Hello!
Lets see in my colourful 17 years of gracing the earth I was anoxeric (luckily at young age) but that's controled even though I'm still a bit . . . sensitive (freak out if scales go one tiny bit over 9 stone), had a anxiety disorder- which was so strange- I had no control over it and felt so weak! But it is much better (I don't have whole year assembly's in our school hall-15 minutes of hell every week- wondering if I would get through- but did so well done me!) and ofcourse the OCD bug bit me, probably around 5 years ago. I live with it but only the last 1 and 1/2 years has it been quite bad. I go up and down but I wouldn't change it!

It sounds very strange but all my obsessions have become part of my personality and I would be lost with out them, I just need them under control sometimes, but most time I live with them (I have personal ground rules for the sake of saneness!). At the moment, they've calmed a bit- revision time for January exams- yay! One rule being under no circumstances will bloody obsessions stop me from doing well.

Far as support goes- I write here but thats it! I am my own little support system which is kinda nice cause I have found out a lot about myself and have come to a sort of understanding place whilst living with OCD!

I just stumbled into this topic and the more I read the more I thought, OMG, I have OCD!!  I talk to myself all the time, hear myself talking in my head all the time, hear "voices" ....not talking to me directly as in schitzophrenia, but like snippets of TV shows, commercials, converstions I've had, I get fixated on stupid things..... like the name of a song, fret over little details, feel uncomfortable - even a bit anxious - if things aren't just "right'', get irritated if my family doesn't do things my way, and ruminate over past actions and words.  None of these things are major, but still affect my outlook and cause me anxiety. I don't hoard, wash obessively or count, and I don't have the overwhelming fears that some of you have ...... you have my sympathy.  One of my favorite shows is Monk, now there is OCD at it's worst!  I took that OCD test and got a 6 (where 20 is major OCD), which indicates I have a mild case that I can live with.

It's funny, but just knowing that it's OCD, and not that I'm going crazy  :joker: makes me feel so much better.  Now I know it's something I can control and not think it has to control me!!

*hugs*
Janet

Hi Janet  :welcomeani: to The Club  :biglaugh:

Stress can raise the levels of OCD in many people so recognising our triggers helps maintain a sense of control.  I begin hand washing and checking doors if my anxiety rises.  Fortunatley no one else notices  :;):

Hi All,

I get up in the morning, no problem, until I try to leave the house. Then it's upstairs, check all windows are locked counting up to three and two lots of three again. If I'm not happy with this, I count again up to six, seven, eight, eleven, seventeen or twentyseven in multiples of three. I do this with windows, electric sockets, taps, wc, cooker, fridge/freezer doors. When I eventually get out side of the house I start all over again with the outside door.

This is all to do with security. In my mind I have to do all this checking in case I get burgled. I only repeatedly check to calm my anxiety. Putting the car in the garage is a long complicated process. I've tried cutting down on my checking but it does't last long.

Sorry, I also count up to five in multiples of three, my mistake.

Counting is a common compulsion.  Youare not alone.  

Try making a list of everything you have to do each day.  Tick them off and STOP if you go over the list items.  Nothing bad will happen - honestly.  It's just a habit.  Stand still and take deep breathes.  In and out slowly.  Then turn around from the compulsion.  Deep breathes again.  Stop counting.  Go downstairs and continue with leaving the house.

I have a dread of being burgled.  So our doors and windows are fitted with sturdy locks and we have security lights outside.  Everything I value is locked in a safe.  Other things can be replaced.

Are burglaries common in your area?

Hi Lizzy!

I have got locks on my windows and  doors, I've also got an alarm, outside security lights and a safe for my documents. Burglaries don't really happen on my estate. Sheds get broken into, also cars. I don't have a shed and my car is kept in the garage at night. My ocd problem is to do with security which is mostly stuck in my head.

i check everything a lot too before i leave the house. i think if my dog wasnt there alone i wouldnt do it quite as much because burglary can be replaced but i love my dog to death and if something happened to her because i was careless i wouldnt forgive myself.

Hey everyone, I'm a weirdo and I'm proud of being weird!

As for my OCD, I suffer it for three years. My type is Pure-O. It almost kills me. My life was brilliant before I have OCD and now it's completely rubbish. :(

Hello everyone!  I often tend to do things in multiples of five.  Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, it depends on what I'm doing.  I used to also count all the strokes in each letter of a word, or if I was writing, try to make words and letters with a number of strokes that add up to a multiple of five.

glad you found us.

Why?  What will happen if you don't count in multiples of 5?

Hi I'm going to be 49 this week. I have mostly obsessions, have been on and off meds, I go off because of the weight gain, (I;m a fitness instructor - not allowed any extra padding) I have been not to bad the last couple of years then wham it hits horridly. My biggest obsession is what if I did something bad (like kill someone and I don't remember)-by the way I'm pretty sure i didn't LOL dang ocd. I obsess about everything that I do. I feel a need to be perfect, a perfect instructor, perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect grandma (love my granddaughters soooooooo much). I have to run my hands over the burners when I leave to make sure they are not on. I  have to not just make sure the coffee pot is off but unplug it from the wall and on bad days swipe my hand over the outlet to make sure. The worst is the thoughts of what if....especially my youth days. I hate it. I'm totally wierd for this i know. My hubby is supportive and can't understand why I think if I didn't do something bad here why I take my whole life and say well maybe this situation or that I did something really horrible. I have no fear of dying since I am a Christian and I know the day Jesus takes me home I will be finally free of this dreaded disease. I hope no one thinks I'm a bad person here, this is tough to share these horrid thoughts.

good to meet you,
Hopeless

Hi Hopeless nice to have you on board  :wave:

"I have to run my hands over the burners when I leave to make sure they are not on. I  have to not just make sure the coffee pot is off but unplug it from the wall and on bad days swipe my hand over the outlet to make sure......  "

You wrote the above:  I see it not as an obsession but as a safety valve.  So that later in the day you are able to remember switching off and leaving the house safe.  There are days when I do things automatically and can't remember later - that really gets to me.  I've been known to hurry from shopping to make sure I have turned off the grill after breakfast    <rolls eyes >

I always pull the plug out of the socket when I've finsihed ironing - so that I can remember and 'see' the flex hanging away from the wall.  But I lost my car keys last week and couldn't remember where I had last seen them: because I was in a hurry !!!!! growl !!!!

You are not alone.  We have to think of our compulsions as safety valves.  That it *is* OK to check: I keep a list to tick off so I can refer to it.

Hopeless!

''What if I did something bad?'' used to be my main worry.
Plus wanting to be perfect all the time- don't get me started on that one!  
-> It's actually not funny, I know  :( , a very realistic trouble that is...wanting to be and give 100%-
not to look good in front of others but not to hurt others...does that make any sense? Is that how you feel it too?
Anyway, thoughts can be horrid, but that doesn't make YOU horrid.  
Nice to have you with us! :wave:

I am so greatful for others who can understand, wish none of us had to go through any of this. I started on prozac last night after class, slept well last night, anxiety this mornign will be glad when I can function like myself again.

Hopeless

hiya my name is katerina i have OCD i have a thingy called trichtillomania tis wher you pull your hair out when i get stressed i am not bald yet but i hope some one can help me stop also if  this trichtillomania goes on it could lead to commiting suicide!!! i feel so alone and unhappy about it i have had alot of heart ach in my family  :verysad3: well i dont want to go on about  :blah: it so i will leave it at that

i hope i can find a nice friend who i can trust and talk to about things on here x bye bye for nowx

kittykat.  Family problems can cause people to tear out their hair - literally.  It can be deep rooted and soon becomes a comforting habit.  You are not alone - there is a thread here about that very subject  :nod:

If you feel suicidal because of your problems then seek therapy.  Contact your doctor or ER for advice and support.  Just talking helps!  Keep posting here!

How old are you?  Where do you hail from?  Have a browse through the OCD room and add your comments to our threads.

thanx lizzy im 15 by the way im so glad i found  this forum because now i no i can talk to people that understand me thanx xx  p.s   i love these emoticons    :biglaugh:

:wave: yep post away.  We're here to listen/support/join in.  How do you feel today?  Less suicidal?  You are at an age when many things influence you and we begin to leave the nest.  Scarey.  Strange.  Little steps!

im fine today erm my dad has not realy shouted at me he has been okay and let me sit  down and relax (bit strange ??? ) its just when i get stressed but now my twin sis is getting on my nerves she keeps reminding me about pulling my hair out and saying i just want OCD but if i wanted it i wouldnt be on this site trying to get rid of it i dont want to go bald!!!!  :upside:

Hello :) I'm beth, and i've come over from esupportgroups.com which unfortunatly had to be closed down because of misuse :(

I had ocd when i was about 11 to 13 but i saw someone about it and went on prozac, and now i'm having a bit of a relapse at 15.
For some reason i cant start a new topic, so hopefully someone will see this and message back, but i've been in a bit of a dilema because of my ocd coming back again.

I'm coming to the end of my gcses, which means i'm under stress and pressure, so when i saw something at school i probably shouldnt have, i started feeling the obsessions creeping back in. I kept it to myself and 1 or 2 friends until a week ago, when i couldnt deal with feeling so low anymore and i could tell the ocd wasnt going away like i'd hoped it would. My boyfriend tried to offer other solutions to keep my mind busy and creative so i would be doing something productive, but i didnt see how anything would help and wanted to go back on the drugs i was taking before.
I finally plucked up the courage to ask my mum if this would be possible and explained everything that had happened to make the ocd come back, and she said she'd see what she could do.

FINALLY she managed to book an appointment and get hold of the tablets, but my boyfriend was concerned as he didnt like the idea of me taking them, and i was getting more and more worried about taking them too. Part of me kept reminding myself how bad i feel when i get down, and the other part didnt want to go back into it all again, and to try something more natural.

My parents were quite surprised when i asked if i could leave taking the tablets for a few days until i spoke to my boyfriend, and got concerned that he'd try and change my mind.
In the end i was in between them telling me it would be best to take them as soon as possible, and my boyfriend mike being worried about side effects, addiction etc (which i had considered too). I had to decide what i wanted to do, which was swaying over to not taking them, but then have to explain to my parents why not. I dont want to take them just because my parents said so, or not take them because mike is concerned.

Does anyone know of any ways to help cope with the depression side of ocd apart from taking anti depressants? I'd much rather avoid going back onthem if i possibly can, although they are there if i decide i want to.

I'd be grateful for suggestions and advice :)
Take care
-Bethxxx-

I pm'd you about posting, ect.  

GCSE's = England?  Welcome anyway: OCD and depression can take control especially when we have extra stresses.

Do you have a good GP?  One you can talk to?  One who takes time to listen?

This is about YOU - not your parents or your boyfriend.  Just because he doesn't want you to take ADs doesn't mean you have to obey him.  OCD is your bag - not his although his life will be affected by it.  Short term ADs help many people through many situations.  I suggest you speak to your practice nurse and then begin the tablets.  You need help right now and lifting your mood will help you get motivated to hobbies/outings/enjoyment.......  side effects can be difficult to deal with but few people become addicted - because our doctors regulate what and how many we take.

Look after YOU.  If you will benefit from ADs then take them.  Don't let your boyfriend control you; think about any other areas he controls too and decide thatyou are going to take control of your life.  You have to live with this illness and if ADs are the way for you then go with it.  

Keep posting.

:wave:

HI everone, my name is Nicky, I am 24 and live in the north west of england. I have sufferd with depression and anxiety related problems since I was 14. I am now wondering if I also have some form of ocd as I have obsessive thoughts and do obsessive things some times too. I am obsessed with putting face cream on and also I can get obsessive about exerscise. If I start something new like a course or something then I get obsessive about it and plan to study every day for like 6 hours, I end up putting myself under soo much pressure and then I feel awful and guilty if I don't do it. I'm also obsessive about food and I have had eating dissorders. My docter is crap though he just threw prozac at me and sent me away, he didn't even ask about my medical history or anything and has offered me no support what so ever. I want to find out if I have got ocd and then try and get treatment but how do I find out for sure? Who do I go to? I have a lovely family, friends and boyfriend but I feel they don't really understand although they try but how can they if they if they don't and never have had these problems. I just want to get on with my life but I can't as prozac alone aren't really helping, all the answers are not in the bottom of a bottle. It's so good to find people with the same problems. How do they treat ocd? What type of therepy do you have? Thanx for listening, I hope your all well.x :(

Welcome on Board Nicky!   :wave: are you able to change your doctor?  You need a sympathetic ear and someone who can advise and support you as you try different coping strategies/drugs/relaxation therapy etc.

I find that my hand washing is worse when I am stressed.  Then I make lists of when I should wash my hands so that I can tick it off - I am less likely then to 'over wash'.  I too put my heart and soul into new projects; eat, drink, sleep them until I'm worn out.  Hubby despairs sometimes as he can see the repeat pattern!

Not so bad with gardening though as once the plants are set and growing I can enjoy them.  It doesn't stop me visiting new garden centres though!  :biglaugh:

Maybe you could ask your new doctor to refer you to a psychologist who specialises in OCD?

Posted: Jan. 03 2005,09:48  
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Hi!
I'm 58 years old and live in the UK. Have suffered with ocd since I don't know when. But I THINK it started from when I lived in an apartment and I locked myself out of the house. I had to go down to the agent who handled the property, I explained what had happened and she came up and opened the door for me.
Since then I have been treble checking, the keys in my pocket, the doors' are locked and everything to do with the safety and security of the house and car. The treble checking is repeated and repeated if I make a slight mistake in counting until I am happy. I dream quite reguarly that my car is stolen but I have never dreamed of the house being burgled
Trying to leave the house or car is a major problem.
--------------
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you have imagined."




Posted: Jan. 03 2005,11:34  
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Hi Panic!  I'm just 51 and live in Northants.  If I find myself checking too often I write a list and tick off when I need to do it: then take a walk round my garden to try and distnace myself from the compulsion.  It can soooo easily get out of hand  
If you stop counting nothing bad will happen: you might get a lot of physical anxiety feelings which can be awful.  If you can overcome those feelings - I use a beta-blocka each night to calm my heart rate - you will find that the counting will mean less to you.
It's having the courage to change the bad habit!


Posted: Jan. 03 2005,14:25  
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Hi Lizzy!  Thanks for your reply. I actually live in Gloucestershire. Did you see a programme on TV last night at 8pm all about OCD. I think it was on either ch.4 or 5 or it may have been on Sky. Since I've been taking Seroxat my memory has gone. Anyway I've gone one step forward, this morning after brushing my teeth, I managed to close the toothpaste tube and put it away without checking that it was closed.
Panic
--------------
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you have imagined."


Posted: Jan. 04 2005,08:16  
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And how have you felt since?   Any anxiety ?  Big pat on the back and no I missed the OCD programme after deciding I would video it.  No doubt it will be repeated  ....
PS - PANIC - I have started you a thread below ........

  

:wave:

Guys.   Many people have many problems to deal with and it's great to have a safe place to share.  Telling our stories can often help lessen the impact of abuse, shame and fear.  Talking therapy helped me a LOT!  Keep posting. Keep sharing.  Keep supporting  :wave:

As I read through I was beginning to think that everyone with OCD is across the pond.  I developed my OCD postpartum, fears that harm would come to the baby, by my hand or anothers. It was a nightmare, especially since I had this idealized vision of motherhood.  Meds and a wonderful therapist helped alot.  Still have it, suppose I always will, but can better control with cognitive therapy and of course, meds.    It's kind of morphed into a perfect mother obsession.  To all who have written before, your are not alone, because we who have OCD, can truly understand the enormous anguish it causes.

J.

Welcome Jude.   It's a nuisance.  It can take over, either compulsions or obsessing about things.  GRRR

You are not alone  :wave:  You have a big responsibility.  No one is perfect and your baby won't expect it.  All he/she needs is warmth, security, a full belly, comfy bum and love.  Room to grow.  But we see danger in every corner, round every bend .....  I did for our cats and my spaniel so being a mum would have been a nightmare!

How old is the baby?  Do you have a good Health Visitor?

Hi, I am male /33 and from Pakistan and have suffered from depression from as along as I can remember...I think I first suffered a bout when I was 10 years old and baring a few years in b/w (24-29) its been a slow spiral I guess...also suffering from OCD and slight anxiety disorder as well...relationship issues. libido problems..you name it..I feel depressed all the time...at 33 I feel down all the time...lost my energy...I don™t have any happy memories of my childhood...infact no memories...my father was a failure in his life who failed to take responsibility of his children as he should be doing....despite having major opportunities in his life he throwed them away without any concern for his children and how it would affect them...he never took responsibility for us both emotionally and monetarily.....I think he suffered from depression / OCD as well...Now 30 years down the road I find myself staring in the mirror and being dead scared of the fact that I would turn out like him...which is soo far from the actual case..I now hold a very senior management post and money is not a concern any longer...but I don™t know...since I time I remember I have been cynical / untrusting...it went away for a while but for the past two years I see it coming back...I don™t know what to do...my marriage is on the rocks despite the fact I married the girl I was in love with..but before the marriage we both thought it wouldn™t work out but I pushed it hoping things would be okay.......I am turning into a OCD patient at age 33 and nobody knows I guess...everyone looks at my accomplishments in life and wonders why the hell I am so ungrateful but I am not...I just don™t bloody know what is wrong with me...I love my children dearly and I would never treat them the way my father took care of his family...I think my father is also a depressive / ocd case..do u think this could have been passed on and whether its genetic?...despite all the success in the world I feel down..my libido is down in the dumps and I am living with my wife like a stranger...maybe I ought not have married her cause I knew there were too many differences in our personalities...but I was 22 and just did what I felt like..I feel sleepy all the time now and have very low energy...me and wife has conflicts..big ones...and we have talked so often now of divorce and separation...but I need my family cause I know they are the support system that keeps me sane...I hate to admit it but when I am away on business trips sometime I cry cause I miss my children so much...its soo crazy...I have estranged relationship with my parents now and feel very very lonely...I look at other people and they are happy and I cant figure why cant I be like that too...there is no love in my marriage now...my wife thinks I am a heartless person without any emotions and one who would be better off if he lives in seclusion cause I am so cynical of people but that is not the case...infact I feel I would self destruct without my family and yet I am unable to provide the right emotional support to my family.....I don™t know if these events are a result of my depression or vice versa or its a vicious cycle...anyways I think this is big enough for a first post...thanks for venting out my thoughts and hope I feel better when I go home today...Cheers.

 disorders can be genetic.  But you seem to have insight enough to realise that you are *not* exactly like your father.  You sound angry about his lack of caring for you?

Can you talk to him about his childhood?  Maybe something happened there that made him unable to give the love that children need?  Maybe he was too busy taking care of himself to extend outside himself?  Maybe he didn't see it as 'manly' to cuddle and care for the children: many men think child raising is 'womens work'   :;):

You don't mention medication for your depression.  It can help a great deal, either short or long term.  To lift the mood so that the sufferer deals with life in a different way.  Talk to your doctor about your feelings and see what he/she suggests.

Have you talked toyour wife about your fears and depression?  She is entitled to know how you feel so that she can be supportive.  Not knowing when someone changes towards us can be scarey and hurtful.  Get her on *your* side!

Depression can be controlled.  OCD can be a nuisance but that too can be controlled.  I make lists when my OCD gets a hold so that any compulsions are dealt with logically.  Hard work!

Keep posting!  :wave:

Hi everyone. I used this board about two years ago and without it I believe that I would not have been able to seek the help that has made me well. I suppose that no one is ever completely sane, which is a good thing as far as I™m concerned, but at this point in my life, after two years of Celexa, I am fine. Better than fine, actually, I am happy. Which is something that, at one time, I worried that I would never be able to say.

I suffer from Purely Obsessional OCD and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [I'm not sure if capitalization is required for these names, but to do so just makes them seem so nice and official, so recognized and therefore not unique to me, which I find quite reassuring]. As I like to put it, a cocktail of inherited and learned psychological problems. To describe everything in detail would take volumes, but I'll try to summarize my history with OCD as best as I can.

In college I believe was when I started to have uncontrollable thoughts. I was a Black Studies minor and had a black boyfriend at the time [I am white] and words like ni**er started popping into my head while I was with him and during classes. I thought that I had Tourette™s Syndrome, or rather hoped that I did, because the thought that I might actually be inherently racist was too difficult for me to bear. I loved my boyfriend. I grew up next to a black family and had been best friends with one of their daughters for years. How could this word come into my head? It haunted me for quite a while. But eventually, mercifully, it faded from my mind. I had a few years of respite, but after some time something else crept up. Whenever I was in formal situations, when a certain level of decorum was required, at work or in class, I started imagining myself smashing glass cabinets or hitting people over the head. It sounds silly to describe it in words, but at the time, when I would imagine these things, I was horrified. What if I actually did start smashing the glass cases in the gallery where I worked, or hit my boss? Was I capable of this? I always saw myself as a good and kind person, but I started to worry that there was something evil in me that I would have to do everything in my power to suppress. Having had an abusive father didn't help, of course. I knew, as we all do, that victims of abuse often become abusers themselves, and nothing in the world could have been a more devastating thought to me. The idea that I might actually be capable of causing someone else pain, the kind of pain that I understood so well myself, crushed me. I was a complete wreck for years as I carried this burden around with me. Eventually, I realized that without medication, I would be lost, so I tried Paxil, but it was a disaster. I referred to myself as a eunuch during this period, and when my relationship suffered because of my lack of sexual desire, I stopped the use of the drug too rapidly and went through my most suicidal period to date. And so I started using Wellbutrin and was amazed at how much better it made me feel. Completely aware of how totally cheesy I was being, I would drive around and sing to myself, œI can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way.? I was just so happy to feel happy for the first time in years and to be free from those horrible visions. My life was better than it had ever been. I met my soul mate, got engaged and had a great job, but I was irresponsible with my newfound sanity; I didn™t realize how fragile it was.

Leading up to my wedding my husband and I decided to experiment with a drug that we had both used in the past and wanted to try again together: Ecstasy. It was the most reckless mistake that I have ever made and I suffered for years because of it. I literally changed overnight. I woke up the morning after taking E and was plagued by the most horrific images I could imagine. All of the gory, violent scenes that I had ever seen flashed in my head one after another like a slideshow. The Wellbutrin no longer worked, and at the same time, because of my pending wedding, I succumbed to pressure from my mother to rekindle a relationship with my father. Needless to say, having someone back in my life that had caused me physical harm only added to my psychological instability. And so it continued for years, the uncontrollable horror show that I took with me wherever I went. Every night before I went to bed I would dread closing my eyes for fear of what I would see and I hoped in vain that I would wake up the next morning and be free from this terror. I wondered if I was imagining these horrible things because I somehow desired to carry them out and I accepted the fact that I couldn™t live my life if it continued on in this way. It was impossible for me to believe that I could do anything violent, it was just too heinous a thought, so I tried to analyze what made people do violent things so that I could prove to myself that I wasn™t capable of doing them. I was emotionally paralyzed by what had happened to me. The only thing that kept me from killing myself at the time was my husband. I couldn™t have abandoned him and so I carried on despite my misery. For years I waited and over time my problem abated somewhat but not enough for me to feel healthy. I moved across the country but carried my pain with me until I finally found this website and read a post by someone who described exactly what I had been going through. I talked to my doctor, started using Celexa and have since become someone who I never thought I could be: I am happy; I am content. I can close my eyes at night without fear and actually look forward to sleep and to life. And this time I cherish my sanity. I will never toy with it again because I understand how easily it can be lost and how devastating it is not to have it.

Thanks depressionforums.org and best of luck to everyone!

Lovely to hear that despite some horrific happenings, you have fought through them and now live a good day-to-day existance.  Does this include your husband?  I hope you can continue to heal which will enable you to grow and move forwards.  Unprescribed drugs can have some devastating effects - I've had some pretty strange reactions to a few which my doctor recommended!  Well Done on holding it together.  

Hey,

I'm Kayleigh and I'm seventeen years old.

I was first diagnosed with depression when I was fourteen years old, after losing my grandfather to cancer and losing a few friends to accidents, suicide and illness. My GP sent an urgent referral to my local CAMHS service and I saw a psychiatrist within a couple of weeks.

Three months and several appointments later, he decided that 'talking' wasn't working - because I found it difficult to talk - and prescribed me Prozac and handed the prescription to my GP, dismissing me from the services. I stayed on the Prozac for a year, but found it difficult to talk because sometimes, only occasionally, it made me feel very ill and all I could do was sleep.

When I was sixteen I found out that I was pregnant and - because of other problems, as well as my own mental health ones, I decided to have an abortion. I broke up with my boyfriend because I didn't know how to handle it. I know a lot of people don't agree with abortion - I even didn't at the time - but it was my decision and I went through with it. Just before that, my parents seperated and things became very tense. My dad was still living in the same house as us and he became very violent - emotionally, mentally and psychically. I was more worried about him harming my nine year old brother and my mom than myself - twice I called the police out. He himself became depressed, as did my mom. Whereas my mom was coping relatively well, all my dad would say to me was how much he wanted to die, how there was nothing left to live for and how even his children didn't matter to him. One evening he even told me to F*** off and kill myself. Another evening I found myself twice pushed up against the wall with his hands around my throat. I was too scared to sleep, incase he tried to harm my mom, or take my little brother away from me. Four months later, he moved out - not far - but he moved out and things started to calm down. Sort of. He and I were still arguing all the time, and we even stopped talking for seven weeks.

My GP - who was then seeing me, my mom and my dad for depression - acted also as a counsellor to me and decided to switch me from Prozac to Citalopram, to see if the side effects would disappear. They did but the Citalopram didn't work at all and after three months he referred me back to CAMHS to see a psychiatrist again. By this time my boyfriend and I were back together, but I was finding it extremely hard to trust people - especially him. I still do find it hard to. After seeing my current psychiatrist a couple of times he asked me to keep a thought diary and soon diagnosed me with OCD. I have obsessional, intrusive thoughts that, no matter how hard I try, I can't get rid of. I panic about my mom and brother being hurt, dying. I worry that people are 'out to get me' and are always lying to me. The list goes on.

My psychiatrist then decided to put me back onto Prozac - for OCD and depression.

At the moment I'm still finding it extremely hard to trust people - especially my boyfriend seeing as he's one closest to me and therefore he can hurt me the most. I really don't know what to do. I 'm assuming the worst of him, and other people, and snapping all the time. He reassures me that he can cope and that he loved me but I hate myself knowing Im hurting him, and other people but I can't do anything about it. I need reassuring that people love me and need me and it seems that I'm needing it 24/7.

I'm lost.

I just don't know anymore who I am........ :(

:wave: I'll be back shortly.  Too tired to be of use right now but after a doze I'll be fine again.  You are NOT alone now that you've found us.  Keep posting.

Kayleigh.  What scares you the most?

Be kind to YOU.  Make lists: one of the good things in your life; another of the things you would like to change which will be of benefit; and another of the things you can change soon.

little steps.  Don't look too far ahead.  Why do our partners stay?  I don't know.  I often wonder why hubby sticks with me through my moods etc. but he's still here.  Turn your worry into loving your man.  Half a day at a time.  Hugs.  Touches. Kind words.  Learn to relax around him and not look for things that aren't there.

We are often needy until we find a niche.  But we can be needy in many ways: I need garden centres to explore for new plants, a deep bubble bath at night and to know my hubby is healthy.  To do those things I have to take care of me.

Keep posting!

Hi, i dont have OCD but my friend just has been, if im in the wrong place just say!

My names Graham, im an 18 year old student and im trying to help my friend cope so, any advice for me, what will help and what will hinder, would be greatly appreciated

Grey! Has it been recommended that your friend takes any medication? Are you in the UK? Talking therapy can help as it means we confront our fears and aggravations with someone 'remote'. posting here is another good option :wave:

How much is the OCD a problem? Stress can cause it to rise. So we need to learn as much about relaxation as we can. What form does the OCD take?