Even when I am in the gym, sometimes I think about death. Sometimes how I will end my life, sometimes what I will do before I end it, sometimes what I will use and how people will react if the attempt failed. All related to my own death. Is this dangerous?

((deepdiver))) Yes I'd say this was dangerous. You need to tell someone that you are feeling like this. Are you still seeing the therapist?

Remember there are also the hotlines you can call as well sweetie, look at the section on the top of the forum, I've posted all the international ones below too.

Argentina ~ 223-493-0430 ~ Argentinian Hotlines

Armenia ~ 2-538-194 or 2-538-197

Australia ~ 1-800-198-313 or 12-11-14 ~ Australian Hotlines

Austria ~ 142 or 01 713 33 74 ~ Austrian Hotlines

Barbados ~ 246-429-9999

Belgium ~ 02/648.40.14 or 106 or 107 or 108 ~ Belgian Hotlines or French Language or Flemish Language

Bolivia ~ 64 22 100 (Sucre) ~ Bolivian Hotlines

Botswana ~ 391-1270 ~ Botswanan Hotline

Brasil ~ 21-233-9191 or +55 (67) 383-4112 ~ Brasilian Hotlines

Canada ~ 514-723-4000 or 1-800-667-5005 ~ Canadian Hotlines

Canada (French) ~ 819 477 8855 ~ Canadien Francaise Hotline

Chile ~ 22 10 10 or 21 01 43

China ~ 852-2382-0000 or 0800-810-1117 ~ China's Hotlines

Costa Rica ~ 506-253-5439

Czech Republic ~ 602-246-102 or 241-432-466

Croatia ~ (01) 4833-888 ~ Croatian Hotlines

Cyprus ~ 357-77-77-72-67 or Military 2345 ~ Cyprian Hotlines

Cuba ~ 532 348 14 49

Denmark ~ 70-201-201 ~ Danish Hotlines

Egypt ~ 762-1602/3 or 762-2381

Estonia ~ 6-558-088 or 126 or 127 ~ Estonian Hotlines

Fiji ~ (0679) 670565 or (0679) 302998

Finland ~ 040-5032199 ~ Finnish Hotlines

France ~ 01-45-39-4000 or 01-46-21-4646 or (+33) (0)1-40-09-1522 ~ French Hotlines or Hotline in English

Germany ~ 0800-1110-111 or 0800 1110 222~ German Hotlines or Hotline in Russian

Ghana ~ 2332-444-71279 ~ Ghanan Hotline

Gibraltar ~ 55666 or Military 5666 to Samaritans

Greece: ~ 197 or 210-649-7706 or Queen Sophias 135 or 801 801 99 99 ~ Αμεση επικοινωνία

Guatemala ~ 502-254-1259

Holland ~ 0900-0767

Honduras ~ 504-237-3623

Hong Kong ~ +852 23820000 ~ Hong Kong's Hotlines

Hungary ~ (62)-420-111 or (46) 323 888 ~ Hungarian Hotlines

India ~ 91-22-307-3451 or +91 (0) 44 2464 0050 ~ Indian Hotlines

Ireland ~ 1850 60 90 90 (ROI local rate) or +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate) ~ ROI Hotlines

Israel ~ 1201 or Tel from abroad: 972-9-8891333 ~ Israeli Hotlines

Israel (Hebrew/English)) ~ 09 8848332 ~ Hebrew/English Hotline

Israel (Russian) ~ 1800-24-1201 ~ Russian Israeli Hotline

Italy ~ 06-7045-4444 or 800 86 00 22 or 199 284 284 ~ Italian Hotlines

also German Language part of Italy (South Tyrol) 840-000-481


Jamaica ~ 977-5754 or 1 888 991 4505

Japan ~ 3-5286-9090 ~ Nippon Hotlines or Hotline in English

Liberia ~ 653-4308 ~ Liberian Hotline

Liechtenstein ~ 147

Lithuania ~ 8-800-2-8888 ~ Lithuanian Hotlines

Luxembourg ~ 45-45-45 (German)

Malaysia ~ 03-756-8144 or (06) 284 2500 ~ Malaysian Hotlines

Malta ~ 179 ~ Maltan Hotlines

Mauritius ~ 46-48-889 / 800-93-93 ~ Mauritius' Hotlines

Mexico ~ 525-5 10 25 50 or 9 45 37 77 ~ Mexican Hotlines

Namibia ~ (09264) 61 23 2221 ~ Namibian Hotlines (various languages)

Netherlands ~ 0602 222 88 or 0900-0767 ~ Dutch Hotlines

New Zealand ~ 4-473-9739 or 0602 222 88

Nicaragua ~ 505-268-6171

Norway ~ 815-33-300 ~ Norwegian Hotlines

Paraquay ~ 021 663 187 or 0991 268 384 ~ Paraquay's Hotlines

Philippines ~ (02) 8969191 or Mobile phone: 0917 854 9191

Poland ~ 52-70-000 or 52 70 988 ~ Polish Hotlines

Portugal ~ 239-72-10-10 or 112 ~ Portuguese Hotlines

Republic of Ireland ~ 1850-60-90-90 or see Ireland

Russia ~ 8-20-222-82-10 or (8202) 577-577

Samoa ~ 32000 ~ Somoan Hotline

Scotland ~ +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 or 08454 24 24 24 ~ Scottish Hotines

Shanghai ~ 021 6279 8990 ~ Shanghai's Hotline

Singapore ~ 800-221-4444 or 000-227-0309 ~ Singapore's Hotlines

South Africa ~ 0861-322-322 or 051 444 5000 or 0861 322 322 ~ South African Hotlines

South Korea ~ 2-715/6/7/8-8600 or (local)-9191 or (82) 51 804 0896 ~ South Korean Hotlines

Spain ~ 91-459-00-50 ~ Spain's Hotlines

Sri Lanka ~ 1-692-909 ~ Sri Lanken Hotlines

St. Vincent ~ 809-456-1044 or (784) 456 1044

Sudan ~ (249) 11-555-253

Sweden ~ 020 22 00 60 or 031-711-2400 ~ Swedish Hotlines

Switzerland ~ 143 or +41 (0) 27 321 21 21 ~ Switzerland Hotlines

Taiwan ~ (037) 332565 or 332621 ~ Taiwanese Hotlines

Thailand ~ 02-249-9977 or (02) 713-6793 ~ Thai Hotlines

Tonga ~ 23000 or 25144

Trinidad & Tobago ~ 868-645-2800

Turkey ~ 182

Ukraine ~ 058 or 0487-327715 or 0482-226565 ~ Ukrainian Hotlines

United Kingdom ~ 8457 90 90 90 or 8457 90 91 92 ~ U. K. Hotlines

United States ~ 911 ~ 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433 ~ Hotlines 1 ~ Hotlines 2 ~ State Hotlines

Misc.

~ En Español ~ 1-800-784-2432 (1-800-SUI-CIDA)
~ Veterans ~ 1-877-838-2838 (1-877-VET-2VET)
~ Youth ~ 1-877- 968-4843 (1-877-YOUTHGUIDE)


Uruguay ~ 0800 45 45/0800 84 83 (llamada gratuita) or 099 705 070/094 440 877 (cellular) ~ Uruguay's Hotlines

Yugoslavia ~ 021-6623-393 or (044) 08080 ~ Yugoslavian Hotlines

Zimbawe ~ (9) 650 00 or 080 12 333 333 or (20) 635 59 ~ Zimbabawe's Hotlines

My next visit to the doc is this saturday. I'm not telling anybody because it will scare them.

it will scare them, because it should! please, when you feel this way or have these suicidal thoughts/tendencies, seek help!!!

tell the doc (pdoc or tdoc, it doesn't matter) how you feel, to the best of your ability. sometimes it's hard to be open, but try. if you're not on the right meds they can change them up for you, or up the dose.

i'm not a medical professional. that's just what they do with me when i have mood episodes (depressions or manias). they generally change my meds like they just did, or up them. i'm at my maximum doses on all of them, so that's why they were just changed.

suicidal thoughts are so scary. my dad committed suicide, so i'm particularly afraid of other people doing it. i recognize how easy it is to get fixated on death and getting out of this cruel world.

I was like this for two years, exact same situation. Suicidal at home, out, even at the gym.
The more I pushed myself in the gym, the better I felt. Seek some professional help. A lot of the process will be in your hands. Your mind is in a fragile place right now, and if you are letting your mind stay idle, it will go to that dark place. So you have to externally feed your mind with funny stuff. Watch funny videos on youtube. When you are at gym wear a mp3 player that only plays energetic music. No love songs, R&B, only fun dance music, club songs. The love songs or other depressing stuff will just get you back inside your head and make you feel worse.

You have to keep feeding your brain laughter and energy through comedy videos and energetic music. Do not let yourself have time to think alone as your brain is in a pattern of thinking about suicide and depressing thoughts. You have to get outside of your own head and just put yourself in a situation where you are constantly boosting your state.

It worked for me, worked for my Dad, worked for my brother, we are all seeing psychiatrists. My Dad has bipolar and I was diagnosed with a mood disorder, my brother is still undiagnosed. This stuff really works.