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Too Late
Posted by
seasons
,
03 November 2011
·
70 views
I've been so busy and stressed out lately. I don't make any quality time for myself and when I do, it's never doing anything that's very pleasurable or meaningful. I've no social life at all and I don't know how to make time for it, or how to meet other people I would have anything in common with. Even if I did, I don't know if I'd give myself enough of a chance to make it work, or if they would with me. Despite all that, there's a few things that I think about quite often that I'm quite confident would make me happy. Things my heart desires. Really basic needs I have that are a big part of who I am, but that have never really been met in any way.
Having identified those needs, what's to stop me from fulfilling them? Maybe it's an illusion, but a lot of things. For some desires, I simply don't have the time or resources to fulfill them. It's as simple as that. For others, it's simply too late. If I'd come to an understanding about what makes me tick years ago, the time and place would have been right and I could have done something about it. But for a number of reasons, it's just too late now. I'm just too old for some things. And I have responsibilities and promises to keep, And I'm stuck in a couple of catch 22 situations that I just can't escape from.
I'm not going to make a laundry list of everything I want to do and why I can't right now. I'll just say that for years and years I didn't really understand what I wanted, or I was too timid or hesitant to go out and get it. Not anymore, or at least not in the same way. But wow, if I'd have only understood this stuff a few years ago, I think I could have gotten some enjoyment out of life and taken a few steps toward becoming the person I'd always wanted to be. But here we are, and I can't throw away what I've got just to chase a few selfish dreams.
This is all left extremely vague for a reason. This forum and this blog are supposed to be safe and anonymous places to express yourself, but I've had "anonymous" Internet experiences much like this blow up in my face years down the road through no fault of my own and I'm not going to let it happen again. You can never be too careful out there.
Having identified those needs, what's to stop me from fulfilling them? Maybe it's an illusion, but a lot of things. For some desires, I simply don't have the time or resources to fulfill them. It's as simple as that. For others, it's simply too late. If I'd come to an understanding about what makes me tick years ago, the time and place would have been right and I could have done something about it. But for a number of reasons, it's just too late now. I'm just too old for some things. And I have responsibilities and promises to keep, And I'm stuck in a couple of catch 22 situations that I just can't escape from.
I'm not going to make a laundry list of everything I want to do and why I can't right now. I'll just say that for years and years I didn't really understand what I wanted, or I was too timid or hesitant to go out and get it. Not anymore, or at least not in the same way. But wow, if I'd have only understood this stuff a few years ago, I think I could have gotten some enjoyment out of life and taken a few steps toward becoming the person I'd always wanted to be. But here we are, and I can't throw away what I've got just to chase a few selfish dreams.
This is all left extremely vague for a reason. This forum and this blog are supposed to be safe and anonymous places to express yourself, but I've had "anonymous" Internet experiences much like this blow up in my face years down the road through no fault of my own and I'm not going to let it happen again. You can never be too careful out there.
