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Say What!?!?
Posted by
Gisèle
,
24 April 2012
·
260 views
I haven’t been this angry or upset for a long time.
*
In the hallway of our home, there is a picture of a three year old girl with flowers in her hair, wearing a delighted smile for the camera. I always imagine the photographer, her father, said something to make her feel like a princess and was fortunate enough to capture the exact moment.
I should add that this picture isn’t obvious nor is it hidden by the various photos of family and friends that surround it. I suppose it is the Love Wall. If you’re in our hearts, you’re on the wall. That said, this particular photo is very special because it is the last living image of an angel, stolen, along with her mother, by heaven.
I already knew my husband back then and saw this devour him. ****, it nearly devoured me because no-one walks to hell alone. It just feels like that when the wagon-train is behind you with eyes straight ahead.
*
So, while I do not think of it everyday, or even often, my husband is not merely my husband. He is the sum of his parts: some here, some not, and; I would be an especially egregious human being if, regardless of how much I wish him to be whole, that our own children together could make that any better. He is chiaroscuro and I would not wish it differently. Him differently.
*
Clearly, this sentiment isn’t universal. My husband’s friend, who has became a friend to me, noticed this picture for the first time despite countless visits to our home.
She asked, almost breezily, “Is that….<pause, willing me to finish the sentence>"
"Yes it is"
" How do you go having that there?”
*
I look normal on the outside but my head is spinning with rage.
*
In the hallway of our home, there is a picture of a three year old girl with flowers in her hair, wearing a delighted smile for the camera. I always imagine the photographer, her father, said something to make her feel like a princess and was fortunate enough to capture the exact moment.
I should add that this picture isn’t obvious nor is it hidden by the various photos of family and friends that surround it. I suppose it is the Love Wall. If you’re in our hearts, you’re on the wall. That said, this particular photo is very special because it is the last living image of an angel, stolen, along with her mother, by heaven.
I already knew my husband back then and saw this devour him. ****, it nearly devoured me because no-one walks to hell alone. It just feels like that when the wagon-train is behind you with eyes straight ahead.
*
So, while I do not think of it everyday, or even often, my husband is not merely my husband. He is the sum of his parts: some here, some not, and; I would be an especially egregious human being if, regardless of how much I wish him to be whole, that our own children together could make that any better. He is chiaroscuro and I would not wish it differently. Him differently.
*
Clearly, this sentiment isn’t universal. My husband’s friend, who has became a friend to me, noticed this picture for the first time despite countless visits to our home.
She asked, almost breezily, “Is that….<pause, willing me to finish the sentence>"
"Yes it is"
" How do you go having that there?”
*
I look normal on the outside but my head is spinning with rage.
