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What Program Should I Go Into?
Posted by
Lookingforalight
,
21 April 2012
·
218 views
heyy guys,
I couldn't sleep very well last night (I literally just decided to stay up and read until around 6 am then sleep for an hour or two lol) and today Im feeling pretty down and irritable, not just because of that just in general. The truth is I feel so dissappointed in myself, but I can't really help my circumstances, Im doing the very best I can in my situation and with my disorders but its soo hard.
Currently Im 30 credits away from finishing my Bachelor of arts, and my plan all along has been to go finish my last two years and get my Bachelor of Education (2 more years after next years entry in september to a new university) but now Im so worried about my grades being good enough, their even being a teacher's job available to me once I graduate and the astronomically large amount of student loans I will have to pay after Im done those two years is scarying me off! And Im not sure what to do.
My plan is to take the health care assistant program which is only $2 000, 6 months long and will get me hopefully at least $22 an hour which is an awesome wage for right now. But my mom and some of my friends keep saying "your so much better than that, just make sure your finish your degrees" and I will but I dont appreciate the stigma about it, people keep saying "you really want to wipe old people's butts for a living?" and its soo much more than that, their actually isn't even that much waste clean up, except for the occassional accident, its mostly washing them, getting them dressed, you can do home care, make their meals drive them around, keep them company, just take care of them and be a light in their life when maybe they have no other lights to cheer them up! I think it's a very emotionally draining position but it is definately a very valuable, and should be respected job, its not easy that's for sure, Im going to have to get my strength and stamina up before I start lol because they run around so much for long hours and very random shifts, but I dont have any kids or anything right now so thats totally ok with me.
I was also thinking of the nursing unit clerk job mostly because my mom would prefer it, she thinks it is a more respected position, but it gets paid less, and their is no guarentee of a job right away after you graduate while with care aide it is is super high demand right now.
I honestly just want to make her proud. And it seems like nothing I can do will do it. I feel so depressed all the time about that fact, because even though my brother has been in a similar boat as me lately he has been out of a job for months and months and I have to, but Im still going to school on top of it, she acts alot more proud of him. :(
She's also really on me about my weight saying how I need to lose weight to be respected (which is super mean I know and i dont feel its true but she does obviously, so she doesn't respect me, even if it is completely not my fault Im overweight right now, and Im trying to lose weight but it just wont come off.
But anyways, I worry so much that even if I do super well in the care aide course and graduate, and I probably will finish my assosiate of arts at the same time and receive that, she might be dissappointed and embarrassed of me, which is silly and mean but I dont know thats what Im worried about :(
It's also soo hard because my sister is going down the BSW route (which I can do too, Im thinking about it), and is going to attend her new school and finish it up in the next two years probably, so she's most likely to graduate with her full degree before I do, and this makes me really sad, Im really happy for her, but everyone treats her like she's the perfect child because she's doing exactely as my mom wants her to, my mom said move home and she did right away, my mom said break up with your boyfriend she did right away and I just can't do either of those things, I love my bf he is my best friend and supporter and I love living in our own place together, I would like to live at home with everyone I love them alot and miss them alot but I know it might not be good for me on a day to day basis, I might get alot of abuse again (verbal).
So I dont know I feel so crappy about myself and my situation right now, and I feel like even if I got a job right now and took my course it might not be good enough, I just want everyone to look up to me and be proud of me. I wish they could be proud of my inner progress, and I think they are, but its not like I have a certificate of much improved mental health and confidence lol I wish I did! I think we all should have one! its alot of hard work!
I just wish I could feel happy and proud of myself, Im trying to be and I know Im doing very well in some things and have improved alot for sure in many areas of my life.
Do you guys think I should go for the bachelor of arts (which would be one or one and a half more years of lots of classes and probably around $10 000), then get my secondary school teacher education which would be one more year at around $10 000, or try to take some more classes to get my grades up more for a better chance of getting in, then apply for the elementary school teacher program which is two more years at around $20 000, or go into social work which would be two more years also at $20 000 but I think would be a bit easier to get into (I hope lol), I dont know I might be worrying for nothing, but Im just worried about cost and time, I dont want to be in school forever lol I think I'd have good enough grades to get into any of them but Im worried because it would be so upsetting to wait a year to find out if Im in or not and then have to wait another whole year if Im not, its very nerve racking for sure.
Is there anything else I can do with the most part of a BA in psychology and english? Another option is to work at the care aide, and finish my BA through distance education, but I dont think I can do the whole thing that way (I wish I could!)
Any suggestions would help! Thanks guys! Hope you have a wonderful day!
I couldn't sleep very well last night (I literally just decided to stay up and read until around 6 am then sleep for an hour or two lol) and today Im feeling pretty down and irritable, not just because of that just in general. The truth is I feel so dissappointed in myself, but I can't really help my circumstances, Im doing the very best I can in my situation and with my disorders but its soo hard.
Currently Im 30 credits away from finishing my Bachelor of arts, and my plan all along has been to go finish my last two years and get my Bachelor of Education (2 more years after next years entry in september to a new university) but now Im so worried about my grades being good enough, their even being a teacher's job available to me once I graduate and the astronomically large amount of student loans I will have to pay after Im done those two years is scarying me off! And Im not sure what to do.
My plan is to take the health care assistant program which is only $2 000, 6 months long and will get me hopefully at least $22 an hour which is an awesome wage for right now. But my mom and some of my friends keep saying "your so much better than that, just make sure your finish your degrees" and I will but I dont appreciate the stigma about it, people keep saying "you really want to wipe old people's butts for a living?" and its soo much more than that, their actually isn't even that much waste clean up, except for the occassional accident, its mostly washing them, getting them dressed, you can do home care, make their meals drive them around, keep them company, just take care of them and be a light in their life when maybe they have no other lights to cheer them up! I think it's a very emotionally draining position but it is definately a very valuable, and should be respected job, its not easy that's for sure, Im going to have to get my strength and stamina up before I start lol because they run around so much for long hours and very random shifts, but I dont have any kids or anything right now so thats totally ok with me.
I was also thinking of the nursing unit clerk job mostly because my mom would prefer it, she thinks it is a more respected position, but it gets paid less, and their is no guarentee of a job right away after you graduate while with care aide it is is super high demand right now.
I honestly just want to make her proud. And it seems like nothing I can do will do it. I feel so depressed all the time about that fact, because even though my brother has been in a similar boat as me lately he has been out of a job for months and months and I have to, but Im still going to school on top of it, she acts alot more proud of him. :(
She's also really on me about my weight saying how I need to lose weight to be respected (which is super mean I know and i dont feel its true but she does obviously, so she doesn't respect me, even if it is completely not my fault Im overweight right now, and Im trying to lose weight but it just wont come off.
But anyways, I worry so much that even if I do super well in the care aide course and graduate, and I probably will finish my assosiate of arts at the same time and receive that, she might be dissappointed and embarrassed of me, which is silly and mean but I dont know thats what Im worried about :(
It's also soo hard because my sister is going down the BSW route (which I can do too, Im thinking about it), and is going to attend her new school and finish it up in the next two years probably, so she's most likely to graduate with her full degree before I do, and this makes me really sad, Im really happy for her, but everyone treats her like she's the perfect child because she's doing exactely as my mom wants her to, my mom said move home and she did right away, my mom said break up with your boyfriend she did right away and I just can't do either of those things, I love my bf he is my best friend and supporter and I love living in our own place together, I would like to live at home with everyone I love them alot and miss them alot but I know it might not be good for me on a day to day basis, I might get alot of abuse again (verbal).
So I dont know I feel so crappy about myself and my situation right now, and I feel like even if I got a job right now and took my course it might not be good enough, I just want everyone to look up to me and be proud of me. I wish they could be proud of my inner progress, and I think they are, but its not like I have a certificate of much improved mental health and confidence lol I wish I did! I think we all should have one! its alot of hard work!
I just wish I could feel happy and proud of myself, Im trying to be and I know Im doing very well in some things and have improved alot for sure in many areas of my life.
Do you guys think I should go for the bachelor of arts (which would be one or one and a half more years of lots of classes and probably around $10 000), then get my secondary school teacher education which would be one more year at around $10 000, or try to take some more classes to get my grades up more for a better chance of getting in, then apply for the elementary school teacher program which is two more years at around $20 000, or go into social work which would be two more years also at $20 000 but I think would be a bit easier to get into (I hope lol), I dont know I might be worrying for nothing, but Im just worried about cost and time, I dont want to be in school forever lol I think I'd have good enough grades to get into any of them but Im worried because it would be so upsetting to wait a year to find out if Im in or not and then have to wait another whole year if Im not, its very nerve racking for sure.
Is there anything else I can do with the most part of a BA in psychology and english? Another option is to work at the care aide, and finish my BA through distance education, but I dont think I can do the whole thing that way (I wish I could!)
Any suggestions would help! Thanks guys! Hope you have a wonderful day!
No matter what you do, you are good enough, even if your mother chooses to be critical. Just 'cause someone tells you lies, doesn't mean you have to believe them.