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1 votes

I'm A Person, Not A Dishrag

Posted by yifkmc , 11 March 2012 · 248 views

Really.

I am not a fan of people who suddenly disappear from life during its hardships and then reappear wanting to use you as a listening post. I have enough voices in my head. I don't need someone else knawing my ear off Tyson style. Don't get me wrong, I like to listen, but don't expect me to be there when you weren't.

Now that that little rant is finished, on to today.

Finally got a nice break and it was 15 today. Broke out the flip flops and shorts and spent some time outside enjoying the sunshine while it lasts. From what I've read there were records broken today dating back to the 70s. I'm not going to get into the whole global warming issue, but hell, if there are more days like in March then I'm down.

Binge ate an entire pizza at lunch time. One of those frozen rising crust ones. About the size of a medium I'd wager. Pizza is my achilles heel and I don't get to eat it regularly, so it was nice to binge on that.

Started planning on growing a garden of fresh veg - assuming I'll be living there over the summer though, all depends when housing gets back to me.

Trying to exercise a little bit but lack of energy / sedated pretty heavily during the day. Voices are still there although not nearly as bad before the Olanzapine.

Reading The Anxiety and Phobia workbook and learning there are different types of agoraphobia, so I've been taking notes on what traits I have / don't have. The doctors here won't spend enough time with me to get to the root of these problems, so I'm being more proactive and reading some of the materials I'd purchased. Someones gotta do it, may as well be me.

peace~

e1234

Mar 11 2012 07:39 PM

I totally know where your coming from with the friends disappearing and reappearing when they want you to listen... i just see it as, if their going to act like that then thats not the sign of a true friend. Sounds like your really trying to better yourself! Nothing like rewarding that with a little pizza :) yum

yifkmc

Mar 11 2012 08:33 PM

I agree and true friends that are with you through thick and thin don't seem to be trending worldwide these days. And I think that anyone who suffers from mental illness, whether severe like myself or not, should strive to better oneself. Have to put the work in if you plan on getting better. I am learning this the hard way, but learning none the less.

And the pizza was most definitely excellent. I've recently started to get back into music too and has found that has been helping me re-connect with the world. Although seeing the state it's in has me questioning myself daily lol.

Anyway I am rambling! Thanks for reading e1234 =)

e1234

Mar 12 2012 11:56 AM

They certainly dont :(... I think a lot of people are just me me me type people.

Oh ya i definitely learned that the hard way too.. its hard to get the ball rolling and actually want to help yourself sometimes, but i know it must be done. I agree with ya again music was really the only thing that helped me to get in touch with my emotions...lol it's sure in a "state" alright. I can never find good artists anymore..got any suggestions??

yifkmc

Mar 12 2012 12:58 PM

I think that's why I prefer to be shut away from society, me me me isn't even close to what i'm about.

That's one of the things i'm trying to work on. I procrastinate way to much out of fear. But like you said, deep down we know it has to be done. And music has greatly helped me out with getting in touch with my own emotions, even if they are in a crazy place right now.

Check out Phantogram, they are a really good indie group!

e1234

Mar 12 2012 03:50 PM

I tend to do that too, but i know there are good people in the world i just gotta find them. Its especially hard after you find out the friends you thought were "good" weren't. Gotta be some some needles in the haystack right?

Especially the fear of " even if i do these things to help myself, will anything change and will all my efforts be meaningless?". I tend to get a "whats the point" attitude, but i guess every little thing you can do to help yourself counts for something.

Ohh i like! Female lead singer too, nice!