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jojin's Blog



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Very Tired

Posted by jojin , 22 May 2013 - - - - - - · 67 views

I've been alone for most of the day and very tired. I had to give myself a pep talk to get up this morning and do something besides sit.
 
My brother and mom expressed their disapproval for taking medication again. It's hard to feel understood here. I didn't go outside today.
 
I wish I could wake up so I don't look like a drug addict to my fami...


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Rattled And Tired.

Posted by jojin , 20 May 2013 - - - - - - · 59 views

My nerves are still up from church yesterday. I have this whole "what if he's right" and "what if I'm wrong" thing playing in my mind. I just wish I could understand it all.
 
The recent tornado in Oklahoma has left me rattled too. It's like there's no knowing when disaster is going to strike. I'm praying for them. I wish my faith was stronger. Maybe...


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Anxiety Up After A Negative Sermon

Posted by jojin , 19 May 2013 - - - - - - · 62 views

Woke up a little late this morning and had to rush to get ready for church.
 
My mom, sister, and I made it to church a little late, but we didn't miss the sermon. I wish I had. I had a bad feeling about going to church the night before. Once in the church, the preacher wasn't at the pulpit as usual. His wife and an elder were leading the church in a...


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Idk

Posted by jojin , 19 May 2013 - - - - - - · 103 views

Getting back on my medication is making me tired. It's just that my body has to get used to it all over again.
 
I'm feeling very unsure of myself. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself. There's so much I want to do. I keep thinking I should go back to school, but I don't want anymore debt and I don't have a way to get back and forth. I'm...


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Feeling Okay

Posted by jojin , 17 May 2013 - - - - - - · 102 views

I've been feeling okay for the past few days.
 
Another up and down with depression, so it's resided for now. I wasn't so anxious at work, but I still have the negative thoughts at the back of my mind. I've been in a bad habit of calling myself "stupid." I immediately correct myself after with a quick "no" and then it's gone. I guess I still feel som...


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Okay I Guess

Posted by jojin , 14 May 2013 - - - - - - · 118 views

today was okay. I was supposed to get up and clean the apartment this morning, but that didn't happen.
 
I did  at least make dinner.
 
I've come to a conclusion that I don't like my job. I'm grateful to have a job, but I don't plan on being a part-time cashier at a grocery store for the rest of my life. Still, that leaves me wondering what...


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Hopeless

Posted by jojin , 13 May 2013 - - - - - - · 117 views

I've been feeling very hopeless today.
 
I cried a lot and thought about dying. I still don't have my medication, which I think is a part of the problem.
 
I just want to curl up somewhere and be left alone for a while, just to get my head back on straight. I feel so in the way here. No one says it because they know I'm "fragile."
 
I sent...


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Unsatisfied No Matter What.

Posted by jojin , 12 May 2013 - - - - - - · 79 views

Today was okay. Happy Mother's Day to the mom's.
 
I made my mom breakfast this morning and skipped church. I just didn't want to be there, which is not good. We spent the afternoon with my grandma and my dad. I took Saphris before we went over. I knew it would put me to sleep and took it just so I wouldn't be irritated and annoyed with my dad. It's...


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Inadequate

Posted by jojin , 11 May 2013 - - - - - - · 128 views

I'm feeling a little inadequate today.
 
I guess I'm actually feeling jealous. My brother got a new car and a new job all in one day. He has two children, he's in a steady relationship, and right now he's the golden child. I'm really proud of him, but it makes me think of everything I haven't done. Nobody wants to talk about the crazy person that sle...


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Venting

Posted by jojin , 10 May 2013 - * * * * * · 114 views

Woke up frustrated and mad, but at what?
 
Just what is my problem anyway? Nothing awful happened to me. I'm not traumatized. Just why am I so depressed and anxious anyway? I read a lot of blogs here and it seems everyone here has had something terrible happen to them. So what's my problem? Nothing. I'm just a person that doesn't know how to handle e...






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