Hi I am new and thought I would say what as happened to me mentally and advice and help is needed please give this a chance its really deep stuff in regards to meaning of life and depression etc.

Its hard to explain but here goes I'm 25 I was normal, I have an house great job, girl friend, pets I'm cool fun and a laugh the normal stuff i cool guy basically lol, then out of the blue I lose it mentally because of depression nothing bad or anything changes in my life apart from I get a bit stressed out with work. Then I start seeing life and things in a way that I could only ever think was possible in a movie. Its bizzare, nothing I ever did could make me happy I did not understand a joke or humour i never laughed anymore. People would talk to me and I would be blank, no reply no sense nothing, I am just seeing actions of people for example when people scratch there head or touch there face or something like that not who they are or what they are saying just nothings going in, I cant concentrate, I cant relax, I cant sleep, I sweat I am anxious, I dont know who I am I'm thinking about life hard about how scary it is you dont know what anyone else thinks see's smells only you its only you how scary is that ?, I'm scared I'm crying I dont know why I lose it big time. I dont care about me, My job, My girl friend, My family, Money. I have never thought like this before just gone with the flow but when this popped into my head for no reason it took over my life!

I have been diagnosed with depression and on anti depressents.

So to continue if anything good ever happened to me it would make me more sad and I cant enjoy it because I cant play lifes game anymore I can see the true meaning and things in such a way that I cant be involved or enjoy it. Everyones doing there own thing but not me I am there but not there just the equivlent to an empty shell, dead maybe ? I cant remember anything in my life, I cant relax. When you see a baby they dont think, they are just touching stuff and themselfs tasting learning just doing stuff that happens naturally without thought. Not me I think everything before I do it I cant eat or sleep I cant take enjoyment in being in a warm bed when its raining outside I could be stood in the rain and be exactly the same, I could be in a mental home or have won the lottery and with family my happiness or mood would be exactly the same due to the depression stuck trapped on this earth in this body in this place with these thoughts something i never signed up for ? weird and scary yes ? i never thought about life in this way before but it can be scary and it became frightening a living hell, waking up cant believe im here not eating just staying in bed everything falling apart. Any little coiincidence I see that I would normally think was cool or fun I would now be like yes i see the game its stupid how can no one else se it! maybe a chemical imbalance in the brain stopped a conversation to be able to piece in my head or for me to naturally relax and sleep and feel who knows ?.The lack of sleep and food could have not helped. I cant kiss my gf without thoughts in my head so therefore the natural enjoyment is not there its crazy. I talk to my mum like i would talk to a psychatirst as a thing not the person because I am not understanding. I thought only way out is to **** myself, as I cant relax sleep settle no emotion, enjoyment sad nothing just numb!

I could not remember anything I could not remember what I had done that day as I was stuck trapped struggling.

how scary and weird and frightening is it ?

Then after been on tablets a few month my natural relaxation and sleep comes back my natural thought comes back my enjoyment, I know who I am again I cant believe how I could have been like that and why it hapened so now I am fighting with it to understand it and its beating me at times winning with me. I dont get what happened or why! I am told it was the stress that created an imbalance in my brain which the anti depressents put back which explained how i could not communicate properly and now its back im back to normal back to the body naturally doing what it does not just releasing anxiety and problems that was stopping me from relaxing ? undertanding it and stopping it from happenin again is whats now stopping me from just getting my life back on track and its doing my head in to the point I think hey maybe k*llin myself still is easier than understanding but then again im like hey im better than this it happens for a reason beat it!

You also start thinking why and whats the point in going to work or getting money or buying something for 'your house' as u could get hit by a car and die or once u die its all gone so whats point nothngs yours or real because you die and its all gone pointless meaningless its a cruel cycle. This is long but hard and did not know anyone else to explain it too any advice or help or similar experiences ? Life is scary and hard you are in it alone and too much deep thought or depression can lead to problems but like I say im back on track and just need to rationalise this in a scientific way or something so I can forget it and move on any one had anything similar or any advice please reply. explaining this to anyone was not easy, lifes only what you make it and how you think about it so to think how I thought and be depressed no matter if u got all money in world I guess you cant enjoy it if your not comfortable in you, its good to feel comfortable again but what the hell happened can anyone possibly relate ? life is so weird and it should make me stronger this but some times going through my life how i did for the first 25 years all my life without this would have probably been better.

Thank you for taking the time in reading. :) its pretty important and a serious stage in my life so thank you.

This post has been edited by robbell215: Oct 15 2009, 08:15 PM

Robbell215, What you are describing are sypmtoms of depression and anxiety. A list of depression symptoms include change in sleeping and eating (some can't do them, some overdo them), lack of interest, lack of motivation, poor memory and concentration, and hopelessness. Anxiety brings on derealization, the feeling that the outside world have little or no meaning and seems not real. Many of us here have had some or all of these experiences. Personally, I've had them all, along with depersonalization. You might want to go to the top of your page and click on Portal. On that page on the left, you'll find "depression" and can click on it and read more up on depression. There is also information on anxiety in the Portal. In addition, a the top of each forum page is a section of pinned items. These are mainly informative and can help you.
Brain trauma can effect the brain. Most of us here with depression have brains that do not function correctly. Brains are like any other organ of the body. Here are brain scans of a person with depression and without depression:
The medication helps the brain function more correctly. It won't cure the depression. It will give you relief so that you can feel and function much better.
Iowa

Thanks for the reply and advice and support it helps knowing there is other people who have experienced this aswell because personally i have never talked or known anyone who has gone through it just people who think i have changed and cant understand why! so yes thank you so much for making me understand a little bit more. Sorry about the e-mail address i put in on the reply to stoph i didnt know i couldnt do that was just trying to help people aswell lol thanks.

Hi robbell,

I'm sorry that you are struggling so much right now. I know that having people laugh and make fun of you is a difficult thing to handle and with depression it will only make us feel worse. It's really sad that you can't even enjoy a kiss with your gf. Does your gf know of your depression and is she able to give you any support? The thinking of why go to work to earn money to buy things for the house or something for yourself and to think that it would all be a waste because anything could happen at anytime to where you are no longer here is your depression talking very loudly to you. You are here, right now in the present, try not to think of what may or may not happen in terms of what a waste things maybe in tomorrow or the future, I do know it's hard to do or see but try to concentrate on the today's, the present of being here and try to make the most of each day with your family, friends, girlfriend, try to enjoy this time. You never know what will be around the corner tomorrow that will make you the happiest person in the world.
I think that Iowa has given some great suggestions and information that will be of help for you. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing, there are a lot of members here that can really relate to what you are going through.