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Alright So...
Posted by
Olister
,
17 August 2012
·
131 views
so i guess i feel this depression creeping up again and i thought i would write something to release my thoughts
so i finally am entering my last year of med school...there is a sense of "woohoo!!! i made it! i am almost there, i am almost done."
but there are some concerns regarding my application for residency...
i do have below average grades and board scores. my grades put me at the bottom of my class. it sucks because on one hand im so glad ive almost made it through - all i have left is passing the next board exam and passing my courses - easiest year of all 4 is the senior year, so im confident i will graduate with my M.D.
what im not so confident about is securing a postion for residency
1. i have zero motivation to compile this application - which includes asking faculty to write me letters of recommendation, filling out the application and composing a personal statement
2. i am applying for a moderately competitive specialty, which means there is a chance no one will want to hire me--- expecially considering my grades and board scores, and i will end up without a job at the end of the year!
3. i have been advised to apply for a back-up specialty, that is a medical specialty which i would be most likely to match in even with my below average numbers - but i just can't bring my self to do 2 applications! and even if i match into a back-up specialty, then that means i won't actually be doing what i want to do....hmmmm
so what do i want to do??? idk...im so burnt out from this rat-race, this hustle-and-bustle to be the best, to be a super star, to really shine. at this point im just like give me a f-g break...surely there is more to life than spending my days studying and working harder and longer than anyone else...isn't there? i mean what is the point of that??
i can't say i measure success in academic measures, titles, degrees...i mean i respect all these accomplishments, but i have zero motivation and desire to work for any of this at this point in my life.
people ask me what i want...well what do i want?
to be propped up on a beach somewhere
to be laughing, smiling, relaxing.
i tried talking about it with my family, but they don't really listen to my concerns - they just assume i am going to be a doctor and thus everything must be fine. they dont get it.
so what??? all i can think about is if i am setting myself up for failure and if in 9 months i will be regretting not applying for the back-up specialty, not securing a job for the long run.
sigh.
so i finally am entering my last year of med school...there is a sense of "woohoo!!! i made it! i am almost there, i am almost done."
but there are some concerns regarding my application for residency...
i do have below average grades and board scores. my grades put me at the bottom of my class. it sucks because on one hand im so glad ive almost made it through - all i have left is passing the next board exam and passing my courses - easiest year of all 4 is the senior year, so im confident i will graduate with my M.D.
what im not so confident about is securing a postion for residency
1. i have zero motivation to compile this application - which includes asking faculty to write me letters of recommendation, filling out the application and composing a personal statement
2. i am applying for a moderately competitive specialty, which means there is a chance no one will want to hire me--- expecially considering my grades and board scores, and i will end up without a job at the end of the year!
3. i have been advised to apply for a back-up specialty, that is a medical specialty which i would be most likely to match in even with my below average numbers - but i just can't bring my self to do 2 applications! and even if i match into a back-up specialty, then that means i won't actually be doing what i want to do....hmmmm
so what do i want to do??? idk...im so burnt out from this rat-race, this hustle-and-bustle to be the best, to be a super star, to really shine. at this point im just like give me a f-g break...surely there is more to life than spending my days studying and working harder and longer than anyone else...isn't there? i mean what is the point of that??
i can't say i measure success in academic measures, titles, degrees...i mean i respect all these accomplishments, but i have zero motivation and desire to work for any of this at this point in my life.
people ask me what i want...well what do i want?
to be propped up on a beach somewhere
to be laughing, smiling, relaxing.
i tried talking about it with my family, but they don't really listen to my concerns - they just assume i am going to be a doctor and thus everything must be fine. they dont get it.
so what??? all i can think about is if i am setting myself up for failure and if in 9 months i will be regretting not applying for the back-up specialty, not securing a job for the long run.
sigh.
