September 06, 2012

DAY 15: Good news is I woke up at 6 instead of 5. Bad news is the anxiety is still very much there in the mornings so much that it is hard to breathe. Which is odd to me because I never had a problem with anxiety before. I just figure it is a side effect and will subside. Yesterday was the best day I have had since starting. Am I back to my self, hell no. Still no appetite, still that meak feeling, no confidence to even leave my desk at work, I used to take a nice walk at noon everyday, with 2 other work-mates, and grab some lunch - the thought of that pains me. I have used the excuse that I have so much work to do when they ask me recently. I decided to cancel my party, it is supposed to rain firstly, and being around alcohol right now is not a good idea, nor does it seem enjoyable, watching everyone else do alcohol bongs and shots all night long. I felt confident yesterday that the well b is working and slowly but surely I will be me again. I felt very cloudy/dizzy when I laid down to bed last night. Didnt like that. Still no boost in the libido department. Bad news for me and the old lady. I now am thinking about my up-coming dek hockey season more and more. I used to LOVE to play, got excited for games. I fear it now. I feel like I couldnt even pick up a stick if I tried. Arms feel like noodles. I am worried that I won't be as quick on this med, I am goalie. What if my reaction time is dulled...once again all effects of being down.