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T on C's stuff

Melting Into You

Posted by T on C , in New start, Homeless 29 February 2012 - · 253 views

Well, there's the luck, and then the kind of stuff that makes you go "hmm". Today was one of those days that I wish I had not even came out of my car seat...

First, there was the jealous boyfriend who wanted to kick my buns at the park & ride last night. Ok, I'll deal with it as the days go on and her gaze makes me melt. I like being...

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Sounds

Posted by T on C , in Shelter, Homeless, New start 27 February 2012 - · 260 views

Sounds
Blackberry vines, thorny but still brushing back and forth. The wind is blowing and making the ragtop billow a bit. I'm settling in for my rest, wool blanket and a furry polyester throw to keep me warm. The waves are crashing close by and clouds rushing overhead. Lib just denied me a shower...she's out of town but still she....whatever. What...

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Shower...

Posted by T on C , in Prazolin, Shelter, Zyprexa 23 February 2012 - · 226 views

So showers are supposed to be a 10 minute, in and out deal. Some of the people here seem to forget and take 30 minute showers. 2 shower stalls for 40 people, and a 1 hr time frame Grrrr...Shelter mood is tense tonight, I may head to my car for the night. Something's up in the air and the spider sense is kicking in big time.

Dizzy from my newest dose of...

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Grateful

Posted by T on C , in thankful 21 February 2012 - · 260 views

Grateful for the $50 I just received for gas...I had $20 that I borrowed from Lib ripped off last night at the shelter, headed into my volunteer job back to square 1 with .53 cents this AM, car's on red line empty. The people who I'm making acquaintances with at work got together and helped me out.

I almost cried, cannot believe how...

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Just Wondering

Posted by T on C , in Flashbacks, Shelter 20 February 2012 - · 222 views

I dislike the waiting game, but have become accustomed to it. Wondering if SS is going to pass me? How about the housing? Should I hock more stuff? Sell the car? (That would be like selling my house, so probably not.)
As always, I'm thinking about thinking too much...let it ride. Ease up let things come into the life as they should.

And I always have...

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Hot Food Vs Cold Food

Posted by T on C , in EBT Card, thankful 19 February 2012 - · 225 views

I still cannot get why I cannot heat a sandwich I buy with the EBT card. I buy it cold, as you cannot buy hot food but the deli people won't let me heat it up after purchase. Since the only oven I have is my cars engine...nah, not going to go that route. I'll just eat it cold. Besides that the Swiss would probably melt all over the manifold....

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Money Flies

Posted by T on C , in side effects, thankful, voices in the head, New start, Homeless 17 February 2012 - · 243 views

Man, I have some of the worst luck in the world. If anyone's boating in the Straits of Juan de Fuca, or even Puget Sound finds five $20's floating please let me know. I took off my jacket at the pier today,...

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Wow, What A Day

Posted by T on C , in BoilerRoom in PT, thankful 16 February 2012 - · 227 views

Cooked for 15/20 people at the mental health center, did a simple dish-Tex Mex chicken pasta, some green beans with grilled onions and thyme, garlic sourdough and a green salad. Showed my volunteer sidekick how to dip strawberries in chocolate. Meal went well, lots of seconds and boy I'm glad I prepped for 25.

Came back downtown and got a part time job...

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A Good Start

Posted by T on C , in Zyprexa, Shelter, Homeless 15 February 2012 - · 208 views

Right on, no panic attacks, no fear of dying...just walk in and get everything mise en place for tomorrow's start. Met a lot of the staff, talked to the patients, cleaned up the storeroom a little and then went to my 2 appointments. That's the cool thing about working at the clinic-I just head from cooking to pdoc to therapist.
Tomorrow's...

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Change? A Bit Of The Spare Kind. A Lot Of The Mental Kind.

Posted by T on C , in New start, thankful 14 February 2012 - · 229 views

So tomorrow I steel up and hope to start my new part time job, and then roll into visits with both pdoc and therapist. Then I may be starting a paying part time job on Thursday doing some data entry work for an acquaintance. Worried about both but I know I can do it, no more fear of dying or burning to death. I sat my head down and did a lot of meditation...

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Fire & Rain

Posted by T on C , in Feel like dirt, rain, Homeless, Panic attack 13 February 2012 - · 220 views

Another day, another panic attack. My newest fear is really confusing me-I mean I know it stems back from the workplace fire but I'll be damned if I can defeat it. How the heck can I ever hold a job if I get freaked out every time I start to go to it? It really is perplexing...and I'm beating myself up for it instead of accepting this as a mental...

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Steel Reserve? No Thanks But I'll Hug Ya

Posted by T on C , in Shelter, Money, Homeless, New start, thankful 12 February 2012 - · 257 views

Just finished helping a friend move some furniture, got a twenty for the effort and stopped by the store for a treat-Mountain dew throwback-like the old time Mountain dew cause it has real sugar. Good stuff. I'm a kid again!

The lost boys from the shelter were at the picnic table, raucous crowd whooping and hollering. I headed over to see what was...

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Respect The Space

Posted by T on C , in Shelter, Homeless, Disrespect 11 February 2012 - · 187 views

Space is at a premium here in the shelter. You have 2 cots in each pod with about 3' separating them. So I wake up at 5 to take my meds and find this:

1)Chair in between cots, with laptop open, playing a movie.
2)A Plastic storage tote, in between cots, with underwear staring me in the face.
3)Drooling and snoring jailbird punk halfway on and off the...

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For My Therapist

Posted by T on C , in Panic attack, PTSD, Flashbacks 09 February 2012 - · 152 views

My therapist suggested that I journal what happened to me during the vessel fire, my thoughts, feelings step by step and then we'd go over it next week.

We were around 200 miles north of Cold Bay, AK. I had a rather uneventful shift, took a shower, did some paperwork and hit the rack around 9:30 in the evening. Fell asleep pretty fast. Next thing I...

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Meds And The Turn Life Takes

Posted by T on C , in thankful, New start, Money 08 February 2012 - · 210 views

5/325mg Vicodin with Acetaminophen , 600mg Ibuprofen, 100mg Doxycycline, 8mg Prazosin, 7.5 mg Olanzapine, 20mg...

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Trying To Nail It Down

Posted by T on C , 07 February 2012 - · 185 views

Wake up-have a cup of coffee in the Mickey D's lot. Head to the bathroom to brush teeth, flossing takes too long so you do it outside beforehand and hope no one is looking at you like you're crazy (pun intended).

Watch the people come over from the boatyard-some of them are doing the same thing as me. The same with a few staying at the public lot...

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As The Shelter Turns

Posted by T on C , in Homeless, Relationship 06 February 2012 - · 181 views

Somehow I've become the guy to talk to when relationship issues arise. Just finished giving advice to a guy who's girl just lifted a 1/5th out of his backpack and decided to go with another guy to get wasted. He's a good guy, big heart, a bit of an alcoholic and dabbles in meth sometimes but he's straight up-compared to a lot of the other...

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Daily Loser Entry

Posted by T on C , in Panic attack 06 February 2012 - · 168 views

Stupid human trick of not looking where I was going last night, slipped on the icy pavement and did a face plant. Well, actually my hands did the plant, my left hand is swollen like a balloon...the knee is skinned and the right somehow just made it out ok with a few scratches.
And then this AM-when I was supposed to start my volunteer job-I get a flipping...

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Selling The Memories

Posted by T on C , in Relationship, thankful 04 February 2012 - · 245 views

Found an old bracelet a girl had given me years ago...bittersweet memories flooded in as she was one of the few partners that I've actually fallen in love with. Thoughts of our weekly breakfast for dinner-always maple bacon and eggs...times by the fireplace, those road trips we'd take...falling asleep in each other's arms.
That's the good...

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Zyprexa, Oh Yeah

Posted by T on C , in Olanzapine, thankful, voices in the head, Seroquel XR, Homeless 02 February 2012 - · 196 views

I was approved for a script of Zyprexa since the Seroquel pooped out...now I'm looking at the label and it's a plain white bottle-Olanzapine-30 each 5mg tabs cost over $400-maybe Olanzapine has no generic? Is this bottle maybe made of diamond dust? Are the pills gold embossed? I'm counting the lucky stars since I qualified for medicaid, no...

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