I have been having problems sleeping for over a week now, I haven't been able to get to sleep til at least 1 in the morning everynight, hair pulling hasn't been that bad lately but my mood has gotten worse. I guess I feel kinda crowded now. Like if I don't feel like talking I want to be able just not to talk and not have people keep trying to get me to talk and give me advice and then get upset when I get agitated. I didn't want to talk, I didn't feel like explaining a situation or how I feel and I certainly didn't want advice on a topic I didn't even want to talk about. I just wanted to be left alone. I'm trying so hard not to pull, but I need time to myself to think and sort out my feelings but I can't with everyone crowding me all the time.

I know what you mean Starlight. When I have problems I just want to hide away until I'm better...sort of a "wounded-animal" mentality. It was a lot easier when I was a young adult on my own. But now I have young children and grad school and that makes it a lot harder. I have to be up for the kids all the time...no matter how I feel. No hiding from them, that's for sure. But the hugs make it more than worthwhile, if sometimes difficult. I've been hiding away from grad school for over a month now, but I've got to get back to it or I'll cause myself big problems.

I've been pulling a little bit the last week or so...not a lot, but much more than I had been in the last few years. I'm going to tell my husband I want a divorce soon, and it's really adding to my anxiety. I worry about him, I worry about the kids...I worry about being able to survive until I can graduate and get a job (heck, I worry about being able to get my butt in gear so I *can* graduate...and then about keeping it in gear so I can hold a job in my field.) Soooo...I've been pulling some. Usually when I catch myself I stop...only a few pulls at a time. But it's just adding to my frustrations. To top it off, there's someone I met online who I've come to rely on and care about. I worry about the future of that relationship too, and feel all the more lonely now because of it, if that makes sense. When we're "talking" online I feel happy, but then all of the time when we're not I get that yucky lonely feeling again. I realize now that an online relationship doesn't let you really get to know someone, as they exist in-person, so I worry that we won't be as compatible in real life as we are online...and I dread the thought of losing someone I care for deeply. Blah

At least I don't have to worry about too much advice like you do. I think that would make it a lot harder, having to field everyone else's "expert" opinion on things they know nothing about (you!) Just stick to your guns and say you need some alone time to sort things out. Sometimes the blunt but honest answer is the best one (just don't say anymore than you have to...try to leave them no room to wedge in advice that's unwanted). If they don't listen, try to calmly say "thanks for your concern. It's nice to know you care. I think I should spend some time on my own thinking about everything now" and leave it at that. They aught to take a hint then. Goodluck!

Killi

My anxiety has been getting worse so of course my hair pulling has been getting worse. I've become more moody and unhappy. I discovered the main thing behind my pulling is anxiety, when ever I become anxious I pull more. I've pulled a lot lately and I've become so anxious I keep finding myself constently figiting. I feel more out of control then ever when I pull. My mom's noticed I've seem upset lately, I don't know why but my mood, my pulling, my sleep problems, my anxiety has all become worse. Mabe I've been holding everything in for too long. No one ever suspects anything is wrong with me to everyone else I seem like this happy go lucky person without a care in the world, but its so far from the truth. Some people seem to have this sterotype of what people who have problems should be like, but everyone has some hidden sorrow or secret no matter what their personality might seem like. I guess I'm just getting kind of tired of living the double life.

It's getting worse again. I kept pulling again tonight strand by strand for about two hours. I can't sleep, I don't want to sleep but I don't want to be awake. I'm feeling more depressed too, I feel like just laying down and crying until everything goes away. I don't know why it is getting worse again, I'm starting to wonder if it goes in cycles, it gets really bad, but then things seem to be not so bad anymore. I'm leaving for school in a couple of weeks and I think I'm going to try to find a counselor or somebody to help me. I guess I just feel helpless right now. I feel a little bit better now. Now I just feel like going to find someone to rant to, you can only hold it in for so long.

Hey I'm new to this post. I don't have OCD but I pull my eyebrows. I can control it to a certain point, I never let it go bald but I can see it's thinning. I first find myself playing with my eyebrows and then I get the hair stuck under my finger nails and then I pull. I can't really stop doing it sometimes cause I don't even notice it when I'm doing it. I can do it while I watch TV or while I'm reading something at the computer. Usually if I'm just sitting on the couch by myself I will notice it if I'm doing it and I'll stop. I have to make myself stop. Sometimes I can go a whole day without touching them and sometimes I play with them almost all day long. Sometimes I don't pull I only play with them (I press my finger against the whole eyebrow). I have pulled my eyelashes before but very little. I'm not concerned about my eyelashes but I don't want anyone to notice my eyebrows. It's not bad enough to be noticable. O well...Anyone can relate? :verysad3:

You are not alone. Does it bother you? I pluck my chin hairs regularly but it's to keep my chin clean. But I don't let anyone see me doing so :-))))

Hi

I have trich too and have been pulling my hair out since I was 10 and am now 19.

I'm surprised to see that there are several others here with trichotillomania. I have been pulling my lashes since I was maybe 8 years old. I usually just pull the top ones, but at times I will also go for the bottom ones at the outer corners of my eyes. I also obsess over chin hairs, and pull hairs/ pick skin on my fore arms.

I've tried some meds for the trich (large doses of zoloft, then luvox) but now I just live with it. My top lids are bald, and if anyone sees past my make up and is curious enough to ask about it, I tell them about the disorder. As a child, though, it was awful. I was taunted by my peers AND my family. Some family members can still be hurtful about it, but they are all messed up in their own *special ways*, so it doesn't really bother me.

Just wanted to share...

Welcome caterpillargirl! Most people have "special" family members who are quite "touched" so you are far from alone.

Bad habits can take over when we are stressed. Sometimes we cannot avoid those stressors how ever much it would help our conditions. As I've got older I've learnt to say 'no' more often, I only visit family when we absolutely have to do so and hubby and I have made a life for us only letting others 'in' when it suits. i don't know whether this helps or increases the anxiety when we have to face commitments?

Yes, I've had trich for 2 decades - (I'm 26 now).

I'm bald and wear a wig, which I hate although I should be used to it by now. I often ponder what life would be like if I had (or when I'll have) long, poofy hair. I've gone through so many wigs... I can't possibly count.

The last time I walked the world without a wig was in '94... and even then, I did weird things to cover the bald patches on my head (including using permanent marker to colour them in!!!!!) Gosh, how crazy is that. I learned how to be so creative with the little hair I had, so meticulous... which I think became the catalyst for my healthy obsession with cosmetics.

Before '91, I wore an absolutely horrible wig. It was horrible. I looked awful and I realize now that I can still get angry at my mother for allowing such atrocity!!!!! Yet, I can only recall 3 people making fun of me: 1) a mean vice-principal when I was in Grade 5, 2) a mean classmate who was a loser anyway, and 3) my cousin (although it wasn't about my ugly wig... it was years later with my favourite long-haired wig).

I fit the criteria for hairpuller to the tee... nowadays, hairpulling the "right" hair can even feel better than an orgasm. I'm not trying to be vulgar... it's just true! I've kind of given up on trying to overcome it... I hate thinking that it's just a "bad habit" I have to correct. Maybe I'll get back to working on treatment... until then, I ignore it and know that it's not the root of all my problems.

This post has been edited by unending: Dec 1 2006, 12:48 AM

Hi there Un-ending! Why do you persist in pulling? What is the worst that will happen if you stop? What are you trying to prove?

Love your sense of 'humour' ........ "until then, I ignore it and know that it's not the root of all my problems. ....... " ;-)

I have been pulling my hair for years. From all parts of my body. My Doctor says it is part of my OCD problem. A trick he told me about helps! Not all the time but, Hey it might help you. Take a rubberband that fits loosely around your wrist. When you catch yourself pulling your hair, or even thinking about it, Snap the rubberband on your wrist. Yes after awhile it hurts a bit but it gets your mind onto other things. Good luck.

"Why do you persist in pulling?"

--> The answers vary... but ultimately, I do not know. In terms of treatment, behavioural modification, through therapy, and a combination of medications could prove successful. They haven't so far, not that I believe they couldn't. It's often a subconscious, compulsive need to pull... a physical drive to pull - like an addiction, I would imagine. There's an unbelievably deep sense of gratification when I pull, but a deep regret afterwards. You know little about this disorder if you presume that willpower is the only ingredient in this recipe for treatment. Willpower does not exist by itself. And if you can sit there and judge me, you obviously have no idea what you're talking about.

"What is the worst that will happen if you stop?"

--> Only good things would result if somehow I had control over my condition. I've tried several treatments and intend on returning to them and trying again... things such as health care coverage and improved support network are factors that have hindered progress in my treatment. Decades of disappointment with therapists and psychiatrists is also a factor. Again, I find this question presumptuous and perhaps I myself am presuming your intent, but your questions contain a sense of ignorance.

"What are you trying to prove?"

--> What kind of question is this? Perhaps you don't know any better, or simply are not an artist of words. I guess I'm lucky that I know how to ask questions in a way that doesn't hurt people. Whatever the case, I found this question patronizing, rude, offensive, and provocative. There are many implications contained in your question. I won't entertain you any further... perhaps you know little about my disorder. If this is the case, you should speak less.

RE: my sense of humour - there was none contained in my entry, and certainly not in that statement in which I state that I am choosing to ignore it for now. Having a bald head is not something that is easy to live with. My entry was ENTIRELY heartfelt, sincere, honest, and not easy to write.

It's easy to judge people... thinking you have the answers that they don't, or that they don't want to see. I've done it; heck, I do it - we're human and can't help it sometimes. But just because it's easy to judge, doesn't mean it's right. Just because we judge doesn't mean we know what we're talking about. Sometimes we don't know... sometimes we don't know that the people we judge have walked 200 more miles than we have.

Yours Truly & Without Humour,
-unending.

Do any of you believe that your hair is falling out and you are testing? My problem is I fried some hair on straighteners and some hair started falling out. Now I am obsessed with checking to see if my hair comes out, I am pulling it out and thinking I will lose my hair. I have had OCD in the past and I guess the straightener incident triggered it.

Wow, I was surprised to read all of these posts. I don't have OCD but I also pull my eyebrows and eyelashes out whenever I am stressed or anxious. I have been doing this since I was a kid and it was always just soothing for me to pull them out. The after effect is what I didn't like. I would get strange looks from other kids because most of my eyelashes or eyebrows would be missing. I still do it now but not as much. I felt more self conscious about it after my husband began to notice it. Now I don't pull as much but I am so tempted because my eyelashes are even longer now from the eyedrops I use for glaucoma. Unfortunately, it hurts more when I mess with it, so I guess that's a good thing.

This sounds like me ! Although I don't think I will lose my hair, I'm pulling at the ends to test if it breaks... Is that trichotillomania??

Lynx I wouldn't try to catagorise it as anything other than OCD for now. As for my hair it is absolutely fine and I was fixating on what was normal hair loss. I was very, very freaked out and scared for a while though. So hopefully this is a sign that this time will pass if you are strong.

Thank you for your reply kirkwuk .

Glad your hair is fine! It really must have been scary .

My hair is better now. Still not 100% ok, but improving. I still can't help but "test it" for breakage every day...

[color="#2E8B57"]I identify with Woefulshy. I too bite my nails and twist my hair. I twist it into knots all over my head while I am watching TV. I am not sure what is subconsciously going on. I really get anxious around the holidays. I start to get real emotional and have a really hard time coping around my grown sons. I did well this last weekend when all three of them were together for my husband's 63rd birthday. I started to twist my hair at my oldest son's house. I 'm not sure why he didn't fuss at me about it. I had a counselor and did mention to her about the hypnosis therapy since she does it, but she didn't set up a time . I guess I will have to find someone else and specifically ask them for a time to have a session.
I definitely believe it all has something to do with anxiety and maybe depression also. It feels lots better to know other people have the same problem also.

Flame 60[color="#008000"]

[i pull my eyelashes out on the side, and my boyfriend pulls his eyebrow all the time.

I have Trich as well, and I have found the one and only thing that helps me stop. Hair gel! I don't know about the rest of you but I run my fingers through my hair and feel all the little textural inconsistancies, split ends, and knots and pull them. By putting in hair gel the texture changes entirely and when I feel my hair, there's no desire to pull.

Something to try anyway.

I have this as well.It started around my teens with me plucking the hairs from my legs with tweezers,then gravitated to me pulling my hair.I twist and knot it sometimes all over and even pull it out!I dont do it all the time but lately its gotten bad where one side of my hair is definately thinning out.I have found that if I cut my hair shorter it helps but I want my hair long now as I dont want to go back to looking like a "beachball"on a body.I have also bitten my nails since childhood as well.I have even tried hairgel but I get past that too.I am wanting to ask my doc next time about hypnotherapy for it.

Does anyone cut their hair when they get upset? I do this all the time, even when I am wearing a wig.

The posts on this topic seem to be few and far between, but I would like to share anyway.
I have been tying knots in my hair and breaking them off for over a decade now. It started when I was maybe 12 or 13 and I would do it constantly. I always part my hair down the middle so after a while the length of the right side versus the left was noticeably different. My mother did not understand that it was a disorder and I could not help what I was doing so I was constantly yelled at and disciplined for my hair pulling.
Going to the hair dresser for hair cuts was very embarrassing because she would tell that hairdresser that my hair looked so awful because of my pulling. She would also mention it to her friends and our relatives in front of me, I think she was trying to embarrass me so I would stop. Of course all this stress made me pull even more, and I felt like something was horribly wrong with me.
I would pull out the knots for hours late at night and throw them behind the couch to hide them. One day my mother found the pile of hair on the carpet behind the couch and got very upset with me. From then on I would get out the dustbuster while she was asleep or at work and make sure to remove all the evidence every few days.
When I was 16 or 17 I got my hair cut very short to keep me from pulling it out. I hated how it looked but at least it was too short to tie knots in. A couple years later I got it buzzed to a mohawk which I did like and couldn't pull on as well
Around that time I also started taking Luvox, which I am still on now. It has helped a lot and I only pull occasionally when I am very anxious. My hair has grown out past my shoulders and it the longest it has been in years.
I also pick at any skin imperfections (scabs, pimples, bumps, etc.). Some of my close friends have helped me with this because they let me pick out their blackheads (gross, I know, but its beneficial to both of us and they don't think its gross).
As far as advice to stop or slow down the pulling I found that putting my hair up up in a bun or ponytail would help sometimes. Keeping your hands busy helps too, I do cross stitch, latch hook and sewing. If you have a SO or good friend, hold hands
I have an old blanket that has lots of fuzzies and pills on it. I find that twisting them off instead of my hair helps also. I would rather ruin a blanket instead of my hair. Some one should invent something for people like us that we can pull and rip up that give us the same good feeling that Trich does.

Thanks for the tip on the fuzzy blanket and pulling the pills of it.
My first appt at the hairdresser here she knew straight away I was a puller.
She said I wasnt the only one she had come across here that did the same.
That made me feel good & she was really nice about it and when I go in for cuts she does her best to even things up for me.

Haven't picked at my eyebrows in 3 days...WOOHOO!

I looked at my face properly yesterday to see that my eyebrows are disappearing ..........

Wow are you serious? Someone like me! YAY! I don't even notice when I bring my fingers up to my face...then when I notice is when I have a hair stuck between my fingers or fingernails...Then I'm like Oh crap.

Hi, I'm new here and I'm a lash puller, have done so for the past 18 years, which is half my life. Right now I'm probably missing about 1/3 of my lashes, maybe closer to half. Just wanted to say that I feel your pain, and it is painful, isn't it?

I do and have for years. I posted more under the haircutting compulsion forum.
http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/Com....html&st=30

Bleh. I don't even have to think about it and I pull at my hair. Thank goodness I have rather full eyelashes or they would be completely gone! But my poor eyebrows are suffering... No hair on my body is safe! Sometimes in my free time I will just sit in my room with tweezers and pull out every hair I can see.
Generally I leave the hair on my head alone, but if I'm having a panic attack I will completely tear out my hair by the handful. =/

iv been pulling my hair out since i was ten.my hair has only just started to grow back thankfully even though i still do it from time 2 time.i tell myself that a womans hair is the most important asset and its a feature that everyone sees.i tell myself that im making myself look worse by pulling it.ocd is an awfull thing to have.we constantly tell ourselvs that if e.g [the ritual isnt performed] something bad will happen.i switched it around n basically thought if i keep pulling my hair sumthing bad will happen.it mite sound weird but i can never get rid of ocd but it did help my hair to growback.

I've been telling myself that if I allow myself to cut my hair, I'm letting the "demon" get the best of me...and then "it" wins and "my happiness" loses. I think it's true that we have to change those tapes that play in our head telling us negative things- and it helps me as well to try and twist around the thoughts to work in my favor. It's reclaiming control over our thoughts, and making a difference in the outcome of our behaviours. My OCD is not gone either. I'm still very much an obsessive person, however, I've gained more control over what I obsess about and what I choose not to obsess about. Does that make sense?

Shanban

I pull out my hair waaaay too much. I usually have to clean off my desk before I go home at night. How i'm not bald is beyond me. I've been doing it since i was little and have tried just about everything to stop, but it's not worth the stressed out feeling i get when i don't do it.

I understand. My problem is trichotemnomania (hair cutting) , so it's a little different.the compulsion is different but the obsession is the same - and the way it was explained to me is that it is a coping mechanism/habit that we have adopted to deal with stress or anxiety, and it's kind of ingrained (sp?) in our thought processes as an automatic reaction to stress. Without it our bodies' sort of freak out. - both mentally and even physiologicically (blood pressure, pulse, etc..). My CBT has been very helpful in getting me to understand more about the illness, but I'm still not completely cured yet. I'm so afraid to let go of that coping mechanism..I'm not sure what I will do now without it. I've been 3 days without cutting on my hair and I almost have this nervous feeling - like something is missing - or something bad is going to happen. I know logically that it's not - that it's all in my head but trying to re-train my thought processes are proving to be a challenge. So far so good, though. 3 days without cutting.

Shanban

This post has been edited by shannabanana777: Jan 8 2009, 06:55 PM

do you just cut randomly or do you put thought into it? sometimes it takes me hours to find the right hair to pull, which is crazy. especially when you lose the hair you were just about to pull. >.<

when i smoked i didn't pull my hair that much, but it was just replacing one bad habit with a worse habit.

the thing i hate the most is when i go to get my hair cut because people always say something about it. I just tell them it's from medication that i take, blah, blah, blah,.....which could open another whole can of worms. lol.

Luckily i have pretty thick wavy hair that covers all the parts where there's hair missing.