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If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

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An Inner Dialogue.

Posted by sad robot , in Suicidal Thoughts, Self Injury, Self-Image, Mind Vomit 08 July 2012 · 151 views

"so tell me
how does it feel
being completely worthless?

how does it feel
being hated by your mother
and ignored by your father?

how does it feel
crying yourself to sleep every night
in a broken heap of skin and bones
crumpled and worn?

how does it feel
being so ugly
that looking at yourself makes you want to vomit?

how does it feel
being abandoned by the people
you trusted the most?
that no matter how hard you try
to reach for them--shakey and scared
they're always out of reach
always too far for your fingertips?

how does it feel
to try, and try, and try your best
but never succeed? never win?
to always be the loser?

how does it feel
to know that there's no such thing
as love, or friendship?

how does it feel
knowing that nobody cares about you
lying in patches of your own blood at night
with carved up legs and sleepless eyes?

how does it feel
knowing that someday
you're going to just end it all anyway?

how does it ******* feel
you worthless piece of garbage?"

"it feels like
i should jump off a bridge.

sorry for taking up so much of your time."

Shmooey

Jul 08 2012 03:59 PM

oh my goodness. I have tears in my eyes reading that, the rawness of it, and the pain. I was sending you love even as I read your words and I send you more now. Namaste.

PurpleStorm

Jul 08 2012 07:22 PM

Oh sad robot, I'm so sorry you're suffering like this, I think a lot of us can empathize with the pain you're feeling. Sending you heaps of (((hugs))).

DeeBear

Jul 08 2012 10:58 PM

I can relate to so much in this.

Standing in front of a mirror asking God why he made me so ugly.
Wondering why people who know me ignore me and walk on by when I see them.
Afraid to trust anyone because no one I've ever trusted was ever worthy of it.

I wish I had some magic words for you, but the best I can do is let you know you're not the only one who feels this way. I couldn't decide what I wanted to be when I grew up, so I became nothing. That's how I feel at the moment.

I do hope these thoughts will leave you alone. Sometimes I try to distract myself with other thoughts, because the subconscious drags this crap to the surface, and the subconscious doesn't understand the word "no." Treat it like a child that needs a distraction by giving it other things to think about, and sometimes the subconscious will move on and the thoughts are less "present" in your conscious mind. That trick has worked for me - it often takes the form of googling crap on the internet, but it's better than letting the thoughts take over. This may not help you, but it helps me and I wanted to share just in case. I know all too well how painful a tragic mental symphony can be.

An Inner Dialogue.

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An Inner Dialogue.

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