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An Okay Day
Posted by
jojin
,
14 July 2012
·
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today was okay. I had a pretty bad night before, so I had that on my mind most of the day. Mostly trying to figure out how I could fix it. I won't go into details.
I got a lot done today; mostly cleaning. I changed Shelly the turtle's water, did some laundry, and cleaned the kitchen. I felt a little like a maid, but it keeps my mind busy.
I got a chance to sit with other artists tonight. I mentioned in a post before about an upcoming art show about Trayvon Martin and General Discrimination. I met with some of the artist that will be in the show also. It was only the four of us, but there will be other artists in the show. I didn't speak much, as I was the youngest and the only girl amongst the group, but it was cool to listen to other artist talk about art and philosophy.
They're all so excited about the show, but I can't seem to find that same excitement. This is a huge show! This is a big chance for any artist invovled to get their work out. Still, I don't feel enthusiastic or even care. i almost feel like it won't be worth anything and that no one is going to show up and it won't help me at all. I wish I could be excited about it or feel something, but mostly it's nothing. I feel like somehow, that feeling of apathy is going to ruin the whole show. I just don't feel a part of it.
I've been working on my writing again. I feel like the story is going to be too long. I think I want to post it online somewhere and gain a following, but things like that never turn out well for me.
I have to work tomorrow, and they've put me at the busiest stand in the park. Hopefully, I can muster up some confidence.
I was aked about God today; a heaven and hell question. I don't like talking about religion. I like to think I'm Christian, but being anxious contradicts that; I don't go to church or study the bible because they've both led to anxiety and panic attacks. I don't like looking up and waiting for God to strike me down for every bad thing I've ever done. I like to think that God is all forgiving and really doesn't care what I do, so long as I'm trying my best. Sometimes, I wish I didn't believe in God, but I'm too afraid even for that. What if I'm wrong?
How does that sound coming from a Christian's mouth?
I want to be grateful for everything God has done for me, and I am, but it's always overshadowed by everything else that's ever gone wrong. Why is that?
Sometimes I write my prayers down in a journal, because I'm too afraid to talk to God out loud. I often wonder if those prayers count.
I got a lot done today; mostly cleaning. I changed Shelly the turtle's water, did some laundry, and cleaned the kitchen. I felt a little like a maid, but it keeps my mind busy.
I got a chance to sit with other artists tonight. I mentioned in a post before about an upcoming art show about Trayvon Martin and General Discrimination. I met with some of the artist that will be in the show also. It was only the four of us, but there will be other artists in the show. I didn't speak much, as I was the youngest and the only girl amongst the group, but it was cool to listen to other artist talk about art and philosophy.
They're all so excited about the show, but I can't seem to find that same excitement. This is a huge show! This is a big chance for any artist invovled to get their work out. Still, I don't feel enthusiastic or even care. i almost feel like it won't be worth anything and that no one is going to show up and it won't help me at all. I wish I could be excited about it or feel something, but mostly it's nothing. I feel like somehow, that feeling of apathy is going to ruin the whole show. I just don't feel a part of it.
I've been working on my writing again. I feel like the story is going to be too long. I think I want to post it online somewhere and gain a following, but things like that never turn out well for me.
I have to work tomorrow, and they've put me at the busiest stand in the park. Hopefully, I can muster up some confidence.
I was aked about God today; a heaven and hell question. I don't like talking about religion. I like to think I'm Christian, but being anxious contradicts that; I don't go to church or study the bible because they've both led to anxiety and panic attacks. I don't like looking up and waiting for God to strike me down for every bad thing I've ever done. I like to think that God is all forgiving and really doesn't care what I do, so long as I'm trying my best. Sometimes, I wish I didn't believe in God, but I'm too afraid even for that. What if I'm wrong?
How does that sound coming from a Christian's mouth?
I want to be an atheist
I want to be grateful for everything God has done for me, and I am, but it's always overshadowed by everything else that's ever gone wrong. Why is that?
Sometimes I write my prayers down in a journal, because I'm too afraid to talk to God out loud. I often wonder if those prayers count.
