Some of you know me and my story. To sum it up real quick. I was in a toxic relationship for 2 years. it has been over now for a few months. (still down in the dumps) But getting a little better each day...

The most common advice i have been getting is "Take this time to get to know yourself".
1. What does that mean?
2. How the heck do you do that?
3. Where do I begin?

Ha ha, it's a good question! I'm not sure about statements like that because I think it takes quite a long time - a lifetime in fact - to get to know yourself, or really to feel comfortable in your own skin. Maybe what they really mean is take some time for yourself - take up something new, do things that your partner wouldn't have been interested in, look after yourself a bit more instead of worrying about someone else for a while? Maybe just give yourself a little push into some unfamiliar territory.

PRT xx

What makes YOU happy.
What have you always wanted to try?
Are there some friends you've been meaning to get in touch with?
A book you've been wanting to read?
A garden to plant?

It essentially means putting YOURSELF first. Rather than considering another person when you makes plans... As Friday approaches, you ask yourself, what would I like to do this weekend? Go for a hike, or whatever.

It's a difficult process, but well worth it.

Hi Beyond Broken

We will never stop learning about yourself, but getting to know who you are and accepting yourself are very important.
Finding a good therapist really helps.
Also spending some alone you time, listening to yourself, your needs, etc.
Meditating.
Setting yourself goals for you.

All these can help.

Trace

Hi,

Getting to know yourself is the essence of life itself. A lot of us wear a mask through being brought up in a particular way - do this - don't do that etc and the natural self is often masked.

Knowing yourself is finding your true identity, who exactly are you. Do you love your true self, are you feeling high self-esteem because you respect and care for your inner self.

We work in parts, one part of us want to do this, another part want to do that and each part is often pulling against the whole. So it integrating your abilities, talents, beliefs in a very positive light that get you to what is called self actualization.

Begin true to yourself means knowing who you really are deep down inside. It is a lovely journey to meet your inner self and integrate with the peaceful and gentle nature each of us has.

Do what you love and Love what you do

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

This post has been edited by jimbow15: Sep 28 2009, 01:07 PM

Hi Beyond Broken, I think that whenever we're in a relationship, we somehow take on the relationship as part of our identity. We often view ourselves through others -- especially those we're close to. Significant others behave toward us and say things that lead to our view of who we are. If we get the "message" that we are kind and loving, that's how we see ourselves. In a way, other people act as a mirror and when we look in the mirror, we see ourselves through them.
Therefore, I tend to think that when we're told that we need time to get to know yourself, I tend to think they mean to get to know yourself without the influence of the other person. For example, the other person and you enjoyed pizza night as the highlight of the week. Is that what you want for the highlight of your week? If the two of you worked for saving the whales, is that the cause that you want to devote your time to?
I see it as a process of disentangling yourself from seeing yourself through their eyes as well as rediscovering or establishing seeing yourself through your own eyes.
What do you want to spend time doing? put effort into? look forward to? What do you value? believe in? What goals do you have for yourself?
Iowa

Hi again Beyond Broken

I have something to add. Lol, I had a power failure in the middle of my first post to you, so I clearly got distracted.
Journaling or starting a blog can help you reach self realizations and can really help you to find yourself.

Trace

It means learning to love the parts of you that you hate or are ashamed of or wish you could change. As long as you hate or hide those parts of yourself, paradoxically, the more power over you they have. I believe real change comes through acceptance of yourself which requires intimate knowledge of yourself.

Good God you people are simply wonderful! Lots of good advice and help. Here is what I've done so far: well first off I have deleted her completely from my life.. ie myspace, cell phone, email. etc.. NC!
2nd: I joined flight school which is very exciting, and I look forward to it everyday. And it definetly keeps my mind focused.
3rd: I started a saltwater fishtank which requires alot of my attention.

I have a cat and dog. I live alone in a big house with them. It gets a bit lonely at nights. I took up a new habit called drinking. It helps at nights. I also started on Anti-depressants (welbutrin). seems to be working so far... Along with the valiums... I'm a big ole mess. But I am determined to get better!

"I have a cat and dog. I live alone in a big house with them. It gets a bit lonely at nights. I took up a new habit called drinking. It helps at nights. I also started on Anti-depressants (welbutrin). seems to be working so far... Along with the valiums... I'm a big ole mess. But I am determined to get better!"

You have to say no more! There is hope in them Words!

Regards,

Deepster