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Such, Such And I

Posted by Hertz , 04 March 2012 · 349 views

Still trying to figure how to enjoy socializing. Today I was tempted to go cook in one of the kitchens of the residence where there was no one. I then thought: "Even though I don't feel like being with people that much right now, I'm curious about how I'll react if I go cook somewhere else where there's people. I want to observe my feelings and reactions while there, to see if objectively there is a reason why I don't enjoy people's company".

So I went to another kitchen. There were about 6 people there, chatting, cooking, eating. I get in and say "Hello", start preparing the meal while exchanging a few words with other persons. I then eat and participate in the discussions, making small comments here and there.

My main observation is that when I talk to someone, I will hardly react physically or verbally when someone says something weird or out of place. I tend to accept whatever other people say as gold, when in fact I could call them out when what they say is "copper", and challenge them on that. Not necessarily to have fun at their expense. Rather to make the conversation more interactive, less linear, less "I talk, then you talk, then I talk...".

Of course the issue is not just me. I don't feel any closeness with any of them. I've been in Paris since last september and I haven't made any true friend yet, no one who I'd like to see on a regular basis. I go out with other residents, chat, laugh, do activities with them, but when it's over I'm not "Oh I'd like to see such and such again soon".

November 2015

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