipolar 1, insomnia, Shadows, voices in the head 27 July 2013 - - - - - - · 245 views

Watching 12 Monkeys-well actually listening but you get the point. Foot is elevated to reduce swelling and the thump thump that accompanies the Gout I get a few times per year. Not sure what causes this ouch? I eat light, drink a lot of water, alcohol once in a while, pretty active lifestyle unless I'm unsurging from a manic high etc.  Tempted to tak...


Been Awhile

Posted by T on C , in Uncategorized, voices in the head, Shadows, insomnia, Bipolar 1, Meds, Therapy, Flashbacks, PTSD, Nightmares, Zoloft 16 July 2013 - - - - - - · 203 views

Yeah, it's been a while. I tried to donate to the site via PayPal a while back but my credit is akin to what Alice in Chains penned-"Down in a Hole".  So it'll be MO time via snail mail I guess. The people on this site have always helped me through the years, gotta pay it forward.
I've been to the hospital a few times after command voices were speak...



Posted by T on C , in side effects, voices in the head, Meds, Flashbacks, PTSD, Zyprexa, Zoloft 29 September 2012 - - - - - - · 208 views

Sitting here watching the fog roll in-it's eerie how it seems to cover everything in its mist. At times the sun peeps through, but that only lasts a minute or so and back to grey.
Sort of like my moods...at times I'm on top of the world, then go into a brain fog which darkens my outlook, life and everything around me.

I had many flashback...


Being Kind To Myself

Posted by T on C , in voices in the head, New start 28 September 2012 - - - - - - · 237 views

Back from therapy, I've been having dissociation all day so it was pretty difficult to keep our conversation on track. One thing she told me was that I needed to be kind to myself. Easier said than done...I'm still beating up my brain for becoming a mess this past year. Sure, I trudge on, but at times it seems that I'm just running around in...


Back To The Er

Posted by T on C , in Panic attack, Olanzapine, PTSD, voices in the head 26 September 2012 - - - - - - · 300 views

I'm back from the ER. Been a long day, that's for sure. It all started this morning when I started having full blown audible voices telling me to do bad things to myself, a bit like what happened about a year ago when this whole mess started. So I headed into the ER, called the MHP and we talked for a while trying to sort it all out, and figure what...


Finally Some Good News!

Posted by T on C , in New start, thankful, voices in the head, Zoloft, Zyprexa 07 September 2012 - - - - - - · 278 views

Bring on October. I move into the Victorian on the 1st, yeah! No more shelter or worrying about who's sleeping next to me-I'll be all by myself, safe and out of the elements in my own 1 br apartment. Nice place, went to see it yesterday and picked out the room. Large as well, around 750 sq feet-although I don't have any furniture...


Fanapt Poop Out

Posted by T on C , in Fanapt, Bipolar 1, voices in the head, Zoloft 23 August 2012 - - - - - - · 211 views

Yep, another Antipsychotic has gone belly up, this time I was on Fanapt which did nothing but make me sick and dizzy, no matter what dosage and time I took it. At least the Zoloft bump up to 100mg was pretty painless these past few weeks. I just have to find something out there to quiet the crowd noise...it comes and goes and when I spin down then the loud...


Onto Latuda

Posted by T on C , in Latuda, Bipolar 1, voices in the head, Zoloft 27 July 2012 - - - - - - · 459 views

Along with the Zoloft I'm now on Latuda due to the Zyprexa weight gain (20 pounds in a month). So far so good, no side effects at all, it's like I just jumped the hoop flawlessly from one to another. Voices? Yes, but they're a bit more muted than earlier. One downer is I've been in a bad mood for the last few days due to trouble with friends...


Zoloft Upcoming

Posted by T on C , in Bipolar 1, Celexa, Flashbacks, Meds, voices in the head, Zyprexa 06 July 2012 - - - - - - · 312 views

After the Abilify gave me major insomnia, I'm back on Zypreza for the audible hallucaiations and going to tier off of Celexa and go on Zoloft. Starting to wonder how many meds I'm going to try before I find the magic pill?
Also have been taking Ambien for the insomnia. Works well with no hangover effect like the other sleep meds I've tried and...


I Hear 'em, Again...

Posted by T on C , in voices in the head, Flashbacks, Zyprexa 17 April 2012 - * - - - - · 338 views

It was quiet, and now the TV is blaring, I guess I'm just a peace and quiet kind of guy, or maybe the mood is leaning towards that direction. The housemates son has his GF in tow and when she speaks it's at airport decibels. I don't want to go back in my room, already did a walk and wanted to jot in the blog for a bit. Ugh, this blows...I do...

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