Questions & Answers
with
Joyce Boaz & Dr. Frank Ochberg

Hello,

Thanks for a helpful definition of BPD. However, I'm confused about the part where you talk about borderlines feeling dead inside. If there is so much out-of-control emotion going on, how can you feel dead inside? I seem to meet all the other "criteria" of a borderline, but I don't understand how you can feel dead inside if you also have all these raging emotions?? I certainly have the out-of-control emotions and I often wish I felt still or calm inside. In some ways, feeling "dead" inside would be a relief from the intensity of my emotions.

Thanks for explaining.

Joanna

I can only explain how I feel at times. I think that for instance if we experience a lot of emotion as a cihld we become desensitised to it and no longer able to feel the emotion we are going through. I feel dead inside and it takes an extremem emtion for me to feel anything. So when I get angry I get really angry not just a little. If I feel sad then it is distressingly sad.

Interesting...this is not something I've seen before I've just seen the list of symptoms...most of which I don't Identify with.

But I definately meet the 1st and 2nd criterion listed here.

I've been diagnosed with bipolar, not BPD, but I can relate to some of the feelings in a way. I don't feel dead inside; I feel like there is a hole inside that cannot be filled. Something's missing.

good post! that describes me perfectly.

Sometimes I feel the same..there's a void inside.

Are there any narssasitic qualities to BPD? that anyone who reads this knows of anyway?

I don't think so.

But maybe because we always internalise things it might mean that we are always thinking of ourselves.

I may need to think about this.

Eileen

No, Most definitely not. People who were abandoned by their mothers when babies didn't have anyone who cared about them. But, someone's got to, in order to survive. The instinct for survival is the strongest in a human being and kicks in automatically. If no one cared about them, they had to fill that void. Or someone has to. Narcissists usually weren't abandoned as children and have a whole set of rules unto themselves. They wouldn't injure themselves unless it got them something, not to feel something. It would only be for show, and be superficial.

I'm glad this room is locked.

P.S. You'd never find a narcissist in a forum like this, unless they were here to hurt somebody.

No its not a relief, imagine something horrific happening and all you feel is numb. Its almost like having a dual personality one that feels to much and one that doesn't feel at all, but they are never there to be turned on and off when you want. When I feel dead inside, or numb its like someone is shining a bright white light on me, everything else pales and fades away. Its ok at first, but after a while it begins to drive you insane. Its not just the mental side of things that it effects but also the physical. Eg you walk into a table but it doesn't register, you see the bruise but don't feel the pain. Its scary in a way as you begin to feel like a ghost floating along, then you wonder if your fading, becoming less of a person.
The self harming exacerbates the whole process as the pain doesn't register just the damage. Borderline personality disorder can create dissasociation from yourself. Sometimes if you find yourself in a place of discomfort you perhaps begin to feel that things are fading, until all you hear are words but nothing registers. The pros and cons of life seem to seep away, its like being a robot and I don't enjoy it at all. You get labelled as cold, unemotional and people say its like talking to a blank, nothing is there. It makes you feel worthless, less of a person. Now your thinking, how can I say makes me feel when i have just said i'm numb, its difficult to explain.

Hi Becca, I'm sorry you have to go through so much(I know that's totally understated!) And words for what we go through can't really do justice in describing it. I have BPD as well, but I don't dissociate. I can't imagine how much harder it must be for you.

I know the stigma is also hard, bpd is the most stigmatized mental illness so that adds so much more to the nightmare we live. Have you tried dbt ever? It was a godsend for me... I'm still going through it, but it has helped so so much.

YES! There absolutely is! I HATE IT! I hate being seen as selfish or that I think the world revolves around me. I don't mean to come across that way...I just do I guess. I care about, and love so many people and want to do something in my life to help others...but this stupid BPD gets in the way. I'm constantly in need of validation, and that comes across as "selfish" or that I think the world revolves around me. I never think that...but that is how we're "perceived".

OMG You all have NO idea how much this thread means to me! I feel right now...I feel validated and real for once in my life! I feel like I understand everything now! I feel like I've figured it all out! I knew I was neglected...but I never knew how badly. This all makes SO much sense!! I'm just trying to survive and prevent further abandonment!! OMG this is SO significant!! Now I have something to work on in therapy! YAY!

~Amy.

im just very confused, i have AD and BP but reading that its me

Hi everyone, I'm new here ... and I thought I read that BPD also comes from the child being the parent, and the parent being the child ... the parent depended on the child for her everything, happiness, comfort and companionship. It's called 'Emotional Incest'.

That's what happened to me, but depression and other psychological problems run in my family also.

Nice to meet you all. :)

That's so weird. I never knew if I had BPD for sure, but every time i would do a symptom-check, this result would pop-up. Whenever i slip into this state, i go for long drives, and stare-off into space. It was at one point out of control, because i began showing signs at work and nobody knew what to think of me. The best way to describe it is (if anybody has ever seen the movie "CLICK") you're on auto-pilot- the lights are on, but nobody's home. It's just a complete feeling of numbness; almost in limbo with the rest of the world. This feeling sits with me for hours at a time, and goes away on it's own. It's very scary to most people, but i'm used to it, now. Actually, I've managed to control it for the most part. And for those wondering, I HAVE spoken with several doctors but i was never put on medication. For me, only time could heal it. I don't slip into these states as often, but it still happens. Once I'm in that state, there's no stopping it, but i almost trained myself to hold-off before it gets out of control, if that makes any sense. Like, I can feel myself slipping downward, but I have the ability to (in a sense) pause for an hour, until I'm all alone, and then i let my emotions go. There's NO stopping it, but i'm so used to it, that i can delay the start.

Many years ago, in hopes of being able to label me for disability purposes, they gave me this diagnosis. But my therapist also said that all of these symptoms can also be caused by trauma in your life. Which I have had.

I guess my question is, does trauma cause this or is this genetic? Most of my mom's side of the family all have some sort of depressive label.



This really rang true for me, I have had to remove my mom from my life, her constant criticizing and lack of support was getting in the way of I guess living life, would be a nice way to put it. Although both parents have had their share in this.

Is there hope for this kind of diagnosis? I do get the dead feeling inside, but also the anger and the disappointment when something or someone abandons you.

Hi ices lose



I am not sure if it is trauma or genetic or both. I have depression in both sides of te family and trauma as well, although I am not sure if the trauma was self-inflicting or just 'the illness'

Loss and fear of being abandoned are huge issues for me that I am still struggling with. The pdoc tols me that there is hope. Take one day at a time, be kinder to yourself, nurture yourself and that with the right treatment things do improve, well the ability to cope with the illness improves. I hope that this is the case.

(((ices lose)))

thanks for the warm welcome Girly.

Last night, I wrote out everything I hated about my life. Then tried my best to stay positive and write out action plans to change what I hated.

When life gets too much for me, it's almost like I freeze. And I have been frozen for a long time.

Don't know if this approach will work, but I've got to get something going. But I guess I need to start with me with abandonment issues. If I begin to not abandon me, maybe I can begin to trust that others will not abandon me...

List writing does help although it can take me years and years to do some of the things on mine I am trying hard at the moment. I hope that this approach works for you.