Read this if you are a woman, maybe you can talk some sense into my brains.

I apologize for my long rant in advance.

Note: What I’m going to “say” below doesn’t mean that I think that all women are like that, at least I hope they aren’t.

Note to admins: I've replace some things with , I'm sorry if that bothers you. People often tell me lately that I use the word too often. There used to be a time you wouldn’t hear a curse out of my mouth, but I have had it!

THE PLAN
Do all women have their life planned? Do they freak out when the plan doesn’t work? Like: I want to go to college & start a career until I’m X years old, then I want to hang out I have fun until I’m Y, I want to get married by the time I’m Z, have Q kids by the time I’m T and so on……. OMG!!!!!!!!!! It feels like they are so obsessed with their plan that they don’t care about anything else, like realizing the plan is the meaning of their life. There were 2 girls I had a crash on years ago, they both clearly in a very rude manner told me that they had no interest. That’s no problem, I can take that, you can’t force someone to love you. Now years later they start calling me & being nice & …you get the idea. Well …guess what, the ship has sailed, I’m not taking second chance offers, I’d rather rote in solitude. Looks like they are freaked out about their plan, probably they don’t keep up with it or something, that’s disgusting & insulting for me personally. What do they thing it’s like shopping for a purse?! They don’t like it first, then try other purses & think “well, that one was better, let me go grab that”. Yea, right! Go yourself!

Friends first, then pity love! Man, I so don’t buy that. It looks like majority of couples end up together this way, which means that majority of couples are friends & no more. I had female friends, we were friends, you don’t suddenly fall in love with someone you’ve been friends with for years, you just don’t. OK, it’s possible once in a while, but not THAT often. The whole safe marriage deal, why would someone want this kind of marriage?!
“He has a good job, he is a NICE guy, he …. some other BS” – so these are the reasons people get married?

There was this girl I was going out with, she initiated our relationship, I liked her, we went out for 2-3 months, everything seemed great, then one day she just cut me out of her life. After trying to reach her for 2 weeks I find out that she is engaged to some guy 10 years older than her who has some solid job. Anyway, them, hypocrites.
Another girl, I loved her like my blood sister, seriously. She went out with this guy that I knew she didn’t like, one day I just told her strait that I don’t like what she was doing with her life. She started crying, admitted that she didn’t really like the guy. Guess what, they got married! I’m so disgusted I don’t think I can talk to her ever again.
There is numerous stories like this I can go telling that I’ve witnessed in my pretty short life, I’m not even that old.
How are these people going to look in the eyes of their kids? How can you raise a kid when you can’t raise yourself?

You hear girls talking how all the guys are like pigs, well, I guess it works both ways.

There is this girl I like a lot, she works at this food place I’ve been a customer of which for years. I always wanted to ask her out, but I was afraid it would be understood the wrong way, since I was a customer. So one day I go back & I realize that she doesn’t work there any more & I just realize how dumb I was not to ask her out. Anyway a few days ago I walk back to this place to get some food & I see her back again & all these feelings just flushed back to me, so I just walk up to her, told her how much I missed not seeing her & asked her out. She gave me the famous “boyfriend” speech. Now I know she doesn’t have a boyfriend, girls who are involved with someone look at other guys some different way. Even if there is an official boyfriend she has no feelings for that guy. Now the bad thing was that from the way she acted I got the feeling that she actually wanted to go out, but I wasn’t the type her friends or family would want to se her with or I wasn’t the “safe marriage” type of guy. Now when a girl gives you this boyfriend speech there is nothing you can do about it, you just don’t hit on a girl who has a boyfriend.


What happened to randomness, craziness? What the is wrong with the world?!

Hey nbarts

It would be wonderful if men could understand women and women could understand men. For both sexes its pretty much a case of can't live with them, can't live without them.
We are all human, but there are some things that are different in men and woman.
Now I am a woman, but I don't believe in being with someone for cars, jobs, money, security, babies, etc....I married for love, even though things went wrong, I still married for love and I will never regret it. I would rather be alone with no security than be with someone without love.

Now, that is my perspective, that shows you that that not all woman are weird and no I didn't have my life planned, I let things happen when they come. So there is 1 womans perspective.

Have you read the book Men come from mars and women come from Venus. Lol

Trace

Hi nbarts,

I have a few ideas I'd like to share. I think you are smart to examine your thoughts about women and dating and such. This is kind of a lot but bear with me.

It is hard for many people-women and me- to connect. I remember giving a card to a guy I liked. It was real cute and if he'd had any feelings for me, it would have hit the mark. But I didn't hear back from him, then ran into him at the school cafeteria. Well, he just looked like a deer caught in the headlights, so to speak. I was a bit embarrassed and a lot disappointed.

What I'm trying to say is this: when you put yourself out there, when you indicate your interest in someone, you are vulnerable and it hurts if you are in any way rejected. Most of the time the rejection is not personal. The other person is just not on the same page as you and no connection is made.

Try to remember it's a connection that you're looking for. Each time your try, you will get a yes or a no in regards to whether they have an interest in you. If you get a no, move on as best you can and let yourself feel what you feel and look for a new connection.

If you get a yes, then, you move closer to a relationship. But at the same time, many things can happen that cause you or the other person to pull away, let go of the connection. That is harder than the first because you've invested time. Whether it's been ten minutes, a month or much longer, it is a loss of a connection or possibility of that relationship that is going to sting (I accidentally typed stink, and that it does sometimes!).

You mention the girl who said she had a boyfriend. You said:



You cannot know how she would look at guys. Each woman is different! Try not to have preconceived ideas of what others think or how relationships should be. Even if you are right on or close, without communication between you both, the information isn't going to help you.

Don't give up or give in. Learn who you are, as well as the women you meet. The more you know about yourself, the better choice you will make in deciding who to share your time and life with.

Best wishes! Keep searching for what you want/ need. :)

This post has been edited by Wild Child: Jan 8 2008, 05:40 AM

i had a few girlfriends that while i don't think they had a timetable planned out (not that i knew of anyway), they had strict requirements for husband material.
some of the marriages worked out, some didn't -- but i always thought there was some romance missing from having a list of requirements.

crazy me, on the other hand, just let my hormones rule me & i went where ever attraction led me -- and it was kind of a wild roller coaster thing, but at least i never settled for going out with someone that i wasn't truely attracted to. oh, i did do it once -- one of my friend's older brothers really liked me and i finally went out on a date with him -- there was no attraction on my part at all and i just couldn't go out with him again. nicest guy in the world, probably much nicer than the man i finally married, but i just couldn't do it.

now -- the man that i married -- and we're still married (19 years) -- i love him death, but life hasn't been easy with him, and i guess it probably won't ever be -- but i don't regret marrying him. and since there's 2 sides to every story, i'm sure i haven't been the easiest person to be married to either.

i think it would be the saddest thing in the world to marry someone that you didn't love, just because you think it's time and you have to find someone. i think it would be way worse than being alone.

I don't really feel hurt like I felt when I was 12, I really feel sad, not because of the rejection, but because it seems like there are awful a lot of other reasons for a negative answer other than attraction or desire. Sadly I'm not a type of person who falls for every other girl, I'm very picky about girls I'd be interested in & just to clarify it's not about the size of their bust. If I knew there is a 0.1% chance that it would work out, I'd walk out and start a conversation wherever, but seems like our society is not ready for this kind of behavior, like the worries of what everybody else would say overcome personal desire. Maybe I'm a terrible mistake, I don't know, maybe my disease have gotten to my brains & I misjudge everything. But there is a smart saying, you know "If the is a doubt, then there is no doubt.".

I'm not sure if I understand. Are you saying that you feel you get turned away because women are attracted to you but they respond in a manner that says they think you're not boyfriend material? Do you mean that these women are attracted to you but society/ expectations gets in their way of responding to you? Are you not connecting with women and it's taking a toll on you?

I don't understand your quote... do you mean if someone doubts you, there is no doubt you won't connect? Sorry, if I am really off in tying to understand.

I don't know much about men (except the ones I know well).
I do know about women (because I am one and have had lots of female friends over years). Some women do have an agenda as you said in your first paragraph. The moment you get clues to that, run as fast as you can.
I advise you to go to a near-by bookstore and check out the chapters in "Don't Be That Girl". It lists several types of women that you don't want to be around. Women (just like men) are entirely different. The characterizations in this book are just a few examples (probably the worst ones).
You are one the right track -- looking for someone you can connect with, yet you are attracted to a fast food worker (what is that other than sexual attraction?). Look for someone with some of the same interests, some of the same desires and goals. What are you engaged in -- what do you do? Find groups of people of like interests, whether it's your profession, types of books you read, or hobbies. Within those groups, find women whom are appealing to you (not necessarily sexually attractive).
I (personnally) believe that successful relationships have similar experiences, interests, etc.
Don't give up, there are women out there. You're young and have plenty of time and lots of women in you future. It rather sounds to me like you have goals -- needing to be at least dating, maybe wanting to be married by a certain age, etc. Perhaps it's your expectations that are slowing things down.
Examine your own expectations, realize that there is plenty of time for you, and know that there are lots of honest women out there!!!

Thanks, I think I found what I was looking for.

I've dated men with their life planned out, just as you described some women have their life programmed. It's a two-way street. Not everyone has their life programmed. It's possible that the women you've met and observed have their "program" installed.

There's many women and men who take life as it comes. If there's true connection between two people, they may move towards marriage in due time. Of course, many people live together without marriage today. Is that a program, matter of convienience or not wanting a lifelong relationship (marriage)?
Sheepwoman