Reclusive

I was okay today. Work was much better than yesterday.

Tonight I feel a little hidden. It's the only word I could think of; hidden. I feel like I'm hiding upstairs again. I did go down and eat after everyone left.

I have that broken doll feeling right now. All of my cogs and springs are stuck and some are missing.

My anxiety is up too. The kids are coming home tomorrow,and I don't want to be bothered by the two of them. They're just kids, 15 and 11, so they don't really know boundaries or when to leave an adult alone.

I'm becoming more reclusive everyday, I think. I'm trying not to feel so insecure. One of my weird phobia's is eating in public. I always try to find a decent corner furtherst from everyone and I always cover my mouth when I'm chewing. I don't like people seeing me chew my food for some reason. Anyway, today I tried eating without covering my mouth and while in a public place. I didn't like it, but I know I'll have to get used to it.

I think my biggest fear is being misjuded or laughed at. I don't know why it should matter.

I really want to talk to someone about everything; my biggest fears, self-harming, depression, and purpose. Someone in person. it's nice to vent here sometimes, but it's not the same as having another person. I really can't tell my friends everything that's going on. Besides, I'm nowhere near them.