Doubt

Have been feeling flat all day. Probably because of bad sleep and lack of exercise.

I doubt pretty much everyday the path I'm taking: still studying at 30 towards a degree I'll finish at 34 at best and that will lead me who knows where. I don't see any alternative though, nothing that motivates me more. I dropped out at 27, and went back to school after a one year hiatus. I remember pondering if I should resume or not, fighting the desire to go back and then opening the bible at a random page and reading a passage where an angel says to Abraham to not be incredulous. That was a tipping point. I dropped out a second time after a failed attempt to return, and the following fall I was able to manage because I had started treatment for depression.
I often get cues like that from passages from books, movies, tv shows. It probably sounds crazy. I've consistently believed that God advises me through experiences, "random" encounters since the beginning of my depression. Some atheists say that religion makes you schizophrenic, or is a sort of schizophrenia. It's not totally wrong. But can a human being be totally one with himself? Doesn't everyone have an unconscious that gives them clues about their state through dreams, lapsus, and missed acts? Anyhow I wish to be one with myself one day.

I see no point in starting a professional life right now, perhaps because I don't want to start a family, or because higher education was more valorized in my family hence I don't feel encouraged to get a job outside academia or something like medecine or law. My father is a doctor. After his second year in med school he studied to become a priest for seven years. He realized through therapy that getting a liberal job and earning money isn't incompatible with following Jesus, and decided to go back to medecine. My mother got a master's degree in psychology. My brother also studied until his thirties. He did a major in biology, then one in psychology, followed by the beginning of a PhD, which he interrupted when he got accepted to med school, his lifelong dream.
What are my true motives? Am I manipulated into doing something useless because of bad conditioning? If not, why can't I embrace totally the path I'm taking? Is it because I feel too old for this? Is it a symptom of depression?
I've been dragging along this doubt for a while. Does it have a purpose? Sometimes I think that if I was doing another activity I'd be nagged by other thoughts, perhaps worst ones.

So far I've done two majors and I'll have two master's degrees. It seem ridiculous.

At least I feel like I'm evolving, learning everyday new things, becoming more mature.
I also realize I'm pretty immature for my age. I think my emotional development stopped somewhere during childhood, and started again when began a full blown depression. I'd say I'm at the level of a healthy teenager.