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apple_bloom's Blog



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My Own Worst Enemy

Posted by apple_bloom , 09 October 2014 - - - - - - · 0 views

It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be a clean slate. I was supposed to get the life I wanted for myself. No red tape, no exceptions. No more having my life dictated to me by what other people want and need. No more relying on other people to do what I should be doing for myself. No more being trapped.

I failed. Plain and simple. I fai...


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Screaming Inside

Posted by apple_bloom , 16 June 2014 - - - - - - · 0 views

Every situation reaches the point where you wonder if you're doing the right thing, where you question every decision you've made and wonder if you've gone and done it again - you've made a monumental ****-up because you didn't bother to think things through clearly.

I try to maintain perspective on things, to see the situation from other's standpoints,...


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Wrong (Too Long)

Posted by apple_bloom , 12 April 2014 - - - - - - · 0 views

I was born with the wrong sign
In the wrong house
With the wrong ascendancy
I took the wrong road
That led to
The wrong tendencies.
I was in the wrong place
At the wrong time
For the wrong reason and the wrong rhyme
On the wrong day
Of the wrong week
Used the wrong method with the wrong technique

Wrong, wrong

There's something wrong with me chemically
S...


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Wrong

Posted by apple_bloom , 11 April 2014 - - - - - - · 0 views

It's been an awful week.

It started with my father calling me and asking if N and I would come to the weddin, which of course won't be happening. I won't disrespect my stepmother or myself by standing there and offering even the smallest show of support. So the pending conversation has been a source of stress and anxiety lurking within my psyche all wee...


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Just Can't Last

Posted by apple_bloom , 23 January 2014 - - - - - - · 307 views

I feel as though I've been hitting a wall for the past several weeks. While my depression is starting to alleviate, my mood has been swinging to a more irritable side. Before I even realize it, I'll snap without meaning to, or get irritated, or have my mood change without knowing why. 
 
I wonder if it's because I haven't really given my brain t...


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Merry Frelling Christmas

Posted by apple_bloom , 26 December 2013 - - - - - - · 167 views

For all intents and purposes, Christmas Day went well. I received some nice gifts, had a fun morning, and good food. There wasn't any drama or issues. N and his daughter both had a good day, and that's what's more important to me.
 
But honestly, I feel exhausted and empty. I feel like crawling away into a hole and forgetting the world for a while. W...


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Assuming Control

Posted by apple_bloom , 22 December 2013 - - - - - - · 259 views

I've been knitting like a fiend to try and finish everyone's gifts. If I was able to give them in person, I wouldn't have any problems, but alas, I have to send them through the mail. So Christmas gifts will be late this year. Oh well.
 
I admit that despite the time crunch and the cramping in my fingers, I've really enjoyed all the knitting projects...


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Cutting Down The Family Tree

Posted by apple_bloom , 25 November 2013 - - - - - - · 254 views

Yesterday marked two years since my cat died. It was Thanksgiving Day then, and I spent the entire day in the ER vet clinic, watching my beloved cat of seventeen years slowly die in my arms. It was the final nail in the proverbial coffin for my dislike of Thanksgiving. Christmas wasn't far behind. 
 
I've never really been wrapped up in the holi...


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I'm 25 And My Life Is Over.

Posted by apple_bloom , 10 November 2013 - * * * * * · 409 views

...at least, that's what it feels like.
 
My depression is consistently fueled by my feelings of failure. Since I graduated college three years ago, I have floundered about, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I've gone from job to job, never satisfied with anything - what I was doing, the money I was making, the people I had to deal...


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Gradually And Then Suddenly

Posted by apple_bloom , 20 October 2013 - * * * * * · 298 views

"Depression is not a sudden disaster. It is more like a cancer: At first its tumorous mass is not even noticeable to the careful eye, and then one day - wham! - there is a huge, deadly seven-pound lump lodged in your brain or your stomach or your shoulder blade, and this thing that your own body has produced is actually trying to **** you. Depression is a...






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