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"oh Well, Doesn't Matter"... (To You Maybe, But It Matters To Me)
Posted by
chickapea
,
02 July 2012
·
158 views
I have a friend. In a lot of ways she is a kind and thoughtful person, but she has a habit of dismissing concerns or comments with "oh well, doesn't matter". Or brushing it off in some other way. She is very opinionated and quick to tell people how they should do things.
I feel like she is saying that my thoughts are not important, that my concerns are trivial, that my observations are not interesting. She says it a lot, and it's getting quite irritating. I've noticed it can make conversations quite one-sided, because I get increasingly less comfortable with expressing my thoughts and feelings.
It cuts conversations short very quickly. It annoys me most when the matter is something that "matters".
I have a couple of options for dealing with it. One is to just spend less time with her. This is definitely an option, as I enjoy her company more when I don't spend too much time with her. Another option is to explain to her how it comes across. I think the best thing to do is tell her when she offends me, but I find this difficult to do.
Over the last year or so, I've come to tell her less and less about how I am feeling and what I think. I think it is good for me to develop my own independence of thought and confidence in my decision making. I think what I often need is a discussion, but what she wants to do is give me the conclusion and wrap it up. I'm a very different person, and I need to do things my way.
I feel like she is saying that my thoughts are not important, that my concerns are trivial, that my observations are not interesting. She says it a lot, and it's getting quite irritating. I've noticed it can make conversations quite one-sided, because I get increasingly less comfortable with expressing my thoughts and feelings.
It cuts conversations short very quickly. It annoys me most when the matter is something that "matters".
I have a couple of options for dealing with it. One is to just spend less time with her. This is definitely an option, as I enjoy her company more when I don't spend too much time with her. Another option is to explain to her how it comes across. I think the best thing to do is tell her when she offends me, but I find this difficult to do.
Over the last year or so, I've come to tell her less and less about how I am feeling and what I think. I think it is good for me to develop my own independence of thought and confidence in my decision making. I think what I often need is a discussion, but what she wants to do is give me the conclusion and wrap it up. I'm a very different person, and I need to do things my way.
This emoticon!!! 
I did this with my mother recently, who constantly told to me "hang in there" during a breakdown. I hate that term, it makes me feel brushed aside and not cared for. She listened, but now she's changed to "it is what it is," which is just as annoying! lol
I love her dearly, but she's emotionally challenged and can't handle too much intensity without shutting off.