Hello out there :) I am glad i have found such and amazing forum and would like to introduce myself and tell a lil bit of my story maybe i could get some feedback or direction as to where i should be posting in the forums I am hoping to gain some friends and maybe some encouagement about my situation - as i honstly have no more friends or well anyone to turn too :( I am 28 years old from canada and have been married just over 2 years now ... big mistake sadly :( Married a man that i have been with for 10 years who cant hold a job, is emotionally abusive and an alcoholic/drug addict. He has ruined me - however i allowed him to. I have in the past 5 years became anti-social, addicted to substances, diagnosed with Depression and GAD and placed on medication. I left him - was forced to come back and now even more of a mess. I lost contact with my amazing counceller and my family dr recently increased my daily cipralex to 20mg from 10mg. This i fear was NOT for the better - i dont know if my situation or my meds are causing my new troubles but i can not and i mean not sleep ever for more then an hr - i panic and cant get it out - i want to cry but cant and worst of all I have started to self harm myself after horrible dreams that seem to push me to do this when i finally get to sleep :(( I dont know what to do anymore to fix my life but i would never ever hurt my loved ones and take my life. I am scared to mention all of this to my family dr - he doesnt seem to care and i am SO scared to be placed in the hospital and under my husbands signature if that makes any sense? He thinks i am crazy ... i am starting to think I am too :(( I just want my life back so much after all this time can i life normally again? Please tell me there is hope ... I love you all and admire your courage to help others and speak out xoxoxo

- Manda

Hi and Welcome Manda

I just want to say that you did a very courageous thing by leaving your husband. That alone shows that you have the ability in you to fight this depression.
If you have had a recent med increase, a lot of what you are going through may be the adjustment phase, but it really sounds like you are suffering, if this feels completely overwhelming, it may be an idea to call your pdoc, as they may do something else with your meds.
You may also find the Celexa Room helpful.
There is definitely hope and you will find a lot of it here.

Trace

The forum is amazing and wonderful only if it helps you, lulz Feedback you will definitely find here I can attest to that :) First rule is anyone that you know cannot help you because depressed people tend to be friends or get involved with those who are already depressed, so you must find new people to help or be supportive. You are not so much anti-social as merely depressed and uninterested, were you not depressed I think you'd infact be social. Don't be to hard on yourself about marrying someone that's not right, after-all everyone seems to have at some point. The family doctor will likely not be much help nor will a councelor you lost contact with, find some new people. The reason you are having trouble is because things accumulate and cause distress, after-all you aren't out of the environment causing that distress. You may not feel you can ever have a normal life again but it is possible given the right conditions. Hope is not needed only action and acknowledgement of the truth.

That being said guard carefully your vision of the world at this time fore it may/is likely clouded and so choices you make will possibly be not the best. Slow steps are my advice, also don't fall to hard on any one concept to be the complete HELP you need, likely many things will contribute to your eventual freedom from these issues.

This post has been edited by darksidzz: Oct 22 2009, 03:44 AM

Thank you both for your responses! *hugs*
As normal I am up and cannot sleep lol Although it feels way nice to have people to take the time to care and read my story i have a strange sense of guilt for speaking about it on here (is that weird?!) I sooo apprciate the kind words and non judgement!! I hope that i can get out of this dark hole soon and enjoy life - next steps - make appt with pdoc and get aquainted with this site!
Looking forward to meeting many of you!