This is the room for people who suffer with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.   We share problems and offer support to each other who either have compulsions, obsess about things or suffer with a mixture of both.  Please read the threads below and join in!  If you can't see a topic of interest then start one - it won't be long before another member responds.
Because of the wide range of people who visit DF please keep the topics clean.

Welcome!

lizzy






Hi - I'm Lizzy aged 50.  I live in the UK.  I have a supportive GP and a good husband.  We own our home, which has a good sized garden which is my current passion.  It's full of vegies, fruit trees, shrubs and climbers; and still we go to garden centres, plant fairs etc. just in case there is a plant I really need to have :-)))))


When stressed I suffer with OCD and it manifests itself by repeated hand washing, checking doors and windows are locked and picking up the land line to see if there are messages on the BT answer service.  I try to control it by making lists so that I can 'tick' off the times I need to wash my hands i.e. before preparing food and can then try to distract myself from the compulsion by walking round the garden.

I joined DF 12 months ago when looking for info on withdrawing from Efexor. I know take Cipralex which I have talked about elsehwhere.  I have found sympathy, support, advice and friendship here

:wave:

Looks like Lizzy could use some company in this thread, so here's a little something about me.

I will turn 26 years this autumn. I come from a smaller european country. I like applied arts (drawing, photography, restoring, literature, interior design, you name it...) and I'm interested in different cultures, languages, art therapy and puppetry, to name a few.

I someday wish to have a wooden house with a pond and a nice job, possibly connected with areas above.

I' ve been suffering from depression (I suspect it is an organic one) for 2 years, combined with xl anxiety and OCD. I have supportive family and boyfriend.

I joined DF some months ago and I wish I'd find it sooner. They are all very nice here! I take paxil (seroxat) and at the time trying to go completely off xanax xr.

:wave:

My name is guppy. I'm 31 and from Australia. I have OCD and Borderline personailty disorder. I joined DF in MArch and have made some great friends and found a brilliant support network here.
I am a bit of a computer nerd and will be found here most if nbot all days of the week. I love my music and also reading. I have a bit of a naughty sense of humour  :censored:

I look forward to catching uop with everyone old and new at our new home.
Guppy  :love:

checking to see if my account works!!

ohh it does sorry about that!

Newho, my name is michael and im from ireland, specifically northern Ireland, so technically im from ireland and the UK, so oddly enough i can be considered Irish and British!! lol, but i think of myself as an Irish European! HOOO RAY!!!

newho, i live in the country side (kind of) and i love it, im moving to Belfast (im sure you've heard of it, lol) next year to go to Queen University!! scarey, but there you go. Ive only started to get help for my OCD, but im very glad i have!! ive hinted to my family that i have it, but never REALLY told them, so they dpont know how serious it is!

newho, since ive finally got my account to work, im off to post on some other boards!!

welcome Michael from ireland - hope you settle in Belfast and that your Course is interesting.  Glad you are getting help for your OCD.  HOw does it manifest itself?

Hi I'm yoganut,I'm originally from the UK, but I have lived in Massachusetts and now live in the mid-west.
I've known  - or strongly suspect that I have OCD, but I'm not the ritual kind of OCD'er, my obsessions are largely thought based. I also suffer from depression, for which I take wellbutrin.
I'm ashamed to admit this cos no-one understands  but I'm a jealously obsessive person, I'm always thinking that my  husband will cheat on me, or that he doesn't want me, - he wants anyone but me, after all i feel I am no oil painting as my mother once told me.
I also am extremely afraid of dying  a horrible death, i imagine myself lying in a ditch somewhere after a horrible death, then I'm compelled to think 'I'm sorry Dear Lord, please look after me, I'm sorry etc for a number of times. My husband is getting fed up with me, he says i'm constantly badgering him, and I have to admit its true. Its like something I can't stop, the thoughts of him wanting to/cheating/wanting anyone but me are totally and utterly uncontrollable, and the compulsion to say something to him about it is overwhelming.
The only way I can keep from going on at him is to sit in a different room now.
I've been on paxil  - which seemed  to help the depression and OCD (if that is what it is) but i gained a heck of a lot of weight and it also made me very agressive, I would not hesitate to pick a fight with anyone (and thats not normally me).
My doc has told me to start taking 5mg of lexapro, he knows my weight gain concerns with SSRI's and has told me that with wellbutrin I'm already taking I should not gain that much if at all.
My husband told me tonight I need 'something more than drugs'. It hurt.
He's right, I wouldn't want to be married to me either.
i hope someone understands, I'm so ashamed to have this type of OCD.
i've tried counselling but after a year, i stopped because I felt that that wasn't helping at all. My behaviour is too ingrained.

Hi there - welcome to the OCD room.  You are amongst friends.   :wave: Stress can cause our habits to become worse.  You have a lot of insecurities which are repetative.  I used to badger my hubby long before he became my hubby; because of my phobia I was always checking that he felt alright - he got into the habit of answering automatically.  I mean lots and lots of times a day!  

What does you husband feel that you need?  Therapy can help us to download our problems so that they are out of our heads but the sessions don't always solve things.  

Many people are ashamed of being seen as 'not normal'.  But you have a condition which is very common across the Western World.  Post here and you will soon see that you are not alone!

Yoganut, welcome to the forums. There are lots of us here with stuff we thought only we had until we got talking to people and its amazing much we all have in common. You aren't alone there is a great support network here. I hope you can find some answers

Hola.  =)

My name's Peter, I'm 28, and I'm in North Carolina, USA.   I was diagnosed with OCD within the past year after far, far, far too many years of living in the dark.  

It's great to know that I'm not alone in this.  Unfortunately, my wife just doesn't "get it."  She can't seem to understand what its like, so here I am.  heh  We've been married for almost 8 years now and have a wonderful 4 year old daughter.  Kids and OCD don't exactly mix, as I've learned.  Its been a tough road, but I'm pulling through, one day at a time.  

Its great to meet y'all.

/hugs

Welcome on Board Peter.   :wave: Love the avatar do you have Celtic connections?   :)

I'm a great list maker I find it helps to be able to cross off compulsions and that forces me to do something else. Unless my stress levels are really 'up' then I have to stick with the checking doors are locked and washing hands until things are calmer.

Keep posting!

Thanks. ;)  Its good to be here.  

Nope, no celtic connections.  Just something that I found on-line years ago and liked. Knotwork fascinates me.   Intricate, repeating patterns...hmmmm. lol.

Hiya, I'm Beccy,  I'm 21 and have just finished a degree in Film Studies and Media Communications.  I love going to the cinema, playing the violin (especially Irish folk) and going out with my friends.

I cant really remember not having OCD.  I started seeing a psychologist when I was about 14 after my parents got so sad/annoyed by me stratigically moving things around the house that it was a case of take me to see someone or we all go crazy! I saw the psychologist for around 4 years and was on Prozac.  Now I dont see anyone or take medication but I still have compulsions everyday.  Some days are better than others (as we all know)

My main compulsions are

Checking that lids and bottle tops are on, over and over again, just incase something falls out or spills.

Undoing and doing up zips on clothing, bags etc  (have ruined a few pairs of jeans this way!

Flicking on and off the light switch in my bedroom to check that it is off.  Flicking plug switches.

Checking that my alarm is set continuously, incase I get up late, checking that my phone is locked.

Checking that doors, windows are locked, several times

Constantly checking rooms before I leave them incase something needs to be shut or moved into the right place

Thank You for listening! It is so nice to talk openly about things wihout being judged x x x

Beccy - welcome  :wave:

I find that my compulsions are worse when stressed.  So I make a list of all the times I should be washing my hands or checking doors so that I can tick them off.  Then if I do 'extra' checking I try to divert my thoughts to a walk round the garden, feed the fish, sniff a rose ...... sometimes it even works  :D

Well done on completing your Course.  You must feel well chuffed!  

Keep joining in!

Hi :) I'm Eugene, 24, male. Was born with OCD and various related issues like anxiety, but wasn't diagnosed till much later in life (21!). As a matter of fact, I diagnosed myself, as weird as it sounds. I had been suffering immensely all the time from obsessions -- and, as a child, compulsions -- but nobody suspected anything, parents didn't have a clue.

By the time I hit 21 I was in such severe mental pain (several recurrent fears/obsessions) that I Google'd for the phrase "bad thoughts" and finally found out the name of my disorder. Every single thing was confirmed, down to the last detail, that I never could explain in my behavior earlier.

This sad period in my life coincided with another trauma in my life, an extremely painful breakup with a girl that unleashed my obsessions in full force.

I started therapy and treatment and was determined to do everything to help and cure myself. My family has been very supportive ever since but I think they still don't fully understand how serious this disorder is. My sister has it too, so it runs in the family.

Anyway, I'm glad to say the last couple of years have been very good, I've been successfully taking Luvox, opening myself up to new people and new things, and I sincerely hope this nightmare is now behind me, although an obsession might pop up now and then. The main problem now for me is anxiety, including social anxiety. I hope to make even more strides and become a much calmer, more relaxed person in general.

Glad you can join us Eugene  :welcomeani:

It's nice to know that there is help out there to help with compulsions and obsessions.  I think each of us finds coping skills which work on a daily basis: until we get extra stess in our lives.  I make lists which I find useful when I begin hand washing and checking doors.  

Have a browse round DF and i'm sure you will find threads you can join in with.   :wave:

Hi, everyone.  I'm Cindy.  I live in Fredericksburg, VA, USA.  I'm 51 (soon to be 52   ).  My diagnoses are BP type I with ultradian cycling, mixed episodes, psychotic features; agoraphobia; panic disorder; dissociative disorder; depersonalization; OCD; PTSD.  I've also suffered from various addictions.

I've been married since 1972, have a 31 year old son, and a granddaughter who starts to school in September.  My background is 30 years in Information Technology.  I officially retired in 1999 and then did some consulting work for awhile.

My OCD manifests itself in checking and re-checking, reading and re-reading, making lists, having obsessive thoughts, and a variety of other compulsions.  I've been through OCD therapy and have taken Prozac for it.  As much as I love my husband and his unfailing support, he's an enabler.  I've tried to get him to stop it, but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I'm glad I found this room.

Welcome to our Forums, Cindy!

You'll find lots of caring and support here, darlin'!



~Lindsay

Hi Cindy  :wave:join The Club!  You're very  :welcomeani:

"As much as I love my husband and his unfailing support, he's an enabler.  I've tried to get him to stop it, but I don't want to hurt his feelings........  "

can you explain this?  So long as my husband supports me, we can work round the problems.  It isn't always easy but so far he has stood by me: he's been my rock.  Other so-called friends have walked away ..........
:(

How would you cope without your husband around?  How would it be different?

My therapist said my husband is an enabler because he actually encourages me in my compulsions.  For example, we'll be in a restaurant and some things on the table - like the little cream containers - will be all over the place.  He'll start lining them up and smiling at me.  I get panicky and have to line everything up.

It has nothing to do with his being around.  I would absolutely perish without him.  

Maybe he's telling you it's OK to be tidy!  Or maybe he has a tendancy to OCD too?  Or perhaps he feels if he does the tidying up first, you are less likely to do so?  What is his view on this?

hi everyone,

my name is cass and i've had ocd for as long as i can remember. it started around the age of 13 and it's been a struggle ever since. i am able to control it around people but when i'm alone it can be pretty bad. thankfully my mom has it too so she can relate. i've tried explaining it to people who are close to me and it seems like they just can't wrap their minds around it. my ocd consists of repeating actions over and over for fear that something bad will happen if i don't. i don't worry about hurting anyone. i'm mostly afraid something bad will happen to me. most often, it's that i'll get into a car accident or someone will break into my house and kill me. when i type it, it sounds rediculous but i have to repeat things over and over to keep bad things from happening. like, flicking switches on and off, or putting a glass down on a table, or taking my hand off of something like a door knob after i've closed a door. sometimes i blink in certain patterns or have to turn in a clockwise circle in the shower. when i see anything in the shape of a square i have to look at it from the top to bottom, left to right pattern four times. there are other super awesome things that i have to do every day but won't mention them all because i'm sure you all can relate. believe it or not i don't take any meds. i just live with it every day. sometimes i can hide it and sometimes i can't. i'm not afraid if the side effects or anything. what really scares me is being worse off if i ever have to go off of the meds.

also, my 7 year old son has had severe ocd since he was around 2. he used to line up his toys or our cd's in patterns and shapes and never played with them. he's tried almost every med you can think of but none seem to help much. he is currently taking prozac and risperdal. it seems that the combo has actually made it worse. his ocd consists of pretty much what mine consists of but he also says "o.k." "o.k." very loudly over and over about 8 times and has physical gestures mostly with his fingers and mouth sounds that he does constantly. and i mean unrelentingly constant. from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to sleep.

it breaks my heart because i understand exactly what he is feeling and there's nothing i can do except wait for the meds to start working in a few months or not at all.

anyway, i'm so glad i found this site. i'm hoping to get some useful info and it's nice to be in the company of people who can relate.

cass

It's always nice to  :welcomeani: a new member even though we have difficulties to over-come.  It helps being able to share.  Has your little boy been diagnosed?  It's always difficult to break patterns as old habits die hard!  Is he aware?  

I find stress makes my compulsions worse so I make lists - when the actions are ticked I try to do another task even if it's just a walk round the garden.  

Join in - you are amongst friends  :wave:

he's been diagnosed with severe ocd and possible bipolar disorder. there are other members of both my family and his fathers family who are bipolar and who have ocd. he is aware that he has "habits" that he can't control and he knows he has ocd. but he's not old enough to grasp the concept of his disease. his dr. has prescribed him prozac and risperdal. but the combo seems to be making his ocd extremely worse. i'm wondering if he should just be taking the prozac in a higher dosage. he's been on it for about 3 or 4 weeks now and his teacher says that he does well, no habits at all until around 10 am. 2 hours after i give him his prozac. he takes his risperdal when he comes home from school in the early afternoon. and that's when he seems to get really bad. it's almost like the ocd tics and outbursts are non stop until he goes to sleep.

do you have any suggestions or ideas about his meds situation?

cass

i also just wanted to know if anyone had tried both paxil and prozac for ocd and found one to work better at quelling symptoms that the other. any advice or info would be appreciated.

thanks,
cass

Have you browsed through our meds room?  You might get a response if you ask the question in there.

My name is Whitney, I am 20 years old, and a theater major in college. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was five or six years old. I was born two and a half months premature, and weighed 3 lbs. at birth. In addition to the OCD, I also have very mild Cerebral Palsy. My heelcords are unnaturally short, therefore my legs are very tight and spastic, and I tend to walk on my tiptoes. After years of failed different physical therapies, I recently started receiving Botox injections directly into the tendons in my legs. While somewhat painful, it really has worked wonders, and for the first time in my life, I can actually walk flat-footed, and am thrilled to be able to do so.

As for my OCD, I have apparently manifested symptoms my whole life. My mother said that when I was an infant and toddler, I was absolutely terrified of loud noises, such as blenders, vaccuum cleaners, and washing machines. When I was three, the phobias switched to fears of ants and flies. After a while, that faded, and by the time I was six, I was <i>terrified</i> of vomit. Not fearful of getting sick myself, but fearful of seeing others be sick. Looking back on it now, I see that it was very irrational, and sort of silly, but I just couldn't help it.  Whenever someone said they didn't feel well, I would get very nervous, and ask them repeatedly if they were going to be sick. I would get so worried and anxious, I would practically make <i>myself</i> ill. The teachers at my school thought this was funny, and started calling me "Nurse Whitney", not realizing that this really upset me, and made me feel ashamed of myself. At school, the issues with my OCD combined with my toe-walking made me an easy target for the other kids to make fun of. Aside from a few friends, I tried not to associate with anyone at school. The vomit phobia faded by the time I was in fifth grade, and was replaced by a new fear --severe weather and tornadoes. Out of all my fears, I think this might be the most tangible, considering I live in Iowa, and tornadoes are pretty common here. Anyway, this fear followed me through junior high. At this point, I had stopped caring about school all together, and preferred just to stay home, mostly under the pretense of being sick. I became depressed, and often thought about killing myself. I was put on Zoloft to help with my anxiety attacks and to help manage the phobia, and have been taking it ever since; it really seems to help me manage the anxieties better. I was also put on Lithium for the depression.

By the time I was in high school, the depression had gone away, and dealing with my OCD was somewhat better, I still had the phobia, but the school nurse was a very kind understanding woman who understood about OCD, and let me spend as much time there as I needed when I was feeling anxious or nervous whenever there was bad weather outside. Sometime around my junior year in high school, just when I was starting to  feel "normal", I developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and had a good friend get killed in a car/semi accident. After my friend was killed, I developed an intense fear of semis, and being in a car on the interstate (she was killed on the interstate, when she hydroplaned across the median, and was hit head-on by a semi). Due to this new fear, I refused to drive, or to get my permit/license.

I graduated high school a little over two years ago, shortly before my 18th birthday. Since then, I am proud to say that I am no longer taking Lithium, and the semi/driving fear is no longer a big issue with me. The severe weather issue also seems to be bothering me less and less. I can even go out and go to school on days when we're supposed to have bad weather, and I could <i>never</i> do that before. It might sound like a silly thing to be proud of, but I am. That was a huge step for me. I still don't have my driver's license or permit yet, and I'm kind of embarrassed about that, but I'm afraid to drive became I worry that I'll get into an accident, and hurt someone. I know rationally that that is the phobia talking, but I still can't help it.

I've also noticed lately, I'll have conversations with people in my head. I am <b>NOT</b> hearing voices in my head, I just imagine conversations between myself and other people. I don't know if that's "normal" or not for people afflicted with OCD. Also, sometimes I have thoughts like, "if I don't do this one small menial thing, then something bad will happen." Is that an OCD-related thought, too?

Also, more recently, I've found that my severe weather fear seems to be fading almost, and I'm starting to worry about something new: my house being broken into, and me and my family being hurt or killed. I know that it's not a logical thought, or something I should focus so much on, but I just can't seem to help it, with the way the "OCD tape" plays in my head.

Talking to a therapist helps, but I'm so happy to have found this board, to see that I can talk to other people that are going through the same things I am, and can really understand what OCD is like. I now really realize that I'm not the only one that suffers with this, that I'm not alone, and I just feel so relieved, and not as ashamed and self-conscious about it as I did before. Thank you so much for showing me I'm not alone. I've spent the last few days reading through the archive, seeing aspects of my OCD in others, and realizing that I'm not weird or a freak or anything. It sounds stupid, but I feel like reading about everyone else has helped me. So, thank you. :)

And thank you to anyone who read the whole way through this. Even if I don't get any responses, just writing this all out made me feel a little better. I've never talked about this with anyone aside from my doctors, my family, and two or three friends. I'm glad to see that there is a place out there for someone like me. Thank you. :)

- Whitney.

Whitney  :wave:

It seems you manage to 'grow out' of your phobias; all of your problems seem rational to me in that they are related to age.  Things that bother people prone to phobic reaction more than the 'normal' person.  

We have threads on vomit phobia; talking to ourselves; singing in our heads ....... if you browse through the different rooms you will find people with similar problems.  Very few people are actually weird or freaky unless it is drug induced!

Keep reading and posting.  It's nice to have you on board.

Hi, I'm Suzie I haven't been really diagnosed with OCD but I'm pretty sure I have it.  I've been diagnosed with "General Anxiety Disorder" with "Obsessive Complusive Features".....I wish I knew what the difference is.  Oh well,  This started for me the day after thanksgiving in 2002, I have Obsessive thoughts of harming a loved one, which happen to be my two beautiful girls.  I am on Zoloft 100mg and I'm doing GREAT!!!  I hardly get thoughts now but things try to pop in the brain but I do good at letting them pass.  I hear that sometimes OCD will flare up again, is that true?  So far I seem to handle things now I had been really stressed out before my  ??? BIG BREAKDOWN as I like to call it.  

Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband who supports me.  I hope to talk with all of you soon.   :p

Suzie

Suzie - people can have anxiety problems without compulsions or obsessions.  Mine compulsions are worse when I am worried or stressed: I check doors are locked, taps turned off; I wash my hands more often - things that don't bother me in my more 'normal' days.

Browse through the forum and join in.  You'll find lots of support and help here.  Thank goodness for Supportive Husbands!  :wave: s to hubby!

hi im the same i have bad thoughts and weird patterns and habits like looking at lights a certain number of times, liking certain numbers, turning taps on and off, putting my plates and knife and fork under the tap to be washed before i eat. its so strange. i also refused to wear some clothes while on holiday cos mum used a different washing thing and i complained they felt "tacky" so didnt like them. i used to be depressed but im getting better but do you think i should tell my doctor about the obsessive compulsiveness? he doesnt know and thinks im a hypochondriac because i am. i worry about my health and bad things happening a lot. it makes me feel scared and alone.  :(

You're not alone now  :wave: welcome to The Club!

Try keeping a journal, jot down your compulsions as they happen over a week and see if there is a pattern.  You can certainly discuss this with your doctor who might suggest regular sessions with a therapist.  I think most of us here have found our own ways of coping; even if it's just sharing on DF!

What stressors do you have at present?

what are stressors?

if they are things i do there are lots.

if they're why i do the things its because im scared i'm going to die of something bad like meningitis, or go blind.

i used to be scared some one would kill my family too when i was younger (im 18 now).

i keep a journal but dont go into much detail about o.c.d because i'm ashamed.

thats about it, thankyou for asking. how are you?

jo

Stressors - mine are family commitments: when we have to do 'duty' visits to his or my parents as it means getting up early for a long journey followed by hours of socialisation which I find difficult.  We have nothing in common with his family which makes it hard work!  Other stressors for me is supermarket shopping which we try to do together; neighbour moaning about her puppy who is only 6 months old and does what puppies do!

If my stressors get too many I find myself hand washing more than necessary.  I make lists of the times I have to wash and tick them off during the day; then if I find I'm at the basin too much I go into the garden instead  :)

Many of us have the fears you mention.  It's mainly because we can't do anything to stop these things happening: they are facts of life.  I worry A LOT about my hubby; when he's driving particularly in case there is an accident.  

Try not to be ashamed of OCD.  It's part of your character and is what shapes you.  You are NOT alone  :wave:.  You can share your feelings here amongst others who suffer also.  Many many  people have 'autistic' and 'ocd' tendancies without even realising.  Little habits are what helps people through their day.  It's when we begin to realise that the habits have become compulsions that it is a problem.

Keep posting!

oh, erm, my stressors are a lot of stuff. i worry about leaving the house in case something bad happens to me, i worry about getting ill, erm, i realy dont know, everything? lol

Having been raisedin the Fens myself I think it's part of that enviornment that encourages depression and obsession; nothing to do in the evenings turns people introspective.

What's the worst that can happen if you step outside?

What's the worst illness that you can have?

Hello All! My name is Riley and I am 34  years old. I have been suffering with anxiety and ocd for many years. Some years have been much better than others. In the past 4 years my ocd has gotten worse. My problem is not the checking over and over.  The thgoughts and obsessions are what get me. I have no idea were the heck these thoughts come from but I am convinced I am going to go crazy!! Yes, thats my biggest fear! Nighttime is by far my worst time. The minute the tv goes off and my huband is asleep I start to think and my mind starts to race. I am so tired of worrying all the time. When did I become such a wimp?? I get myself so worked up that I have an anxiety attack.  Then of course the next day I am tired and a wreck.  It is like a crazy circle. I take zoloft and a little bit of klonopin. My doc said to be careful with the klonopin. I know I have this disease but I just want to be able to control it and not be so affraid all the time. I feel like I have knowone to talk to.  My husband is great but he just doesn't get it! I hope someone has some reassuring words for me!!

Riley  :D

Riley!  Nice to have you on board.  If you're mind begins to race when the TV is switched off, put a radio by the bed and switch on soft music; or buy a personal CD to use at night.  Something you can tune your mind into: I used to imagine myself skating and soon fell to sleep with the sheer relaxation of 'dancing' to music  :grinning:

What worries you most?

What worries me most is that I am affraid that I will go crazy.  I just don't feel like myself. This whole thing just makes me so upset. I feel like what did I do to deserve having to live like this. I know a lot of it is just me making myself upset but I just feel so alone in all of it. I just want to be happy.