So, I've never thought of myself as having OCD. I've joked about it in the past, but never taken it seriously.

But in my recent bout of depression/anxiety, things have been pretty bad, and I've begun to wonder about it.
I do have what I would consider obsessions, and I also have what might be considered compulsions, but they're all completely unrelated.

For example - I constantly focus on the end of the world (particularly nuclear war). Every minute of every day, I'm waiting for it. I'm not scared of it or anything... just waiting for it to happen. I don't think I'm suicidal per se, but I do want to die. I just don't want for it to be by my own hand. (Does that make any sense at all??)
Beyond that, if it was a huge desaster destroying a large percentage of mankind, I think the majority of the people it took out would probably deserve it. The best part is, if it were nuclear weapons that took us all out, it'd be our own fault, which would be just deliciously ironic.
I know it's sick, but it's where my brain keeps going.
I'm not a mean person or anything... but I just get so tired of being walked all over... how everyone always thinks they're better than I am, or more important than I am. How people constantly cut me off in traffic, or push me out of the way in the store, or stand right in the middle of the aisle, because they think nobody matters but them... I'm just tired of it.

My compulsions (if you can call them that) aren't nearly as disturbing. ^^;;;
For one, I count toes. Whenever I see someone's feet, I just feel like I need to make sure they have five toes on each foot... so I count them over and over and over and over until I'm sure. I don't associate a consequence with it, it's just an annoying feeling if I don't.
Also, I have to make sure that CD's are always upright in their cases, and the steering wheel on my car has to be perfectly upright when I park. Again, no consequence - it'll just bother me if I don't.

So does this sound like OCD at all?
I never really had the obsessions until I started taking Zoloft (maybe 2 months ago?). The compulsions have been around since I can remember.

Thanks...

HI Xoron,

I get the wanting to die but not by your own hand thing. Like if you didn't do it then you can't be blamed and so it won't be your fault for all the people who are hurt by your passing. I haven't thought about the end of the world though. I find that a very bleak thought and I would imagine that it's quite upsetting, although you say you don't feel scared.
I know a lot of people seem selfish and unkind but I really don't think most of the world would deserve a nuclear disaster. The majority of people are just trying to get by and keep their lives safe and secure. It's probably the minority of people - with more money - that could be thought of as being selfish.
When I saw my counsellor I talked to her about my distaste of certain other people and how they treated me and she showed me a perspective that maybe I was reading their actions as being directed at me when they weren't at all. You never know what's going on in the life of someone who appears to cut you off in traffic or that the person standing in the middle of the aisle may really have other stuff on their mind.

As for the OCD, I don't know about that but I think a lot of people with depression tend to ruminate quite obsessively about things - probably as a way of coping with our feelings.

PRT xx