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I Don't Look Forward To Anything

Posted by afrodite , 17 June 2010 · 4,680 views

except eating or sleeping. My life has come to a point where I have nothing to look forward to. In high school even though my life sucked I could still look forward to hanging with my best friend everyday. I could also look forward to graduating and getting on with my life. After high school I looked forward to college, getting my own job, my own place. In college I could look forward to doing things with my friends. Now I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. I can't be excited about summer. I can't be excited about weekends. I can't really be excited about my days off. I have no real friends so i can't get excited about doing anything with friends. All I look forward to is eating or sleeping. When I lived alone i used to look forward to getting home and chilling out with my cat. Now I get off work and it just means "Now i get to sit down and eat something,".

I hate this. I don't think my life has felt so empty and isolated EVER. I meet people but they all live on the other side of town. The side of the city I live on sucks. Everyone here pretty much already has their own groups of friends they've known since high school or college. It's hard to get in. Sometimes because almost everyone is Mexican it's hard to get into a group because i'll never really belong. I hate sitting with a group of folks and everyone is speaking spanish. I really have no way of meeting people since i'm not in school. I want to take some web coding classes and i'll try to. It's hard because of my stupid off the wall work schedule. I'd like to do it instead of online classes because i want to be around people AND learn something that could get me a job.

I passed out after work today for a couple of hours. Now that I'm up I wish I had just slept through the night. I don't want to watch TV with my parents and I don't want to sit in my room. I wish I could go out but I don't want to spend money and I have to get up early. I had the worst night the other night when I couldn't sleep. All i could think of is how miserable and lonely I was. I cried all night.

I know how that feels. I don't feel excited about anything, either.
Everything just seems like a huge effort.
I hear ya, Afro.

I know how that feels. I don't feel excited about anything, either.
Everything just seems like a huge effort.
I hear ya, Afro.


Yeah a lot of things to feel like an effort but I really don't have anything to look forward to. If I get off work all i have to look forward to is sitting at home. If I go out I don't have any good girlfriends to go with. If I'm off on the weekend all that means is sitting in the house with my parents. There's no one i look forward to seeing and nothing i look forward to doing. It's like after I finished school and got laid off my job i came to the end of the line. Everything is over now.

Thanks for the hugs :hugs:

November 2015

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