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apple_bloom's Blog


You're Doing It Wrong

Posted by apple_bloom , 12 March 2015 - * * * * * · 301 views

I met with my manager yesterday for what I thought would be a discussion on the administrative assistant position I've been waiting on. It wasn't. It was to address the concern about by "emotional presentation" at work. Apparently I haven't been "faking it" well enough and several patients complained last week that they felt they were "bothering me" while...


You're Already Dead

Posted by apple_bloom , 11 February 2015 - - - - - - · 251 views

"That's one deep, dark nothing you got there. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex. Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. You're not hung...


My Own Worst Enemy

Posted by apple_bloom , 09 October 2014 - - - - - - · 308 views

It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be a clean slate. I was supposed to get the life I wanted for myself. No red tape, no exceptions. No more having my life dictated to me by what other people want and need. No more relying on other people to do what I should be doing for myself. No more being trapped.

I failed. Plain and simple. I fai...


Screaming Inside

Posted by apple_bloom , 16 June 2014 - - - - - - · 338 views

Every situation reaches the point where you wonder if you're doing the right thing, where you question every decision you've made and wonder if you've gone and done it again - you've made a monumental ****-up because you didn't bother to think things through clearly.

I try to maintain perspective on things, to see the situation from other's standpoints,...


Wrong (Too Long)

Posted by apple_bloom , 12 April 2014 - - - - - - · 393 views

I was born with the wrong sign
In the wrong house
With the wrong ascendancy
I took the wrong road
That led to
The wrong tendencies.
I was in the wrong place
At the wrong time
For the wrong reason and the wrong rhyme
On the wrong day
Of the wrong week
Used the wrong method with the wrong technique

Wrong, wrong

There's something wrong with me chemically



Posted by apple_bloom , 11 April 2014 - - - - - - · 399 views

It's been an awful week.

It started with my father calling me and asking if N and I would come to the weddin, which of course won't be happening. I won't disrespect my stepmother or myself by standing there and offering even the smallest show of support. So the pending conversation has been a source of stress and anxiety lurking within my psyche all wee...


Just Can't Last

Posted by apple_bloom , 23 January 2014 - - - - - - · 570 views

I feel as though I've been hitting a wall for the past several weeks. While my depression is starting to alleviate, my mood has been swinging to a more irritable side. Before I even realize it, I'll snap without meaning to, or get irritated, or have my mood change without knowing why. 
I wonder if it's because I haven't really given my brain t...


Merry Frelling Christmas

Posted by apple_bloom , 26 December 2013 - - - - - - · 354 views

For all intents and purposes, Christmas Day went well. I received some nice gifts, had a fun morning, and good food. There wasn't any drama or issues. N and his daughter both had a good day, and that's what's more important to me.
But honestly, I feel exhausted and empty. I feel like crawling away into a hole and forgetting the world for a while. W...


Assuming Control

Posted by apple_bloom , 22 December 2013 - - - - - - · 458 views

I've been knitting like a fiend to try and finish everyone's gifts. If I was able to give them in person, I wouldn't have any problems, but alas, I have to send them through the mail. So Christmas gifts will be late this year. Oh well.
I admit that despite the time crunch and the cramping in my fingers, I've really enjoyed all the knitting projects...


Cutting Down The Family Tree

Posted by apple_bloom , 25 November 2013 - - - - - - · 409 views

Yesterday marked two years since my cat died. It was Thanksgiving Day then, and I spent the entire day in the ER vet clinic, watching my beloved cat of seventeen years slowly die in my arms. It was the final nail in the proverbial coffin for my dislike of Thanksgiving. Christmas wasn't far behind. 
I've never really been wrapped up in the holi...

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